F.R.I.E.N.D.S
The one with Ursula
Disclaimer: I do not own friends just these stories. They are not intended
for profit.
Written By: Michael
Dedicated To: Maggie, My uncle's dog
Setting: Joey, Phoebe and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is there on the couch. Ross enters.
Ross: Never mind.
Ross heads out the door. In the hallway he bumps into Joey.
Ross: Hey.
Joey: What are you doing here?
Ross: I wanted to know if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee.
Joey: Sure. I'll go ask Rachel if she wants to come.
Ross: No you won't.
Joey: Hey what. Your not even going to talk to her.
Ross: Okay. Lets say Phoebe is doing her laundry and all of a sudden decides to kiss a stranger and you walk.
Joey: Pheebs would be living on the street.
Phoebe is walking up the stairs into the hallway.
Phoebe: But I'd never do that.
Joey: (Sounds like a baby.) No you wouldn't. You're my cuddlelyster loverble Pheebs.
Phoebe: Oh sometimes Joseph your just so cute.
Ross: Hello back to my problem.
Joey: I don't know what to say.
Ross: I've been in love with her since the 12th grade and I'm finally with her and she does that. It's unforgivable. I'll just have to get over her.
Joey: Guess your gonna have to.
Ross: I gotta go pick up Ben. See you.
Phoebe: Bye Ross
Joey: Are Rachel and Ross ever going to get back together.
Phoebe: They just broke up.
Joey: What does that have to do with anything?
Phoebe: Well just wait awhile. They'll get back together soon enough.
Joey: I can't wait soon enough.
Phoebe: Well your gonna have to.
Joey: But I don't wanna.
Phoebe: But you have too.
Joey: But.
Phoebe: No butts. Just go inside and act normal around Rachel.
Joey: Fine. But if I don't act normal blame it on the Cola I had the morning.
Phoebe: Oh that'll work. Rach Joey is acting a bit weird cause he drank Cola.
Joey: Sounds perfect to me.
Phoebe: Just go inside.
(Opening Theme) Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Greene Courtney Cox: Monica Gellar Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing Matt Leblanc: Joey Tribbianni David Schwimmer: Ross Gellar
Setting: Central Perk. Phoebe is sitting on the couch. Jamie and Fran enter. (Mad About You)
Fran: It's her.
Jamie: It's that dense waitress from Riff's.
Fran: We haven't seen her in a while.
Jamie: Go say hi.
Fran: you.
Jamie goes over to Phoebe.
Jamie: So how are you doing?
Phoebe: As well as you are I guess.
Jamie: How come you're not at Riff's anymore.
Phoebe: You think I'm Ursaula. I think I'm gonna have to kick your ass.
Jamie: What. You're not Ursaula.
Phoebe: Doy. No. I'm her twin sister Phoebe.
Jamie: Wow. Ursaula had a twin.
Fran comes over.
Fran: Ursaula has a twin.
Jamie: This women right here.
Phoebe: Okay now you can back off. I'm not a freak show.
Ursaula enters and she goes over to Phoebe.
Ursaula: Oh so your friends with the bad tippers.
Jamie: I resent that.
Ursaula: Does it look like I care?
Fran: I don't think she cares.
Phoebe: Why are you here.
Ursaula: I need to talk to you.
Phoebe: Alright.
Ursaula: Could we have some privet?
Fran and Jamie just stand there.
Fran: Oh. I think were suppose to leave.
Jamie: Fine. I know when I'm not wanted.
Fran and Jamie leave. Ursaula and Phoebe star at each other.
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Rachel are at the table drinking Coffee.
Rachel: I can't believe he kicked me out.
Monica: But you kissed another man. What were you thinking?
Rachel: I wasn't thinking. I guess. I guess.
Monica: You were stupid.
Rachel: Yeah that's it just not such a harsh word.
Monica: Are you over him.
Rachel: No. I'm still in love with Ross.
Monica: Well I think Ross is over you.
Rachel: I was just so stupid.
Monica: You were.
Rachel: Are you going to help me out at all here?
Monica: Nope.
Setting: Ross's apartment. Ross and Chandler are sitting on the couch watching TV.
Chandler: Are you over Rach yet.
Ross: No but I should be. That bitch kissed another man.
Chandler: You mean you're not over her yet.
Ross: No. But I want to move on.
Chandler: Why don't you get a pet?
Ross: You know that's a good idea. I'm going to go get a pet.
Chandler: Good for you and I'll stay here and watch your satellite.
Ross: Or you'll come with me.
Chandler: I was just getting to that part.
Setting: Central Perk. Ursaula and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.
Ursaula: I know we've had our differences.
Phoebe: Duh.
Ursaula: But I would like to put that behind us and ask if I could live with you.
Phoebe: Why! Wh. Wh. Why!
Ursaula: Cause I got kicked out of my apartment.
Phoebe: As long as you don't mind sleeping in a recliner.
Ursaula: What about the couch.
Phoebe: there's already a girl sleeping on it.
Ursaula: Oh you had kids.
Phoebe: No. It's a friend of ours.
Ursaula: Ours?
Phoebe: Me and my husband.
Ursaula: Your married.
Phoebe: Newly weds.
Ursaula: Good going Pheebs.
Phoebe: Thanks. We got a lot of catching up to do.
Ursaula: Have we ever. At Riff's I got to serve this snotty group of people.
Phoebe: Oh. That must suck.
Ursaula and Phoebe leave Central Perk.
Setting: Pet shop. Chandler and Ross are there looking at a cute brownish black spotted puppy.
Ross: How cute. I'm getting this one.
Chandler: Are you sure. This is the only one you looked at.
Ross: Well it's just so cute. I want it.
Chandler: Well it's the inside that counts. Not there looks.
Ross: It's a dog not a woman.
Chandler: (Sarcastic) You know I didn't make that observation Mr. I know all.
Ross: Anyway I'm getting this one.
Chandler: What are you going to name her?
Ross: I'm going to name it Maggie.
Chandler: That's a nice name. But not as cool as Super Beagle.
Ross: You're a dork sometimes. And this isn't a beagle.
Chandler: Another good observation.
Setting: Monica and Chandler's. Monica is sitting on the couch. Ross and Chandler enter with Maggie in Ross's arm.
Chandler: Ding Dong. Ross got a dog.
Monica looks at them.
Monica: Oh how cute.
Chandler: I know.
Ross: As soon as I saw it I fell in love with it.
Chandler: You know by our law your not aloud to marry animals.
Ross: I think Ben is going to love it too.
Monica: How can you tell if a 3-month year old baby likes a dog?
(Closing Credits) Guest Stars Leila Kenzle: Fran Helen Hunt: Jamie Lisa Kudrow: Ursaula
Setting: Joey, Phoebe, Ursaula and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ursaula are playing Checkers at the table. Joey and Rachel enter.
Phoebe: Say hi to your new roommate.
Joey: Oh. So this is Ursaula. How you doing.
Rachel and Phoebe hit Joey.
Joey: What. I didn't mean it sexually.
End
Setting: Joey, Phoebe and Rachel's apartment. Rachel is there on the couch. Ross enters.
Ross: Never mind.
Ross heads out the door. In the hallway he bumps into Joey.
Ross: Hey.
Joey: What are you doing here?
Ross: I wanted to know if you wanted to grab a cup of coffee.
Joey: Sure. I'll go ask Rachel if she wants to come.
Ross: No you won't.
Joey: Hey what. Your not even going to talk to her.
Ross: Okay. Lets say Phoebe is doing her laundry and all of a sudden decides to kiss a stranger and you walk.
Joey: Pheebs would be living on the street.
Phoebe is walking up the stairs into the hallway.
Phoebe: But I'd never do that.
Joey: (Sounds like a baby.) No you wouldn't. You're my cuddlelyster loverble Pheebs.
Phoebe: Oh sometimes Joseph your just so cute.
Ross: Hello back to my problem.
Joey: I don't know what to say.
Ross: I've been in love with her since the 12th grade and I'm finally with her and she does that. It's unforgivable. I'll just have to get over her.
Joey: Guess your gonna have to.
Ross: I gotta go pick up Ben. See you.
Phoebe: Bye Ross
Joey: Are Rachel and Ross ever going to get back together.
Phoebe: They just broke up.
Joey: What does that have to do with anything?
Phoebe: Well just wait awhile. They'll get back together soon enough.
Joey: I can't wait soon enough.
Phoebe: Well your gonna have to.
Joey: But I don't wanna.
Phoebe: But you have too.
Joey: But.
Phoebe: No butts. Just go inside and act normal around Rachel.
Joey: Fine. But if I don't act normal blame it on the Cola I had the morning.
Phoebe: Oh that'll work. Rach Joey is acting a bit weird cause he drank Cola.
Joey: Sounds perfect to me.
Phoebe: Just go inside.
(Opening Theme) Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Greene Courtney Cox: Monica Gellar Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Buffay
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing Matt Leblanc: Joey Tribbianni David Schwimmer: Ross Gellar
Setting: Central Perk. Phoebe is sitting on the couch. Jamie and Fran enter. (Mad About You)
Fran: It's her.
Jamie: It's that dense waitress from Riff's.
Fran: We haven't seen her in a while.
Jamie: Go say hi.
Fran: you.
Jamie goes over to Phoebe.
Jamie: So how are you doing?
Phoebe: As well as you are I guess.
Jamie: How come you're not at Riff's anymore.
Phoebe: You think I'm Ursaula. I think I'm gonna have to kick your ass.
Jamie: What. You're not Ursaula.
Phoebe: Doy. No. I'm her twin sister Phoebe.
Jamie: Wow. Ursaula had a twin.
Fran comes over.
Fran: Ursaula has a twin.
Jamie: This women right here.
Phoebe: Okay now you can back off. I'm not a freak show.
Ursaula enters and she goes over to Phoebe.
Ursaula: Oh so your friends with the bad tippers.
Jamie: I resent that.
Ursaula: Does it look like I care?
Fran: I don't think she cares.
Phoebe: Why are you here.
Ursaula: I need to talk to you.
Phoebe: Alright.
Ursaula: Could we have some privet?
Fran and Jamie just stand there.
Fran: Oh. I think were suppose to leave.
Jamie: Fine. I know when I'm not wanted.
Fran and Jamie leave. Ursaula and Phoebe star at each other.
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica and Rachel are at the table drinking Coffee.
Rachel: I can't believe he kicked me out.
Monica: But you kissed another man. What were you thinking?
Rachel: I wasn't thinking. I guess. I guess.
Monica: You were stupid.
Rachel: Yeah that's it just not such a harsh word.
Monica: Are you over him.
Rachel: No. I'm still in love with Ross.
Monica: Well I think Ross is over you.
Rachel: I was just so stupid.
Monica: You were.
Rachel: Are you going to help me out at all here?
Monica: Nope.
Setting: Ross's apartment. Ross and Chandler are sitting on the couch watching TV.
Chandler: Are you over Rach yet.
Ross: No but I should be. That bitch kissed another man.
Chandler: You mean you're not over her yet.
Ross: No. But I want to move on.
Chandler: Why don't you get a pet?
Ross: You know that's a good idea. I'm going to go get a pet.
Chandler: Good for you and I'll stay here and watch your satellite.
Ross: Or you'll come with me.
Chandler: I was just getting to that part.
Setting: Central Perk. Ursaula and Phoebe are sitting on the couch.
Ursaula: I know we've had our differences.
Phoebe: Duh.
Ursaula: But I would like to put that behind us and ask if I could live with you.
Phoebe: Why! Wh. Wh. Why!
Ursaula: Cause I got kicked out of my apartment.
Phoebe: As long as you don't mind sleeping in a recliner.
Ursaula: What about the couch.
Phoebe: there's already a girl sleeping on it.
Ursaula: Oh you had kids.
Phoebe: No. It's a friend of ours.
Ursaula: Ours?
Phoebe: Me and my husband.
Ursaula: Your married.
Phoebe: Newly weds.
Ursaula: Good going Pheebs.
Phoebe: Thanks. We got a lot of catching up to do.
Ursaula: Have we ever. At Riff's I got to serve this snotty group of people.
Phoebe: Oh. That must suck.
Ursaula and Phoebe leave Central Perk.
Setting: Pet shop. Chandler and Ross are there looking at a cute brownish black spotted puppy.
Ross: How cute. I'm getting this one.
Chandler: Are you sure. This is the only one you looked at.
Ross: Well it's just so cute. I want it.
Chandler: Well it's the inside that counts. Not there looks.
Ross: It's a dog not a woman.
Chandler: (Sarcastic) You know I didn't make that observation Mr. I know all.
Ross: Anyway I'm getting this one.
Chandler: What are you going to name her?
Ross: I'm going to name it Maggie.
Chandler: That's a nice name. But not as cool as Super Beagle.
Ross: You're a dork sometimes. And this isn't a beagle.
Chandler: Another good observation.
Setting: Monica and Chandler's. Monica is sitting on the couch. Ross and Chandler enter with Maggie in Ross's arm.
Chandler: Ding Dong. Ross got a dog.
Monica looks at them.
Monica: Oh how cute.
Chandler: I know.
Ross: As soon as I saw it I fell in love with it.
Chandler: You know by our law your not aloud to marry animals.
Ross: I think Ben is going to love it too.
Monica: How can you tell if a 3-month year old baby likes a dog?
(Closing Credits) Guest Stars Leila Kenzle: Fran Helen Hunt: Jamie Lisa Kudrow: Ursaula
Setting: Joey, Phoebe, Ursaula and Rachel's apartment. Phoebe and Ursaula are playing Checkers at the table. Joey and Rachel enter.
Phoebe: Say hi to your new roommate.
Joey: Oh. So this is Ursaula. How you doing.
Rachel and Phoebe hit Joey.
Joey: What. I didn't mean it sexually.
End