"Mom, what's going to happen? I feel so unsure. Can I settle things between
Shigure and I? Help me, Mom. Please help me, Mom." I curled into a little
ball on my bed and let the tears fall slowly.
"Just be yourself. You'll be fine."
"Right Mom, right," I said softly. Those words had always given me comfort before, but now they didn't seem so comforting. All I wanted was to hear Shigure's voice tell me everything was okay and I didn't have to worry. I wanted to hear him tell me we would always be together, a family. I wanted to feel his warmth pressed against my body and listen to his steady heartbeat fill my ears. I wanted to know that I was safe and would always be welcome in his arms. Right then, I wanted that more than anything.
I rolled into an even tighter ball and closed my eyes as I fell asleep, one last tear falling.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*... [Shigure]
I flipped open the green bound book. I looked over the familiar pages, running my fingers along the lines. I purposely flipped to the last page and read the first line very slowly. Sighing, I closed it quickly and stood. I opened the window to survey the woods outside in the dark, soundless night. I felt restless, every muscle in my body itched with anticipation.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*... [Tohru]
I awoke the next morning, feeling restless. I went about my daily routine that day with only one thought. My lines. How I would conduct myself. I had to stop this between us, and I was doing it tomorrow night.
In an attempt to calm myself and get my mind off tomorrow night, I decided to call Hana. Upon answering the phone, she immediately diagnosed me. "Hello? Hana?" "Tohru, you seem troubled." "Oh, no. Why w- well, maybe." "What is it? What's wrong?" Hana urged me worried. "You're electrical waves are...disturbed." "Disturbed?" "Anxious..." "Anxious? Um...well, I suppose so," I admitted. "I sense a turning point in your life very close at hand," Hana predicted in the manner of a fortune-teller. "I don't know. I am a little worried," I confessed. "What is it Tohru," Hana repeated. "Well, I uh..." I struggled to form the words. "I'm going to tell someone how I feel tomorrow night," I confessed softly. There was a silence over the phone for a moment.
"Oh. That's why," Hana finally said. "Tohru, I think, I think that you'll overcome this. I don't fully understand your dilemna, but I know that you're strong. You're strong enough to deal with this, with what you're about to do." "I hope so. It's on my mind constantly. I can't stop thinking about it. I have no idea how the other person will react, or how I will react to their reaction." "If you want this to have a certain outcome, you can make it com true. If you want this badly enough you can make it happen." "Thanks Hana. I appreciate it." "Be strong Tohru. Good luck. Good bye." "Bye," I said into the phone as the other line hung up. I sighed as I set the phone down on the base.
I must have sat by the window the whole rest of the day. I waited for hours, just to pass the time. I couldn't do anything else. Nothing would hold my attenion; my whole mental state was fixated on tomorrow night. I ran over my lines once more in my head. Evening finally came and retired in a hurry, wanting to not think of it anymore. But sleep would also bring me closer to that moment. That moment when I would slide open the fusuma and see him sitting there, reading his newspaper, and he would look up, and I would say his name. "Shigure." I mouthed the word on my lips silently.
I climbed into my bed with the pink bedspread he had bought for me a long time ago. I pulled the blanket up around me and held it close. I stared at the ceiling for a while, waiting for the minutes to pass. Then finally closing my eyes, I willed myself to sleep.
"Relax. Just be yourself. You'll be fine."
I awoke to those words echoing in my mind. It was still dark outside and birds were just beginning to chirp outside in the trees surrounding the house. I had awoken a lot earlier than usual; I guessed it was about 5:30.
A picture of Shigure flashed in my mind. And then I remembered the time when we all went to the zoo together with Hatori, Yuki, and Kyo. I smiled at that thought. We had all had our faces painted like zoo animals, even Hatori. That, I think, is my favorite memory. We were all together, and we were happy. Everyone was smiling; I could even see a smile tugging at Hatori's lips. And as these images flashed across my mind, I came to realize all over again how grateful I am and should be even more to the Sohmas. They have sacrificed so much for me and have given me a home, a family. They are my family now, and I wouldn't trade them in for the world. I love each and every one of them.
And then finally, one single shot of Shigure flashed across my mind, leaving an imprint there. I saw his face so clearly, smiling. "I want to stay together," I said to the air around me. "Help me be strong Mom." I rolled over and closed my eyes, still picturing his face.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*...
I awoke again at 8:00. My mind was a complete whirl of thoughts throughout the day. I had difficulty making breakfast and miso soup while thinking about what lay ahead in the hours to come. Hana called to make sure I was okay; she said she could sense my electrical waves even over the distance. After a few reassuring words Hana gave me, I hung up. Hana seemed worried and had no doubt already called Uo. Hana's words were appreciated and good, but they weren't going to put my mind at ease. The only one who could do that now was Shigure.
As the hours passed slowly and I constantly glanced at the clock nervously, I became more and more uneasy. The hours ticked by tediously and I listened to every tick which seemed to come with miles between them.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*...
7:45 p.m.
I stood in front of the mirror with blurred vision and looked at myself up and down. Stopping myself from bursting into full tears, I forced a straight face and wiped the tears from my eyes. I straightened my hair in the mirror for a moment before. "Give me strength Mom," I said as I turned and left my room. I slowly crept down the stairs until I came to the door to Shigure's study. I pushed back one more urge to sniffle and slid open the fusuma cautiously. Shigure was sitting there reading his newspaper as usual and looked up.
"Shigure," I began. I choked out the rest of the words with force. "Let's end this now."
The end of long awaited ch. 5. Ch. 6 coming soon. *suspense music plays*
"Just be yourself. You'll be fine."
"Right Mom, right," I said softly. Those words had always given me comfort before, but now they didn't seem so comforting. All I wanted was to hear Shigure's voice tell me everything was okay and I didn't have to worry. I wanted to hear him tell me we would always be together, a family. I wanted to feel his warmth pressed against my body and listen to his steady heartbeat fill my ears. I wanted to know that I was safe and would always be welcome in his arms. Right then, I wanted that more than anything.
I rolled into an even tighter ball and closed my eyes as I fell asleep, one last tear falling.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*... [Shigure]
I flipped open the green bound book. I looked over the familiar pages, running my fingers along the lines. I purposely flipped to the last page and read the first line very slowly. Sighing, I closed it quickly and stood. I opened the window to survey the woods outside in the dark, soundless night. I felt restless, every muscle in my body itched with anticipation.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*... [Tohru]
I awoke the next morning, feeling restless. I went about my daily routine that day with only one thought. My lines. How I would conduct myself. I had to stop this between us, and I was doing it tomorrow night.
In an attempt to calm myself and get my mind off tomorrow night, I decided to call Hana. Upon answering the phone, she immediately diagnosed me. "Hello? Hana?" "Tohru, you seem troubled." "Oh, no. Why w- well, maybe." "What is it? What's wrong?" Hana urged me worried. "You're electrical waves are...disturbed." "Disturbed?" "Anxious..." "Anxious? Um...well, I suppose so," I admitted. "I sense a turning point in your life very close at hand," Hana predicted in the manner of a fortune-teller. "I don't know. I am a little worried," I confessed. "What is it Tohru," Hana repeated. "Well, I uh..." I struggled to form the words. "I'm going to tell someone how I feel tomorrow night," I confessed softly. There was a silence over the phone for a moment.
"Oh. That's why," Hana finally said. "Tohru, I think, I think that you'll overcome this. I don't fully understand your dilemna, but I know that you're strong. You're strong enough to deal with this, with what you're about to do." "I hope so. It's on my mind constantly. I can't stop thinking about it. I have no idea how the other person will react, or how I will react to their reaction." "If you want this to have a certain outcome, you can make it com true. If you want this badly enough you can make it happen." "Thanks Hana. I appreciate it." "Be strong Tohru. Good luck. Good bye." "Bye," I said into the phone as the other line hung up. I sighed as I set the phone down on the base.
I must have sat by the window the whole rest of the day. I waited for hours, just to pass the time. I couldn't do anything else. Nothing would hold my attenion; my whole mental state was fixated on tomorrow night. I ran over my lines once more in my head. Evening finally came and retired in a hurry, wanting to not think of it anymore. But sleep would also bring me closer to that moment. That moment when I would slide open the fusuma and see him sitting there, reading his newspaper, and he would look up, and I would say his name. "Shigure." I mouthed the word on my lips silently.
I climbed into my bed with the pink bedspread he had bought for me a long time ago. I pulled the blanket up around me and held it close. I stared at the ceiling for a while, waiting for the minutes to pass. Then finally closing my eyes, I willed myself to sleep.
"Relax. Just be yourself. You'll be fine."
I awoke to those words echoing in my mind. It was still dark outside and birds were just beginning to chirp outside in the trees surrounding the house. I had awoken a lot earlier than usual; I guessed it was about 5:30.
A picture of Shigure flashed in my mind. And then I remembered the time when we all went to the zoo together with Hatori, Yuki, and Kyo. I smiled at that thought. We had all had our faces painted like zoo animals, even Hatori. That, I think, is my favorite memory. We were all together, and we were happy. Everyone was smiling; I could even see a smile tugging at Hatori's lips. And as these images flashed across my mind, I came to realize all over again how grateful I am and should be even more to the Sohmas. They have sacrificed so much for me and have given me a home, a family. They are my family now, and I wouldn't trade them in for the world. I love each and every one of them.
And then finally, one single shot of Shigure flashed across my mind, leaving an imprint there. I saw his face so clearly, smiling. "I want to stay together," I said to the air around me. "Help me be strong Mom." I rolled over and closed my eyes, still picturing his face.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*...
I awoke again at 8:00. My mind was a complete whirl of thoughts throughout the day. I had difficulty making breakfast and miso soup while thinking about what lay ahead in the hours to come. Hana called to make sure I was okay; she said she could sense my electrical waves even over the distance. After a few reassuring words Hana gave me, I hung up. Hana seemed worried and had no doubt already called Uo. Hana's words were appreciated and good, but they weren't going to put my mind at ease. The only one who could do that now was Shigure.
As the hours passed slowly and I constantly glanced at the clock nervously, I became more and more uneasy. The hours ticked by tediously and I listened to every tick which seemed to come with miles between them.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^*...
7:45 p.m.
I stood in front of the mirror with blurred vision and looked at myself up and down. Stopping myself from bursting into full tears, I forced a straight face and wiped the tears from my eyes. I straightened my hair in the mirror for a moment before. "Give me strength Mom," I said as I turned and left my room. I slowly crept down the stairs until I came to the door to Shigure's study. I pushed back one more urge to sniffle and slid open the fusuma cautiously. Shigure was sitting there reading his newspaper as usual and looked up.
"Shigure," I began. I choked out the rest of the words with force. "Let's end this now."
The end of long awaited ch. 5. Ch. 6 coming soon. *suspense music plays*