F.R.I.E.N.D.S
The one with the Diamond
Disclaimer: I don't own Friends. Just these stories. They are not intended
for profit.
By: Michael
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is there including Ursaula.
Chandler: I can't believe I'm getting married.
Ursaula: I can't believe that's your 9th time saying it.
Chandler: But I'm getting married.
Joey: And I'm already married.
Phoebe: And we all thought Ross and Rachel would be the first one's to.
Ross: Well things happen. Like kissing someone at a laundry mat.
Ross glares at Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah well it probably would have been the biggest mistake of my life if I had married you.
Rachel glares at Ross. Ursaula, Phoebe, Joey, Monica and Chandler just stare at the heated fight that's about to happen.
Chandler: (Breaking the tension) My birthday's coming up.
(Opening Theme) Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Greene Courtney Cox: Monica Gellar Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Tribbianni and Ursaula Buffay.
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing Matt Leblanc: Joey Tribbianni David Schwimmer: Ross Gellar
Setting: Phoebe, Ursaula, Joey and Rachel's apartment. Ursula, Phoebe and Joey are on the couch. Monica enters.
Monica: Hey. Does anyone want to help me find a job?
Joey: How does this make any sense? You want to get and job and your pregnant.
Monica: Good point. I guess that's what Chandler was trying to say.
Ursula: Why are you broke or need money.
Monica: Yeah why.
Ursula: You could become a part time waitress at Riff's.
Monica: No No No. I ain't going anywhere near there.
Joey: Ain't ain't a word and you ain't suppose to use it.
Monica stares at Joey.
Joey: Rachel taught me it.
Phoebe: Okay so you want money. Why don't you ask Joey for a lone?
Joey: Don't I have a say in this.
Monica: No. Chandler is still working so I suppose we'll just live off his income. We'll just have to cut back.
Joey: On what.
Monica: (Counting them on her fingers) Well for one designer clothes and fast food and also you eating out of our fridge.
Joey: I'll try to cut back.
Phoebe: I'll be right back.
Phoebe goes into the room and comes back out with a diamond. A huge diamond.
Joey: (Flabbergasted) Ah. Ah. Ah.
Ursula: (Flabbergasted) Holy. shit. where did you get that rock.
Phoebe: Here Mon you have it.
Monica: (Pushing Phoebe away) I couldn't take it.
Phoebe: That's what I should of said when I got it.
Joey: Where'd you get it?
Phoebe: Well when I was 14 I used to be a mugger and I mugged this off a women.
Monica: (Flabbergasted) You used to be a mugger.
Phoebe: Okay now its out. Now don't say it anymore.
Ursula: You said that you only got 40 bucks that day.
Phoebe: Well ha. I lied.
Joey: You used to be a mugger too.
Ursula: Okay. Enough with the third degree.
Monica: You two could be in jail now.
Phoebe: Well were not so stop acting like our mother.
Monica: If I was acting like your mother I'd be jumping off a cliff right about now.
Joey looked flabbergasted and his eyes bulged. Joey wasn't sure what would happen next. Phoebe runs and grabs Monica by the ear and then whispers into her ear.
Phoebe: What'd you say about my mama.
Joey: Oh it's like a skit from a black movie.
Phoebe still has Monica by the ear. Rachel enters.
Rachel: Well hello. (Stares at Joey standing in the kitchen. Monica on the couch with Phoebe grabbing her ear and Ursula sitting in a recliner.) What the hell is going on?
Joey: Hey. There will be no profanity in my apartment.
Phoebe: Oh your apartment.
Ursula: Your apartment?
Rachel: Your apartment.
Joey: I didn't mean it that way.
Monica: Pheebs. Could you let go of my ear now?
Phoebe: I guess if I have to.
Phoebe lets go of Monica's ear.
Rachel: Now explain to me why you are all fighting.
Monica: Phoebe has a huge diamond that she got from her mugging days.
Rachel: Let me see.
Phoebe hand Rachel the diamond. Rachel just stares at the diamond. Then breaks all the silence.
Rachel: Umm. Who did you mug this off Pheebs?
Phoebe: A women a few years back.
Rachel just starts crying then grabs the phone and dials a number.
Joey: You know the diamond is a bit shiny but it wouldn't make me cry.
Rachel: (On the phone crying) Mom. You remember the family diamond you got mugged off you.
Sandra Greene: Yes. Why do you bring it up? I lost a 13-generation-old diamond. Are you trying to hurt me?
Rachel: No No. I have it right here.
Sandra: What. How.
Rachel: It turns out you were mugged by someone who is now my friend.
Sandra: Wow. Anyway. I think its only right that I pass it on now to you anyway. Keep it going threw the generations.
Rachel: I will mom. Bye.
Rachel hangs up.
Phoebe: Wow I had no idea.
Monica: Anyway anyone want to help me throw Chandler a surprise birthday party.
Ursula: Me Me. Pick me.
Monica: Alright Ursula you can help me.
Setting: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting at one of the two people tables.
Phoebe: Don't you think Rachel and Ross were just the perfect couple?
Joey: Yeah but they broke up.
Phoebe: But we could try to get them back together.
Joey: How.
Phoebe: First we have to do the plan laugh. Mwaaaaaaa.
Joey: Meowwwww.
Phoebe: No its like Mwwwaaaaaaaa.
Joey: Malllllllll.
Phoebe: Dammit Joseph get it right.
Joey: I'm trying. Mwaaaaaaaa.
Phoebe: There you go.
Joey: So what's next?
Phoebe: Well at Chandler's birthday party if they're ever standing next to each other we'll put mistletoe over them.
Joey: That's your plan. Its not even Christmas.
Phoebe: I can still use mistletoe.
Joey: Fine we'll try it. But how is one kiss going to get them back together.
Phoebe: Cause when they're kissing I'm going to put tickets to Hawaii for two in Ross's pocket. Most likely he'll invite Rachel.
Joey: Mwwwaaaaaaaaa. Mwaaaaaa. Mmwwaaaaaaa.
Phoebe: Okay. That's enough of the plan laugh for you.
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is hanging Happy Birthday decorations everywhere. Ursula is sitting at the table.
Monica: Did you send out the invitations for today?
Ursula: (Frighten) What invitations.
Monica: (Worried) Oh my god. You didn't send them out!
Ursula: (Laughing) I did send them. I just wanted to get you all hyped up and it worked.
Monica: Well Haha.
Ursula: I found it very amusing.
Monica: Now Ursula you go to Chandler's work and distract him for (Looks at watch) one hour.
Ursula: (Putting on a army voice and saluting Monica) Its as good as done sir. Yes sir.
A few minutes later Joey and Phoebe enter.
Joey: So when's the party starting.
Monica: Soon. Ursula's gone to distract Chandler until everyone gets here.
Setting: Chandler's cubicle. Chandler is there. Ursula walks up to him and then his boss walks over.
Boss: Chandler as you know we are laying off lots of people in this department. And I'm sorry to say I have to lay you off too.
Chandler: But boss. My fiancée is making nothing and I have a baby on the way.
Boss: That's not my problem.
Chandler: Well at least I can get this out. (Sarcastic) Look at me. I'm Mr. Fatty boss. I'm just a big fagit and I'm selfish and I don't care about other families. (Sticks out his tongue and spits all over his ex-boss.)
Chandler looks over to Ursula and Ursula gives him two thumbs up and nods her head.
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Ursula enter and everyone pops up.
Everyone: Surprise.
Monica was in front of them all. Ursula was behind Chandler waving her arms to get Monica to stop.
Monica: Why stop.
Ursula: Oh yeah. That's it. Sound it out loud.
Chandler: Don't stop this party because I just got fired.
Monica: (Sympathetic) You just got fired. (Mad) You just got fired. (Worried) You just got fired.
Joey: (Whispering To Rachel) I've never seen someone have so many mood swings.
Rachel slaps him on the back of the shoulder.
Chandler: (To Monica) Okay. You don't have to repeat it 3 different times.
Monica: What are we going to do?
Joey: I'll be right back.
Joey runs out of the apartment. A minute later he comes back with a wad of cash in his hands and hands it to Chandler.
Chandler: .
Joey: It's a baby gift.
Chandler: (Flipping threw the cash) There must be 3000 dollar's in here.
Monica: Joey. We can't accept this.
Chandler: What are you talking about I can accept it.
Rachel: Men. They won't accept free coffee but they'll take money.
Ross: Shut up Rach.
Rachel: (To Ross) And who are you to tell me to shut up.
Ross: (Yelling at Rachel) Well I guess technically I'm your ex-boyfriend.
Phoebe: (Whispering To Joey) The plan. The plan.
Joey: Oh yeah.
Joey takes mistletoe and walks over to Rachel and Ross and holds mistletoe over them.
Ross and Rachel: What are you doing.
Joey: Just standing.
Ross and Rachel: With a maple leaf.
Joey: (Pointing at Phoebe) You said it was mistletoe.
(Closing Credits) Chandler's Boss: Paul Gimmitti (I think that's how you spell it)
Setting: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Everyone is there (Ursula included) in the living room.
Rachel: I can't believe you two tried to get me and Ross to kiss.
Ursula: That's just so low.
Phoebe: Your also living in my apartment.
Ursula and Rachel: Your apartment!
Joey: Not again.
End.
Setting: Central Perk. Everyone is there including Ursaula.
Chandler: I can't believe I'm getting married.
Ursaula: I can't believe that's your 9th time saying it.
Chandler: But I'm getting married.
Joey: And I'm already married.
Phoebe: And we all thought Ross and Rachel would be the first one's to.
Ross: Well things happen. Like kissing someone at a laundry mat.
Ross glares at Rachel.
Rachel: Yeah well it probably would have been the biggest mistake of my life if I had married you.
Rachel glares at Ross. Ursaula, Phoebe, Joey, Monica and Chandler just stare at the heated fight that's about to happen.
Chandler: (Breaking the tension) My birthday's coming up.
(Opening Theme) Jennifer Aniston: Rachel Greene Courtney Cox: Monica Gellar Lisa Kudrow: Phoebe Tribbianni and Ursaula Buffay.
Matthew Perry: Chandler Bing Matt Leblanc: Joey Tribbianni David Schwimmer: Ross Gellar
Setting: Phoebe, Ursaula, Joey and Rachel's apartment. Ursula, Phoebe and Joey are on the couch. Monica enters.
Monica: Hey. Does anyone want to help me find a job?
Joey: How does this make any sense? You want to get and job and your pregnant.
Monica: Good point. I guess that's what Chandler was trying to say.
Ursula: Why are you broke or need money.
Monica: Yeah why.
Ursula: You could become a part time waitress at Riff's.
Monica: No No No. I ain't going anywhere near there.
Joey: Ain't ain't a word and you ain't suppose to use it.
Monica stares at Joey.
Joey: Rachel taught me it.
Phoebe: Okay so you want money. Why don't you ask Joey for a lone?
Joey: Don't I have a say in this.
Monica: No. Chandler is still working so I suppose we'll just live off his income. We'll just have to cut back.
Joey: On what.
Monica: (Counting them on her fingers) Well for one designer clothes and fast food and also you eating out of our fridge.
Joey: I'll try to cut back.
Phoebe: I'll be right back.
Phoebe goes into the room and comes back out with a diamond. A huge diamond.
Joey: (Flabbergasted) Ah. Ah. Ah.
Ursula: (Flabbergasted) Holy. shit. where did you get that rock.
Phoebe: Here Mon you have it.
Monica: (Pushing Phoebe away) I couldn't take it.
Phoebe: That's what I should of said when I got it.
Joey: Where'd you get it?
Phoebe: Well when I was 14 I used to be a mugger and I mugged this off a women.
Monica: (Flabbergasted) You used to be a mugger.
Phoebe: Okay now its out. Now don't say it anymore.
Ursula: You said that you only got 40 bucks that day.
Phoebe: Well ha. I lied.
Joey: You used to be a mugger too.
Ursula: Okay. Enough with the third degree.
Monica: You two could be in jail now.
Phoebe: Well were not so stop acting like our mother.
Monica: If I was acting like your mother I'd be jumping off a cliff right about now.
Joey looked flabbergasted and his eyes bulged. Joey wasn't sure what would happen next. Phoebe runs and grabs Monica by the ear and then whispers into her ear.
Phoebe: What'd you say about my mama.
Joey: Oh it's like a skit from a black movie.
Phoebe still has Monica by the ear. Rachel enters.
Rachel: Well hello. (Stares at Joey standing in the kitchen. Monica on the couch with Phoebe grabbing her ear and Ursula sitting in a recliner.) What the hell is going on?
Joey: Hey. There will be no profanity in my apartment.
Phoebe: Oh your apartment.
Ursula: Your apartment?
Rachel: Your apartment.
Joey: I didn't mean it that way.
Monica: Pheebs. Could you let go of my ear now?
Phoebe: I guess if I have to.
Phoebe lets go of Monica's ear.
Rachel: Now explain to me why you are all fighting.
Monica: Phoebe has a huge diamond that she got from her mugging days.
Rachel: Let me see.
Phoebe hand Rachel the diamond. Rachel just stares at the diamond. Then breaks all the silence.
Rachel: Umm. Who did you mug this off Pheebs?
Phoebe: A women a few years back.
Rachel just starts crying then grabs the phone and dials a number.
Joey: You know the diamond is a bit shiny but it wouldn't make me cry.
Rachel: (On the phone crying) Mom. You remember the family diamond you got mugged off you.
Sandra Greene: Yes. Why do you bring it up? I lost a 13-generation-old diamond. Are you trying to hurt me?
Rachel: No No. I have it right here.
Sandra: What. How.
Rachel: It turns out you were mugged by someone who is now my friend.
Sandra: Wow. Anyway. I think its only right that I pass it on now to you anyway. Keep it going threw the generations.
Rachel: I will mom. Bye.
Rachel hangs up.
Phoebe: Wow I had no idea.
Monica: Anyway anyone want to help me throw Chandler a surprise birthday party.
Ursula: Me Me. Pick me.
Monica: Alright Ursula you can help me.
Setting: Central Perk. Phoebe and Joey are sitting at one of the two people tables.
Phoebe: Don't you think Rachel and Ross were just the perfect couple?
Joey: Yeah but they broke up.
Phoebe: But we could try to get them back together.
Joey: How.
Phoebe: First we have to do the plan laugh. Mwaaaaaaa.
Joey: Meowwwww.
Phoebe: No its like Mwwwaaaaaaaa.
Joey: Malllllllll.
Phoebe: Dammit Joseph get it right.
Joey: I'm trying. Mwaaaaaaaa.
Phoebe: There you go.
Joey: So what's next?
Phoebe: Well at Chandler's birthday party if they're ever standing next to each other we'll put mistletoe over them.
Joey: That's your plan. Its not even Christmas.
Phoebe: I can still use mistletoe.
Joey: Fine we'll try it. But how is one kiss going to get them back together.
Phoebe: Cause when they're kissing I'm going to put tickets to Hawaii for two in Ross's pocket. Most likely he'll invite Rachel.
Joey: Mwwwaaaaaaaaa. Mwaaaaaa. Mmwwaaaaaaa.
Phoebe: Okay. That's enough of the plan laugh for you.
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Monica is hanging Happy Birthday decorations everywhere. Ursula is sitting at the table.
Monica: Did you send out the invitations for today?
Ursula: (Frighten) What invitations.
Monica: (Worried) Oh my god. You didn't send them out!
Ursula: (Laughing) I did send them. I just wanted to get you all hyped up and it worked.
Monica: Well Haha.
Ursula: I found it very amusing.
Monica: Now Ursula you go to Chandler's work and distract him for (Looks at watch) one hour.
Ursula: (Putting on a army voice and saluting Monica) Its as good as done sir. Yes sir.
A few minutes later Joey and Phoebe enter.
Joey: So when's the party starting.
Monica: Soon. Ursula's gone to distract Chandler until everyone gets here.
Setting: Chandler's cubicle. Chandler is there. Ursula walks up to him and then his boss walks over.
Boss: Chandler as you know we are laying off lots of people in this department. And I'm sorry to say I have to lay you off too.
Chandler: But boss. My fiancée is making nothing and I have a baby on the way.
Boss: That's not my problem.
Chandler: Well at least I can get this out. (Sarcastic) Look at me. I'm Mr. Fatty boss. I'm just a big fagit and I'm selfish and I don't care about other families. (Sticks out his tongue and spits all over his ex-boss.)
Chandler looks over to Ursula and Ursula gives him two thumbs up and nods her head.
Setting: Monica and Chandler's apartment. Chandler and Ursula enter and everyone pops up.
Everyone: Surprise.
Monica was in front of them all. Ursula was behind Chandler waving her arms to get Monica to stop.
Monica: Why stop.
Ursula: Oh yeah. That's it. Sound it out loud.
Chandler: Don't stop this party because I just got fired.
Monica: (Sympathetic) You just got fired. (Mad) You just got fired. (Worried) You just got fired.
Joey: (Whispering To Rachel) I've never seen someone have so many mood swings.
Rachel slaps him on the back of the shoulder.
Chandler: (To Monica) Okay. You don't have to repeat it 3 different times.
Monica: What are we going to do?
Joey: I'll be right back.
Joey runs out of the apartment. A minute later he comes back with a wad of cash in his hands and hands it to Chandler.
Chandler: .
Joey: It's a baby gift.
Chandler: (Flipping threw the cash) There must be 3000 dollar's in here.
Monica: Joey. We can't accept this.
Chandler: What are you talking about I can accept it.
Rachel: Men. They won't accept free coffee but they'll take money.
Ross: Shut up Rach.
Rachel: (To Ross) And who are you to tell me to shut up.
Ross: (Yelling at Rachel) Well I guess technically I'm your ex-boyfriend.
Phoebe: (Whispering To Joey) The plan. The plan.
Joey: Oh yeah.
Joey takes mistletoe and walks over to Rachel and Ross and holds mistletoe over them.
Ross and Rachel: What are you doing.
Joey: Just standing.
Ross and Rachel: With a maple leaf.
Joey: (Pointing at Phoebe) You said it was mistletoe.
(Closing Credits) Chandler's Boss: Paul Gimmitti (I think that's how you spell it)
Setting: Chandler and Monica's apartment. Everyone is there (Ursula included) in the living room.
Rachel: I can't believe you two tried to get me and Ross to kiss.
Ursula: That's just so low.
Phoebe: Your also living in my apartment.
Ursula and Rachel: Your apartment!
Joey: Not again.
End.