Author's Notes: Three chapters will follow this one; we're coming close to the end. I see the light at the end of the long tunnel! ~faints~ I'd like to warn you all though, some of you will find the content of the next few chapters a little...er...disturbing. For this story to be written and done justice to, I must include these scenes. I know some of you are still a little shaky with the idea of Eriol and Kaho being together, even if you've read this far. If this sounds like it would apply to you, please accept my warning.
Of course, the last two chapters I'll have to apologize to the *other* half of those reading this. If you've read Not Human and Solace, you have a glimpse of how those chapters will be. Aaah, I can't please everyone it seems.
I appreciate the reviews I've gotten from L-chan, Shadow, Peacewish, Kira, Cherychery, Snowykittenz, and Animegal since I last updated. I'm so glad people read what I write! Thank you immensely for the lack of flames! ~huggles you all~
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Moon's Dance and Shadow A Kaho and Eriol story~~~~~@~~~~~
Chapter Nine
The Words Between
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One last time I wandered through, sweeping and cleaning the shrine with a sweet nostalgia slowing my motions. This wasn't home, no matter how welcoming it had been when I had problems to run away from. It was my parent's home, but not mine.
I would miss it all, but each day that passed I found myself missing England more and more. No, that wasn't quite right--I found myself missing Eriol more and more. I missed the engaging conversations we indulged in on cold winter nights. I missed the wonder in his eye when he looked at me sometimes. I missed how he treated me like a grand lady, and yet like an equal in all things. I missed how protective he was whenever things went wrong. I missed playing in the expansive garden when the weather turned good. I could be myself around him, no matter what mood took me, and he accepted it with kindness, patience, and love.
I felt warmth on my cheeks as I thought of that word. Love. It was a word we had not shared between us, one I was afraid to face, and yet one that I was all too aware of lying under the surface of everything we shared.
While I was trapped in that reverie someone approached the shrine with weary steps, yet determined purpose. I instantly knew who it must be as soon as I brushed against that powerful yet untrained aura. A talk between us was long overdue I thought, so I turned with a smile at the familiar sight of Touya walking along the brick path in the moonlight.
"You're leaving tomorrow," he said softly. I searched for a hint of accusation, but found none this time.
A relieved smile lit upon my lips for what I did not find in his tone. "Yes."
"Where are you going this time?"
"Back to England. I gave Sakura-chan the address so she can write." I suddenly turned a full and teasing smile upon him. "Would you like to write to me too?"
He almost smiled. Almost. "You won't give me any answers."
I nodded. "Some of the answers you want from me aren't mine to give. I couldn't betray a confidence. I promise that I'd reply if you sent me a letter though."
The words hung in the air, said lightly, but weighed by the fact that we both knew he wouldn't be writing me any letters. "What answers can you give me right now?" He frowned, his dark eyes trying to look into me and pull out my secrets by force of will alone.
I continued my sweeping for a while as I organized my thoughts. There were some things I did want him to know. There were others I could not tell him. How much could I say and both keep my secrets and help him through what he now faced?
"It will all be okay. That is your sister's invincible spell, and you should probably keep it in mind as well. I have faith that you'll make the right decision." I reached up and patted him on the cheek, giggling at the stoic look on his face.
"What decision?"
I shook my head. If I said something now about what faced him and his best friend, I would set things off balance, and one or both of them could get hurt. I closed my eyes, listening with my inner ear to the whisperings of fate, and could only know that I could not say a word. "The decision you will have to make. You know I can't say more than that."
Frustration flashed in his eyes a moment before weary resignation settled over him. "You haven't changed a bit," he accused.
"Neither have you," I teased. He somehow knew I was talking about Tsukishiro-san and looked away as if to hide his reaction. "You have a weakness for the influence of the moon."
Instead of growling at me to shut up, he simply looked to the sky with a thoughtful expression. "Maybe I do," he sighed. "What am I going to do about Yuki?"
He clearly didn't expect an answer to that question as he looked at the moon's distant beauty, but found myself answering anyway. "You'll make the right decision," I repeated with a smile.
He turned back to me, meeting my eyes again with complete shock. "You said you couldn't say anything else!"
I winked. "I didn't."
I was done cleaning the shrine for the night. I walked off into the darkness while he was still stunned by my reply. As I walked I heard his appreciative chuckle and his retreating footsteps. It was a much happier parting than the last.
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I returned, greeted by a summer rainstorm and a surly taxi driver with an accent so thick I could barely understand him. He seemed to have the same problem with me and we ended up lost and trying to figure out where we were supposed to be at the side of the road somewhere I thought was the entirely wrong direction. Speaking slowly finally cleared things up, but I had been looking forward to a happy homecoming and was met with frustration.
When we finally pulled up to the familiar home, looming dark and lonely as it had the first time I laid eyes on it, two years ago. Still, as soon as I stepped from the taxi it looked brighter, somehow fulfilled now that I had returned. Surely it's just my imagination, I thought, shaking my head though I still smiled at the notion.
Not at all, came a soft reply within my mind. Eriol's familiar presence subtly intruded on my consciousness an instant before he opened the front door.
"Welcome home," he called out with a cheery wave.
I accepted those words with a flutter in my heart and a spring in my step as I followed the brick path up the steps to that door. It felt like home to me, more like home than I thought it would. At that moment I wanted to spend the rest of my life there, with Eriol.
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In the garden there was a tree whose limbs were perfect for climbing, and even more perfect for sitting in on a summer afternoon. There were clouds all around, but we were in the sun and a heavy warmth held me close as I rested there. I had brought a book with me when I headed out, but it lay forgotten beside me as I dozed in the comforting embrace of the sturdy oak. It held an aura of age, patience, and solid wisdom that I found particularly desirable that afternoon.
I was still aware, but my eyes had fallen shut long ago. The sun fell between leaves to cast its light on my eyelids intermittently, and warmth touched my skin in shifting patches. A cool breeze stirred once in a while, tugging at my clothes and playing with wisps of my hair. The trees whispered to each other softly at these times, the leaves rustling with a soothing sound that nearly lulled me to sleep.
I was not asleep though when I felt Eriol's powerful and soothing presence join me on a nearby tree limb. He was slightly above me, to my right, clearly visible to my mind's eye. Yet, if I had not known him, I would have overlooked him entirely.
"You've been practicing your stealth," I said, not bothering to open my eyes.
"It will serve me for what I need."
I smiled languidly, relaxing further against the sturdy tree. "I'll feel so strange here, staying in your home without you."
"Make it your home while I'm gone," he instructed lightly, but underneath his casual tone his aura gave him away. Swirls of hope and apprehension lay beneath the surface where he tried to hide even from me.
"I'd like that," I answered, slowly opening my eyes and seeking out his expression. "I think I'd like that a lot."
I barely caught the surprise in his eyes before a pleased smile dominated his face. I remembered my real, face-to-face meeting with his prior incarnation, Clow Reed, and tallied the similarities--and the differences. Who was I really in love with? There was no doubt in my mind that I was, indeed, in love. I felt the nervous flutter in my core as his dark, mysterious eyes pierced into the center of my being. Every time he smiled at me, every time he said my name, I felt a piece of heaven meet with my soul. This was a stronger love than I had ever known.
He suddenly reached out to me, and like a magnet my hand was attracted to his. I willingly entwined my fingers between his, feeling a burning tingle run up my arm as the potency of our magic energies interacted. It was a sensation I had missed in my absence from here, from him, a sensation I could find myself becoming addicted to.
I closed my eyes again, and I could almost forget his physical appearance. He was almost old enough, by himself, to be my father. I tried to picture him as he would be the right age and tried to see how he'd be different from Clow. For a disturbing moment I pictured Touya's father, but with dark, blue-black hair. I heard him chuckle over my shoulder, then softly murmur, "Maybe...."
"How will things be when this is all over, when she has won?" There was no sense asking what would happen if Sakura lost. I'd been told what she would face, and I had elected already to return in time to face that fate with the rest of them, if.
"When she wins I will ask her to restore the balance in my soul. For her father's sake, I'm sure she will, and then I will be normal again. I will start to age as I should, and my body will grow up normally."
I didn't want to ask the next question, but it slipped softly out before I could stop it. "Isn't there any way to speed that up a little?"
A flash of sadness was easily read through our connection. I bit my lower lip, wanting to apologize, but I knew he would not accept my apology because I had only expressed truth. "It would be too dangerous. Kaho, maybe we should--"
"No, it's okay." He was going to suggest a step back, breaking off our budding relationship just as I was starting to get comfortable with it. I wouldn't hear of it. "I do not want to let go of something so precious simply because of my own shortcomings. What's on the outside should not matter, and I promise that when we return here, together, it will not matter."
We both felt the ripple of prophesy in that statement and smiled. When we returned, after it all ended, we would begin our time together. The thought made me melt and I could not hide the smile of anticipation that bloomed. It was a giddy moment for both of us until a sobering thought struck Eriol.
"I will be dividing my magic in half. Half of my connection with Clow will be gone as well, so the dreams we shared won't--"
"It's okay," I assured him. I thought that maybe it would be for the best because it would not confuse the issue of love between us.
"I'll miss those though," he said with a sad look. "I'm sorry for what happened that last time, and I'm sorry for losing control, but I looked forward to those nights as much as you did. There is still that part of me that is Clow that will miss that look in your eyes...."
"Could we, before you leave for Tomoeda, could you...again...?" I found it hard to say it, wondering if the simple act of asking would change things between us.
He squeezed my hand gently, then let go. I opened my eyes to see him sliding down to meet me on the same tree limb I was on. Something stirred within me at his proximity, something both scary and exciting. He captured my eyes with his beautifully dark gaze and a small, gentle smile graced his face. He then reached forward and caressed my cheek in a gesture so gentle, so familiar, and so intimate that I could feel my skin burning where he touched me. I was so close to just accepting him as he was right then, ignoring his physical appearance and seeing only what lay in his heart.
He chuckled, withdrawing slightly. "I would like that," he said with a grin that could almost be called smug. It was certainly self-assured. He then jumped down from the tree with a cat-like grace and started walking back to the house.
My skin still burned where he touched me. I brought a hand up to that spot, losing myself in the memory of that intense sensation. Again I tried picturing Eriol as he would be if his appearance matched his true age. I leaned back against the tree again, daydreaming and anticipating.
That dream did not come soon enough for either of us. We made the attempt, we tried to only talk, but there was an edge and an urgency neither of us could deny. Glances we exchanged were weighted by the knowledge that there were other things we both wanted. Eriol would be leaving within the week, and this would be one of the last times Clow and I would be together. This thought made me impatient in my craving for more than the kisses I had once found so fulfilling. As the dream unfolded we were both carried past where reason should restrain us. If we went too far, however, there were no regrets.
Words murmured in the afterglow as we held each other close, tight. Sleepy words of glowing satisfaction.
"I love you, Kaho."
"I love you, Clow."
Within the dream we fell further asleep together, and I missed the sad smile that touched upon his face.