AUTHOR'S NOTE: So sorry, but this is all I have. Also, I'm going away for
nine days so I won't be able to update until then. Very sorry. Also, this
chapter is very cliché-y. Deal with it. I needed to post something before I
left.
"Don't do it, Sirius, I'm warning you!"
"You have nothing left to threaten me with," Sirius mumbled, his mind so far from Lupin that he could hardly see him past the shield charm he had conjured thirty seconds ago.
"The Dengised boy, Sirius!" Moody growled.
"Dead men can't babysit. Nor can they attack their godsons."
Sirius' wand was still pointed straight at the shield charm he had suspended in the air. It would reflect and send back at him anything he threw at it.
"Harry's already forgiven you. You've destroyed the rest of the fire whisky. You have enough of a chance to start over at this point, so take it and stop being a fool," Moody continued.
"Elibommi!" Sirius muttered, and he took his hand away from his wand, which now kept itself in midair, despite whatever would try to move it.
"Sirius, be reasonable," Lupin said through gritted teeth, obviously trying to appear patient.
But Sirius had planned to not listen to any of this. He'd just wanted Moody and Lupin around so that they could make it clear to Harry how sorry he'd been for what he did and that that was the reason that he would kill himself. All for Harry.
Sirius looked around the room. His best living friend was about to be abandoned for the third and possibly last time in his lifetime. I'm sorry, Moony. I really am, Sirius thought only. He was unable to speak it aloud, but repeating it in his head was comforting, at least a little. You were my best friend, too. Lupin looked as though he was ready to jump in and stop Sirius, but Sirius knew he didn't have the guts. Lupin wasn't going to be in the way. And then there was the Auror, Mad-Eye. He was evaluating the situation as well, wondering if Sirius was really going to do it. Watch this, Moody . . .
"Ava-" he started, but stopped shortly. He couldn't do this, it just would prove to everyone else how weak he was. Sirius was not weak, but he deserved death. And yet . . . death was an escape, and it was almost as though he was using the previous night's events as an excuse to commit suicide. And then as this thought process became more pronounced, a newer and more powerful one shot upward. He hated himself, for all he had done, for all he had not done! He didn't deserve death, he deserved punishment, and he deserved worse punishment than his father's beatings had ever provided.
"Crucio!" Sirius yelled, and the wand stood firm as Sirius fell to the ground and writhed in pain, his screams ricocheting off the walls of Number 12, Grimmauld place.
Lupin and Moody jumped in immediately and tried to get the wand out of the air, but it was stuck where it was by Sirius' strong immobilization charm. It continued to torture its owner unknowingly, all the while calmly refusing to be pulled out of the air. It was Moody who started to break down the actual shield charm, eventually shattering it and thus halting Sirius' self-abuse.
Lupin looked down at Sirius, now completely motionless on the ground although his eyes were wide open. Lupin also noticed that a faint smile was upon Sirius' face, almost a very slight smug grin. Sirius had finally gotten what he wanted, to be able to scream aloud, scream bloody murder, and have a decent reason. A painful chuckle escaped his throat.
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Sirius knocked on the door to the room where Harry was staying. "Harry?" he said tentatively, "Are you in there?" He was sober, but not from one of Lupin's sobriety charms.
The door opened. Harry had heard Sirius' voice from the opposite side of the door, but had refused to answer it for a while. Sirius hadn't given up. Seeing Sirius on the other side almost gave Harry a shock, because he was obviously normal again, but was looking worse than Harry had ever seen him, the exception maybe being the night the two had first met. Once again his hair was matted and tangled, and it looked as if he had not shaved in several days. His entire body seemed so distressed, but it was obviously not physical pain he was experiencing.
Harry followed Sirius silently out of his room and up several flights of stairs into the attic. It looked as if it had recently undergone severe cleaning supervised by Mrs. Weasley. Sirius gestured offering Harry a seat on the empty wooden floor, and Harry sat. He wasn't sure why Sirius wasn't saying anything; it was starting to make him very nervous.
"Sirius?" Harry said, as Sirius sat down beside him and laid his head back against the wall. It looked to Harry like Sirius spent a lot of time in this attic.
Sirius opened his mouth slightly, paused for a moment, then choked out very quickly, "Harry, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay -" Harry started, but Sirius held up his hand.
"I threw it all away," Sirius continued, closing his eyes and absentmindedly banging his head rhythmically against the wall behind him, "but you tried to stop me, and I . . . I . . . I'm so sorry, Harry. I can't even bring myself to say what I did. Never again, I promise. Never again . . ." his voice trailed off, leaving Harry feeling incredibly uncomfortable in his presence.
"Sirius?" Harry asked again, uneasily wondering if Sirius should stop banging his head against the wall. It looked as if it might cause long-term damage.
"I swear I won't," Sirius finally said, halting the abuse to his skull and turning to Harry as though to look him straight in the eyes, "ever drink again."
Harry thought it looked painful for him to say.
"Don't do it, Sirius, I'm warning you!"
"You have nothing left to threaten me with," Sirius mumbled, his mind so far from Lupin that he could hardly see him past the shield charm he had conjured thirty seconds ago.
"The Dengised boy, Sirius!" Moody growled.
"Dead men can't babysit. Nor can they attack their godsons."
Sirius' wand was still pointed straight at the shield charm he had suspended in the air. It would reflect and send back at him anything he threw at it.
"Harry's already forgiven you. You've destroyed the rest of the fire whisky. You have enough of a chance to start over at this point, so take it and stop being a fool," Moody continued.
"Elibommi!" Sirius muttered, and he took his hand away from his wand, which now kept itself in midair, despite whatever would try to move it.
"Sirius, be reasonable," Lupin said through gritted teeth, obviously trying to appear patient.
But Sirius had planned to not listen to any of this. He'd just wanted Moody and Lupin around so that they could make it clear to Harry how sorry he'd been for what he did and that that was the reason that he would kill himself. All for Harry.
Sirius looked around the room. His best living friend was about to be abandoned for the third and possibly last time in his lifetime. I'm sorry, Moony. I really am, Sirius thought only. He was unable to speak it aloud, but repeating it in his head was comforting, at least a little. You were my best friend, too. Lupin looked as though he was ready to jump in and stop Sirius, but Sirius knew he didn't have the guts. Lupin wasn't going to be in the way. And then there was the Auror, Mad-Eye. He was evaluating the situation as well, wondering if Sirius was really going to do it. Watch this, Moody . . .
"Ava-" he started, but stopped shortly. He couldn't do this, it just would prove to everyone else how weak he was. Sirius was not weak, but he deserved death. And yet . . . death was an escape, and it was almost as though he was using the previous night's events as an excuse to commit suicide. And then as this thought process became more pronounced, a newer and more powerful one shot upward. He hated himself, for all he had done, for all he had not done! He didn't deserve death, he deserved punishment, and he deserved worse punishment than his father's beatings had ever provided.
"Crucio!" Sirius yelled, and the wand stood firm as Sirius fell to the ground and writhed in pain, his screams ricocheting off the walls of Number 12, Grimmauld place.
Lupin and Moody jumped in immediately and tried to get the wand out of the air, but it was stuck where it was by Sirius' strong immobilization charm. It continued to torture its owner unknowingly, all the while calmly refusing to be pulled out of the air. It was Moody who started to break down the actual shield charm, eventually shattering it and thus halting Sirius' self-abuse.
Lupin looked down at Sirius, now completely motionless on the ground although his eyes were wide open. Lupin also noticed that a faint smile was upon Sirius' face, almost a very slight smug grin. Sirius had finally gotten what he wanted, to be able to scream aloud, scream bloody murder, and have a decent reason. A painful chuckle escaped his throat.
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Sirius knocked on the door to the room where Harry was staying. "Harry?" he said tentatively, "Are you in there?" He was sober, but not from one of Lupin's sobriety charms.
The door opened. Harry had heard Sirius' voice from the opposite side of the door, but had refused to answer it for a while. Sirius hadn't given up. Seeing Sirius on the other side almost gave Harry a shock, because he was obviously normal again, but was looking worse than Harry had ever seen him, the exception maybe being the night the two had first met. Once again his hair was matted and tangled, and it looked as if he had not shaved in several days. His entire body seemed so distressed, but it was obviously not physical pain he was experiencing.
Harry followed Sirius silently out of his room and up several flights of stairs into the attic. It looked as if it had recently undergone severe cleaning supervised by Mrs. Weasley. Sirius gestured offering Harry a seat on the empty wooden floor, and Harry sat. He wasn't sure why Sirius wasn't saying anything; it was starting to make him very nervous.
"Sirius?" Harry said, as Sirius sat down beside him and laid his head back against the wall. It looked to Harry like Sirius spent a lot of time in this attic.
Sirius opened his mouth slightly, paused for a moment, then choked out very quickly, "Harry, I'm so sorry."
"It's okay -" Harry started, but Sirius held up his hand.
"I threw it all away," Sirius continued, closing his eyes and absentmindedly banging his head rhythmically against the wall behind him, "but you tried to stop me, and I . . . I . . . I'm so sorry, Harry. I can't even bring myself to say what I did. Never again, I promise. Never again . . ." his voice trailed off, leaving Harry feeling incredibly uncomfortable in his presence.
"Sirius?" Harry asked again, uneasily wondering if Sirius should stop banging his head against the wall. It looked as if it might cause long-term damage.
"I swear I won't," Sirius finally said, halting the abuse to his skull and turning to Harry as though to look him straight in the eyes, "ever drink again."
Harry thought it looked painful for him to say.