Spoilers: End of season 3
Rating: PG for a little not-so-good word.
Summary: Sara lets Grissom know her decision.
A/N: One chapter only. G/S UST. If you don't want angst, steer clear of this fic and read my other fic (OSDBSP) ;-)
Disclaimer: I wish I owned CSI. But I don't, so here I am, writing fan fiction.
Last Day
by cs-eye
He saw her sitting alone, in the break room, looking a bit dazed.
"Sara, are you okay?"
"Huh?"
"I said, are you okay?" He repeated, now with a more concerned tone of voice.
"Oh, yeah. Uh-huh," She muttered, distractedly.
"You haven't touched your lunch."
He paused, and then added, "You don't look so good."
"Thanks a lot," she replied. "Maybe that's why you won't have dinner with me, huh?"
To say that he was startled would be an understatement. She almost instantly regretted her bitter remark.
"I'm sorry, Griss, I didn't mean to be so blunt… I just… Never mind, it meant nothing. Forget it," She stammered. Actually, it meant everything.
"Nobody just blurts out things like that when they don't mean it."
"Grissom, I just told you… It meant nothing."
"Even jokes are half-meant, Sara."
"I wasn't making a joke."
"I didn't mean that!" He said, mildly exasperated.
"I know."
She smiled, to his surprise.
He sighed audibly.
"Sit down, Grissom."
He raised an eyebrow at her. She just said something about dinner… Then she smiles… Now she's asking me to sit down?
He complied anyway. Pulling up a stool, he sat down opposite Sara. An uncomfortable chair for an uncomfortable situation.
She wrapped her uneaten sandwich, and carefully put it back inside a brown paper bag.
She coughed. She didn't know whether to look at Grissom or just continue staring at the table.
She was so nervous she opted to close her eyes instead.
"Sara? What's wrong? What are you doing?"
"Wait Grissom, just listen to me. I-I don't think I can do this right if I can see you. If I open my eyes, I'll just forget what I want to say. So please bear with me, even for just a while. Please."
He felt a bit silly talking to someone who had her eyes shut. Worse, someone who didn't want to see him. I don't understand. She wants to talk to me but she doesn't want to look at me?
All he could get out of his throat was, "Okay."
"Thanks. Grissom… I know this is weird for you. But I have to get this off my chest. I'm sorry for asking you out… Not because I regret it, but because it wasn't very professional of me. But what can I do? My feelings for you have grown beyond… Well, beyond the professional. I just wanted to try and see… If you and I could happen. After all these years of working closely together I thought we had something. I was so sure… Especially when you told me things that sounded like it meant something special. Hell, I thought I was special. To you, at least."
She exhaled.
"After the explosion I realized that we won't be here forever… If I wanted to do something, I should do it now, or else it could be too late. So I did. I asked you. And we know what happened, right?
But I guess you did the right thing. You are my supervisor, after all. You should know better. And it also probably meant that I was wrong. You don't think of me the way I do of you. So I'm sorry."
She heard him cough. But he didn't say anything.
"What I'm trying to tell you now is that I understand.
I have come to a decision.
No, I'm not quitting or anything… For as you know, my work is my life. I'll continue working here, with you, but I'll try not to harbor any feelings towards you anymore.
It's going to be hard, of course, after all this time… But I'll do my best.
I'm stopping."
A fugitive tear trickled down her flushed cheeks.
"It's okay… Please don't say anything, it'll just make it harder. If you want, you may leave… I-I think I want to be alone for a while."
He didn't budge.
She slowly opened her eyes, only to close it again when she saw him still looking at her, confusion and at the same time, passion in his eyes.
"I'm sorry. Don't worry; this is the last time you'll ever see any uncalled for behavior out of me. No more unethical Sara.
This is the last time I'm pouring my heart out.
…This is the last day."
---
He stood up and walked towards her. To his own surprise, he knelt down before her and took her hands in his.
"Sara… I don't know what to say… All I know is that… I said no not because I didn't care… It's the exact opposite, Sara… It doesn't sound too logical right now but…"
She finally opened her eyes and looked at the man who was kneeling at her feet.
"I have already decided, Grissom. It's for the best. This was doomed from the start. Even if you returned my feelings everything would still be wrong. But you didn't – so it's all for the better… It'll be easier… for me to let you go."
"But Sara… Let me try… Please forgive me for the way I've acted…"
"It isn't just about you anymore, Griss, it's me… and our situation."
He lowered his head and gripped her hands tightly.
"I've thought about this for a long time… and like I've said, I have already decided."
She stood up, even if he won't let her.
She pulled him up.
She let his hands go, and brought hers to his face.
She tiptoed a bit, only a little bit… and kissed his left cheek.
"Goodbye Grissom," she whispered.
~Fin.~
A/N: Please don't flame me… I might just cry and do more angst fics just to annoy you. Just kidding! Of course you may do whatever you want; constructive criticism is always good.