'It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities. '
-Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, UK Edition, p 245
Our Choices
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter; JK Rowling and Warner Bros have that happy task. I own essentially nothing. I certainly don't make profit off this.
A Note: This story explores what would happen if Lily and James Potter had not died on 31 October 1981. I suppose it should be considered an 'Alternate Universe,' or 'What if?' fan fiction. It will deviate drastically from Harry Potter canon, but the characters and most situations will remain the same. It is rated 'PG-13' for language, alcohol, minor drug references, perhaps mild sexuality and violence. Not to mention werewolves, which can be a rating unto themselves.
Chapter I: Prologue- The Choice
23 October 1981, 11.30 am
Sirius Black paced up and down the sitting room of his new flat. He had only moved out of his best friends' house a few days prior, being very nearly twenty-one and having run away from home at age sixteen. He interrupted his rather distressed thoughts to unceremoniously shove a few trinkets onto a high shelf. Lily Potter, his best mate's wife, had insisted on sending various small porcelain and glass miniatures to help him 'decorate.' Sirius rather thought that she simply hadn't wanted them either. He stepped back to admire his 'handiwork' and snorted in disgust at a ruddy-faced cherub; he covered its fat face with a packing tissue.
Snapping his head back in remembrance of something very unpleasant, Sirius was brought back to the reason for his distress. He flopped himself down miserably onto the decrepit couch that had come along with the flat and sighed miserably. He stared angrily at the ceiling for a few moments, clearly lost in thought.
'But why has he chosen me!' Sirius hissed rather loudly to the empty room. 'Doesn't the prat know that they'll come looking for me first?!'
Sirius replayed the conversation he had had with James and Lily Potter the night before over again in his head:
~22 October 1981, 9 o'clock~'Sirius, I need to talk to you,' James Potter said quietly after dinner, his usually bright features covered by an uncharacteristically grave expression.
'Not now, you git. I'm playing with ickle Harry,' Sirius dismissed, cradling his small godson, Harry, in the crook of his arms. The boy was gurgling something that sounded peculiarly like 'Pa'foo!'
'I'm serious,' James said adamantly reaching out to take the baby from Sirius' embrace.
'No, I'm Sirius,' Sirius replied quietly, using the old joke as he always had. Seeing that James' arms were still outreached for his son, he added, 'S'alright, James, I'll take him up.'
Sirius softly carried Harry up the stairs to his waiting mother, settling him in his crib with a gentleness that often surprised his friends.
'Pa'foo's got to go see to your father, young Harry. Mind you behave yourself for your mother,' Sirius murmured as he rumpled the child's hair, smiling benignly to himself as Harry gave a miniscule yawn, his bright green eyes dimming as his eyelids began to droop.
With a final glance, Sirius had exited the room softly, Lily close on his heels. It always meant trouble if Harry Potter was awakened.
'Good, Lily, I'm glad you're here, too,' James said, looking up from his seat by the fire. He had sunk wearily into a winged armchair, waiting for Sirius to return.
'So, what's this about, eh? Any more babies you want me to godfather?' Sirius asked carelessly, leaning back into the Potters' couch.
'Sirius, we've decided who we want as Secret Keeper,' James explained, looking even graver than he had all night. Sirius' heart plummeted down onto his flip-flopping stomach. They couldn't possibly want him…
'Good! Well, I don't see why you're telling me. The Secret Keeper ought to remain a secret, right?' Sirius laughed nervously, hoping that what he feared wasn't coming true.
'No, Sirius,' Lily said kindly, lightly resting her delicate hand on his forearm, 'James and I want you to do it.'
'But, no-' Sirius spluttered, '-Dumbledore! Not me! Are both of you so thickheaded you won't listen to Dumbledore!? The Death Eaters know how close we are! Voldemort knows how close we are! If you let me do it, we'll all be dead the second the Charm is finished!'
'Sirius, I won't have anyone else protecting our family. You're the only one I trust with our lives,' James sighed, apparently having anticipated Sirius' reaction.
'You don't trust Dumbledore with your lives, then? After all he's done, after all he's accomplished for the Order?' Sirius asked rhetorically.
'That's just it, Sirius. We don't want to burden Dumbledore with something else. The poor dear's got enough on his plate just now,' Lily said impatiently, 'why can't you just do this for us?'
'Oh, so you're just going to burden me with it, is that it!?' Sirius raised his voice, immediately wishing he had not.
'No, Sir, that's not what she meant, it's just-' James began, but Sirius cut him off.
'Just what?'
'If you can't handle it, then we'll get someone else to do it.' James replied hotly.
'What? Do you think I'm bloody scared?' Sirius asked incredulously, raising his eyebrows in uncontained indignation, 'I would die for you, James.'
'Well, you're not acting much like it, are you?' James mocked angrily, but Sirius had had enough: he grabbed James by his collar and shook him roughly. Lily looked on a bit worriedly.
'Don't you fuck with me, James! You know what my life's been like. You, Harry and Remus and Lily are the only real family I've got, and you know I'd do anything for you,' he let off his grip on James and pushed him back into his chair by the fire, 'I just don't want any of you to get hurt because of me…' he trailed off with an almost pleading tone.
'It's OK, Sirius. You don't have to if you don't want to. James and I would just like you to think about it, that's all,' Lily said softly, facing him and resting her hands lightly on his shoulders in a reassuring sort of way.
'Yeah. Ok,' Sirius said testily, brushing Lily away as he turned towards the exit.
'Sirius, we didn't mean-' Lily started.
'Yes, we did,' James intervened, 'he's just a ugly git coward.'
Sirius said nothing, but brusquely jerked his jacket from the coat closet and shoved his arms into it.
'Sirius, please don't leave like this. It's not good to go to sleep angry,'Lily reasoned. Sirius gave a very rude hand gesture as he picked up his motorbike helmet and headed towards the door.
'At least take this with you,' Lily enticed, holding up a rather large cardboard box.
'What is it?' Sirius asked, puzzled. He forgot his irate state for a moment as he stared quizzically at the package; it seemed to be held together with a large quantity of duct tape.
'Decorations for you new flat of course! I won't have you living all alone in some drab grey place with no manner of hominess at all!' Lily said, dropping the box, which clinked internally, into his hands.
'Lily, you really don't need to do this. I really am quite fine-' Sirius assured, wondering what manner of 'decoration' could possibly be chinking around in the tattered package.
'No, no. I insist,' she said, the grin on her face a little too wide and the tone in her voice a bit too determined.
'Fine. I'll be in touch tomorrow,' he said, reaching for the doorknob.
'Think about what we've talked about,' James admonished sternly.
'I will,' Sirius answered truthfully, bracing himself for the chill of the night air. He strode quickly from the Potters' home to his motorbike and revved it up. As much as he loved flying it, occasionally he felt freer riding it the muggle way. He let his problems go as he raced off into the mist of the cool fall night.
~Friday, 23 October 1981, Noon~
Sirius supposed he ought to get up off the couch and forage for something to eat, but he couldn't bring himself to roll his body off it. He stared blearily around at all the empty beer bottles that were carelessly flung about on the coffee table and floor. It had been a rough night. He didn't know anymore what was right and what was wrong. All he could consider was Harry, and what he would do to himself if anything ever happened to that kid.
Why James thought that he would be a good Secret Keeper, Sirius couldn't discern. He had always been the very worst at lying unless it was important, and the Death Eaters were certain to come after him first. He was the obvious choice, which clearly made it the wrong choice to make. Sirius was sure that this had something to do with Dumbledore. That man always had his own agenda, and usually didn't see fit to inform anyone else. He supposed that Dumbledore knew what he was doing, but he often questioned whether they should place all their strength and knowledge into one man. An old man at that. He had heard that Dumbledore was some kind of powerhouse in his day, but Sirius had yet to see a demonstration of this. Yes, overall what bothered Sirius the most was the way James was willing to risk his, Lily's and Harry's lives on the advice of a man that had yet to reveal his grand scheme.
It was obvious that Dumbledore had advised the Potters to choose Sirius as Secret Keeper, but he still couldn't see how that could benefit anyone. He couldn't believe that a man who was supposed to know everything could believe such bullshit. Sirius had told James the truth the previous night- he would die for them- but then there were ways of extracting information without consent. Even as a junior Auror, Sirius wasn't sure he was up to fighting an Imperius Curse from the Dark Lord himself.
If Dumbledore was right, Sirius would never say another word against him, but if Lily and James-or Harry- were to be harmed because of a mistake…
There was only one thing for it- he would have to talk to Dumbledore. He would have to do it now- the threat of Voldemort was very real, and growing greater by the moment. Sirius banished his empty beer bottles to the rubbish bin, pulled out his wand, and with a great CRACK, he had vanished from the drawing room and reappeared in Hogsmeade a split second later.
~Friday, 23 October 1981, 6.23 pm~
'I'll do it, James, just get Dumbledore here before I change my mind,' Sirius said quickly, a note of urgency in his voice as he arrived outside the Potters' door.
'You'll- You'll do it? Just like that? Why-' James asked excitedly, checking the street for eavesdroppers before beckoning Sirius in.
'Let's not talk about it just now. I've talked to Dumbledore, and we've agreed on what to do. Let's just get this over with.' Sirius said wearily- he was still a bit hung-over from his night of comfort drinking, and he had had a rather exhausting talk with Dumbledore for a long time that afternoon.
'Ok, but why do we need Dumbledore? I thought only you, Lily, and I had to be present for the Fidelius Charm,' James said as he led Sirius into the drawing room, where Lily was gently nursing Harry.
'You'll see.'
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
END OF CHAPTER ONE
Author's Notes:
Hullo all. It has come to my attention that this story is wrought with errors of the grammatical sort. Honestly, 'pored' instead of 'poured'? I must have been on crack. So I am revising it and will continue the story soon, with a bit of help. Thanks to all who reviewed, and I will post the new chapter as soon as it had been polished and edited. This story is going to take a slightly different route than I had originally planned, and that's why it has been so long since the last update- but I think it will be well worth the wait.
As always, review.