Snowflakes
By soul release
Disclaimer: I do not own Card Captor Sakura.
Author's note: This is classified as angst; thus, it is mostly comprised of useless fluff and doesn't really hold any true plot. However, there will be a sequel to this that will actually have a plot.
She was perfect, or so many thought her to be – after all, her personality built up to the definition of "perfect." She was sweet, understanding, and generous to a fault, and to top it all off, she had the voice of a nightingale – well, you know, those singing birds that people spend countless hours listening, too. She was pretty in addition to all that with her waist-length wavy, navy hair and smiling violet-blue eyes.
Practically perfect. Not.
People assumed her inner self to live up to her outer self, which basically comprised of a sweet nature, generosity of personality, and a complexion of an angel; basically, they expected her true nature to be loving and devoted, too, like one of those perfect little princess from fairy tales, such as those that she read in her early childhood – Sleeping Beauty, Beauty and the Beast, and Snow White.
But merely everything was just an assumption.
No, Tomoyo Daidouji was not perfect; in fact, she was very imperfect with a life hanging over the edge, threatening to fall into the unknown depths below. Besides that, her life was fragile – pale, and sickly – like a glass, like mist on a glass pane, as cold as frosts, as empty as the barrens, like the tundra.
… like a snowflake.
Thousands of those dusted her face as they fell like glittering diamonds from the sky – the same sky that she strolled under aimlessly in the frozen park of Tomoeda. The scene was rather picturesque as falling gems ended on fluffs of her cloak and her hair like cotton balls, and as she continued ambling down on the little park lane, they continued to fall, thousands at a time, to the ground and stayed there. Falling…falling…falling until they reached the ground, and didn't – or couldn't – go back to the skies of where they fell from.
And like a snowflake, she fell, too, unable to get up.
Okay, maybe it was a stupid analogy. She wasn't exactly like a snowflake because she had the ability to go back where she belonged, to turn back from the wrong paths of life, but this time, her fall was particularly significant – more specifically, cause a greater, more terrible impact – something more terrible than anything she had ever endured her entire life. She wanted to heave her self up, but she just … couldn't.
Before Li Syaoran became a significant person in Sakura's life, Sakura's most significant person was she. They spent countless hours together, talking and giggling over the phone, discussing life's issues, conversing over tea times. Their love and affection never wavered and was so strong that it could not be broken – it was almost a sisterly love where both relied on the each other for support or comfort when in turmoil and where they were almost like a part of each other. Tomoyo grew to love that feeling of being needed by her most beloved cousin, and her entire life was poured into the dedication to Sakura. But that was all before he came.
Now she felt unwanted. He took all of her precious cherry blossom's attention. She got shunted away like a lost toy, not needed when Sakura was down or in dilemma because she had someone else to lean on. It felt like a loss of a life's purpose … almost like losing part of herself to someone else and the part would never return. She hated that feeling – basically despising it with all her hatred.
Shut up.
Just because you love someone, care for someone deeply, doesn't mean that they necessarily love you back, she told herself angrily. You said so yourself, Tomoyo – this is mindless hypocrisy. You said that as long as the person you love is happy, which of course, Sakura is happy with Syaoran, you'll be happy.
But was she happy?
Of course I am. Sakura's happy, so I'm happy.
But she wasn't happy, or was she? No, she wasn't. That statement was just a stupid to cover up herself's true emotions – a statement to just ensure that nobody worries, so that it would satisfy Sakura's happiness. Contradicting the statement utterly, she was completely depressed, mourning over the loss of Sakura as if she had died, but her lamented expression was much more intended for herself.
She was so darn artificial. And she knew it. Just a puppet – a manipulated one …
Her sweet nature was there only to cover up her empty emotions – only to protect others from sadness and instead torturing herself by bottling up her inner feelings. It was merely a mask, an outer shell, to shield others from seeing the "real" her. But mostly, it was to stop Sakura from seeing her sad expression and her inner lachrymose self because the sisterly bond was still there, and if Sakura saw her weeping her under the willow of the park, then her happiness would be gone, too.
She silently wanted herself to reveal the true her, wanted herself to be released of the pain, but love made people blind, and so, being blinded by love, she would have to forfeit this idea.
She wanted to have someone there to blame. She couldn't blame Syaoran because it wasn't his fault that Sakura fell deeply in love with him. She couldn't blame Meilin because she had nothing to do with. But Sakura … on the other hand …
Yes, if Sakura hadn't existed, then maybe this pain would have existed either … even if Sakura didn't intend it, she still felt herself controlled by her and manipulated by her … She suddenly felt a surge of anger, which is rare for her, on her inside personality and out.
… but that would be stupid reason.
She knew, before and now, that the only person she could ever blame for her intense suffering …
… was herself …
No matter how much she wanted to blame another being – Sakura, or anyone else – for her tears, remorse, and sorrow, she could not exculpate herself for being weak at her. She just couldn't put the guilt upon Sakura's shoulders despite the obvious anger and sorrow she felt towards her. After all, it was her own fault for being so fragile at heart, so unstable of a mind, and so clueless about Love.
Love was a powerful force that is more powerful than gravity, more beautiful than the early sunset, and more catastrophic than the worst wars because Love was the creator of Hate and Suffering. Love could break, causing broken hearts, as it did for her for Love was frail, and thus, no matter how strong the Love was, its fragility would remain consistent. The lightest click of a button, the snap of the fingers, the sweetest voice, and the slightest touch could break Love. And Love broke for Tomoyo.
The snow kept on falling.
Tomoyo felt neutral tears streaming down her face, but she didn't wipe them off, nor did she make any sign of expression, but let them cascade down her frosted cheeks instead. They just kept on falling and falling … like snow. Snowflakes – they fall, and they don't fall back up.
She fell into love and couldn't get back up. It was a simple as that.
She still wanted to be angry at anyone else but her, especially Sakura for causing all the turmoil and pain in the first place, but knew, through common sense, that the only person she could ever be angry with was herself. Only herself … though now, come to think of it, she did feel resentful towards Sakura either way, but that was merely due to her intense obsession for the need to blame …
I want to fall into eternal sleep … and forget all pain …
And she fell … onto the blanket of snow before her … into a dreamless sleep …
… without pain.
The End
*
That probably sucked.
Oh well, I tried at least. Tell you the truth, I never finished the CCS series ^_^
This is a story made out of pure fluff and was built with little or no effort.
But review anyways, cause I'll give you chocolate (?) okay, maybe not. But review anyways cause I'll love you to death.
I'm rambling, so I'll shut up.
I'm tired *yawn*
- soul release 3