Author's note: My reviewers have no questions from last chapter? ~gasps~ Okay, well, thank you one and all for reading. It means the world to me. Lady Kazune Kikenshi, Kira, Peacewish, and Shadow--please consider yourselves hugged. You guys rock! Thanks!

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Moon's Dance and Shadow

A Kaho and Eriol Story

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Chapter Four

Reflected In Your Eyes

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Winter passed in the blink of an eye. I kept myself busy all day and...found myself spending the day wishing for the night. I was shocked when I realized it, but it was true. Every night my dreams were invaded by Clow Reed, and every night we got to know each other better. I was falling in love with a dead man.

And I was sure he was falling in love with me as well.

Still, every time I looked at Eriol I saw a child. He didn't age at all, telling of the truthfulness of his claim that he was stuck at this age for the time being, but I couldn't see him for his true age. No matter how much I knew of magic, no matter how exposed I was to even more powerful magic here, I could not wrap my mind around the concept. Or, maybe it was my heart that could not accept the truth. I could not touch him without feeling like I was doing something terribly wrong.

So it was those dreams every night that gave me some outlet for my conflicted emotions. Soon even my waking hours felt like a dream, or like my life between dreams was somehow less real. I was walking around in that trance state as the world was showing signs of melting from winter to spring when I realized it.

"Touya has found his love."

I smiled, even as a solitary tear escaped one eye. I hurriedly brushed it away as I realized there were eyes upon me. I had thought I was alone. Ruby Moon stood behind me in her false form, looking concerned.

"You've been replaced so soon? Men can be so fickle."

I shook my head. "No, that's not how it is. It's not soon, and he's not in love yet. But, by the time I can return there will be no turning back, so I'm a little sad that I've lost him. I'm also very happy for him though because he can find his true happiness now."

"Isn't it very confusing to feel so happy and sad at the same time?"

"Maybe a little bit. Sometimes conflicting emotions can't be avoided though, then you have to find peace within yourself to resolve them."

She frowned, but nodded.

"Have you considered a different name for your false form?" I wanted to change the subject away from something so personal, and that's all that came to me. "Ruby Moon is an unusual name, and very fitting of your true form, but maybe your false form should have a false name to go with it."

"I have thought about it actually. I'm still making up my mind." Then she had this wicked smile on her face that made me shiver. "Interesting time for a subject change though. Tell me more about this Touya who has found the one he'll love."

Why didn't I want to tell her? I frowned, but couldn't find a reason to not tell her. "What do you want to know about him?"

"Did he love you as much as you loved him? Did he treat you well?"

"Yes, and yes. He was a perfect gentleman and he would have done anything for me, anything at all." Saying those words increased my regret, but they were true. He was wonderful. I didn't quite understand why fate had pushed us together and then driven us apart like that. I would have been happy in his arms forever, but I had known from the start that he would love someone more and I was just a passing fancy for him. It felt like a knife was sliding slowly into my heart as the thoughts passed through my mind.

"So, he was devastated when you had to leave."

"I suppose he was." Another thing I had tried not to think about. He would have been shocked at my sudden announcement. Did he lock himself in his room and cry where the world could not see? Would he ever forgive me? No, that was a silly question. I had already seen that future, that we could be friends. But, he would also be forever changed by the way I had left him.

"So, he's a tall, dark, and handsome tragic figure now?"

"Actually, he was before we met. His mother died when he was young and--there were a few things I was able to help him work past." She had a dreamy look now, but there was still some warning in the air that held me back from saying too much.

"Do you regret leaving him to come here? Don't you wish you could ignore the stirrings of fate and simply live your life?"

I didn't answer. Not verbally. I'm sure my body language was full of my regret and conflict. Finally I said, "You can fight fate, it's easy, but there are always consequences." I turned away, realizing that the only way to end this conversation was to end it. She would not be distracted. But...why this topic of all topics? It didn't make sense.

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The winter gathered one last effort after that, then spring burst upon the world. There were plenty of rain storms, but there were also days when the moist air was full of a feeling of anticipation of things to come. I often wandered in a dream world, going about my routine in a daze as I waited for...something. It was the middle of April when things suddenly changed. I was missing the blossoms of home, dripping off the trees like pink snow and filling the air with the sweetest of scents. School would just be starting there. I was getting ready for semester finals here...only a month to go.

There, in my dream, Clow Reed stood again. "It's almost time. I don't know when I'll see you like this again."

"What? Why not?"

"You'll see. Tomorrow. Tonight I'd like to just be with you."

He was so serious, almost sad. My own sense of precognition was uncommonly silent and a trickle of fear started its way down my neck. Things were coming to a head, and I wasn't prepared. "Clow, what's happening? What--"

He cut me off with a kiss and I went breathless. The moment our lips touched I felt a difference in the usual intensity and urgency. It was as if electricity flowed between us as he held me close, and gently his lips parted against mine and I welcomed the touch of his tongue against my own. I quivered at the soft touch, melting again as our tongues danced against each other with growing passion. He was holding me so close, his hands pressing me ever closer while traveling over my back and settling in my hair and at the small of my back. My own hands were clutching handfuls of the fabric of his robes.

His mouth pulled away from mine finally and we gasped for breath against each other. "Kaho," he whispered breathlessly into my ear, conveying a rainbow of wanting and passion and love and need with just my name. He then rained kisses along my cheek, down my neck, nipping occasionally while I felt fire spreading through my body from each spot of contact. My hands were now entwined in his hair, pulling it free so my fingers could entwine in the silken strands. I was fascinated with the feel of it, the soft texture and delicate strength of those fine fibers as they shifted between my fingertips.

And his mouth traveled further down until he was sliding fabric out of his way.

I gasped, wanting this so strongly I was terrified. Some thought was trying to pull my attention away from the onslaught of sensation that had me overwhelmed. One of his hands was still clutching my hair between my shoulder blades, but the other...the other...his other hand traveled over me, dangerously close to some of the most sensitive spots of my body before moving on to another area...

All I could do was tilt my head back and let him explore, wanting more. I was on fire, aching for more as his fingers trailed electric fire across my skin. I tingled. I burned. I encouraged him with a low moan and heard him chuckle in response. The wandering hand was pulling aside my top, undoing my bra, the cool air inciting a shiver that was too real...it was all too real....

That was the feeling that was tickling the back of my mind. The dream was too vivid, too real, and I would not act like this in real life. Not knowing who he was outside of the dream world. I sat up suddenly in bed, gasping at finding myself violently awake.

He was standing beside my bed. Eriol. He wore robes reminiscent of Clow's, but not quite the same. He was towered over by the sun staff I had seen Clow wield in my dreams on occasion. He gazed upon me with those piercing eyes, too knowing, too serious for that face. The heat of my blush radiated from my face as I clutched the quilt to cover myself completely. Nothing had been disturbed, my nightgown was still in place and covered more than enough, but I felt the need to be covered even more. I felt naked under his gaze.

"Get out." My voice was little more than a whisper, a helpless little sound that told more of how I felt than even my redundant attempt of covering myself.

He winced. He drew back. He bowed his head, then backed out of the room silently.

As the door closed behind him I dissolved into tears.

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Morning dawned clear and bright after my night of restless attempts to get back to sleep. As soon as dawn broke I was out of bed and sorting things to be packed. I couldn't stay here. I couldn't face him again. I couldn't deal with what I was feeling. The conflict was too much. By the usual time for breakfast rolled around I was packed and only had to make arrangements.

When I entered the kitchen I noticed I was alone. That had never happened before. I had been too conflicted within myself to attempt to sense the others, but their absence drove me to try. Immediately I realized that I was being blocked by Eriol, but it was so weak...each of their energy patterns was terribly weak....

It was frighteningly easy to break Eriol's block against me. I ran to him, for the first time entering his bedroom. I didn't bother to look around, all I noticed was how dark the room was. He was in bed, but looked like he was just waking up. He had never looked so weak, his aura was washed out and pale.

My heart raced as I hurried to his side. "What's wrong? What happened?"

He blinked slowly. "Nothing that wasn't expected." He smiled reassuringly, but it was such a small, weak smile that I worried all the more.

"Eriol, please tell me." It was more of a command than a request. I was scared out of my wits and overcome with my concern.

"She released the seal on the cards and...scattered them. They were all active at the same time. Most are dormant now, but it took a lot out of me."

"That's what he--no, that's what you meant in my dream. You won't have the strength to do that again for a long time."

He nodded slowly, looking away. "I'll be fine, really. I'll just be weak for a while. I'll regain my strength now that they're not all active or being used."

"What about your guardians? How are they?"

His eyes met mine again. There was a hint of a smile there and some warmth that stirred my heart. "Spinel Sun will be fine. He can pull his energy from the sun and doesn't depend on me. Ruby Moon though," he broke off, thoughtful. "She'll have a harder time. Her energy comes from me directly. When the cards are used, and when they become active, they will draw on my energy too because they are Clow's cards and took their energy from him. Now they'll take their energy from me. It's nothing I can't handle, but I'm supporting all the cards, plus Ruby Moon and Yue...Clow's moon guardian. It's very difficult, very tiring. Expected, but still very hard. Please, don't breathe a word of this to anyone."

I nodded solemnly. "I'll just go fix breakfast. Rest. I'll bring Ruby breakfast also."

After breakfast I did dishes, then unpacked. I couldn't leave. Not now.