After his fitful night's sleep, Severus rose to greet the new day.He still was not sure of what to do about Tan and his mother's journal, but he couldn't think about that now. He had his father's funeral to worry about. According to Tan, Aunt Mairwen was already downstairs and waiting for him, so he hurried down to the kitchen. There she sat, a wry smile on her face.
"Good morning, Severus. Tan tells me you didn't sleep well." She beckoned for hom to sit next to him. "Tell me about it." Severus told her about his dream, and how he'd wanted to free Tan, but Tan didn't want it.
"Severus, Snape Hall is yours to do with what you like, of course, but let me tell you something. It is a house-elf's duty to serve one family until his or her death. Freedom means disgrace to them." He thought about Dobby, back at Hogwarts. The entire wizarding world knew about how Dobby got wages, and how he was happy about that. Dobby was treated like the plague by the other house-elves, except for the one called Winky. Winky cried most of the time because her family was dead- all of them. He couldn't doom Tan to an existence like that. "Severus, you father left a letter for you in my possession when last we met. He knew his time was fast coming and he knew that he'd never see you again while he lived. I have never opened that letter, so I do not know what it says. If you do not want it, I will destroy it, it never being read."
Severus looked into his Aunt's black eyes. A letter? What ever coud the old man have to say to him? Did he even want to know?
"Give me the letter, Aunt Mairwen. I will read it. I can't hold a grudge against a dead man, I guess." He was thinking about his mother as he said the words. Mairwen retrieved the letter from her purse and handed it over.
"I'll leave you alone while you read it." She got up and left the room. Severus looked at the envelope in his hands. It was many years old, this letter, at least three. He must have written it just after Sirius escaped from Azkaban. He broke the Snape family crest that was holding the envelope together, and took out a piece of parchement as thin as rice paper. On it was his father's neat scrawl.
"Boy,
As I write this, it has been eleven years since I have seen you. I know now that you will never come home to me, and I can't blame you for that. I owe you much, boy. Mostly I owe you this: I am sorry.
I am sorry that I did not make your childhood a happy place. I am sorry that I hit you, that I broke your arm, and your heart. I am sorry that I did not treat you as I wanted to. I never told you this while I lived, boy, but I loved you, and your mother. I know that if you are reading this now, I am dead. I am sorry for that, too. I had hoped, especially now that I am all alone here, except for Tan. I can't explain how much sorrow I feel now.
Let me explain something to you. I wanted to be better to you. I just didn't know how to be. Your grandfather was a very cruel man, and I never wanted to be like him. I ended up making all his mistakes, though, and for that I can never apologize. We Snapes have always been Dark Wizards, no matter what, and I can't tell you how proud I was when you got into both Hogwarts and Beauxbaton. I wanted you to go to Beauxbaton, boy. It was family pride that kept me from saying it. I'm sorry, boy. I really am. I know what hell Hogwarts was for you. I can't apologize for that, because that hell made you the man you are today.
My pride grew as you did, son. You showed such a talent for potions, and that has always been this family's strong point. When you joined the Dark Lord, my heart sank. I knew that I could lose you in the war. You, boy, my only son, made me the proudest when you turned on him and rejoined the good. You always had an independent streak a mile wide. I'm glad that you are happy at last. Nost of all, I'm glad you are working at Hogwarts, trying to help Dumbledore.
Boy, I'm sorry. Please forgive me now. Take care of Snape Hall, and take care of Tan.
I loved you, Severus.
Your Father,
Gade Snape."
Severus put the letter down, crying again. His father had said everything he'd ever wanted to hear, in that letter. He wanted to tell his father that everything was okay, that things were good now. Oh, if only he'd come home before now. He father could have told him all of this in person, and not in a letter.
His aunt came back in the room. "I don't want to know what it said, Sev. That was between you and him. He loved you, Severus." Severus looked at her for a moment and then he realized something. "He never once used my name. Ever. Not even in this letter."
"Gade wasn't a very friendly person. Our father expected a lot of him. You have to remember that Father was Minister of Magic-"
"And my Father never let me or my mother forget that."
"-and he expected a lot out of his children. We both failed him."
From a news story in the Daily Prophet:
Gade Snape's funeral took place with only three people in attendance, his sister Mairwen Snape, his son Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards, and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot. Gade Snape was the son of Faolan Snape, former Minister of Magic, and came to prominesce during the reign of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as a supporter of Muggle Hunting. Gade Snape died at his home of a heart attack Tuesday night, and Healers were unable to revive him.
As Severus packed up what few belongings he wanted to take with him from Snape Hall back to Hogwarts, his eyes fell on his mother's journal. He still hadn't decided what he would do about it. He looked down at it there on his desk and then, with a lunge that was almost a spasm, he put it in his suitcase that he'd taken from his closet. He would take it with him, he thought. It made him feel better to know that he could talk to his mother if need ever rose. Looking back, he told Tan to keep the place neat and tidy, that he'd be back before the summer was over to take him to Hogwarts for the duration of the school year.
With little regret, he threw a bit of Floo powder into the grate, stepped into the fire that now burned green and said clearly, "Hogwarts Dungeons."
"Good morning, Severus. Tan tells me you didn't sleep well." She beckoned for hom to sit next to him. "Tell me about it." Severus told her about his dream, and how he'd wanted to free Tan, but Tan didn't want it.
"Severus, Snape Hall is yours to do with what you like, of course, but let me tell you something. It is a house-elf's duty to serve one family until his or her death. Freedom means disgrace to them." He thought about Dobby, back at Hogwarts. The entire wizarding world knew about how Dobby got wages, and how he was happy about that. Dobby was treated like the plague by the other house-elves, except for the one called Winky. Winky cried most of the time because her family was dead- all of them. He couldn't doom Tan to an existence like that. "Severus, you father left a letter for you in my possession when last we met. He knew his time was fast coming and he knew that he'd never see you again while he lived. I have never opened that letter, so I do not know what it says. If you do not want it, I will destroy it, it never being read."
Severus looked into his Aunt's black eyes. A letter? What ever coud the old man have to say to him? Did he even want to know?
"Give me the letter, Aunt Mairwen. I will read it. I can't hold a grudge against a dead man, I guess." He was thinking about his mother as he said the words. Mairwen retrieved the letter from her purse and handed it over.
"I'll leave you alone while you read it." She got up and left the room. Severus looked at the envelope in his hands. It was many years old, this letter, at least three. He must have written it just after Sirius escaped from Azkaban. He broke the Snape family crest that was holding the envelope together, and took out a piece of parchement as thin as rice paper. On it was his father's neat scrawl.
"Boy,
As I write this, it has been eleven years since I have seen you. I know now that you will never come home to me, and I can't blame you for that. I owe you much, boy. Mostly I owe you this: I am sorry.
I am sorry that I did not make your childhood a happy place. I am sorry that I hit you, that I broke your arm, and your heart. I am sorry that I did not treat you as I wanted to. I never told you this while I lived, boy, but I loved you, and your mother. I know that if you are reading this now, I am dead. I am sorry for that, too. I had hoped, especially now that I am all alone here, except for Tan. I can't explain how much sorrow I feel now.
Let me explain something to you. I wanted to be better to you. I just didn't know how to be. Your grandfather was a very cruel man, and I never wanted to be like him. I ended up making all his mistakes, though, and for that I can never apologize. We Snapes have always been Dark Wizards, no matter what, and I can't tell you how proud I was when you got into both Hogwarts and Beauxbaton. I wanted you to go to Beauxbaton, boy. It was family pride that kept me from saying it. I'm sorry, boy. I really am. I know what hell Hogwarts was for you. I can't apologize for that, because that hell made you the man you are today.
My pride grew as you did, son. You showed such a talent for potions, and that has always been this family's strong point. When you joined the Dark Lord, my heart sank. I knew that I could lose you in the war. You, boy, my only son, made me the proudest when you turned on him and rejoined the good. You always had an independent streak a mile wide. I'm glad that you are happy at last. Nost of all, I'm glad you are working at Hogwarts, trying to help Dumbledore.
Boy, I'm sorry. Please forgive me now. Take care of Snape Hall, and take care of Tan.
I loved you, Severus.
Your Father,
Gade Snape."
Severus put the letter down, crying again. His father had said everything he'd ever wanted to hear, in that letter. He wanted to tell his father that everything was okay, that things were good now. Oh, if only he'd come home before now. He father could have told him all of this in person, and not in a letter.
His aunt came back in the room. "I don't want to know what it said, Sev. That was between you and him. He loved you, Severus." Severus looked at her for a moment and then he realized something. "He never once used my name. Ever. Not even in this letter."
"Gade wasn't a very friendly person. Our father expected a lot of him. You have to remember that Father was Minister of Magic-"
"And my Father never let me or my mother forget that."
"-and he expected a lot out of his children. We both failed him."
From a news story in the Daily Prophet:
Gade Snape's funeral took place with only three people in attendance, his sister Mairwen Snape, his son Severus Snape, Potions Master of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardy, Supreme Mugwump, International Confederation of Wizards, and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot. Gade Snape was the son of Faolan Snape, former Minister of Magic, and came to prominesce during the reign of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named as a supporter of Muggle Hunting. Gade Snape died at his home of a heart attack Tuesday night, and Healers were unable to revive him.
As Severus packed up what few belongings he wanted to take with him from Snape Hall back to Hogwarts, his eyes fell on his mother's journal. He still hadn't decided what he would do about it. He looked down at it there on his desk and then, with a lunge that was almost a spasm, he put it in his suitcase that he'd taken from his closet. He would take it with him, he thought. It made him feel better to know that he could talk to his mother if need ever rose. Looking back, he told Tan to keep the place neat and tidy, that he'd be back before the summer was over to take him to Hogwarts for the duration of the school year.
With little regret, he threw a bit of Floo powder into the grate, stepped into the fire that now burned green and said clearly, "Hogwarts Dungeons."