The Diary of an American Princess

I Won't Worry

Disclaimer: Sadly, I do not own these characters. They all belong to the brilliant Meg Cabot. The song "The Remedy" belongs to Jason Mraz.

Monday, December 7, Algebra

That's odd. I can't find my diary. Actually, I can't find any of my past diaries. I hope it's nothing to worry about. Fat Louie probably stole them from underneath my bed. It's happened before. I look around the loft for them later. Good thing Mom gave me this book a while ago for my birthday. It will have to do as a replacement for now.

But I swear if I find out that anyone has been reading my diary, they are dead. That is, of course, after I get over my fear of confrontation.

Last night went just as expected, boring as hell. And then of course, at the end, he kissed me and told me he loved me. I simply replied, "Okay." I am so pathetic. I should have said, "I'm sorry Kenny, I don't love you. Can't we just be friends?" But I couldn't, because I'm too much of a wimp and I don't want to break his heart. As if my heart isn't broken already because he was sending me those notes and not Michael. I mean, honestly.

I have to go to princess lessons this afternoon. I was really enjoying my weekend of freedom for a while there. You would think I already know everything there is to being a princess. But Grandmere always seems to find something wrong with me. Whether its my manners or something else along those lines, there is always something wrong.

So anyway, Kenny came up to me today.

Kenny: Hey, Mia!

Me: Hi.

Kenny: So, you had fun at the convention yesterday?

Me: Uh huh.

Kenny: I told you anime was cool!

Me: Yeah, really cool.

Kenny: Well, I got to get to English...see you at lunch, okay?

Me: Yep.

Kenny: I love you.

Must he keep telling me this? Doesn't he see it makes me uncomfortable? It's like he's still hoping that I'll proclaim my love for him.

Mia: Yep.

I tried to pretend not to see the disappointment in his face that I didn't state that I loved him too. He just moved in to kiss me and at the last minute I turned my head so he ended up kissing my cheek.

Then Lilly came over.

Lilly: What is wrong with you?

Me: What do you mean?

Lilly: He tells you he loves you and that's how you reply?

Me: What else am I supposed to do? Lie?

Lilly: You don't love him?

Me: No...

Lilly: Then why don't you break up with him?! Stop lying!

Me: I dunno...I guess I don't have the guts.

Lilly: Mia, you really need to be more assertive.

Me: I know, I know. Come on, we're late for Algebra.

...which is where I am now.

Uh oh, Mr. G. is asking me a question. Oops.

Later Monday, G&T

Michael was nice enough to help me out with my Algebra homework today.

"Uh...Michael?" I asked him. He looked up at me and grinned, seeing my algebra book in my arms.

"Need help?" I nodded, turning red. The thing about having pale skin is that I turn red every five seconds, especially around Michael.

"But if you don't have time that's okay...I'll figure it out," I added hastily. I was lying of course. I would never figure it out without Michael's help.

"No you won't," he said, laughing—but in a nice way. "Here." He pulled up a chair and motioned me to sit. I did so.

"So..." he asked as he was correcting the mistakes I'd made. "How are things between you and Kenny?"

Me: Fine, I guess.

There I go again. Lying, I mean. It's a good thing he doesn't no about my nostrils. Then I'd be in trouble. I lie to Michael a lot, you know, in order to hide my feelings for him.

Michael: Didn't you guys go on a date yesterday? To an anime convention or something?

Me: Yeah. That was actually a little boring to tell you the truth.

Michael: Did you tell him that?

I shook my head, sort of ashamed.

Michael: You really should. He should understand, you know.

Me: I guess I could do that...

"There," he said, handing me my notebook. Then he went back to explaining my homework, and I went back to taking in the sweet scent of ivory soap.

And I might actually ask Kenny if we could do something different on our dates. That won't hurt him, right? And it will make our dates a whole lot easier.

Still Monday, the Plaza

Here I am again, with my dreaded Grandmere. She's giving me a lecture on how it is never acceptable to apply lipstick in public. I mean come on! What else was I supposed to do! If I showed up without lipstick, she would definitely still give me a lecture. And it's not like there was actually anyone in the hallway at the time. Does it really matter that much anyway?

Grandmere seems to think so.

I asked Lars to drop me off at the loft so I could run in and look around for my diaries. They were no where in sight. I even checked Fat Louie's shiny things collection. I only found that silver necklace I lost a long time ago and a few bucks in change. No diaries. It's starting to worry me. What if Fat Louie late them? What if someone stole them? I could not handle anyone reading my diaries. I just couldn't. Those are my most secret, private thoughts and some of the stuff (most of the stuff actually) I've never told anybody, nor do I want anyone to find out. That would just be a nightmare. What if Lana read them? I would never hear the end of it. That's why I must find my diaries or my life is over.

I'm probably making a big deal out of this whole thing. Maybe when I go home I'll find them somewhere. They have to be somewhere. They just have to be.

Possible Places My Diaries Can Be

1. In Fat Louie's stomach (though I don't think his stomach is big enough to fit all those books.)

2. With Lana (Please no...)

3. With Lilly (I hope not...)

4. With Kenny (Uh oh...that wouldn't be good. That really really would not be good)

5. with Michael (NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Okay, this list is depressing me. Let's make it a little happier.

6. in my nightstand drawer (already checked)

7. On the fire escape (maybe...Fat Louie could've put them there...I hope it didn't rain last night)

8. Hidden in my closet (already checked there to...but my closet is a mess, so I might have missed it)

9. under the couch. (A possibility! I've found a lot of things under that couch)

10. In the fridge (probably not. Why would they be in the fridge? Of course Mom is sort of crazy, being pregnant and all.)

I saw fireworks from the freeway and behind closed eyes I cannot make them go away

'Cause you were born on the Fourth of July, freedom ring

Now something on the surface it stings

That something on the surface it kind of makes me nervous who says that you deserve this

And what kind of god would serve this? We will cure this dirty old disease

If you've got the poison I've got the remedy

The remedy is the experience. It is a dangerous liaison

I say the comedy is that it's serious. Which is a strange enough new play on words

I say the tragedy is how you're gonna spend the rest of your nights with the light on

So shine the light on all of your friends because it all amounts to nothing in the end.

I won't worry my life away.

I won't worry my life away.

Or at least I'll try not to worry, but it's harder than it looks.