Disclaimer: Chrono Trigger ain't mine. The plot of this story, unfortunately, is, though.

Author's Note: ARGH!! I've had this one done for ages, but I wasn't gonna post it until I was absolutely sure that the upgrades on the site were finished. *Sigh* It turns out really bad for me every time I post during an upgrade or around the time when the server goes down...

***

"Oi, Marle!" Crono called out from behind a high wall of thick, ancient tomes. "Take a look at this spell; I think we ought to give it a try!"

Marle, dropping a rather advanced-looking volume of herbal remedies, hurried across to his side of the table to see for herself. "How many times must I tell you, Crono?!" she exclaimed after a moment, a look of disgust creeping across her delicate features. "Cure magic will not work on injuries like that! We need to find something different!"

Crono smiled sheepishly. "Well - I just thought -"

"Well, you thought wrong!" Her hair whipped angrily to one side. "Go look in that other book; see if there's some non-elemental magic somewhere. Go on!" she coaxed as he grabbed the next dusty book in the pile.

He looked up at her momentarily as he discovered an illustration of a woman wearing a copious amount of jewelry. "Heyyyyy, what about your pendant? Doesn't it have magical powers?"

"You mean it did," replied Marle hopelessly. "It's been away from the Mammon Machine for way too long - it won't even glow anymore."

He banged his fist on the table. "Crap. We're getting absolutely nowhere..."

As if on cue Lucca suddenly came down the stairs and into the kitchen, having just put some of the younger children to bed. "Any luck?" she asked them with a hopeful look on her face.

"None at all," Crono replied glumly, shutting the next book with a snap. "The spells either won't work or any of us three are unable to cast 'em."

Lucca wrinkled her nose. "Well, why can't the oaf just cast his own spells, then?!" she exclaimed indignantly. "It's not like he's too hurt to use magic! And he's supposedly-" -here she made quotation marks- "the greatest wizard who ever lived, after all-"

"The greatest wizard who ever lived concerning black magic, you mean," Crono cut in quickly. "He said he can't cast any healing spells. At all."

"Just my luck," Lucca mumbled, slapping herself upside the forehead. "I guess this means I'm stuck with him after all, I suppose."

"You bet you are!" simpered Marle, shutting her book as well. "But just look on the bright side, Lucca - the two of you have plenty of time to get to know each other, if you catch my drift."

"I catch it," Lucca said stonily, the mere thought of it -both with and without innuendo- making her want to hurl, "and I'd rather not."

Marle put her nose in the air. "Your loss, then," she replied airily. "But just remember what I said - twenty years from now, when you're starting to grow old and fat-"

"MARLE!" Crono exclaimed in a shocked voice. "Apologize!"

"Oh, sorry," she said quickly, as if she was actually not sorry at all. She then stood up and headed for the staircase, her black medical bag in hand. "I'll be upstairs if you need me. I'll just put a poultice on his ankle - it might heal faster if I do." She went up the stairs and out of sight.

"Listen, I'm sorry," Crono immediately started apologetically, "I just don't know what's got into her concerning you-"

Lucca cut him off by calmly shaking her head, although in reality she was by now about two steps away from just setting the guest room - with both Marle and Magus in it - into a fiery burst of flame. "Don't sweat it," she said, sitting in the chair next to him. "It's not your fault. She's just got her world - and I've got mine." She sighed wearily.

"You're really stressed right now, aren't you?" he asked her out of nowhere, giving her a piercing stare. "This orphanage business must be keeping you on your toes."

Lucca drummed her fingers upon the table. "It's the best and worst thing I've ever done, Crono. I love the kids -I really do- but it's tough. And I have no one to help me-"

Her heart beat slightly faster as she felt the warmth of his hand upon hers. "Don't worry about it, Lucca. You'll find the right person - someday."

She slapped his hand away, for some unknown reason feeling a rush of anger. "Crono, I don't need your sympathy-"

"I'm not feeling sorry for you!" he interrupted, sounding almost angry. "It's just that you beat yourself up so much - you take everything to heart. You might have an ego the size of Death Peak sometimes, but you still-" He stopped his thought right there, seeing the look on her face becoming even more severe. "But you're not the only one feeling stressed right now," he added grimly, clenching his fists so hard that his knuckles started to turn white. "I'm having a time of it, too. We got word today that Porre has overrun Medina - that's why the ferry hasn't been coming."

"Porre invaded? Again?!" Lucca's cut in hoarsely, suddenly gripping the table hard. A horrible feeling overtook her - she was contributing to this madness, she was currently helping Porre invade more places, her weapon would someday be used against those poor Mystics...

"Yes," said Crono through clenched teeth. "I don't know what to do anymore - that's the third nation now. For all I know we could be next. And our army's been in a steadily decline ever since the end of the Mystic War...I think they're looking to take over the entire world, Lucca, and I think they're capable of it."

Lucca thought back to the demi-human she had talked with earlier, a chill overtaking her spine. Yes, it was possible, if he was any indication, they were capable of taking over the world...what was standing in their way? She shuddered. "Crono?" she asked plaintively, a thought suddenly coming into her mind. "The future we saw in 1999 - it was nothing like this. Do you think we could have - could have - changed something for the worse?"

He shook his head. "I don't know, Lucca, I just don't know," he replied slowly. "I don't believe that anything could have been worse than Lavos, but we did it for better or worse. We'll have to suffer the consequences of it if we did it for worse..." He trailed off thoughtfully.

It was then that Marle came tramping back down the stairs, looking slightly disheveled. "Well, I'm glad that THAT'S over," she said briskly, zipping up her bag. "He's not exactly a happy camper up there."

"Don't even mention him and the word happy in the same sentence," Lucca shot back, standing back up. "How long until he's healed and out of here?"

"Three days, probably," Marle replied, her eyes glinting. "But you know, Lucca, three days is just enough time for the two of you to-"

"-To hate each other for the rest of our lives?" Lucca interrupted dryly. "Listen, that just won't work. I ALREADY hate him."

"Whatever you say, Lucca, whatever you say," Marle tittered annoyingly.

Crono, whose head had been literally swiveling left to right as if watching a spectator match, decided to step in at this point. Standing up and starting to stack all of the books at a frenzied pace, he looked up, announcing rather nervously, "Well, -ah- I think we'd better get going then, if that's -ah- all right..." He trailed off, appearing to look very interested in the table of contents of an especially old-looking tome (although it was quite obvious that he wasn't reading, as it was actually upside down).

"Are you all right here, then?" Marle asked Lucca briskly, zipping up her other bag and heading towards the door.

"Yes, I'm fine." (Even more so if you just LEAVE already!)

"We'll come back to check on him sometime soon when we have time. Don't expect us for at least two days, though."

"OK." (By all means, why don't you make it THREE?!)

"And be nice to him. If you keep him -um- happy, then maybe he'll heal faster."

"I'll keep that in mind." (But not in the way YOU'RE thinking.)

Having collected every book off the table, Crono crossed the kitchen to join Marle. "See ya later, then," he said, waving goodbye. "Good luck with everything."

As the door snapped shut behind them, Lucca couldn't resist saying out loud, "Good luck all right. I'll consider it good luck if the house is actually standing by this time tomorrow."

***

Lucca was tired. Very tired. Extremely tired. So tired that she had difficulty putting one leg in front of the other as she climbed the staircase. Today had been an absolutely suicide-inducing day, what with overactive children, explosions, and Marle, among other things. The last item on the list alone was enough to involuntarily induce coma for at least a month.

(And it's just about to end with a bang,) she thought as she approached the somehow foreboding door at the end of the hallway. Her intelligent brain had, albeit grudgingly, reasoned that she needed to check on her charge one last time before she retired for the night. Hopefully he would be asleep, she prayed as her hand slowly turned the worn metal knob...

Not surprisingly, he started before she even technically entered the room. "I am absolutely not-"

No such luck.

Lucca rolled her eyes as she (cautiously) approached the murderous-looking, still very much awake warlock, who was sitting up in bed and brandishing the bedpan menacingly. "Oh, geez," she put forth grumpily, stopping at a safe distance. "The bathroom's just next door! You don't need to threaten me with that, for chrissakes!"

The bedpan slowly went back down, but the crimson eyes still glared at her unblinkingly. Lucca could have sworn she felt her cheeks redden as the seconds crawled on and he still refused to avert his gaze, but she held her ground, trying to ignore the knife-cutting tension in the room, doing her best to give him a haughty glare right back. Finally...

"What, are you deaf? Mute?" she barked at last. "Or perhaps just dumb?"

"No, I only talk with those as intelligent as myself," Magus replied smoothly, much to her chagrin. Did anything seem to faze him?

"You'll just have to talk to yourself, then," she stated. "We don't have any invertebrate marine life handy."

He rose an eyebrow. "Interesting...is that where you have been all day? Skulking downstairs trying to come up with something halfway intelligent to say?" He tossed the bedpan at her. Lucca caught it quickly, a cross look slowly overtaking her bespectacled face.

"Well, aren't we Mr. Happy today?" she shot back heatedly, dropping the pan on the carpet with a loud thump. "You give me such a warm fuzzy feeling whenever you're around!" She stepped closer, rounding down on his left side. "And what are you doing here in 1011 A.D. anyway?!" she added, voicing aloud something that had been bothering her for the past twenty-four hours. "Don't you remember the pact we all made after we defeated Lavos, you moron?!"

He snorted. "I don't recall ever being a part of a foolish pact," he stated clearly, a hint of animosity apparent in his voice.

"Well, there was one!" she insisted vigorously. "We all promised not to mess around with time anymore! To leave everything as it was! And you - you-" Her finger shook as it pointed towards him; her anger was making her speechless. What if he had caused all those recent disturbances here in this time period?! When it all came down to it, Lucca had never exactly believed him to be an upstanding citizen...

"I assure you, I did not come here to visit you and this little hovel." He snorted again, shifting restlessly under the thick layer of coverlets. "Given the choice, I would never have come here again. I was thrown here totally by mistake."

"What, so you were actually planning on terrorizing another year?" Lucca retorted, glaring at him suspiciously.

He gritted his teeth impatiently. "No, you little fool! I wasn't messing with the time stream at all! It - just - HAPPENED..." He inhaled sharply as relived his last moments in 11,995 B.C... He had been close, so close to discovering what had happened to Schala...

Lucca's reply was sharp. "Well, why are you here, then?! What were you really doing?!" Obviously it had been something powerful and possibly even dangerous; it took a lot to unfold time, even with a magical aura of Magus's caliber.

"Inquisitive, aren't you?" Magus replied darkly, giving her one of his icy stares. "You're just asking for a trip to the Void..."

"And you're just asking for a spanked bottom!" Lucca shouted hotly, immediately regretting her words and starting to blush the most glorious shade of crimson. Of all the things he could have asked for, it definitely would not have been THAT... Went to show what her mind was still on, even after a long, harrowing day.

This seemed to make him even more cross. "Filthy little mind, haven't we?" he snorted, noting her embarrassment. "Believe me, if I ever went insane and actually ENJOYED being spanked, it wouldn't be by you."

Despite having just been one-upped, Lucca started to snort with laughter. "What?!" Magus barked, feeling quite chagrined at her amusement.

Lucca was practically hyperventilating at this point. "You make it sound as if you've had more than a little experience in that department!" she choked, leaning on the bedpost for support. "Were you the spanker or the spankee?!"

"I will NOT dignify that with a response!" he hissed, tossing his head angrily.

"So you admit it, then! So who was it? Flea? Slash? Ozzie?!" At this point she burst into uncontrollable, unladylike giggles, unable to contain it any longer. The image, however grotesque, seemed to have tickled her funny bone.

"No one!" was the agitated reply, his face slowly beginning to turn an interesting shade of eggplant. "How dare you have the nerve-"

"Oh, just can it!" she giggled, unable to look him properly in the eye. "You're just making the situation worse for you, tirading like that! Geez..." She staggered off towards the door, sides still heaving rather violently, having just decided that although annoying Magus was quite a fun pastime, she still had to read up on Kid's dream.

She left the room, slamming the door behind her, but no sooner had it shut than she began to burst into a fresh fit of the giggles. She had NEVER laughed this hard for years, nor at something as stupid as this. Honestly, being stuck seven days a week twenty-four hours a day with twelve kids in a limited amount of space was starting to fry her brains...

She turned around in the direction of the door one last time, as if to reassure herself that something THAT ridiculous had just happened. However, she noticed something odd as she stared at its normally smooth surface...

There was now a black charred mark near the knob, about level with her waist. Almost as if a certain torqued evil wizard had decided to throw a weak fireball at her in retaliation for her so-called evil deeds...

"Oops," she muttered as her finger traced the still warm mark.

Author's Note: Don't start. I'm already ashamed of that little part with the spanking. Someone must have put something illegal in my soda.

Wheee, plot chapter! Yeah, yeah, I'm well aware that the entire first half of the chapter had nothing too funny in it, but forgive me. I'm mostly a humor writer, but lately I've been trying to concentrate more on plot with my fics. I'll make sure to put more random harrassment in chapter six, since I love it and it's loads of fun for me to write anyway. And besides: Magus + hyperactive kids + annoyed Lucca = hell. I'm thinking about getting into that next chapter, too.

Reviews, as usual, are also greatly appreciated. So if you read it -uh- please review! Whether it's a 'good job', an 'I hated it, it's crap', or suggestions for improvement, I'll appreciate it (well, probably not the second one, but still...) and it will help me get a decently-written chapter out sooner. Thanks!