Title: Don't Leave Me Again
Author: Callea
Category: Sam/Daniel Romance
Spoilers: Full Circle, Need
Season/Sequel info: Takes place during season six's Full Circle. [Return to Me Series] (I recommend you read Return and Realizations, Captive, and No Escape first.)
Rating: G
Content Warnings: some Sam angst
Summary: Sam's point of view during Full Circle.
--------------------------------------------------
Sam Carter sat across the briefing room table listening to Colonel O'Neill make a case for fighting the big, bad Goa'uld, Anubis. Like him, she also wanted to fight in order to defend the Abydonians. After all, those people were like family to Daniel. The least she could do for him was to save those who cared so much about him. She felt she owed him that much, but she couldn't logically see how it was possible. "Obviously we can't match forces with Anubis," O'Neill continued. "But apparently the Abydonians are willing to back us on this one."
"Colonel, how'd you come by this intel," Hammond questioned, knowing well that no one on base had been in contact with Abydos.
O'Neill hesitated a bit and let out a slight cough. "I didn't say?"
"No, you didn't," Hammond answered flatly.
The colonel stood silently, looking around as though trying to find an explanation. He coughed lightly once again before quickly and casually stating, "Daniel told me."
Sam couldn't believe her ears. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at him. When she had last seen Daniel, he'd risked his life for hers, leaving her uncertain of his fate. She feared the worst, but this gave her new hope.
"You saw Dr. Jackson," Jonas exclaimed.
"Actually, it's not the first time," O'Neill added.
Sam was still caught up in the news that the colonel had spoken to Daniel as she realized that simply because Jack had seen him didn't mean that he was alive and well. It was possible that this had been his last act. She was desperate to know. "Is he alright?"
To her great disappointment, her question wasn't answered. Instead, Hammond immediately interjected with, "What else did he say?"
She wanted to demand to know how Daniel was, but she was afraid of losing control in front of the general. So instead of asking again, she sat quietly, hoping she would soon get her answer.
"Woah... oh, wait." O'Neill pulled out his chair and sat as he asked skeptically, "You guys don't think I'm... nuts or anything like that?"
Teal'c quickly spoke up. "I too have recently seen DanielJackson."
This caught Sam by surprise. She had seen Daniel twice but he never once mentioned visiting anyone else. She had just assumed that she was the only one.
She turned toward O'Neill and opened her mouth to add that she had been visited also, but thought better of it. Teal'c had already validated the Colonel's claims. Adding her own experiences would only lead to questions later about what had occurred during the visit. Sam wasn't sure she was ready to answer those questions.
*******************
Jonas had no idea where to find the Eye of Ra, but the people of Abydos were under attack, and this was their only hope. Now O'Neill wanted results, but he had none. "I don't know what to tell you. I mean, if Dr. Jackson was here..."
"Oh, he's here. Trust me, he's here." The colonel looked around the vast space. He could hear the bombings overhead and became irritated. "Son a bitch," he mumbled. "Hey," he shouted, "where are ya?"
Sam hoped the colonel was right. Not only because she wanted to see Daniel alive, but because she couldn't bear to think of the horrible defeat everyone on the planet would suffer if he didn't.
She thought O'Neill sounded almost angry as he continued to shout, "We're only doing this because of you!"
Suddenly, a form dressed in tan robes appeared in front of her. At first, she thought she was seeing things, but then the figure spoke. "Jack," Daniel's voice called out. "It's here. I know it is."
*Oh my God. He's alive.* Sam's breath disappeared and her eyes almost filled with tears as she stared at the man in front of her. *He's really alive.* Until this moment, she thought she might never see him again. Over these last few months, her worry had been tearing her apart. She'd lost people before, but not knowing whether she had truly lost Daniel made it hurt so much more. Every day she wondered whether she'd walk into her lab and see him standing there, gazing at her with his radiant smile. Now he was here with his back to her, looking as real as ever.
"Daniel," was all she could say as she stepped toward him, wanting instinctively to reach out and touch him.
He turned to face her and all she could think of was how much she wanted to wrap her arms around him. But she stopped dead in her tracks as he nodded at her, said, "Sam" then turned away quickly to give an equal greeting to Jonas.
She stood speechless, staring at him. He could have stabbed her in the stomach and it would have been less painful. The three men in front of her exchanged dialog, but none of it registered on her brain. She hadn't expected Daniel to sweep her into his arms, but she expected more than this. She made an effort to look away from him and bit her lip to fight back her tears.
*Maybe Daniel isn't worth all this,* she thought as her eyes found themselves gazing at him once again. Thinking about the emotional roller coaster ride that her feelings for him sent her on nearly brought her tears to the surface. When he ascended, she had been devastated, not knowing whether to hope for his return or move on. Then as if her wish were granted, he came back to her, but it was only to leave again. That time she was left with hope, but not for long. After his next return, he disappeared once again, leaving her more devastated and uncertain than ever. Seeing him again and being treated with such little regard was tearing her apart.
Sam now feared that the person she loved most had decided he no longer loved her. She hated this feeling, and she hated that she had to keep fighting her own eyes as they were continually drawn back to him. She wanted to forget about him and forget the feelings they shared, but as she looked at Daniel, the thought of not loving him hurt more than all the pain she had experienced from losing him.
As she watched him, he turned, and Sam immediately came back to her senses. She scolded herself as she realized that this was neither the time nor the place for her to fall to pieces. An entire civilization was fighting for its survival, and she was busy worrying about herself. She quickly used her years of military discipline to force her feelings away.
"I always thought there might be a secret chamber here," Daniel stated as he began walking.
Sam listened to the sound of his voice as she followed closely behind, momentarily succeeding in maintaining her composure. Daniel led them to a wall covered in hieroglyphics. She made an effort not to stare at him as he spoke. Instead she looked directly at the wall and focused on the information he was giving.
"This section talks about how Ra draws his power from the sun," he told the group that followed him. His voice passed over her like a cool mist on a barren desert. He sounded like the old Daniel again, and she hadn't realized how much she missed just hearing him give a translation or explain an artifact. She longed to reach out and touch him, to look into his eyes and see the excitement, joy, passion, and love for her that had once been there.
"O'Neill, we cannot hold our position," Teal'c's voice called out over the colonel's radio. Sam closed her eyes and swallowed, realizing that she was failing in her efforts to forget her feelings for Daniel. She turned toward Jack with his radio to remind herself of the seriousness of the situation.
Answering the call, O'Neill ordered, "Fall back to the pyramid." He then looked to the scientists and said, "You guys do your stuff. I'm gonna go help Teal'c."
*No don't leave me here with him,* Sam cried out in her mind.
"I will come with you," Ska'ra immediately volunteered.
She watched them go, knowing that her task had just become monumentally more difficult. O'Neill exuded military protocol. When he was around, there was always a constant reminder of her professional position. Now that he was gone, only Jonas remained. She knew that he would probably do little to help focus her professional attentions.
With Ska'ra and the colonel gone, she decided it would be best to focus on the wall once again. In mere seconds, she found herself glancing yet again at the man she loved to make sure he was still there. She quickly forced herself to look away and back to the wall.
*Okay. How do we get this wall open?* she asked herself deliberately. She considered the puzzle and realized that without knowing exactly what the wall said, she really didn't know how to open it. Then a sudden thought occurred to her. She turned to Daniel asking, "Um, can't you just zip into the wall and see if there's something on the other side?"
He sounded frustrated as he responded, "It's complicated..."
Sam was taken aback, and her eyebrows rose in confusion, but Daniel just turned away. She wasn't used to him addressing her with that tone. She could only remember one other time when his words had hurt her as much as they had today, but the sarcophagus had caused him to say those things. She desperately wished she knew the reason he was acting this way now. She swallowed hard, trying to ignore it.
"Some kind of trigger for a secret door," Jonas had established. He read the inscription on the door as Daniel stepped forward for a closer look. "Rays of the sun reveal all." He turned around and looked up at the ceiling. "Rays of the sun. There's no… sunlight." He turned to Daniel, asking, "Think any light will do?"
Daniel shook his head slowly before answering, "It's possible."
At the prospect of getting actively involved in a solution, Sam became more interested in the problem and found it a little easier to forget about Daniel. She watched Jonas shine his flashlight at the red-jeweled eyeball on the wall. Nothing happened.
"Maybe you need to focus it a little," she suggested.
She watched Jonas go to his pack for a magnifying glass, and as he pulled it out, she realized to whom exactly it belonged. She knew Daniel wasn't the type that would erupt in anger, but he hoped he would forgive her for letting his replacement use his things.
When Daniel saw, he asked, "Is that my stuff?"
Jonas looked slightly embarrassed as he responded, "You weren't using it anymore."
Sam was relieved when Daniel just quietly muttered, "Yeah," and followed Jonas as he held up the flashlight and magnifying glass to the eye on the wall.
As she watched the two men, O'Neill called to her over the radio. "Carter!?"
"Sir, we're working on it," she answered.
"Work faster," he demanded.
"Yes, Sir," she said as she looked up at the ceiling. Jonas' idea wasn't working, so she thought maybe the solution was somewhere else. She scanned the room for something that might create a beam of light or an opening in the ceiling that would allow the sun to shine in.
As she searched, she heard Daniel say, "It's red." The tone of his voice told her that he had made an important discovery.
"What is?" Jonas asked, slightly confused.
"The rays on the fresco are... are red," Daniel elaborated. He then turned to her with an unspoken request, "Sam?"
She knew immediately what he was thinking and without hesitation, she answered, "Yeah," and stepped forward. Knowing Daniel's thoughts came so instinctively to her that she barely thought about her actions. Without intending to be, she was once again working side-by-side and in sync with Daniel, something she used to take for granted.
As she looked toward the wall, she found Jonas still standing in front of the eye. "Jonas," she said. He got the message and stepped away as she raised her weapon and aimed her red laser sight at the eye. She watched the door open, expecting some booby trap to come down and kill them all, but as she looked behind her to check, nothing happened. Relieved and curious, she walked past Daniel into the newly opened chamber.
As she entered the room, she felt a little better about herself. She now realized that as long as there was a challenge to pursue, she could control her feelings for Daniel. She knew they would always be there, but she could deal with them. Now, she just hoped she would get the chance to deal on a regular basis.
She looked around the chamber, seeing numerous artifacts, most of which were made of gold. As she picked up a small statue, her first thought was that Daniel would love to study these. When she turned toward him, she saw him looking down at a tablet with a furrowed brow and his arms crossed in front of him.
She became immediately concerned and put down the figure as she asked, "Daniel, what is it?"
Daniel hesitated as though still reading to make certain what he was about to say was correct. Then he stated, "I'm an Ancient."
Sam was confused and surprised. "What?"
Correcting his statement, Daniel added, "Not me, but the others like me. They're... the ancients."
He stepped away from the tablet as Jonas came over to look at it. "This is written in one of the oldest dialects of the Ancients," he said as he looked at it.
"I mean, I always suspected, but I never really knew for sure," Daniel said quickly as he looked toward Sam.
"What does it say?"
He spoke very rapidly as he quoted the tablet, "It says that the Ancients evolved from a race of humans that lived long before us. That they were wiped out by a plague that was sweeping across the galaxy, and that many learned to ascend, and the rest died out."
Sam found the information interesting, but couldn't see how it was relevant to the current situation.
"I have to go," Daniel stated thoughtfully.
Sam stood considering at the tablet for a moment more before she realized what Daniel had said. "Where?" she asked with shock and curiosity. She couldn't stand the thought of losing him again, and she had no idea whether he would be back.
She felt her heart sink once again as Daniel didn't even answer her question. Instead, he just said to Jonas, "I'll be back. Don't lose that tablet. It talks about a lost city that's more valuable than anything."
"Daniel," Sam pleaded. She stopped herself before she added more. She wanted to shout, "Please don't leave me again!" But with Jonas standing there, she held her tongue as she watched the man she loved evaporate into a ball of light.
It hurt to see him go, but she realized that the Daniel she knew would never forsake her and abandon the people of Abydos. If he left, the reason must have been monumentally important. Still, she couldn't help but feel a bit of anger and frustration as she exchanged a look with Jonas.
Jonas asked, "What now?"
Sam shrugged slightly, "We keep looking."
They began frantically searching the contents of the chamber for the Eye of Ra. The search didn't require much concentration, and as she looked, Sam's mind began to wander back to Daniel. She wondered if he had become a different person since she last saw him. He was certainly acting differently, and she couldn't be certain whether that was because of the urgency of the situation or because Oma or something else had changed him. She began to fear that Daniel had truly abandoned her and all his friends and worst of all that he had stopped loving her.
The situation seemed dire as they looked over nearly every object but came up empty handed. Jonas slammed the lid of the last chest shut and asked, "What if it's not here?"
Sam scanned the wall and suggested, "Maybe there's a secret compartment."
"A secret compartment inside a secret chamber?" Jonas asked skeptically.
"Why not?" Despite her fears, she still trusted Daniel's judgment, and if he thought the Eye was here, she thought so too.
"Why not," Jonas agreed as he turned to look for something with which to check the solidity of the wall.
Sam continued to examine the surface, hoping she would find some irregularity in the wall that would open to revel the Eye. She was desperate to find it. It would prove to her that Daniel hadn't abandoned them; he had only left because he knew that she and Jonas were capable of succeeding on their own.
"Right here," Jonas called to her. She crossed the room to him as swept the objects off the shelf in front of the hidden compartment.
"I don't see a latch or a jewel like with the other door, but there's got to be some way to open this," he said as he looked carefully but hurriedly at the wall.
By now, Sam knew they were running short on time. She was also feeling very upset by Daniel's treatment and his hasty departure. She couldn't wait to take it out on that wall. She put on her goggles as she told Jonas, "Yeah, stand back."
He turned toward her and saw her raising her weapon. The intent was clear, and he stepped quickly away. He had barely cleared the front of her weapon when bullets erupted from it. Instinctively, he ducked.
Feeling better after her episode of destruction, Sam took off her goggles and hid a slight smile from Jonas as she looked at her handiwork on the wall. Jonas then walked forward and pulled the Eye from the hole. *It's about time,* Sam thought as she saw it.
She waited for Jonas to pick up the tablet then jogged out the door as she called out their success to the colonel. To her disappointment, he and Teal'c came down the stairs at that same instant with a wounded Ska'ra.
She quickly rushed to help Teal'c carry the young man. They took him to the chamber and set him down, trying to make him as comfortable as possible under the circumstances.
With that done, she headed to take up a position near the doorway. The moment she saw the Jaffa coming down the stairs, her thoughts of Daniel faded completely from her mind. Non-emotional, military Sam quickly took control.
*******************
As it now seemed that the stargate on Abydos was destroyed, General Hammond wanted to know what happened. Sam explained it to him as he held the tablet they had acquired.
"The only thing we can assume is that Anubis didn't keep his deal with Daniel."
Colonel O'Neill chimed in, "That's a shock, ay?"
Sam didn't like his tone. It implied that O'Neill knew better and wouldn't have made the same mistake Daniel had.
"And that DanielJackson was unable to prevent Anubis from destroying Abydos." Teal'c added.
His words registered fully with Sam. Her face grew somber as she considered them. Daniel would have given anything to save those people. Like he had risked his life for her, he would have done the same for them. Daniel would have died trying to stop Anubis.
She listened to the others talk while trying to convince herself that Daniel could be alright. However, she couldn't think of any reason why Abydos would have blow up that resulted in a positive outcome. She stared down at the table, trying to stay focused instead of thinking about the man she loved.
"Which leaves Anubis in possession of a powerful weapon that has given him clear superiority over the system lords," Hammond stated.
"We don't know any of that for sure, Sir," O'Neill added.
"Well, what we do know is we need to find the city that's described on that tablet," Jonas said.
Pushing the tablet in his direction, Hammond asked Jonas, "Can you translate this?"
Jonas sounded hopeful as he told him, "Oh, yeah. It'll take some time, but Dr. Jackson did offer his assistance."
Sam closed her eyes as she heard Jonas says Daniel's name. She lowered her head and fought to sound unemotional as she broke the news to the others, "I'm not sure that we can count on Daniel for anything anymore."
Hammond asked, "Why not?"
She was afraid her words would revel too much about her feelings as she told him, "Well Sir, he would have done everything in his power to protect the people of Abydos. If he was somehow prevented from doing that, then..." Her voice trailed off. She didn't want to complete her own sentence. Saying aloud that Daniel might be dead would have made it far too real.
She quickly looked at the general to see if there was any indication that he felt she was acting improperly. There was none, but when he turned back to her she had to turn away quickly before her eyes revealed too much.
The group sat in silence for several seconds as the full weight of the situation settled on them all. Still looking down at the table, Sam broke the silence by asking, "Permission to attempt to redial Abydos, Sir?"
Hammond looked at her for what seemed to be forever to Sam. She was afraid he would see her request as pointless and deny it. She wouldn't blame him if he did; even she knew that it was probably a waste of time. To her relief, he told her, "Granted." He then looked around at the others before adding, "Dismissed."
As Sam neared the doorway, the general called out, "Major." She stopped and turned toward him. He spoke to her in a soft, fatherly tone, "I hope we find you as much as you do, but don't let this eat you up inside."
She gave him a half smile and a nod before exiting the room.
Sam realized that the general was making a special allowance for her, probably because he had seen first hand how hard Daniel's death had been on her. He realized that she needed to know for sure and couldn't give up until she proved it to herself. She was eternally grateful for his understanding.
*******************
Sam stared at her computer screen, hoping to see some error in the dialing program that had caused her attempts to dial Abydos to fail every time. She knew the chances of finding one were slim to none, but she searched anyway.
She wondered how long it would be before General Hammond decided that it would be best for her to give up, accept Daniel's fate and move on. She knew that if and when he did, he would be right. If someone didn't stop her, she would dial forever, spending her last breaths dialing the gate coordinates to Abydos.
Right now, she wanted to give up, but she couldn't. She couldn't force herself to get out of the chair, leave the gate room and give up on Daniel. She had tried, and after one of the many failed dialing attempt, she had succeeded in standing up and facing the door only to find herself pacing a few steps and returning to her seat.
She was filled with an empty feeling hollower than the first time she had lost Daniel. When he had 'died', at least she hadn't known for sure that he returned her feelings. But now it was different. Now that she knew what she was loosing, it made the pain so much worse.
"Chevron four encoded," Sergeant Davis announced.
She looked up to watch the chevron engaging. She never thought she would hate the sight of that warm orange glow as much as she did now. She was sick of watching it and sick of the failure.
She wanted to see Daniel again. She wanted to go back through that gate and find him standing on the other side looking at her with all the love in his eyes that had once been there. Even if that didn't happen, even if he no longer love her, she would settle for Daniel just being alive.
"Chevron five encoded." Sergeant Davis asked, "Major, if you don't mind me asking, how many times are we gonna dial Abydos before you give up?"
"Until a Tok'ra with a ship flies over the planet and tells me there's no one left alive," she snapped at him, barely containing her anger and her tears.
She hadn't kept count, but she knew they must have dialed out at least ten times now. She knew she must seem obsessed, but she didn't care. It's what she was. She was obsessed with finding Daniel. She was sick of losing him, and no one was going to make her just accept that he was gone forever.
"Chevron six encoded."
She prepared herself for the inevitable disappointment that was about to come. She was growing accustomed to it. Every chevron would lock, the gate would spin to the eighth but nothing would happen. It felt like a hammer to her heart each time she saw the final chevron fail to glow and Sergeant Davis announce, 'Chevon seven will not lock.' She glared at the dialing computer it, willing it to engage.
"Chevron seven… locked!"
She smiled, too overcome with joy to do much more. *Finally,* she thought. She turned to the stargate and had a sudden realization. It made no sense for the gate to suddenly have a lock. For the second time that day she thought she was hallucinating. *Oh god, I've gone insane,* she thought with dread.
She sighed heavily. *Well, even if it is a hallucination, it's the best hope I've got.*
*******************
"The MALP shows the pyramid is intact, no evident damage," she reported to General Hammond.
"What about the explosion?"
"I don't know, Sir. I can't explain it," she answered, choosing not to add that this whole thing could very well be a figment of her own imagination. After all, if it turned out not to be, she'd have some explaining to do.
"I'd like to go, Sir… make sure the people are okay," O'Neill requested as he stepped forward.
She expected the request and ordinarily she would have been fine with it, but now it irritated her. She just didn't really want Jack going through the gate with her. She didn't want anyone else to go. She wanted to get to Abydos and have a long discussion with Daniel in private now that the situation was over. She didn't actually believe she would be allowed to go alone. Strategically, sending one person into an area that had just been occupied by hostiles and was presumed destroyed was not a good idea. Still, that didn't stop her from wanting to.
*******************
Sam stepped through the gate and scanned the area and saw neither Abydonians nor Daniel. As the group exited the pyramid, things looked hopeful. The tents were set up, people were going about their business, and children were playing games.
"Guess everybody's alright," Jonas commented.
As they walked farther, a familiar figured approached. Sam wasn't sure what to make of the situation. She had witnessed Ska'ra ascend and knew that he would be able to take human form again to speak to them, but she wasn't sure why he would.
One thing she was certain of was that this could not be in her own mind. If it had been, she would have already found Daniel, the rest of the world would have disappeared, and they would be telling each other how they never wanted to be apart again.
She was pleased to see Daniel's brother in law. If anyone knew about Daniel, it would be him.
The colonel asked, "What's going on here?"
"Anubis destroyed the pyramid. Everyone was destroyed in the blast." Sam was disappointed by this information, but she thought, *He could have decided just to help them all ascend.* She looked around, hoping to see him. She was glad the Abydonians were doing well. She liked them as well as anyone, and she agreed with Jack that they were a great people, but compared to Daniel, they hardly mattered to her.
"They don't look dead to me," O'Neill commented. "But then, neither do you."
Ska'ra smiled and told him, "Death is only the beginning of one's journey."
Sam couldn't help but smile back. He sounded so much like Daniel.
"What of DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked.
"I have not seen Daniel."
Unfortunately Ska'ra's answer was not the one Sam was hoping for. "Do you know if he's okay?"
"I do not know. One named Oma did this."
Sam didn't feel like smiling anymore. Daniel was nowhere in sight, but she continued to look around at the Abydonians, hoping that some of the joy these people seemed to have might rub off on her or that maybe Daniel would appear. Neither happened.
She turned back to Ska'ra as she said, "You will not see me again, at least not for awhile."
Sam knew that the young man meant a lot to the colonel and wondered how he would react to this news. She glanced at him, then wondered if he was having as much difficulty losing Daniel again as she was.
A ball suddenly rolled toward them, and her focus was drawn to it. Once O'Neill picked it up, she looked up to see that the village had vanished. She looked around the area and saw nothing but sand. She felt any hope she once had for Daniel's safety disappear as quickly as they had.
"Let's go home," she heard the colonel say as he turned toward the gate.
Sam turned to follow, thinking, *It's not home without Daniel.*
Author: Callea
Category: Sam/Daniel Romance
Spoilers: Full Circle, Need
Season/Sequel info: Takes place during season six's Full Circle. [Return to Me Series] (I recommend you read Return and Realizations, Captive, and No Escape first.)
Rating: G
Content Warnings: some Sam angst
Summary: Sam's point of view during Full Circle.
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Sam Carter sat across the briefing room table listening to Colonel O'Neill make a case for fighting the big, bad Goa'uld, Anubis. Like him, she also wanted to fight in order to defend the Abydonians. After all, those people were like family to Daniel. The least she could do for him was to save those who cared so much about him. She felt she owed him that much, but she couldn't logically see how it was possible. "Obviously we can't match forces with Anubis," O'Neill continued. "But apparently the Abydonians are willing to back us on this one."
"Colonel, how'd you come by this intel," Hammond questioned, knowing well that no one on base had been in contact with Abydos.
O'Neill hesitated a bit and let out a slight cough. "I didn't say?"
"No, you didn't," Hammond answered flatly.
The colonel stood silently, looking around as though trying to find an explanation. He coughed lightly once again before quickly and casually stating, "Daniel told me."
Sam couldn't believe her ears. Her eyes grew wide as she looked at him. When she had last seen Daniel, he'd risked his life for hers, leaving her uncertain of his fate. She feared the worst, but this gave her new hope.
"You saw Dr. Jackson," Jonas exclaimed.
"Actually, it's not the first time," O'Neill added.
Sam was still caught up in the news that the colonel had spoken to Daniel as she realized that simply because Jack had seen him didn't mean that he was alive and well. It was possible that this had been his last act. She was desperate to know. "Is he alright?"
To her great disappointment, her question wasn't answered. Instead, Hammond immediately interjected with, "What else did he say?"
She wanted to demand to know how Daniel was, but she was afraid of losing control in front of the general. So instead of asking again, she sat quietly, hoping she would soon get her answer.
"Woah... oh, wait." O'Neill pulled out his chair and sat as he asked skeptically, "You guys don't think I'm... nuts or anything like that?"
Teal'c quickly spoke up. "I too have recently seen DanielJackson."
This caught Sam by surprise. She had seen Daniel twice but he never once mentioned visiting anyone else. She had just assumed that she was the only one.
She turned toward O'Neill and opened her mouth to add that she had been visited also, but thought better of it. Teal'c had already validated the Colonel's claims. Adding her own experiences would only lead to questions later about what had occurred during the visit. Sam wasn't sure she was ready to answer those questions.
*******************
Jonas had no idea where to find the Eye of Ra, but the people of Abydos were under attack, and this was their only hope. Now O'Neill wanted results, but he had none. "I don't know what to tell you. I mean, if Dr. Jackson was here..."
"Oh, he's here. Trust me, he's here." The colonel looked around the vast space. He could hear the bombings overhead and became irritated. "Son a bitch," he mumbled. "Hey," he shouted, "where are ya?"
Sam hoped the colonel was right. Not only because she wanted to see Daniel alive, but because she couldn't bear to think of the horrible defeat everyone on the planet would suffer if he didn't.
She thought O'Neill sounded almost angry as he continued to shout, "We're only doing this because of you!"
Suddenly, a form dressed in tan robes appeared in front of her. At first, she thought she was seeing things, but then the figure spoke. "Jack," Daniel's voice called out. "It's here. I know it is."
*Oh my God. He's alive.* Sam's breath disappeared and her eyes almost filled with tears as she stared at the man in front of her. *He's really alive.* Until this moment, she thought she might never see him again. Over these last few months, her worry had been tearing her apart. She'd lost people before, but not knowing whether she had truly lost Daniel made it hurt so much more. Every day she wondered whether she'd walk into her lab and see him standing there, gazing at her with his radiant smile. Now he was here with his back to her, looking as real as ever.
"Daniel," was all she could say as she stepped toward him, wanting instinctively to reach out and touch him.
He turned to face her and all she could think of was how much she wanted to wrap her arms around him. But she stopped dead in her tracks as he nodded at her, said, "Sam" then turned away quickly to give an equal greeting to Jonas.
She stood speechless, staring at him. He could have stabbed her in the stomach and it would have been less painful. The three men in front of her exchanged dialog, but none of it registered on her brain. She hadn't expected Daniel to sweep her into his arms, but she expected more than this. She made an effort to look away from him and bit her lip to fight back her tears.
*Maybe Daniel isn't worth all this,* she thought as her eyes found themselves gazing at him once again. Thinking about the emotional roller coaster ride that her feelings for him sent her on nearly brought her tears to the surface. When he ascended, she had been devastated, not knowing whether to hope for his return or move on. Then as if her wish were granted, he came back to her, but it was only to leave again. That time she was left with hope, but not for long. After his next return, he disappeared once again, leaving her more devastated and uncertain than ever. Seeing him again and being treated with such little regard was tearing her apart.
Sam now feared that the person she loved most had decided he no longer loved her. She hated this feeling, and she hated that she had to keep fighting her own eyes as they were continually drawn back to him. She wanted to forget about him and forget the feelings they shared, but as she looked at Daniel, the thought of not loving him hurt more than all the pain she had experienced from losing him.
As she watched him, he turned, and Sam immediately came back to her senses. She scolded herself as she realized that this was neither the time nor the place for her to fall to pieces. An entire civilization was fighting for its survival, and she was busy worrying about herself. She quickly used her years of military discipline to force her feelings away.
"I always thought there might be a secret chamber here," Daniel stated as he began walking.
Sam listened to the sound of his voice as she followed closely behind, momentarily succeeding in maintaining her composure. Daniel led them to a wall covered in hieroglyphics. She made an effort not to stare at him as he spoke. Instead she looked directly at the wall and focused on the information he was giving.
"This section talks about how Ra draws his power from the sun," he told the group that followed him. His voice passed over her like a cool mist on a barren desert. He sounded like the old Daniel again, and she hadn't realized how much she missed just hearing him give a translation or explain an artifact. She longed to reach out and touch him, to look into his eyes and see the excitement, joy, passion, and love for her that had once been there.
"O'Neill, we cannot hold our position," Teal'c's voice called out over the colonel's radio. Sam closed her eyes and swallowed, realizing that she was failing in her efforts to forget her feelings for Daniel. She turned toward Jack with his radio to remind herself of the seriousness of the situation.
Answering the call, O'Neill ordered, "Fall back to the pyramid." He then looked to the scientists and said, "You guys do your stuff. I'm gonna go help Teal'c."
*No don't leave me here with him,* Sam cried out in her mind.
"I will come with you," Ska'ra immediately volunteered.
She watched them go, knowing that her task had just become monumentally more difficult. O'Neill exuded military protocol. When he was around, there was always a constant reminder of her professional position. Now that he was gone, only Jonas remained. She knew that he would probably do little to help focus her professional attentions.
With Ska'ra and the colonel gone, she decided it would be best to focus on the wall once again. In mere seconds, she found herself glancing yet again at the man she loved to make sure he was still there. She quickly forced herself to look away and back to the wall.
*Okay. How do we get this wall open?* she asked herself deliberately. She considered the puzzle and realized that without knowing exactly what the wall said, she really didn't know how to open it. Then a sudden thought occurred to her. She turned to Daniel asking, "Um, can't you just zip into the wall and see if there's something on the other side?"
He sounded frustrated as he responded, "It's complicated..."
Sam was taken aback, and her eyebrows rose in confusion, but Daniel just turned away. She wasn't used to him addressing her with that tone. She could only remember one other time when his words had hurt her as much as they had today, but the sarcophagus had caused him to say those things. She desperately wished she knew the reason he was acting this way now. She swallowed hard, trying to ignore it.
"Some kind of trigger for a secret door," Jonas had established. He read the inscription on the door as Daniel stepped forward for a closer look. "Rays of the sun reveal all." He turned around and looked up at the ceiling. "Rays of the sun. There's no… sunlight." He turned to Daniel, asking, "Think any light will do?"
Daniel shook his head slowly before answering, "It's possible."
At the prospect of getting actively involved in a solution, Sam became more interested in the problem and found it a little easier to forget about Daniel. She watched Jonas shine his flashlight at the red-jeweled eyeball on the wall. Nothing happened.
"Maybe you need to focus it a little," she suggested.
She watched Jonas go to his pack for a magnifying glass, and as he pulled it out, she realized to whom exactly it belonged. She knew Daniel wasn't the type that would erupt in anger, but he hoped he would forgive her for letting his replacement use his things.
When Daniel saw, he asked, "Is that my stuff?"
Jonas looked slightly embarrassed as he responded, "You weren't using it anymore."
Sam was relieved when Daniel just quietly muttered, "Yeah," and followed Jonas as he held up the flashlight and magnifying glass to the eye on the wall.
As she watched the two men, O'Neill called to her over the radio. "Carter!?"
"Sir, we're working on it," she answered.
"Work faster," he demanded.
"Yes, Sir," she said as she looked up at the ceiling. Jonas' idea wasn't working, so she thought maybe the solution was somewhere else. She scanned the room for something that might create a beam of light or an opening in the ceiling that would allow the sun to shine in.
As she searched, she heard Daniel say, "It's red." The tone of his voice told her that he had made an important discovery.
"What is?" Jonas asked, slightly confused.
"The rays on the fresco are... are red," Daniel elaborated. He then turned to her with an unspoken request, "Sam?"
She knew immediately what he was thinking and without hesitation, she answered, "Yeah," and stepped forward. Knowing Daniel's thoughts came so instinctively to her that she barely thought about her actions. Without intending to be, she was once again working side-by-side and in sync with Daniel, something she used to take for granted.
As she looked toward the wall, she found Jonas still standing in front of the eye. "Jonas," she said. He got the message and stepped away as she raised her weapon and aimed her red laser sight at the eye. She watched the door open, expecting some booby trap to come down and kill them all, but as she looked behind her to check, nothing happened. Relieved and curious, she walked past Daniel into the newly opened chamber.
As she entered the room, she felt a little better about herself. She now realized that as long as there was a challenge to pursue, she could control her feelings for Daniel. She knew they would always be there, but she could deal with them. Now, she just hoped she would get the chance to deal on a regular basis.
She looked around the chamber, seeing numerous artifacts, most of which were made of gold. As she picked up a small statue, her first thought was that Daniel would love to study these. When she turned toward him, she saw him looking down at a tablet with a furrowed brow and his arms crossed in front of him.
She became immediately concerned and put down the figure as she asked, "Daniel, what is it?"
Daniel hesitated as though still reading to make certain what he was about to say was correct. Then he stated, "I'm an Ancient."
Sam was confused and surprised. "What?"
Correcting his statement, Daniel added, "Not me, but the others like me. They're... the ancients."
He stepped away from the tablet as Jonas came over to look at it. "This is written in one of the oldest dialects of the Ancients," he said as he looked at it.
"I mean, I always suspected, but I never really knew for sure," Daniel said quickly as he looked toward Sam.
"What does it say?"
He spoke very rapidly as he quoted the tablet, "It says that the Ancients evolved from a race of humans that lived long before us. That they were wiped out by a plague that was sweeping across the galaxy, and that many learned to ascend, and the rest died out."
Sam found the information interesting, but couldn't see how it was relevant to the current situation.
"I have to go," Daniel stated thoughtfully.
Sam stood considering at the tablet for a moment more before she realized what Daniel had said. "Where?" she asked with shock and curiosity. She couldn't stand the thought of losing him again, and she had no idea whether he would be back.
She felt her heart sink once again as Daniel didn't even answer her question. Instead, he just said to Jonas, "I'll be back. Don't lose that tablet. It talks about a lost city that's more valuable than anything."
"Daniel," Sam pleaded. She stopped herself before she added more. She wanted to shout, "Please don't leave me again!" But with Jonas standing there, she held her tongue as she watched the man she loved evaporate into a ball of light.
It hurt to see him go, but she realized that the Daniel she knew would never forsake her and abandon the people of Abydos. If he left, the reason must have been monumentally important. Still, she couldn't help but feel a bit of anger and frustration as she exchanged a look with Jonas.
Jonas asked, "What now?"
Sam shrugged slightly, "We keep looking."
They began frantically searching the contents of the chamber for the Eye of Ra. The search didn't require much concentration, and as she looked, Sam's mind began to wander back to Daniel. She wondered if he had become a different person since she last saw him. He was certainly acting differently, and she couldn't be certain whether that was because of the urgency of the situation or because Oma or something else had changed him. She began to fear that Daniel had truly abandoned her and all his friends and worst of all that he had stopped loving her.
The situation seemed dire as they looked over nearly every object but came up empty handed. Jonas slammed the lid of the last chest shut and asked, "What if it's not here?"
Sam scanned the wall and suggested, "Maybe there's a secret compartment."
"A secret compartment inside a secret chamber?" Jonas asked skeptically.
"Why not?" Despite her fears, she still trusted Daniel's judgment, and if he thought the Eye was here, she thought so too.
"Why not," Jonas agreed as he turned to look for something with which to check the solidity of the wall.
Sam continued to examine the surface, hoping she would find some irregularity in the wall that would open to revel the Eye. She was desperate to find it. It would prove to her that Daniel hadn't abandoned them; he had only left because he knew that she and Jonas were capable of succeeding on their own.
"Right here," Jonas called to her. She crossed the room to him as swept the objects off the shelf in front of the hidden compartment.
"I don't see a latch or a jewel like with the other door, but there's got to be some way to open this," he said as he looked carefully but hurriedly at the wall.
By now, Sam knew they were running short on time. She was also feeling very upset by Daniel's treatment and his hasty departure. She couldn't wait to take it out on that wall. She put on her goggles as she told Jonas, "Yeah, stand back."
He turned toward her and saw her raising her weapon. The intent was clear, and he stepped quickly away. He had barely cleared the front of her weapon when bullets erupted from it. Instinctively, he ducked.
Feeling better after her episode of destruction, Sam took off her goggles and hid a slight smile from Jonas as she looked at her handiwork on the wall. Jonas then walked forward and pulled the Eye from the hole. *It's about time,* Sam thought as she saw it.
She waited for Jonas to pick up the tablet then jogged out the door as she called out their success to the colonel. To her disappointment, he and Teal'c came down the stairs at that same instant with a wounded Ska'ra.
She quickly rushed to help Teal'c carry the young man. They took him to the chamber and set him down, trying to make him as comfortable as possible under the circumstances.
With that done, she headed to take up a position near the doorway. The moment she saw the Jaffa coming down the stairs, her thoughts of Daniel faded completely from her mind. Non-emotional, military Sam quickly took control.
*******************
As it now seemed that the stargate on Abydos was destroyed, General Hammond wanted to know what happened. Sam explained it to him as he held the tablet they had acquired.
"The only thing we can assume is that Anubis didn't keep his deal with Daniel."
Colonel O'Neill chimed in, "That's a shock, ay?"
Sam didn't like his tone. It implied that O'Neill knew better and wouldn't have made the same mistake Daniel had.
"And that DanielJackson was unable to prevent Anubis from destroying Abydos." Teal'c added.
His words registered fully with Sam. Her face grew somber as she considered them. Daniel would have given anything to save those people. Like he had risked his life for her, he would have done the same for them. Daniel would have died trying to stop Anubis.
She listened to the others talk while trying to convince herself that Daniel could be alright. However, she couldn't think of any reason why Abydos would have blow up that resulted in a positive outcome. She stared down at the table, trying to stay focused instead of thinking about the man she loved.
"Which leaves Anubis in possession of a powerful weapon that has given him clear superiority over the system lords," Hammond stated.
"We don't know any of that for sure, Sir," O'Neill added.
"Well, what we do know is we need to find the city that's described on that tablet," Jonas said.
Pushing the tablet in his direction, Hammond asked Jonas, "Can you translate this?"
Jonas sounded hopeful as he told him, "Oh, yeah. It'll take some time, but Dr. Jackson did offer his assistance."
Sam closed her eyes as she heard Jonas says Daniel's name. She lowered her head and fought to sound unemotional as she broke the news to the others, "I'm not sure that we can count on Daniel for anything anymore."
Hammond asked, "Why not?"
She was afraid her words would revel too much about her feelings as she told him, "Well Sir, he would have done everything in his power to protect the people of Abydos. If he was somehow prevented from doing that, then..." Her voice trailed off. She didn't want to complete her own sentence. Saying aloud that Daniel might be dead would have made it far too real.
She quickly looked at the general to see if there was any indication that he felt she was acting improperly. There was none, but when he turned back to her she had to turn away quickly before her eyes revealed too much.
The group sat in silence for several seconds as the full weight of the situation settled on them all. Still looking down at the table, Sam broke the silence by asking, "Permission to attempt to redial Abydos, Sir?"
Hammond looked at her for what seemed to be forever to Sam. She was afraid he would see her request as pointless and deny it. She wouldn't blame him if he did; even she knew that it was probably a waste of time. To her relief, he told her, "Granted." He then looked around at the others before adding, "Dismissed."
As Sam neared the doorway, the general called out, "Major." She stopped and turned toward him. He spoke to her in a soft, fatherly tone, "I hope we find you as much as you do, but don't let this eat you up inside."
She gave him a half smile and a nod before exiting the room.
Sam realized that the general was making a special allowance for her, probably because he had seen first hand how hard Daniel's death had been on her. He realized that she needed to know for sure and couldn't give up until she proved it to herself. She was eternally grateful for his understanding.
*******************
Sam stared at her computer screen, hoping to see some error in the dialing program that had caused her attempts to dial Abydos to fail every time. She knew the chances of finding one were slim to none, but she searched anyway.
She wondered how long it would be before General Hammond decided that it would be best for her to give up, accept Daniel's fate and move on. She knew that if and when he did, he would be right. If someone didn't stop her, she would dial forever, spending her last breaths dialing the gate coordinates to Abydos.
Right now, she wanted to give up, but she couldn't. She couldn't force herself to get out of the chair, leave the gate room and give up on Daniel. She had tried, and after one of the many failed dialing attempt, she had succeeded in standing up and facing the door only to find herself pacing a few steps and returning to her seat.
She was filled with an empty feeling hollower than the first time she had lost Daniel. When he had 'died', at least she hadn't known for sure that he returned her feelings. But now it was different. Now that she knew what she was loosing, it made the pain so much worse.
"Chevron four encoded," Sergeant Davis announced.
She looked up to watch the chevron engaging. She never thought she would hate the sight of that warm orange glow as much as she did now. She was sick of watching it and sick of the failure.
She wanted to see Daniel again. She wanted to go back through that gate and find him standing on the other side looking at her with all the love in his eyes that had once been there. Even if that didn't happen, even if he no longer love her, she would settle for Daniel just being alive.
"Chevron five encoded." Sergeant Davis asked, "Major, if you don't mind me asking, how many times are we gonna dial Abydos before you give up?"
"Until a Tok'ra with a ship flies over the planet and tells me there's no one left alive," she snapped at him, barely containing her anger and her tears.
She hadn't kept count, but she knew they must have dialed out at least ten times now. She knew she must seem obsessed, but she didn't care. It's what she was. She was obsessed with finding Daniel. She was sick of losing him, and no one was going to make her just accept that he was gone forever.
"Chevron six encoded."
She prepared herself for the inevitable disappointment that was about to come. She was growing accustomed to it. Every chevron would lock, the gate would spin to the eighth but nothing would happen. It felt like a hammer to her heart each time she saw the final chevron fail to glow and Sergeant Davis announce, 'Chevon seven will not lock.' She glared at the dialing computer it, willing it to engage.
"Chevron seven… locked!"
She smiled, too overcome with joy to do much more. *Finally,* she thought. She turned to the stargate and had a sudden realization. It made no sense for the gate to suddenly have a lock. For the second time that day she thought she was hallucinating. *Oh god, I've gone insane,* she thought with dread.
She sighed heavily. *Well, even if it is a hallucination, it's the best hope I've got.*
*******************
"The MALP shows the pyramid is intact, no evident damage," she reported to General Hammond.
"What about the explosion?"
"I don't know, Sir. I can't explain it," she answered, choosing not to add that this whole thing could very well be a figment of her own imagination. After all, if it turned out not to be, she'd have some explaining to do.
"I'd like to go, Sir… make sure the people are okay," O'Neill requested as he stepped forward.
She expected the request and ordinarily she would have been fine with it, but now it irritated her. She just didn't really want Jack going through the gate with her. She didn't want anyone else to go. She wanted to get to Abydos and have a long discussion with Daniel in private now that the situation was over. She didn't actually believe she would be allowed to go alone. Strategically, sending one person into an area that had just been occupied by hostiles and was presumed destroyed was not a good idea. Still, that didn't stop her from wanting to.
*******************
Sam stepped through the gate and scanned the area and saw neither Abydonians nor Daniel. As the group exited the pyramid, things looked hopeful. The tents were set up, people were going about their business, and children were playing games.
"Guess everybody's alright," Jonas commented.
As they walked farther, a familiar figured approached. Sam wasn't sure what to make of the situation. She had witnessed Ska'ra ascend and knew that he would be able to take human form again to speak to them, but she wasn't sure why he would.
One thing she was certain of was that this could not be in her own mind. If it had been, she would have already found Daniel, the rest of the world would have disappeared, and they would be telling each other how they never wanted to be apart again.
She was pleased to see Daniel's brother in law. If anyone knew about Daniel, it would be him.
The colonel asked, "What's going on here?"
"Anubis destroyed the pyramid. Everyone was destroyed in the blast." Sam was disappointed by this information, but she thought, *He could have decided just to help them all ascend.* She looked around, hoping to see him. She was glad the Abydonians were doing well. She liked them as well as anyone, and she agreed with Jack that they were a great people, but compared to Daniel, they hardly mattered to her.
"They don't look dead to me," O'Neill commented. "But then, neither do you."
Ska'ra smiled and told him, "Death is only the beginning of one's journey."
Sam couldn't help but smile back. He sounded so much like Daniel.
"What of DanielJackson?" Teal'c asked.
"I have not seen Daniel."
Unfortunately Ska'ra's answer was not the one Sam was hoping for. "Do you know if he's okay?"
"I do not know. One named Oma did this."
Sam didn't feel like smiling anymore. Daniel was nowhere in sight, but she continued to look around at the Abydonians, hoping that some of the joy these people seemed to have might rub off on her or that maybe Daniel would appear. Neither happened.
She turned back to Ska'ra as she said, "You will not see me again, at least not for awhile."
Sam knew that the young man meant a lot to the colonel and wondered how he would react to this news. She glanced at him, then wondered if he was having as much difficulty losing Daniel again as she was.
A ball suddenly rolled toward them, and her focus was drawn to it. Once O'Neill picked it up, she looked up to see that the village had vanished. She looked around the area and saw nothing but sand. She felt any hope she once had for Daniel's safety disappear as quickly as they had.
"Let's go home," she heard the colonel say as he turned toward the gate.
Sam turned to follow, thinking, *It's not home without Daniel.*