Untouchable, Unattainable
By: Kitsuna Ri
Gods he's fuckin' beautiful; especially without that damn mask of his. His mahogany eye shines whenever he smiles and when he smiles; he's gorgeous. There's no way I can help but stare! Though the chances to see him without that mask are rare, he was just so self conscious about that scar. I don't see way, I find it sexy quite honestly.
"Tasuki-kun, no da...is something wrong?" His cheery voice breaks me from my thoughts. I blinked a few times and tried not blush. He obviously caught me staring.
"Er, nothin' is wrong Chiri!"
The only thing that's wrong is that you're not mine. But there's no way I could really say that out loud...
He tilts his head, giving me that look to let me know he really doesn't believe me, "Are you sure? You keep starring into space, no da."
No, I keep staring at you! How is it you're so wise but so damn oblivious Chichiri?
"Oh sorry 'bout that I've jus' been thinkin'.."
His expression softens and it takes a lot of control not to sigh at his beautiful features. He looks so concerned; and for me of all people!
"What's bothering you, no da?"
I'm in love with you, I want to make you mine but I'm afraid of rejection. That's what's wrong.
"Oh it's nothin' important, don't worry about it."
He stares at me for a few moments, not wanting to drop the subject but gives up anyway. Thank goodness, there is no way I couldn't tell him my feelings. He'll end up hating me or he'll be disgusted; and I can't deal being anywhere without him. He's the only one I have left with me anyway.
I sighed and kept walking behind him. We had been walking for so long; not that I didn't mind the view from walking behind him, but damn I can't wait until we reach the next town. As I gazed over the hill, I saw a small town only a little bit further away.
"Finally! I hope they have a lot of sake here!" I gave him a grin and he shook his head, sighing softly.
"Tasuki, no da, please don't get drunk tonight!"
"Why not?" I pouted slightly; he knew I liked my sake.
"Because! We have to get up early tomorrow morning and you're hard to wake up when you get drunk the night before, no da!"
"Awww come on Chichiri!"
"You can only drink a little bit tonight, no da!"
"Alright...fine. C'mon lets go! I see th' tavern!"
I grabbed Chichiri's arm and dragged him to the tavern. He protested but followed behind without a real fight.
"Daaa!! Tasuki-kun, slow down!"
I kept walking and pulled him into the small tavern, quickly ordering myself a bottle of sake and a drink for Chichiri. He never drank the alcohol with me but I still always got him a cup, in hopes maybe one day he'd share it with me.
We stayed there fore about two hours and I surprisingly managed to keep my promise and stay somewhat sober. But I think that was because we talked the entire time. I loved hearing all of his stories from the times he would wander before becoming a Seishi and he in turn would listen to all my ramblings about being back on Mt. Reikaku.
When fatigue finally hit us both, we made our way to the small inn to get a room. I don't know if it was fortune or not but we were only able to get one room with one bed. Normally I'm fine with sharing a bed but I don't know if I could really control myself with Chichiri sleeping next to me; the temptation would be too much for a bandit like me, and so we went back and forth trying to offer the bed to each other.
I won in the end and began to set my sleeping area up on the floor. I watched him change out of the corner of my eye. A soft sigh escaped my lips but I didn't care if he heard or not; he was just so beautiful. I forced myself to look away finally, not wanting to do something I'd regret and settled into my makeshift bed.
"Good night Tasuki-kun, no da."
"Night Chiri, no waking me up before dawn got it?"
He chuckled lightly, "I make no promises, no da."
"Oy, Chiri yer gonna kill me with this early morning crap!" I grinned slightly and turned onto my side, pretending to go to sleep.
I laid there for about thirty minutes before I got up and quietly made my way to the bedside. Chichiri was out, but I had a feeling he could probably sense my chi; so I'd make this quick.
Leaning down, I placed a quick kiss on his forehead, resisting the urge to move to his lips.
"If only I could tell you," I whispered the words softly as I brushed his blue bangs from his face. I lingered for a bit longer, my hand resting on his cheek, but then I pulled away and turned to go back to bed.
"Kouran..." came his soft voice; if only it had been softer so I wouldn't have heard.
I laid my head down, my chest stinging from the heartbreak that I honestly should have expected. Of course he'd still be in love with his fiancée; I was foolish to think I'd be anything like that to him. Regardless of my feelings, he'll never be mine, no matter how hard I try or pray to Suzaku; he was unattainable.
Owari