Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

~ Part IX ~

The Music and the Mirror

Heero felt like he wanted to just break down and cry right then and there. Reading over Duo's amassed thoughts had brought him back to the reality of that night when he had let his myriad of emotions for the braided pilot snap. All these years he had been jumping between extremes, one moment yearning madly for his lost lover and friend, others trying to forget, to pretend like it had never happened, even though it had been a very important element in bringing them closer together. It was just a detail that he would have loved to forget. Duo's body had still carried marks of that beating even long after he had healed from it.

"Scars, I guess," he murmured, yanking the headphones out of his ears and throwing them unceremoniously back onto the bed. "Scars that won't ever go away, to remind both of us how much we fought to be together." He let out a small nasal chuckle, "And after all that fighting, I'm the asshole who threw it all away. I'm such a mess." He turned his arms over to examine the self-inflicted disfigurement that garnished his slender arms. Tugging at his collar and staring down his shirt, he could see a few other slash marks he had decorated his chest with in those same fits of rage. There were almost as many wounds that he had wreaked upon himself than those won during battles past. The only beautiful thing he seemed to find on his entire person was the golden cross dangling around his neck, glistening upon his chest, pulsating with a life and rhythm of its own.

He looked back down at the neat stack of notebook paper at his feet and sifted through it again. Quietly, he gathered the photographs and drawings and set them down on top of the notebook pages, stared at them forlornly for a brief moment and then moved them with the sketchbook to an empty spot beside the vase of lilacs. With a heavy sigh, he sat down on the edge of the bed, slapping his thighs idly as he mulled over what he should do next. The weight of what he had just read was still sinking in. At last he voted to take a walk around the school to clear his mind. Sitting there in his room, smoking his life away was not going to earn him anything.

So soon he found himself wandering aimlessly through the empty halls of the school. It was evening already, the sun hanging somewhat low in the sky just outside. Most everyone could be heard clamoring quietly in the dining hall as he meandered past, not even pausing for a moment to consider joining the rest. I'm a loner at heart, he sighed again, much as I detest admitting it, but I guess that's the first step: admitting it. Anyway, I'm alone now. My letting Duo go just proves that even more I guess. Hmm, maybe I can get Sora to hit me a couple more times now that I've finally realized what a complete bastard I really am.

A low purring noise pulled him from his inner musings. Looking up from his feet, he found himself staring at a meowing dark chocolate brown cat sitting in the middle of the hallway, its furry tail bouncing back and forth across the floor as if it had a life of its own. Heero pulled his hands out of his pockets and approached the cat, reaching out to pet the thing. The cat stretched up to his fingers, letting the melancholy Japanese boy scratch between its ears. "Huh, never seen a cat around here before," Heero was saying quietly to the animal, a forlornly contented smile tugging at his lips. "That's weird. What are you doing here, neko-chan?"

The cat let out a low purr in response and darted out of Heero's reach, racing down the hall, pausing briefly as if to beckon Heero to follow before taking off again. Heero stood up, staring after the cat, like he was thinking on whether or not to follow. With a shrug, he made a quick choice to follow the cat for lack of anything else to do. At least it will take my mind off everything, he reasoned to himself as he wandered onwards, just catching sight of the cat as it darted down a flight of stairs that led to the theatre lobby. He walked after the brown streak as slid through the halfway open theatre door. "Oi, neko, where are you going?" he called after the feline, following it down the aisle towards the stage.

He watched the cat scamper off into the darkness of the backstage wings and was about to clamber after it when he noticed someone standing upstage of him, singing a song from some old Broadway musical quietly as she danced across the floor with an old black top hat. The sound of tap shoes clicking against the floor with each step met Heero's ears as he watched, completely mesmerized by the dancer's graceful movements. He had never really seen anyone dance like that before.

"One singular sensation,
Every little step he takes.
One thrilling combination,
Every move he makes!
One smile and suddenly
Nobody else will do!
You know you'll never be lonely with you-know-who!

"One moment in his presence,
And you can forget the rest,
For the guy is second best to none!

"Ooh, sigh! Give him your attention!
Do I really have to mention?
He's the One!"

Soon, she looked up and noticed Heero standing on stage apron. With a wide smile, she bounced over to Heero and said happily, "Oh, good evening to you Sir! What brings you to the theatre?" She dipped low in an exaggerated bow.

"A cat," Heero's eyes tried to find the cat in the inky dark offstage. Hoshi arched her brows quizzically, waiting for Heero to elaborate on his strange remark. He said nothing more on the matter and went on to ask; "So what are you doing here? I didn't know you could dance so well."

"Neither did I," she laughed. "You're the first person who's told me I was any good."

"So," Heero heaved out a long sigh, letting his eyes wander around the stage and out over the empty theatre. He had never really been in a theatre before, certainly never stood on stage before. It was a world that was completely unfamiliar to him, even though he knew it was world that Duo had frequented to often. "So why did you start to dance?"

"Why does anyone start to dance?" she asked with a shrug. "You dance because you love it; because you want to dance. It's a way for me to lose myself. I don't have to think about anything when I dance. Nothing else matters."

"Oh." Heero crossed his arms and rocked back and forth on his toes, his eyes now roving the stage lights that hung up overhead. A brief pause fell between his words before he spoke again. "How did you start to dance then? It didn't just happen, did it?"

She laughed, "Do you want the stage version of the story or the real thing?"

"The truth."

"Oh good," she said, sitting down on the edge of the stage as she started to pull of her shoes. "Well, it really didn't start too long ago. It was, what, a year or two ago when I had been wandering around New York City on a job and I found myself on Broadway. Y'see, I'd always liked theatre and all that stuff, but I'd never actually been down on Broadway. It was then, standing there underneath those marquees and twinkling lights that I caught the bug. I mean, I had never really thought about it before, but that whole atmosphere just made me wonder what it would like to be a—oh I don't know—a Broadway baby, even if it was just for a little while. Every night I was in the city for that job, I tried to go to see a show. And one night, I had gone to see a production of 'A Chorus Line,' and that's what really nailed me. I mean, if it had been bad before, it was after that show that I knew I just had to dance. At first I would just watch the girls dance and taught myself until I got enough money to enroll in a class. Fell in love with it right away, and I haven't stopped since. You could just add it to my list of hobbies."

"So did you do it?" he asked, looking up at her. He could have sworn that if she had been in one of Duo's comic books or something, she would have been glittering with pride at her story.

"Do what?"

"Become a… a Broadway baby."

"Aw no," she waved her hand at him as she tugged off her other shoe and set the pair of them down with a gentle metallic click. "It's just a hobby, nothing serious. I don't have the time to be an actor. I mean, I wish I did, but you know, I bet a lot of people wish they had time for a lot of things."

"Do I ever know it," Heero murmured.

"Of course you do!" she said with a sly grin as she stood up and walked offstage. Soon she returned with a black dance bag which she dropped the shoes into and zipped up before plopping back down beside Heero in her stocking feet. "I bet right now you're wishing you had made more time to read more plays or gone to see a musical or two."

"Why's that?"

"Well Duo was a theatre junkie, wasn't he?" She was watching Heero intently, waiting for his reaction, unsure of just what it would be. Seeing his face set in a painfully impassive tone, she went on talking to chase away the silence, stroking her chin thoughtfully; "Come to think of it, he still is. He was quite a motley individual, don't you think? Didn't he force a few plays on you now and again?"

"Forced is a kind of harsh word, ne? He got me to read a few," Heero answered at last. "Ever since I told him that I liked 'Macbeth', he kept coming after me with all sorts of things to read"—He noticed a very strange look cross Hoshi's face—"God Hoshi, what is it?"

"You… you said it!" she hissed, her voice shaking a little.

"Said what?" Heero was truly confused at Hoshi's odd behaviour. The arching of his one eyebrow surely gave that much away.

"The Scottish play," she whispered. "You said it in here! God, that's bad luck!"

"The Scot—oh you mean Macbeth?" Heero asked, realizing what Hoshi meant.

"Argh! You did it again!" She shook him, a comical crazed look in her eye as she jumped off the stage and dragged him after her. Pulling him down the aisle, she opened one of the doors at the back of the theatre and pushed him out into the lobby. "Can't let you in here until you un-jinx the theatre."

"You can't possibly tell me you believe a superstition like that," Heero rolled his eyes. He recalled Duo saying something about many accidents that had happened whenever some theatre troupe was bold enough to try a production of Macbeth.

"I do, I do," Hoshi nodded. "It's better safe than sorry. Now do it!"

"What?"

"Like this," she explained to him, twirling her index finger around in a circle as he obeyed her directions. "Spin three times. Right, now spit, swear—"

"Mother fucker!"

"—Good, now knock and I'll let you back in," she leaned in the door, waiting for him to comply. With another one of her exaggerated Shakespearean bows, she held the door open for him as she said, "Ah, Mister Yuy, welcome to the theatre."

"Thank you," he said in an equally sarcastic tone as he swept past her melodramatically. He paused and turned around to face her again, giving a little chuckle.

"Oh Mister Yuy, you're missing your calling to the stage," Hoshi said in an overly exaggerated voice as she walked after him down the aisle. She dashed past him and ran back up to the stage, hauling herself up onto the apron. "Hey, come with me, Yuy. There's something you have to see!"

"What?" he wondered aloud as he followed her backstage. They passed a few doors, some dressing rooms, others simply lighting closets and storage space for large furniture props and scenery. At the end of the hall, they reached a spiral stair that reached up into the darkness above. "What's this?"

"Come and see for yourself," she said with a grin as she scampered up the steps.

He followed her and soon found himself climbing up into a large loft with a low slanted ceiling and a few large skylights that opened up to an amazing view of the smoldering sunset outside. But that was not what made the place so magical. The entire room was filled with costumes and props from shows past, some glittering and showy, others drab and old. Everything anyone could ever have wanted for a play could be found up there in that costume loft. It simply took Heero's breath away. "Sugoi," he breathed, settling down beside Hoshi in the plush down of a large alligator costume.

"Well, do you like it?" she asked, fingering an old marionette that hung from the ceiling beside her. "I found this place when I was wandering around school one weekend, trying to get acquainted with this old school. I decided I needed a place to hide out. And when I saw this spot, I knew I had found it. There are so many different places to go up here. You know, lots of ducts and crawlspaces and such. I bet you could worm around the attics of the entire school from here!"

"It's amazing," Heero was still entranced by the wonders around him. "I guess it's no wonder that Duo was such an artist dork."

"A dork?" Hoshi scoffed indignantly.

"Well I was the math dork," Heero gave his soft almost happy smile. "That's what he always used to say. He told me that I should read more, or try something new out for once… to 'think outside the box,' as he put it. I guess he just always thought my life was too predictable and that I needed to add dimension to it. Numbers were always well and good, he said, but they always are what they are. He wanted me to try and make something more out of myself."

"So he told you to read?" she asked.

Heero took to staring out one of the skylights, the sky now dark and star splattered. "He said it was a good start. He thought that I might find a new depth to life."

"Well," Hoshi leaned back on her elbows, crossing her ankles, "did it work?"

"I thought it did." Heero smiled again, though Hoshi could still see the sad connotation in his expression. "But then I realized, it wasn't the books that made me give life meaning, it was him. That's when I…."

Her face darkened somewhat, as if she were debated whether or not to say what she had in mind. It was strange to see one who was usually so fluent and quick with words thinking over the repercussions of whatever she had to say. It seemed, though, that she had at last come to a decision, and that she was ready to reap the consequences of her words. "…Was it when you… hurt him… that one time?"

"Yeah," Heero murmured. His eyes were tracking the flight of a blackbird wheeling around in the air outside as he spoke, making sure to avert Hoshi's eyes and to ignore her reflection in the window's glass. "It was… after he had come to my room because he wanted to talk. I don't know for sure what he intended to say, but I was rude to him and told him that my reading was more important than whatever it was. I guess I was so absorbed in how that book—'The Catcher in the Rye' that is—changed the way I thought about things. How I realized that I had lost my innocence too and that I wanted to protect that of others. I mean, I didn't want to see anyone lose their innocence too early, before they had to anyway. I didn't want anyone to have to be like Duo or me. He knew that's why I protected Relena, probably the most innocent person I've ever met in my entire life. She reminded me too much of a little girl who's life I totally decimated…. I never want to do that again….

"But it was after I got angry at him for trying to be my friend and I had gone back to reading after I'd abused him," Heero went on, his hands fidgeting madly in his lap. "When I started to read again, I found the book just didn't have the same feeling that it had before he had interrupted me. He just got up, salvaged as much of his clothing as he could and walked away, trying hard to look strong for me—he had a nasty habit of pretending like nothing was wrong even when he was on the verge of cracking—and I figured, right after he closed the door, that it was because the book made me think of him that I was so in love with it. That I was in love with him, and I had been too blind to see it." He glanced up to see Hoshi looking at him with an almost sympathetic expression. He turned away abruptly, holding a hand over his face as so to obscure it from her view. "D-Don't look at me; I'm crying."

"Heero," Hoshi tried to reach out to touch his hand, but he pulled away. They sat there in the odd silence, watching the stars melt over the heavens outside, glinting dully on the innumerable collection of costumes surrounding them, the quiet only tainted by Heero's occasional sucked in breathes and light sniffling. A faint mewling noise cut through the quiet, and Hoshi looked up to see that dark brown cat that had led Heero to the theatre creep out from behind an elaborate black ball gown. "Oh, hello Pocky," Hoshi said quietly, reaching out for the feline as it pawed over to the pair. It leapt into her lap and cuddled against her stomach, craving attention.

Heero looked up, staring at the cat. He asked, biting down his depression as best he could, "H-How'd you know that's the cat's name?"

She looked up at him, a mysterious glow in her eye as she stroked the cat's soft furry back. "It's Duo's cat."

"Duo's cat?" Heero exclaimed, rising up on his knees. "That's Duo's cat? My Duo?"

Hoshi laughed softly, dumping Pocky into Heero's lap. The cat leapt out of Heero's grasp and padded around him a couple times, as if sizing him up, before deciding at last that he would make a decent bed and crawled back onto Heero's knee. Heero tentatively reached down to scratch the feline between its two triangular ears, making it purr like a low motor.

"Well yeah," she smiled. "How many Duos do you know?" She laughed again; reaching out to fondle the contented ball of fuzz curled up on Heero's knee.

"Just one," Heero whispered. "Just one perfectly wonderful loud and crazy Duo Maxwell. And that's all the Duos I'll ever need."

"Why not? Couldn't deal with twins?" Hoshi taunted with a mocking grin.

Heero smiled at that and simply shook his head, wondering to himself what two Duos would be like. Damn sexy, that's what, he said to himself with a sly grin before mentally berating himself for daring to think such a lecherous thought. Then he found himself wondering if perhaps Duo had any brothers or sisters that he never knew, and if he did, whether or not they would be like him. Hell, maybe even he himself had siblings he had never met! It was a sad concept and it made Heero's heart contract tightly for a couple full seconds.

"Hoshi?" Heero's head suddenly shot up as a thought came to him. She looked at him with wide eyes that entreated him to continue. "Hoshi," he went on, "if this is Duo's cat, then Duo has to be somewhere close by, doesn't he?"

Hoshi gave a bouncy shake of her head that neither assented nor digressed the notion.

Practically dumping the cat onto the floor, Heero was suddenly on his hands and knees, nose inches away from Hoshi's as he asked her again. "Hoshi, is Duo somewhere nearby? He has to be. Can't you just even hint me as to where he is? Please?"

"I really 'ought not to say," she complained, trying hard to avert Heero's steady unwavering stare. But a quick glance back into those deep Prussian blue eyes that were drowned and frozen with emotion and sadness was all she needed to succumb to his wish. "Oh alright, just a little bit… for a friend."

This seemed to satisfy Heero enough for him to crawl back into his former position on his knees. Pocky climbed back onto his leg and resituated himself in a lax feline posture.

"You know Duo has been working undercover for Preventers? I think I mentioned to you he was on duty right now," she started. Seeing a nod from Heero, she went on. "Well, he's in town here, doing surveillance on an old Ozzie who was big on their research and development team. The Preventers are kind of paranoid about the head honcho OZ boys that survived the war. Afraid they might try to resurface the organization or something, you know?"

"I see," Heero mused, hoping to God that there was not a chance Duo could be hurt. It was not that he did not trust in Duo's abilities—far from it—but he simply had this feeling in his gut that warned him to be wary of something. Old habits die hard and he could not help but have that sinking feeling of worry churning around in his stomach. After another long pause of meditative silence in the basking orange glow of the setting sun, Heero began again, "Hoshi?"

"Hmm?" She looked back at him from the window. The sun was reflecting in her purplish eyes as she watched the stoic Japanese boy sitting opposite her.

"D-do you think…." He stammered, unsure of how to get the words out. Once again, silence befell them until Heero worked up his nerve. Staring out at the sun as if to absorb courage from its copper rays, he turned back to Hoshi and asked her his question, spitting the syllables out so quickly, it almost seemed like one long word. "When Duo is finished with this mission, can he come back to me? Is that possible, Hoshi?"

Hoshi smiled and reached out to take Heero's hand in her own. "I'll tell you a story, Heero. About a month ago, Duo had been out for lunch, sipping on a milkshake and working on filling out his resignation forms. He wanted to drop his position with Preventers, you see, because he was getting tired of living a life like a ghost. He felt too much like the dark Shinigami that he used to become during the war when his blood was pounding in his ears with rage. Preventers reminded him too much of fighting and war times. He always said that those were the saddest and happiest times of his entire life. Working with Preventers was like being a soldier without the only thing that helped him bear it all: you. So he was ready to leave it all behind and start a new life. He felt he had wasted years away with Preventers, years which he should have spent looking for you.

"Anyway, he was close to being finished with the paperwork—all that was needed was his signature at the bottom of the page and Lady Une's stamp of approval—when your old friend Wufei happened by the sidewalk café Duo was at. Wufei does all of Une's recruiting work. Duo introduced me to him once—he seems like an honorable sort. Well, let's just say the second he saw Duo sitting there, he knew he had found exactly the person needed to lead this next assignment. He pulled Duo away from his vanilla shake and his papers, asking him if he would take the job. He briefed him quickly, told him he had a team and everything ready for him. Hell, the poor man was practically on his hands and knees begging when Duo flat out refused. 'I have to start a new life looking for Heero,' Duo said to him, reaching for the resignation papers and flashing them in Wufei's face. 'I can't live like a soldier anymore. It's time I started living like a man.'

"Wufei could only smile sadly at Duo when he heard this. Prying the papers out of Duo's hands, he said, 'That's why it has to be you for this mission, Duo. It has to be you. And I promise, if you do this last job for me, I'll let you come back here to sign your name to these forms and I'll personally be the one to release you from service.'"

Hoshi smiled wistfully as she brought her story to a close. Heero was lost in his thoughts, silent for a moment until he felt a stirring inside to continue the interrogation.

"Needless to say, Duo was more than willing to accept Wufei's offer," Hoshi explained, "but you have to remember, Duo is still employed by Lady Une and is still one of her top undercover agents. So until this mission is completed and his target is on trial and behind bars, he's got to keep himself under wraps. You, as a soldier, must understand this."

"I do," Heero nodded quietly. "I respect that. I hope he knows that when he has finished, I will be here waiting for him. I have nowhere to go without him."

"I shall tell him," Hoshi smiled warmly at him. "As your official little messenger girl, Duo will know that his prince is waiting for him in the costume loft at the top of the spiral stairs."

"You make it sound like a storybook," Heero cupped his chin in his hand as he muttered. "My life is far from a storybook. I somehow doubt it will have a storybook ending. You know, I really don't want it to. I never had a need for fluffy idealistic fairytales."

"I think, in a sense, you're wrong, Heero Yuy," Hoshi's grin widened. "You may be the perfect soldier. You may have top grades and super-human skills, but your creativity sucks, sorry to say. You have to dare to imagine that things will work out well. Nothing that ever happened in all history ever happened without someone dreaming it first. Dream your story will end with Duo and it shall. Think of it like a play to which there is no script or set story, no theatre and no audience."

"That's what life is, isn't it?"

"Well yeah," Hoshi tapped her fingers against her lips. "Theatre is essentially life—without all the boring parts." Then she quickly added, "But I don't think you have to worry about that. Your life has more excitement and drama than any play ever could have, and that's a fact!"

Uh, sorry for the seeming randomness of this chapter, but just you wait! You'll see where I'm going with this, hehe. The song "One" is actually from A Chorus Line, a great classic showtune if I ever heard one, hehe. I can just see Hoshi dancing it just like it is in the show! :)

Hey guess what dudes! This Sunday is the 15th of June, when the winners of the Oishii fanfic contest will be announced! Somehow, my last big story, Little Tin Flower, managed to get nominated for best overall fic! Didn't know that it was gonna go that far! Even though the nomination is really what counts, cross your fingers dudes! O__o