I kinda thought it was funny... this one is more to take the piss outta
those fics out there that... well... I think you'll get what I'm alking
about.
The Second:
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. "It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry--"
"Err, sir?" Sexy Harry Potter began, "You just told me..."
There was a wise looking pause.
"What did I say?" The old man said gently, clasping hands underneath his chin which was somewhere under that wretched beard of his. Harry sudenly felt the insane urge again. He wanted to get out the electric razor and *shave* the damn thing off.... *shave* it *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave* it *SHAAAAAAAAAAAAVE* it off.... "You can tell me Harry."
"About the prophecy," the urge disappeared.
"Ah, yes, but there's something else I have to tell you that I should have told you two squared plus one years ago..."
Sexy Harry Potter nodded slowly. "Yeeeeeeess...?"
"Just be patient, and I shall tell you what I should have told you half a decade ago." Dumbledore removed his glasses, folded them and lay them upon the table. He looked as if he were thinking for a moment. He then unfolded the glasses and put them back on. "Harry," he said, looking through his spectacles which were - by the way - half-moon ones. "I am now going to tell you what I should have told you two minutes ago."
"OK."
"You're a Snape, Harry."
Sexy Harry Potter gasped. "I'm a what?"
"You are the son of Severus Phillipus Derigible-us PotionsRusus Bastardus Snape." Dumbledore went on gravely.
"Oh no!" Sexy Harry Potter raised his hand to his forehead.
"Oh yes," Dumbledore nodded, slightly less gravely than before. "You know what you have to do, now, don't you?"
"Yes, I must grow my hair extra long in a night, apply non-liberal amounts of hair grease to it, join the house of Slytherin, discover that there's more to Draco Malfoy than I ever thought before and get on with some father- son bonding over a stewing mess in a cauldron." He took in a deep breath. "I will also realise why Severus Philipus Derigible-us PotionsRusus Bastardus Snape hates me so much and will remain broken-hearted when he refuses to acknowledge me as his son."
"Excellent, Harry," Dumbledore nodded, even less gravely than ever.
Sexy Hary Potter nodded.
"There's also something else I must tell you," Dumbledore said. "You're a woman, Harry."
"I'm a what?!"
"A woman, and a thumpin' good one as well, once we got you ponced up a bit," and Harry swore that Dumbledore gave him a sly wink.
"What will my Father say?"
At that moment, Severus Philipus Derigible-us PotionsRusus Bastardus Snape appeared throught he door. "He'll say that he's never been so happy in his life!" He announced "And that he'll never renounce you again and that he loves you just the way you are!"
With that, Harry rushed into his father's arms.
And the hateful music swelled.
~
You know, I wasn't even going to put up anymore, but your reviews persuaded me too.
The Second:
Dumbledore lowered his hands and surveyed Harry through his half-moon glasses. "It is time," he said, "for me to tell you what I should have told you five years ago, Harry--"
"Err, sir?" Sexy Harry Potter began, "You just told me..."
There was a wise looking pause.
"What did I say?" The old man said gently, clasping hands underneath his chin which was somewhere under that wretched beard of his. Harry sudenly felt the insane urge again. He wanted to get out the electric razor and *shave* the damn thing off.... *shave* it *shaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaave* it *SHAAAAAAAAAAAAVE* it off.... "You can tell me Harry."
"About the prophecy," the urge disappeared.
"Ah, yes, but there's something else I have to tell you that I should have told you two squared plus one years ago..."
Sexy Harry Potter nodded slowly. "Yeeeeeeess...?"
"Just be patient, and I shall tell you what I should have told you half a decade ago." Dumbledore removed his glasses, folded them and lay them upon the table. He looked as if he were thinking for a moment. He then unfolded the glasses and put them back on. "Harry," he said, looking through his spectacles which were - by the way - half-moon ones. "I am now going to tell you what I should have told you two minutes ago."
"OK."
"You're a Snape, Harry."
Sexy Harry Potter gasped. "I'm a what?"
"You are the son of Severus Phillipus Derigible-us PotionsRusus Bastardus Snape." Dumbledore went on gravely.
"Oh no!" Sexy Harry Potter raised his hand to his forehead.
"Oh yes," Dumbledore nodded, slightly less gravely than before. "You know what you have to do, now, don't you?"
"Yes, I must grow my hair extra long in a night, apply non-liberal amounts of hair grease to it, join the house of Slytherin, discover that there's more to Draco Malfoy than I ever thought before and get on with some father- son bonding over a stewing mess in a cauldron." He took in a deep breath. "I will also realise why Severus Philipus Derigible-us PotionsRusus Bastardus Snape hates me so much and will remain broken-hearted when he refuses to acknowledge me as his son."
"Excellent, Harry," Dumbledore nodded, even less gravely than ever.
Sexy Hary Potter nodded.
"There's also something else I must tell you," Dumbledore said. "You're a woman, Harry."
"I'm a what?!"
"A woman, and a thumpin' good one as well, once we got you ponced up a bit," and Harry swore that Dumbledore gave him a sly wink.
"What will my Father say?"
At that moment, Severus Philipus Derigible-us PotionsRusus Bastardus Snape appeared throught he door. "He'll say that he's never been so happy in his life!" He announced "And that he'll never renounce you again and that he loves you just the way you are!"
With that, Harry rushed into his father's arms.
And the hateful music swelled.
~
You know, I wasn't even going to put up anymore, but your reviews persuaded me too.