Coming Through the Rye

by Link Worshiper

A lonely and depressed Heero has found his way back to school, unsure of what point life has for him anymore now that Duo has vanished into thin air. But then an odd Preventers agent who knows way more than she should about Duo crashes into his life. 1x2

12. If a Body Catch a Body

Coming Through the Rye

By Shannon the Twisted Link Worshiper

~ Part XII ~

If A Body Catch a Body

Heero lay curled up in the middle of a basketball court just outside the school's gymnasium. The moon, a large silver token pinned to the inky blue sky, shimmered overhead, its light entrancing him as he tried to retreat inside himself. He had not been able to sleep that night, too busy thinking about his encounter with Wufei earlier that day and had taken to wandering aimlessly around the school. Though everyone was supposed to be in their dorms by ten o'clock every weekday, Heero had never complied to the rule and could often be found meandering across the school's campus when sleep failed to visit him and he was too dazed to concentrate on a book. Somehow he had drifted outside to that basketball court, unable to walk any further. He had collapsed upon the cold asphalt ground wearily, staring up at the wild sky above as he tried to sing himself to sleep, the way he used to for Duo when they were up late at night, tracing the cracks of their ceiling with tired eyes. Though it was hard to bring himself to sing the same song Duo had loved to hear those times, but the sound of his own voice seemed oddly comforting. Perhaps it was the thought that it had comforted Duo once.

"Sayonara higashi no sora he,
Tabidatsu tori yo.
Sekai wa itsumo omae wo
Matteita hazu…."

He sorely wished that things could have been different. That he could have had the sense to know that straying from Duo would be the biggest mistake of his life. He wondered if things would have been perfect for him now instead of this misery and loneliness. "I feel like a prisoner in a kaleidoscope," he whispered to himself, watching the heavens swirl above him, "like I keep falling and falling through a world that confused and full of illusions and lies, never knowing anything else but those dizzying colours. There's no reality, only blind colour. I'm lost in the illusion."

The sky still stretched endlessly above him. He had told Duo once that he reminded him of the sea. In turn, Duo had likened Heero to the sky, a vast world of countless depths and emotions, always too elusive and mysterious to be understood by man. Heero had not seen beyond the sky back then. The sky had once merely been his escape, a place far from the Earth where he could wander and be free. Wing gave him flight, and flight let him be free.

His fingers gently smoothed his tears into his skin as he tried to continue his quiet song, voice warbling over the words that reminded him too much of his own life. His hate had melted into sorrow, and now there was nothing left but an empty shell of a soldier, too choked with sadness and longing to recognize what he still had.

"Flying away….
Kaze ni dakarete
Todeyukitai.
Flying away….
Kimi no tame nara
Jiyuu ni nareru.
Flying…."

Closing his eyes, he tried to imagine Duo's face. He was vivid and lively, even in his memories, his hair highlighted with the pastel indigo light of the moon, eyes still twinkling and bright, just as Heero had always remembered. He wished he could loose his fingers in that luxurious mane of shining chestnut, caress that pale round cheek with his thumb like he would when he was feeling sad or alone. He wanted to be kissed and loved again, in the beautiful unique way that only Duo knew. No one else had ever made Heero feel as safe and warm about himself as Duo had. Duo had loved Heero for who he was, and never asked anything more of Heero than to be with him always. He never wanted to see Heero change, never tried to force his opinions upon him or mold him into the person he thought Heero ought to have been. For Duo, Heero had always been just plain old Heero, nothing less, nothing more, and that was all that either of them had ever needed.

"Even in the largest crowd, I'm still alone," he sighed forlornly, thinking back to one of the many books Duo had forced upon him. "But you," he breathed softly, his fingers sliding down his graceful neck and across his narrow shoulders, "you were always alive. You were so ordinary; the dangerous beautiful sort of ordinary that you can't turn away from. You knew the world and the world knew you. You had lived there. And I…. Well, I've been living in a nightmare all my life, and somehow, I found you in a peaceful dream, only to plunge back into that dismal hallucination the moment I left you. It was not real; simply a stolen season."

"I want you again," he panted against the ground, rolling somewhat on his stomach, his arm shielding him from the asphalt court. Eyes gently sliding closed, he could feel his wandering hand exploring himself longingly, pretending for a moment that it was the touch of his missing lover. His reverie became more vibrant as his hand began to move faster, breath coming in short spurts, turning completely onto his stomach. At long last, he slowly drew his hand from his burning flesh, letting it trace up his thigh before dragging it back over his tussled shirt. He let it fall limply to the ground a few inches before him, the sight of it blurring slightly as he tried to focus on the soiled hand now lying splayed out before him. "When can I return to that dream? I want to be able to dream again. I've forgotten how without you, Duo."

He slowly forced himself to his feet, still gazing longingly at his hand as he paced aimlessly in circles. He paused beneath one of the basketball hoops, raising his eyes to stare up through the netted rim at the sky once again. "How could you say that I am like the sky? I am not beautiful enough to be the sky. Heh, heaven…. Heaven is all I have and yet I don't believe in it." He paused and amended, "Or is it hell?" He sighed and shook his head again, completely unsure what he should think or feel anymore. How could Duo complain that everyone he came near was cursed? Having Duo in his life had been the most alive Heero had felt in all his life. Heero decided that he was the cursed one; just look at what had happend to poor D.B.

"Duo," he whispered as he reached upwards with one hand as if he were trying to to touch the stars. "Oh and it feels… it feels like heaven is so far away. And it feels like... the world is so cold... now that you're gone. I can't deal; it's so unfair!" He hung his head dejectedly as he tried to find that serene place of nirvana inside of him that was nowhere to be found. "The first time I came to Earth, I fell from the stars, fell from heaven. I'm more like a fallen angel… a devil from heaven. A devil from heaven who found his missing half in an angel from hell."

Only the stars gently swirling across the dark sky answered him, glittering down ambiguous secret answers that he could never hope to discern. Only the stars heard and saw his anguish; only the stars understood. "And Duo," he sighed, his voice even sadder than usual. "Duo understood. He knew the way I'm wired better than I know it myself. He probably was the only one who ever did."

His words paused again, eyes still tracing the round hoop overhead. "Because you were coming from the same background. Behind your own mask, you were the same as me. You only had to look at yourself to know my true face." He dropped his gaze hack down to his hand, the coat of creamy white fluid drying upon his callused palm. "You were a part of me and I you."

Looking past the caged cell of the basketball court, he noticed something odd. The basketball court led right up to the gymnasium's side doors; Heero noticed that there seemed the hall lights were on, like someone was inside. "That's odd," he murmured, kissing his fingertips gently as he started to walk over. Light spilled out onto the court as he pulled the door open and slipped inside. Blinded for a second by the fierce lights, his eyes roved the hall for a light switch and quickly flicked it off with his clean hand, plunging the hall into darkness. "Someone must have just forgotten to turn them off at the end of the day," he figured, glancing back down at his fingers and wrinkling his nose. "Might as well wash this mess off while I'm here."

He trudged down the empty hall, past trophy cases and walls hung with banners declaring school victories of years past. His night vision was excellent and it did not take long for his eyes to readjust to the blackened hall. He stopped by a water fountain a bit further down the hall and ran his hand under the cool fount, cleaning it, watching his essence eddy down the silver drain in a spiraling flourish.

The sound of a fan whirring about in the far off distance fell upon his ears, mingled with the quiet hum of the water fountain's cooling system. The mellow humdrum was interrupted by the sudden slamming of a door around the corner caught his attention. Heero snapped up, hastily drying his hand on the thigh of his jeans. He could feel himself switching into soldier mode, the old cogs beginning to turn again and restart old systems long shut down.

He slithered down the hall and found himself facing the doors to the boys' locker rooms at its end. He noted that there was a stream of light pouring out from beneath the door, melting over his shoes and the floor upon which he stood. Pressing his ear against the door, he listened for any traces of the person inside. Sure enough, he heard it: the faint tap, tap, tapping of someone walking about. From the sound of the footfalls, it seemed that the person was making his way towards the back of the locker room, to where the showers were located. Judging from the pace and the noise he was making, it seemed that the person was in no rush to get out of there, but still was making sure to be as hushed and secreted as possible, like a ghost returning to an old haunt. There was almost a certain air of routine to the footsteps as they shuffled about. The footsteps became muffled, and Heero decided that he must of taken off whatever footwear he had on about then. After that, the sounds ceased, and he lost track of the person's whereabouts inside. "So the hall lights weren't left on by mistake. Someone is here."

He turned the handle quietly, unsure where the person was now. His mind was screaming at him that it was a trap of some kind; that the person was lurking in some dark corner, ready to spring. Quickly darting inside, he found himself standing in the fully illuminated locker room, the benches and rows of lockers quiet and innocent as ever. Pressing himself up against the wall, he slid around, making sure to strife as so he could avoid any surprise attacks. But all his cautions proved to be in vain; there seemed to be nothing to protect himself from. The room was empty and devoid of life. "That leaves only the showers," he murmured to himself, toeing off his shoes to silent his footsteps. He set them gently beside a nearby bench, next to a pair of black lace-up boots. He glance up briefly, noting the dark green unzipped Preventers duffel bag, sprouting black and red clothes sitting atop it. "Preventers?" he whispered through pursed lips, his intrigue soaring. "Who is it that could possibly be here? It couldn't be…."

His thoughts were cut short by the hiss of a shower being turned on in the adjourning room. His senses went keen once again and his guard was up. He was about to sneak into the shower room, silently thanking Duo for rubbing off some of his stealthy agility, when a beautiful male voice filled his ears, drowning out the pelting sound of the water.

"Make up your mind.
Decide to walk with me,
Around the lake tonight;
Around the lake tonight,
By my side.

"I'm not gonna lie;
I'll not be a gentleman.
Behind the boathouse,
I'll show you my dark secret."

Heero cracked the door slightly, peering into the seemingly empty shower room. The only hint that anyone was there was the flickering lights above and the sound of the running shower above the singing. The room was set up so that the door opened up unto a small dressing area, scattered with a few benches here and there. The small alcove walked into a large communal shower with white tiled floors and multiple showerheads surrounding a central bench. From Heero's vantage-point, he could not see anyone inside the showers. He tentatively stepped forward, his toes curling slightly as he set foot in a cold puddle of water on the floor. He bit his lip as to silence his hiss of surprise at the shock, recoiling his sodden sock-clad toes from the icy smear of water.

Standing just outside the showers, he plucked up his courage and prepared to confront the singer just around the corner. Readying himself, he peered around the wall to survey the intruder, and then his breath fell away. He whipped back around the corner and pressed himself back up against the wall, catching his missing breath, suddenly feeling ridiculously dizzy as he tried to recap the brief glimpse he had caught of Duo, standing just around the corner in the cascade of water.

"I'm not gonna lie.
I want you for mine.
My blushing bride,
My lover, be my lover,
Yeah…."

The sound of wet footsteps slapping across the tile floor echoed mutely through his ears. Beneath his clutching fingers, he could feel his heart thudding dully against his chest. The world had just crashed down around him. All that existed was the fair devil swaying beneath the shower's downpour. Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately, depending on what angle one viewed the situation from), his head was so muddled, that he did not hear as those squelching footfalls drew nearer to where he stood until a spindly hand, decorated with pearls of water droplets, reached around the corner and fell gingerly upon his chest, soaking his thin cotton shirt. Then the fingers clamped around a fistful of fabric and dragged Heero by the shirt into the showers.

"Don't be afraid.
I didn't mean to scare you,
So help me Jesus!"

Suddenly Heero was facing a soaking Duo who was holding him steadily by the shirt with one hand, the other hand raised up above his head as if he were meaning to strike. A look of realization and relief surged through Duo's expression, his fist falling down to his side and soon Heero found himself wet and plastered against the moist lips of his lover. He felt like he was on a drug high, unable to really comprehend what was going on around him, he was so intoxicated. His mouth opened against Duo's inviting lips, kissing fervently, lusting after him like a starved man craves food. Barely aware of his feet as Duo guided him back over towards his still running shower, Heero's hands crept up the slender form of the naked and glistening demon, growling his name against his wet lips.

Pulling his mouth away, Duo fell against the wall behind him, panting furiously as he eyed Heero sensuously. With a slight curling of his index finger, he beckoned Heero closer, and unable to turn away, Heero stumbled through the shower's spray to collapse against Duo's body, hungry lips melding against Duo's once more. He was sure this was all some kind of erotic dream and he was sure to wake from it soon. But the all too real sound of Duo's lush voice singing in his ear as he kissed along his gently curved jaw and the feel of that burning flesh, drenched with a luster of chill water beneath his fingertips. His words lingered on Heero's flesh almost like Duo's touch and his sensual breath.

"I can promise you,
You'll stay as beautiful…
With dark hair…
And soft skin… forever….
Forever….

"Make up your mind.
Make up your mind,
And I'll promise you,
I will treat you well,
My sweet angel,
So help me Jesus!"

"Duo," Heero panted against Duo's shoulder, the low thunder of Duo's voice rumbling through his chest. Heero could feel it gently vibrating against his ear as he rested there. Duo gently kissed the top of Heero's head and pulled out of his arms, moving back underneath the shower's spray. Heero stepped back a little, running his fingers through his waterlogged mess of brown hair as he admired the sight of Duo running his hands over himself with a bar of soap and a washcloth. He noticed for the first time a cross with ornate tips flanked by a devil's wing and an angel's wing, tattooed to Duo's shoulder blade. "Is that new? I he asked, retracing his backward steps, "I like it." He came up behind Duo again and wrapped his arms around his wait, leaning his head on his back, content to just listen to the sound of Duo's voice purring inside his chest as he sang.

"Give it up to me.
Give it up to me.
Do you wanna be my angel?
So help me!"

Duo's hands fell atop Heero's, gently prying them off his hips. With all the grace of a cat, Duo turned himself around and replaced Heero's fingers, looking him deep in the eye as he did so. His lips were painted in an almost wistful fashion. Sadly content were the words that Heero's mind supplied for that expression. He wondered what it was that was making his love seem that way.

"Be my angel.
Be my angel.
Do you wanna die?

"I promise you,
I will treat you well,
My sweet angel,
So help me Jesus!

"Jesus,
Jesus,
Jesus."

"Duo," Heero said again, reaching up to let his fingers sweep across Duo's cheek and under his chin. "Duo, what are you doing here?"

A strained, but truly jovial smile crossed Duo's face as he answered with a laugh. "Oh exactly what it looks like. Taking a shower!"

"Now? Here?" Heero wondered aloud, furrowing his brow. "Duo, are you insane?"

"I've been called worse things Hee-chan… and by you no less!" His voice was still merry, and it seemed that he was growing more accustomed to the odd situation. Either that or he was fixing his jester mask better over his features. Heero sorely hoped it was the first explanation. Hypocritical as it might have sounded coming from him, the crown ruler of restrained emotions, he hated having such fences between them, which he admitted were as much his fault as Duo's. "But what am I supposed to do? Someone as good-looking as moi can't go around smelling like a mucky old sewer. And I can't take a shower in one of the dormitories. Even the communal bathrooms would be cutting it a little close. Someone might notice, you know? So this was the best I've been able to do. Heh, they don't call me Shinigami for nothing!"

"I still think you're a little crazy, kitten," Heero murmured, cuddling against Duo's shoulder again.

"Well considering the things I've done and the things I've seen, I'd have to be, I think," Duo answered thoughtfully, that same wit and charm that Heero loved so much filling his retort. "You're a little crazy too, Hee-chan."

"Do I ever know it," Heero whispered against Duo's sodden shoulder, more to himself than to Duo. "I think I've all out lost it."

"Not that you ever had 'it' to begin with," came the playful remark.

"Not that you did either," Heero rejoined with a grin, looking back up into his lover's eyes. That glisten in those dark violet eyes was all the reassurance he needed that Duo was truly standing in front of him with his arms around him. Apart from the tattoo, not much else had changed about Duo. He had grown a couple inches, and stood a bit taller than Heero, though not quite as tall as Hoshi. His body was still lanky and wiry, though Heero could feel the muscles under that pale flesh had grown harder and tougher with age. Draped over his shoulder was the cascade of unbound auburn hair that now fell past his waist and almost to the middle of his thigh. Though his face still looked like that of a naughty cherub, there was a new sort of maturity to it that was only faintly reminiscent of the fifteen-year-old soldier he had once been.

Then he began to notice them, those old scars. He knew every bruise and slash that had ever been laid upon his lover's flesh, whether they were violent enough to leave marks or not. He tried to avoid looking at the ones he knew were the result of his inability to appreciate Duo so many years ago. He wished his tears could heal those scars. Heaven knew that Duo's body would have been perfected tenfold if that were true. Forcing his eyes up Duo's torso, he noticed a series of marks that his memory did not recall. "Where did you get those?" he asked suspiciously, laying a tender hand upon the bruises and scrapes that ran all the way around the base of his neck and across his shoulders.

"Oh these?" Duo tried to sound nonchalant as he batted Heero's hand away. He quickly pulled away and half-turned his back. He did not want Heero to know that he had been so close to getting killed with that last little run-in with his quarry. "Not much. Just a little clumsy, you know? I was always a klutz."

"Look in my eyes and tell me that," Heero said seriously, knowing that Duo could be very graceful when he put his mind to it. A good thief could not afford to be bumbling. And Duo was definitely a good thief.

Duo turned around a little, his face a kind of schmere between sheepish and shamed. "It was an accident really."

"What kind of accident?" Heero narrowed his eyes, his efficient soldier half starting to take command. He was asking the questions and he wanted straight answers. "Bruises like that don't come from falling down a couple stairs, Duo."

"Well this one came from when I fell off the roof," Duo started, pointing to a long dark mark that ran up his arm and over the curve of his shoulder. Heero's jaw practically hit the floor and his eyes were wide with worry. Duo threw in a chuckle, wagging his hands in front of him as if to wave Heero's worry away. "Guess I wanted to see if the laws of gravity applied to the God of Death."

Heero cut him off, that overprotective instinct kicking in and chasing his initial fear and shock away. "You fell off the roof, Duo? How could you do something so careless?"

"Says you who tried to blow himself up in his own Gundam!" Duo snapped. He regained his former demeanor and went on. "I slipped. I wasn't used to walking up there yet." He saw Heero start to open his mouth, cutting him off with quick words before he even had a chance to begin. "Don't worry about it. I've gotten good at playing pussycat."

"You always were pretty good at that in the first place," Heero whispered slyly as he flashed him a devilish smirk before he went on with his questions. "And those?" he asked, pointed to the collar of bruises.

"Uh, mission fluke," Duo shrugged evasively. "Hey, what doesn't kill you only leaves an opening for payback, you know?"

"I want the whole story, koi," Heero stated flatly, crossing his arms. Duo had to swallow a laugh at the sight of the drenched stone-faced youth giving him a look that equated pretty much with that of a three-year-old who refused to go to bed at a certain hour unless he could be given extra dessert.

"Can't a guy be careless once in a while, Mister Perfect Soldier?" Duo exclaimed, suddenly getting defensive. He made a big production of turning off the shower and sinking down to the floor in a huff. "Oh, right, I forgot. Mister Perfect Soldier doesn't make mistakes. He knows just what's best for everyone… everyone but himself!"

Heero was taken completely aback. He bit his lip and sunk down to Duo's level, squeezing his knees close to his chest as he spoke. "That's not true. I made a lot of mistakes." His voice was strained and almost nonexistent. "And I have come to realize that I know nothing."

Duo's eyes were wide with amazement. He had never heard Heero admit he had done something wrong with such openness before. It touched him warmly, to say the least. "You… You never acted like you made mistakes."

"But I have," Heero breathed, falling on all fours and crawling closer to Duo, laying his hands on each of his shoulders as he stared him straight in the eye. "Even the most efficient machine can make mistakes."

"Stop talking like you're not human. You are far more human than you ever realized," Duo whispered, wrapping his arms around his love once again. "I know you better than that, angel."

"Then stop trying to elude me, Duo," Heero said sternly. "I thought your mission was supposed to be a simple in-and-out job. How did it get so… complicated… Duo…?" Heero shook his head and looked away, unable to look Duo in the eye. He was afraid that Duo would see him crying. "I… I don't want you to be hurt anymore. You don't need that. Just give it up and come home."

"I would never give up! …And neither would you!" Duo grabbed Heero roughly by the shoulders and gave him a shake. "Don't act like you're not hurting on the inside either, Heero Yuy! I'm not as stupid as people like to think. I know you're trying to cover up how empty you feel inside. I… I do it too." Heero raised his eyes slightly, midnight blue irises darting back to survey Duo's face. "It was an accident, Heero," Duo was saying softly. "Nothing I could have said or done would have saved D.B.'s life. Nothing you could have done would have saved him either."

"You… You know his name?" Heero whispered.

"I know a lot of things," Duo smiled warmly, enfolding Heero in his armsH. "You'd assume that after a few weeks of spying on you guys for a recon mission would reap a few facts here and there. Do you know that I was chosen specifically for this mission for the soul fact that you were at this school?"

"Aa. Hoshi told me," answered Heero. "She's been… a blessing in disguise. I think I would have been long dead if she hadn't shown up."

"Mm, Hoshi," Duo's face fell slightly at the mention of the name. "She's quite the character. Almost too good to be real sometimes, you know? You've grown pretty close to her over the past couple weeks, ne? And to think you were ready to strangle her the first time you met."

"I was ready to strangle you the first time we met and now look at us," said Heero, his forehead falling against Duo's shoulder. A pair of silver tears plopped upon Duo's creamy flesh, sending shivers though his body.

"Us, huh?" That saddened look crossed Duo's face again, a bit more prominent than it had been before. He lifted Heero's chin, the crystal tears rising in the Japanese boy's eyes ripping away at his heart. "It's been so long since it was just 'us,' Hee-chan. Do you think we could get 'us' back?"

"I would bet my soul on it," Heero said doggedly. "Or I'll go to hell."

"Mm, so would I," Duo replied, his saddened features becoming softer and more contented. "That is, if my soul is still mine to bet." He laughed raucously at this. "Ah, you gotta have some sympathy for the Devil."

"Duo," Heero looked up to meet Duo's eyes again and asked him the one question that had been plaguing his soul for years, "when are you coming home?"

"When I'm ready to have you again," was the slightly ambiguous reply. Even Heero could denote the despondent tone in his voice as he spoke. "When you're ready to have me."

"Duo I…"

"Angel," Duo exhaled softly into Heero's hair, watching as his breath toyed with the shaggy brown spikes of hair. Eyes sweeping quickly down Heero's thin frame, he noticed the outline of his old golden cross, molded beneath Heero's saturated shirt.

"I don't know how to make amends for anything I might have done to hurt you in the past," Heero sobbed, no longer caring to hide behind his cracked and charred porcelain mask. Duo was no longer holding the iron-willed perfect soldier in his arms. In his place was a lost and lonely little boy who had been abandoned on the streets without a name a long time ago. "I mean every word I say. When you walk away, you don't hear me crying out for you. I really wish I could prove I love you, but does that mean I have to walk on water for you Duo?"

"Maybe one day we'll understand that some things are that simple," Duo said wistfully, stroking Heero's hair gingerly. "Nothing's like before."

Heero simply buried himself in Duo's arms, unwilling to let himself see the very real possibility that they might have drifted apart. "Can you keep holding me?" Heero asked softly, burying his nose into Duo's shoulder. The moisture on his skin accentuated that gingery scent of his, causing Heero to practically swoon. "Hold me just like this."

"Yes," Duo purred, stroking Heero's hair tenderly, watching as tiny flecks of water jumped off his mahogany brown mess of hair every time his hands ran through the unruly mop. "I'll hold you for as long as you need me to, angel."

"Will you kiss me?" Heero asked, pulling away from Duo's body, entreating him with his beautiful eyes, those deep murky blue orbs shining with the radiance of a thousand skies. "I don't want it seem like I'm happy only in dreams."

Duo said nothing and simple leaned forward, delicately placing his lips upon Heero's. He could feel Heero's lips, moist with water and tears, gently fall apart with the sweet caress of his tongue, deepening the kiss.

Heero's hands frantically fell upon Duo's cheeks, desperately pulling him closer. He had not even begun to fathom before this how much he truly missed Duo Maxwell. Before they had gone their separate ways, Heero had not really understood what it would be like to live without Duo because he had never tried. He did not realize how much he had relied on Duo for everything from support to the little ordinary things that only Duo knew how to make seem more special than the world itself. Duo was the only one who had been able to make Heero feel loved. And Heero loved Duo for loving him.

Soon Heero began to reacquaint himself with the body he had not been able to touch and love in almost three years. He missed the feel of Duo's skin beneath his fingers, the taste of him upon his lips, the sound of his voice, even the snide commentary and inane jokes. He had almost forgotten what it was like to lose his shimmering mane of thick chestnut hair.

"Nn, angel, please, stop," Duo moaned into Heero's mouth, batting the Japanese boy's explorative hands away as they fell upon the insides of his naked thighs.

"Duo?" Heero ventured, trying to replace his callused hands upon Duo's legs, only to have them batted away once more.

"Hee-chan, please, no," Duo murmured, dragging himself away from Heero's mouth.

"What's wrong, kitten?" Heero asked, somewhat confused by Duo's hesitancy. He tried to kiss Duo again, only to find his lips caressing the cool air. He frowned slightly; "You never used to have problems with me touching you before."

"I know," Duo breathed, his a deep hue of rose red dusting his entire body as he tried to cover himself up somewhat. "But I know… I know if I let you touch me like that, I won't be able to stop. I could never control myself around you, Hee-chan. You know that."

"You say it like it's a bad thing," Heero said with a wicked grin, leaning in yet again to kiss Duo. Nuzzling Duo's cheek, he purred, "If it makes you feel better, I can't control myself around you either, so we're even."

"Heero, this isn't the place; this isn't the time," Duo protested, though his body's reactions only seemed to egg Heero on further. He threw in a last ditch effort, his voice riddled with desperation. "I thought you promised you wouldn't throw me on my back the second you saw me again."

This drew Heero back into a sitting position. He blinked his exotic oriental eyes at Duo a few times and asked, "Where did you hear that?"

"I have my sources," Duo rejoined promptly, his quick wit earning him a rare and beautiful smile. "It's a trade secret. If I told you, I'd have to kill you."

"Hoshi, ne?" Heero ventured, thinking back to a conversation the two of them had had once in a time that seemed long ago and far away. "I forgot that you two are both working on this mission together. She's your mole, isn't she?"

"In a sense, I guess you could say that," Duo answered, relaxing a little bit now that the conversation had meandered away from sex. He let out another heavy sigh at the thought of Hoshi and opened his mouth, to finally let Heero know what had been bothering him lately. "She's pretty close to you, isn't she? Do you really feel like you know her?"

"Almost as well as I know you, I think," Heero said thoughtfully. "She's the one who keeps me going nowadays. I seriously think I would be long dead if it weren't for her."

"I see," Duo breathed dejectedly, hanging his head so that his long hair fell around his face and obscured his pretty elfish features. "It's almost like you've fallen out of love with me and in love with her, you know Heero? I guess I should have expected it after all these years. God what a complete idiot I've been, fooling myself into thinking that you'd always wait for me."

"Are you mad, Duo?" Heero asked, genuinely shocked. "I've not been with anyone other than you. You were my first. I intend for you to be my last."

"Could even a man like you control his emotions? You're not in love with me anymore." Duo's face became immensely pained, turning away from Heero as if he could not even bear to look him in the eye.

"Is this the way to get 'us' back?" Heero asked curiously, obviously hurt by Duo's accusation. He stood up and took a few paces back, falling down upon the bench in the center of the shower. "Don't say something like that Duo. Don't hurt me like that. I won't have anything left to live for if you hurt me."

Duo also stumbled to his feet, a little more clumsy than Heero had expected. He seemed dazed and distracted to his keen eye and he wondered what was plaguing the longhaired American boy. He said nothing as he wobbled towards the main locker room, grabbing a towel to wrap around his waist and another to dry his hair as he went, leaving Heero alone and very confused. It took three seconds of pure silence and solitude for the entire incident to completely sink into Heero's head. A moment later, he was on his feet, ambulating quickly in the direction Duo had gone. Bursting through the door, he found a half-dressed Duo hunched over his bag, rooting through it for his missing shirt. Finding it, he pulled it out and turned around to fit it over his head, noticing Heero for the first time, standing there and glowering darkly at him.

"Hee-chan?" Duo yanked the red shirt downwards, ruffling his hair as the collar passed over his head. He drew his long tresses from underneath the shirt and flicked them down his back, sitting down to set about braiding the silky mane.

"Duo," Heero acknowledged softly, advancing a few steps. He stopped beside one row of lockers and leaned against it, simply watching Duo as he did his braid. Another heavy silence passed over Heero as he watched the hellish angel work at his damp hair. He finally spoke up, "What am I supposed to do, Duo?"

"Take your own damn advice for once," Duo answered blandly, his concentration fixated solely on his current task at hand. "It couldn't kill you to do that once in a while, you know."

"Oh yeah?" Heero's voice was laced with intrigue as he crossed one ankle over the other, doing likewise with his arms. "And which advice is that?"

"The one about following your heart and all that, so you won't have any regrets," Duo clarified. "You're doing it again, you know."

"Doing what?" For the first time that night, Heero sounded a bit agitated.

"Ignoring your heart."

"You are my heart, Duo," Heero snapped, his tone not at all matching his words, making the statement sound very insincere, though that sentiment was merely skin deep. Heero meant every word he said. "I was a fool to ignore you. I'll admit it; I was the one who tore us apart, making you stay with Hilde because I was too stupid to come to terms with what I felt back then, alright? Does it make you happy to hear me confess that I was wrong? Does it?"

Duo was quiet for once, his eyes absorbed with his agile fingers snapping a rubber band around the tail of his braid. Quietly, he said at last, "I'm sorry, Heero. Don't be angry with me. I just… I just don't want to see you like this anymore. I've not been very good for you in the past couple years. I just want to make sure you're making the right choices for yourself."

"For once, I think I am," Heero said resolutely, his eyes never leaving Duo's form. "Duo, you remember how they always used to call me perfect because I was everything in a soldier that could be perfect? They said because I was a brilliant hacker, technician, guerilla fighter and mecha pilot, I was perfect. They said because I wasn't afraid to die, I was perfect. But you know what, that's not what made me perfect." Duo looked up to meet Heero's eyes. He was still leaning on the lockers, the faintly sputtering lights overhead flashing dim starbursts of whites and yellow in those dark Prussian crystal eyes. The perplexed look on Duo's face was all Heero needed to continue, leaning his head against the lockers as he closed his eyes and spoke. "You make me perfect, Duo. I am perfect in ways that they could never hope to understand. I am perfect because of you."

"Oh Hee-chan," he let out underneath a heavy breath. His hands fell lax at his sides, his simple wooden hairbrush dropping from his loose fingers and falling to the floor with a hollow clatter.

His eyes had fallen closed and did not see as Heero approached the bench upon which he sat. Kneeling down between his legs, Heero reached up and quietly cupped Duo's chin in his rough-skinned fingers, slowly running the pad of his thumb around the gentle curve of his cheek. His fingers lingered on that soft skin beneath his eye as a warm tear plopped down upon them. Hand still tracing the side of his face, leisurely making its way down Duo's slender neck and across the gentle slope of his shoulder, Heero pressed his own cheek against Duo's abdomen, nuzzling against the slightly damp cotton of his shirt in an effort to comfort his destitute court jester. "You know, they were wrong about me. I am afraid to die. I always was. For someone who was supposed to be so brave, I'm a terrible coward."

"We were all liars and knaves back then," Duo murmured, barely moving his lips as he spoke. His eyes were still drowsy and mostly closed, only narrow drunken slits of violet peering out from beneath those heavy lids. "We were liars and knaves that grew into shadows and pretenders."

"You always taught how to smile when I was down," Heero told him quietly, his fingers rubbing small massaging circles upon Duo's shoulder. "Memories of everything that blew through our lives still haunt my dreams, Duo. But you were always there with a smile to chase the shadows away with your stupid jokes and flamboyant laughter. Even if…."

"…Even if it all was a ruse," Duo finished for him, a sleepy note twanging in his words. "Even if I was just the great pretender hiding behind a pretty mask covered with curly-cues and fickle glittering gems. Even if I was really screaming on the inside to be heard."

"I heard you. I heard you screaming because you were the only one screaming louder than me," Heero affirmed, his other arm tightening around Duo's waist. He could feel Duo's slender hands fall upon his back, holding him close. Duo's fingers had always been comforting to Heero. Whilst Heero had always found his abrasive brutal hands ugly and always stained with a smear of blood that never seemed to wash away, Duo's hands had been beautiful and soft with long spindly fingers and elfish wrists. He had always loved to watch Duo doing things with his hands. It was the way he turned the pages of a book or the way his finger pressed down on the shutter of his camera or how his fingers felt when they ran over his body in the gentle touches of their intimate love. But most of all, watching Duo draw was the most enchanting thing he could ever hope to see. He loved watching the way Duo's soulful figures would take shape beneath those amazing fingers, and it seemed nothing short of magic—or the charms of the Devil. They were sooty and caked with oil or some other kind of mess more often then not, but Heero had never seen the gloomy spreads of crimson blood dripping between those magical fingers. Duo had been places and seen hell, but he had not dug his fingers into flesh and ripped life to shreds as ruthlessly as Heero had. Death only killed when necessary or when his gory past flared red in his eyes, but never did Death kill without remorse or hurt. Duo's hands were perfect and real.

"Hee-chan, what's wrong?" Duo asked, noticing Heero's blank stare. He knew that look; whenever Heero was lost in thought, he would just glaze over, like his soul had departed from his body and was flying away. He waved a hand in front of Heero's distant eyes. "This is Death calling Heero. Death to Heero."

"Nani?" Heero startled from his otherworld with a slight jump. Seeing Duo's expectant expression, he scrambled for the quickest excuse he could find. "Have you got a cigarette, Duo?"

"What? Didn't know you smoked so much. Hah, remember when you used to piss and moan about it because you thought it was a dirty habit?" Duo said, looking a little surprised. He shrugged and said with a somewhat proud smile, "I gave it up about a month ago. I don't really need them anymore. I had just been feeding an addiction that kept me company when I was sad."

"Oh," Heero said with a slight downcast look, as if he were trying to avert Duo's eyes. He knew that his obsession with the nicotine was of a very similar nature.

"You know, the two of us are made of angel's dust. We seem so real and earthly, but the sunlight shines right through us," Duo reflected suddenly, a faint smile tickling his lips as he leaned back on his hands a bit. "I always thought anyone perfect had to be lying. You're a big fake!" A wild laugh erupted from Duo's throat, filling the empty place with the echo of his pleasurable baritone.

"Everyone thought I was so under-control and sane. Everyone who didn't know me like you just saw a perfectly controlled teen with no emotion," Heero said, pulling away somewhat so he could look upon Duo's face. He was pleased to find that Duo's melancholy air had been replaced with a more jovial grin. It was that sort of expression that kept Heero going through his more desperate times. "I was so sane, it was driving me crazy. No one knew me quite like you. You knew how fucked up I was… still am…. Everyone here doesn't understand. They brush me off and pretend not to notice how I'm bleeding from the inside out. They see a reclusive maniac who should be left alone. They don't see me."

"You are not that fucked…." Duo trailed off, rolling his eyes and amended with his mouth drawn into a sarcastic line. "So I lied, you are."

"Thanks, Duo," Heero said with one of his rare smiles, giving Duo a playful punch in the gut. He scooted back and leaned on the lockers again, looking up at Duo, who was leaning back on his hands, nervously tapping his bare feet upon the tile floor. His mind was racing with what he should say to the braided imp while he had him in his grasp, before he slipped away again like a wisp of cloud. "Duo," he submitted tentatively, "Duo, when you look at me, what do you see? Do you see me?"

Duo looked up from his feet and eyed Heero as if he were summing him up in his head. Heero's eyes were still focused on Duo's feet, which, he was realizing for the first time, were just as narrow and beautiful as his hands. His ankles were that same elfish shape that his wrists were and his toes were long and somewhat bony like his fingers. He also noted that, unlike Duo's hands, which were merely crisscrossed with the cuts and scars that came with being a soldier and a mechanic, his feet were coarse and somewhat worn, like he had been running for a long, long time. His gaze traveled up Duo's legs, his black jeans hugging them so tightly, it seemed like a second skin. Duo's legs were very strong and muscular, despite how narrow they were. They were riddled with the supple vigor of a dancer, Heero observed, with shapely muscular calves and hard well-formed thighs. Heero wrinkled his nose at the thought of his own knobby knees and bowlegged racer's legs, deciding that they were nowhere near as beautiful as Duo's.

"I see a confused lost little boy hiding in the darkness of his own shadow. He's a shattered boy whose will has been taken away before he even knew what it meant to choose," Duo said, jarring Heero rudely from his thoughts in regards to his question. Heero had almost forgotten that he had even asked it, his mind had been so absorbed with his surveillance of Duo's figure. "I see a soldier who has broken down over the years and reverted back to the abandoned orphan he once was. He is a soldier who has been subdued and taught the hard rules of life by constant pain and disgrace, who never felt he shined once in his life and is self-destructing because of it. I see a man who only wants to be loved, who tried hard to please everyone around him; a man who never asked much of anything from anyone save that he be loved. You are a man who is beautiful on the inside, and because of that, you are beautiful on the outside too."

"Am I loved, Duo?" he implored, tucking his knees against his chest and wrapping his arms around his shins. "Do you love me?"

"I don't know how I got this far," Duo shrugged, pulling a black sock over one of those fascinating dancer's feet. Heero's eyes fell to the pair of black boots, their twin silver buckles reflecting glaring luminosity. They looked so new and cared for, quite out of place next to his ratty old yellow sneakers, the very same decrepit pair he had owned for years; his foot had not grown much since the war and he was not frivolous enough to indulge in another pair. "But there's no way I could turn back now. I could never turn back now. If someone asked me if I regretted the path I chose I would say that I would not take back a single thing I've said or done for the world. Because, Hee-chan, everything I've done has led me to you."

Not totally contented with the answer, but decided it was enough to satisfy him for now, he gave Duo a nod and simply watched as he continued to pull on his socks and boots. Heero peeled his sopping wet white socks, cramming them into his back pocket as he reached forward for his sneakers and went about mechanically jamming his pretty feet into them. So forgone with this task was he that he had not noticed that Duo had finished with his own shoes and meandered to the door. The sound of him opening it pulled Heero away from his shoes for a seconds though and he looked up in time to see Duo leaning in the doorframe, Preventers' bag slung over one shoulder as he said, "And yes, angel, I love you."

{{A/N}} Toadies—Possum Kingdom… Yeah, I don't get the title either, but hey, it's a good song. The other song is one of Heero's image songs (my favourite!) Flying Away.

You dorks are so lucky that my parents decided to take off for the holiday weekend with the orders "Get yourself invited somewhere for the weekend". Yeah, so I'm going to stay with my best buddy Susi, but that means I won't be able to get onto my computer. So, since I'm just so nice, I posted two days early as a little Independance Day gift for you guys. I guess you could say it's my way of saying "Thank you so much for the reviews! You make me feel like I'm worth something--unlike my idiotic school...." *grumbles*

Oh, and since you all are probably really lazy, just like moi, here's a quick translation of Heero's song so you don't have to go hunting:

'Sayonara, bird flying towards the eastern sky,
Because the world has always been waiting for you

Flying away
Embracing the wind, I want to fly away
Flying away
For your sake I can be free
Flying…'

Definately another cute song if you think about it in L.W. terms, which means 1x2-O-Vision! I don't know about you, but I think Midorikawa Hikaru has a very sexy voice. I can just imagine Heero thinking about Duo and feeling like he's got wings or something.... GOD I'm a sap! (Shh, don't tell anyone!)
Oh, and random note just because it makes me feel better. Can I just say that in another one of Heero's image songs, 'Cry for the Dream', he mentions that he's not and has no use for typical heroes and sugary relationships sicken him. Wonder who he's talking about there? *coughcoughRelenacough* Okay, I'm done. Have fun with the sparkly fireworks kiddies!

Um, I'm sorry to all those who reviewed this past weekend and yelled at me for not giving Hikaru Utada credit for ripping some of her lyrics. *cowers* I'm really, really sorry for that! I've been pretty good about noting references like that in chapters past but I was in a huge rush and literally walking out the door when I first posted this. I barely had time to put that note about the 4th. In any case, I'm sorry about that and know that I didn't mean to shaft Miss Utada in any way, shape or form. You're allowed to hit me. -.-;