[Shigure]
And so, I called the only person I could think of calling, the Sohma's own doctor and second to top counselor. "Hatori, can I come over? I need to see you about something." Hatori: "Maybe la-" Shigure: "Hari, please." Hatori: "*sigh* I suppose so." Shigure: "Thanks Hari."
I needed to vent and get Hari's advice in my current situation. Arriving at his house, he opened the door. "Shigure, I somehow get the impression this is something very personal." "Yes, of that nature, I suppose so." He paused by the door as if to contemplate what to tell me. "Come in," he said, standing aside.
I sat at Hatori's table and he sat across from me. "Hari, I have a problem. I think I've upset someone and I don't really know how to uh...make them not upset anymore." Hatori gave me a condescending look at my choice of words. "Just apologize. It's as simple as that." "It would appear that way, yes. But I can't apologize. It might lead that person to questioning why I even made them upset and I can't tell them that." Hatori looked a little confused for a moment. "Well." Even Hatori seemed a little stumped by this. And then said, as if this was the answer to everything: "Shigure, I think you need to realize that no one else can solve your problems for you. It was you who made this person upset. It was you that caused it. You were the one that had the experience. It's your problem. You have to solve it yourself. You came to me because you thought I would be a good counsellor, but how can I? I lack the actual experience you had, and also quite a lack of detail as well. You're the only one who can solve this problem, Shigure. I think you secretly know what the best thing to do is. And you may sink yourself in even further, but you'll eventually rise up again." I was silent for a moment, wondering if I really did know. "Yes, I believe so. Thank you, Hatori."
I needed to solve this problem. Hatori said that I knew what I should do. If I wanted to end this I had to apologize. And I would have to find the best way to explain things to Tohru without letting her know what was in that book, but I didn't think there was that possibility. As much as I would have liked to keep it a secret, I'm not sure if I can for much longer.
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^... [Tohru] The days seemed to pass slowly and I every minute became more aware of the same routine I was repeating day after day. I haven't really had much interaction with Shigure, he seems to constantly be figuring something out. Like a tedious math problem that no matter how many times you configure it, it always comes out the same way, but the wrong answer. And so, we went about our routines, pretending everything was normal and fine. But I wasn't. It upset me to the point of no end. I felt as if, in a way, I had done something wrong. I was the one who made him upset. How could I have known? It came to the point, where I almost wanted him to tell me that it wasn't anyone's fault. I just wanted that relief. To know he still cared about me and that we were still friends. I must sound so stupid, thinking, how could we not be friends? But I remember that look he held in his eyes, like saying, I can't let you. I can never let you see it.
And as these thoughts swirled around my head, I started to wonder what it was, that was in that book. The due date was also looming ahead in the days to come and I would have to return it. I would have to tell Shigure. But I knew, that as much as I may have wanted to see what was hidden withing those pages, I couldn't. I wouldn't go against Shigure's words. He didn't want me reading it, so I wouldn't. I only want, to make him happy. ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^... [Shigure] Meanwhile, Yuki had been withholding his suspicions. "Shigure, something is wrong. I know it is, don't deny it! Tohru is upset, very, very upset and I need to know why, and I know that you know!" "Yuki, why would you thi-" "Shigure, this is serious!" "Don't ask that question Yuki." "Is it something you did, or Kyo, or me?" I remained silent. "SHIGURE!" "Don't yell Yuki," I said in a stern way. Yuki sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Tell me Shigure. Please, tell me. If there's something wrong with Miss Honda we can fix, then why don't we?" "Yuki, understand this; this isn't something you or Kyo can fix for her. There's only one person who can. They just can't bring themself to do it."
This seemed to puzzle Yuki for a moment before he donned a determined face again. "Well, I'm not leaving this room until I know who!" he said defiantly. "You're being childish," I told him. "You're the one that's being childish!" he shot back. "You just don't understand. What if Ayame or Hatori was in some kind of trouble. Wouldn't you want to help them? You just don't understand." He said the last part so soflty, but I heard. "You're the one who doesn't understand. You'd understand if you were in love." That really seemed to throw Yuki for a curb. "Shigure...w-" Turning angry, he yelled: "Love?! What would you know about love?!" "A lot more than you do!" I yelled back. Yuki sighed. "You're hopeless." That said, he turned and left. I sighed. What was the point? Why should I even try to explain it to them?
They were incapable of knowing what I was going through. What the pain was like, to know I had upset her was more than I could handle. I hurt deep down where no one could reach.
I leaned against the wall of my study and lit another cigarette from a pack by the computer. I took a slow drag and let the smoke pour out of my mouth and nostrils. As this happened, I became aware of the time. It was dark outside and the clock read 10:45. Almost 11. I took another drag and put it out in the ash tray on the desk. "Tohru, I know I hurt you. I'm so sorry. Please, please help me to be strong, for you, for me, for both of us," I pleaded softly. Making my way up the stairs, I collapsed onto the bed. I fell into a deep sleep, exhausted from life, as a single tear fell down my cheek unnoticed.
The end of ch. 3. This chapter had a sad ending, I know. But I'm just letting the angst settle for a little. I'm very thankful for the reviews! I'm so glad you like it! Read on for ch. 4! ~ Tsubasa
And so, I called the only person I could think of calling, the Sohma's own doctor and second to top counselor. "Hatori, can I come over? I need to see you about something." Hatori: "Maybe la-" Shigure: "Hari, please." Hatori: "*sigh* I suppose so." Shigure: "Thanks Hari."
I needed to vent and get Hari's advice in my current situation. Arriving at his house, he opened the door. "Shigure, I somehow get the impression this is something very personal." "Yes, of that nature, I suppose so." He paused by the door as if to contemplate what to tell me. "Come in," he said, standing aside.
I sat at Hatori's table and he sat across from me. "Hari, I have a problem. I think I've upset someone and I don't really know how to uh...make them not upset anymore." Hatori gave me a condescending look at my choice of words. "Just apologize. It's as simple as that." "It would appear that way, yes. But I can't apologize. It might lead that person to questioning why I even made them upset and I can't tell them that." Hatori looked a little confused for a moment. "Well." Even Hatori seemed a little stumped by this. And then said, as if this was the answer to everything: "Shigure, I think you need to realize that no one else can solve your problems for you. It was you who made this person upset. It was you that caused it. You were the one that had the experience. It's your problem. You have to solve it yourself. You came to me because you thought I would be a good counsellor, but how can I? I lack the actual experience you had, and also quite a lack of detail as well. You're the only one who can solve this problem, Shigure. I think you secretly know what the best thing to do is. And you may sink yourself in even further, but you'll eventually rise up again." I was silent for a moment, wondering if I really did know. "Yes, I believe so. Thank you, Hatori."
I needed to solve this problem. Hatori said that I knew what I should do. If I wanted to end this I had to apologize. And I would have to find the best way to explain things to Tohru without letting her know what was in that book, but I didn't think there was that possibility. As much as I would have liked to keep it a secret, I'm not sure if I can for much longer.
^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^... [Tohru] The days seemed to pass slowly and I every minute became more aware of the same routine I was repeating day after day. I haven't really had much interaction with Shigure, he seems to constantly be figuring something out. Like a tedious math problem that no matter how many times you configure it, it always comes out the same way, but the wrong answer. And so, we went about our routines, pretending everything was normal and fine. But I wasn't. It upset me to the point of no end. I felt as if, in a way, I had done something wrong. I was the one who made him upset. How could I have known? It came to the point, where I almost wanted him to tell me that it wasn't anyone's fault. I just wanted that relief. To know he still cared about me and that we were still friends. I must sound so stupid, thinking, how could we not be friends? But I remember that look he held in his eyes, like saying, I can't let you. I can never let you see it.
And as these thoughts swirled around my head, I started to wonder what it was, that was in that book. The due date was also looming ahead in the days to come and I would have to return it. I would have to tell Shigure. But I knew, that as much as I may have wanted to see what was hidden withing those pages, I couldn't. I wouldn't go against Shigure's words. He didn't want me reading it, so I wouldn't. I only want, to make him happy. ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^... [Shigure] Meanwhile, Yuki had been withholding his suspicions. "Shigure, something is wrong. I know it is, don't deny it! Tohru is upset, very, very upset and I need to know why, and I know that you know!" "Yuki, why would you thi-" "Shigure, this is serious!" "Don't ask that question Yuki." "Is it something you did, or Kyo, or me?" I remained silent. "SHIGURE!" "Don't yell Yuki," I said in a stern way. Yuki sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Tell me Shigure. Please, tell me. If there's something wrong with Miss Honda we can fix, then why don't we?" "Yuki, understand this; this isn't something you or Kyo can fix for her. There's only one person who can. They just can't bring themself to do it."
This seemed to puzzle Yuki for a moment before he donned a determined face again. "Well, I'm not leaving this room until I know who!" he said defiantly. "You're being childish," I told him. "You're the one that's being childish!" he shot back. "You just don't understand. What if Ayame or Hatori was in some kind of trouble. Wouldn't you want to help them? You just don't understand." He said the last part so soflty, but I heard. "You're the one who doesn't understand. You'd understand if you were in love." That really seemed to throw Yuki for a curb. "Shigure...w-" Turning angry, he yelled: "Love?! What would you know about love?!" "A lot more than you do!" I yelled back. Yuki sighed. "You're hopeless." That said, he turned and left. I sighed. What was the point? Why should I even try to explain it to them?
They were incapable of knowing what I was going through. What the pain was like, to know I had upset her was more than I could handle. I hurt deep down where no one could reach.
I leaned against the wall of my study and lit another cigarette from a pack by the computer. I took a slow drag and let the smoke pour out of my mouth and nostrils. As this happened, I became aware of the time. It was dark outside and the clock read 10:45. Almost 11. I took another drag and put it out in the ash tray on the desk. "Tohru, I know I hurt you. I'm so sorry. Please, please help me to be strong, for you, for me, for both of us," I pleaded softly. Making my way up the stairs, I collapsed onto the bed. I fell into a deep sleep, exhausted from life, as a single tear fell down my cheek unnoticed.
The end of ch. 3. This chapter had a sad ending, I know. But I'm just letting the angst settle for a little. I'm very thankful for the reviews! I'm so glad you like it! Read on for ch. 4! ~ Tsubasa