Doorstep
By Jane Moss
When they arrived at the café, Sara became distant and he had to momentarily wonder what he could have done this time. The insects were so much easier to dissect. May be he should have taken her somewhere more special?
They ordered and made their way over to a table. She knew she was probably looking grim and made her best attempt to hide it. The man finally goes for breakfast with you and you're being moody. Should she mention the surgery or not? He didn't tell her before, and from the looks of it, he wasn't planning to do so later. Would he be mad at her for finding out? Would he think she went through his desk while he was away at work? She would hate for him to think of her like that.
He didn't know what to talk about. He stopped himself from asking the first thing which came to mind. After all, how could he ask her about the case he was working with her? The harsh Nevada sun was rising fast in the sky and creeping closer to their table.
"So," Grissom said, hoping she would initiate some conversation.
"Grissom, why did you leave?"
He looked confused for a moment. "What?" It was easier to avoid this conversation altogether.
"A few weeks ago. You know what I mean." Her tone was serious. No playing around.
His mouth opened, but he had not yet composed anything to tell her. His mind was a jumble of words and he could not sort them into appropriate sentences.
"I left on personal business," he paused, "Catherine should have told you that."
"She did," Sara said unconvinced, "But I'm asking you. I want you to answer me." She looked hard at him, daring him to lie to her.
He swallowed. He always knew she had the power to beat anyone into a corner. Such an unusual gift. He was admiring her even when he was on the receiving end.
"Catherine told you correctly – it was personal business."
"Damn it, Grissom!" Her fists hit the table and she fell back into her chair, letting out a long exasperated breath. Could he be any more elusive?
Something inside him, told him she knew more than she let on. He pushed it away. It's better not to think like that. He looked down at his coffee. Neither of them was enjoying breakfast.
Sara felt tired for the first time since she left the building. The emotionally heavy case and the long hours were catching up to her. At the moment she wanted nothing more than to drop all the pleasantries. It was all complicated enough. It was all difficult enough. She couldn't do this alone.
"I'd like to go home." …with you. Obviously talking was not something they could do today. Too many walls still up. Oh, Grissom, Grissom, Grissom. When will be the day?
He wanted to say something to stop her but instead nodded and got up. She followed him slowly, her mood shifting again. She might have been tired, but there was still one thing left to do. Not here.
She let herself examine his face with all the intensity she wanted too, as she followed him to the car. There was something curious just beneath the surface. What are you hiding, Grissom? What is it you want? She felt herself love him despite everything he had done to hurt her over the years. He had such a curious intellect and she found herself wishing, not for the first time, for even a moment in his thoughts. Like a moth, she kept coming back for more, no matter how much the flames stung.
She did not see the people. Did not see the bright lights on the buildings of Las Vegas. Grissom was in the car and his focused gaze lingered on the road. The buildings going past were but a blur. For the first time since they left, he looked at her and she could see his desperation. Had he given up so soon? On impulse she wanted to cup his cheek, if only to see his surprise. She let a small half smile linger on her lips, despite herself, as she averted her eyes. Let that confuse him. Let that linger as a question mark in his mind, for that is how it was going to be, would they get a chance to start anything. Only if he was prepared to delve into the wondrous world of unknown.
She only realised they'd stopped when he turned off the soft hum of the engine and looked down. She could feel it was close to the end. Whatever happened now, would have to end her torment. She had lived it for three long years.
"Walk me to my door," she said softly.
He was about to protest, but instead got out and opened the car door for her. It was going to be harder to let go so close to her personal space, knowing he couldn't cross the line. All the feelings he had tried to shield from himself and Sara were slowly seeping out with every step closer he took. The silence was uneasy. It was tension. She tried to absorb the moment. You never know when your life is going to change.
It had to be now.
"Sara… I…" Her deep brown gaze made it even harder. He didn't want her to go and shut him out forever. "I need to tell you so many things." It was so hard to force the words out. "But I…"
"Please don't say 'but'. You either tell me or you don't." She slid the key into the lock, smoothly turning the mechanism. The door swung open and she stood to the side, daring him to make a step. Her heart thumped loudly in her own ears as she readied herself for a painful rejection. "I would like you to come in." She didn't know where she had found the courage to utter the words, but they sounded weak even to her. "Only if you want to," she warned. The ball was in his court. He gulped audibly, also realising the true significance of crossing the boundary of her door.
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I'm probably going to finish this soon. Lets see how it goes then! Thank you again, for the wonderful reviews! You people are the BEST! Keep them coming of course! My muse needs food for the next chappy! – JM:)