Confessions of a Champion
Second update in less than a week. That's like a record for me. (Actually, that's not really true. Once I updated two fics in the same DAY.) Eh, anyway, this is from Seto Kaiba's POV. It's a one-shot, but that doesn't matter, seeing as how no one apparently listens when I say my fics are one-shot. For that matter, does anyone even read these forwards? Please tell me in your review. And if you don't, well, that kinda speaks for itself.
Disclaimer: I own nothing. This is plotless introspection, so I can't even claim to own the plot. Darn.
No matter what anyone says, I wasn't always this like this. Concerning Duel Monsters or the rest of the world. It's somewhat common knowledge that that bastard Gozaburo trained me to be like him- a cruel, heartless businesshark. He's mostly to blame for that little problem of mine. But as far as Duel Monsters is concerned, I take full responsibility for what I've become.
You see, Duel Monsters was meant to be a way for me to escape the cold world of business in which I had become entrenched. Even when I was just starting out, I won every duel in which I participated. I guess I just have a knack for strategy games. But back then it wasn't about winning. When I dueled, no matter how idiotic my opponent, I was happy just to play the game. You must understand that happiness in any form has always been a precious rarity to me. So you can imagine my surprise when this simple little card game became the most enjoyable thing in my life.
But then things started to go awry. I've been to various psychiatrists, and a few of them have pegged me as self-destructive. I had to laugh. I've never seriously thought about killing myself. I care too much about my brother to ever do something that abysmally stupid. But, in retrospect, I doubt my therapists were talking about suicide. It's no secret that I have an incredibly competitive nature. It was only a matter of time until my need to be the best tainted my passion of duel monsters, dooming as surely as a well-placed bullet.
Usually my competitiveness manifests itself as a compulsion to win, but I had yet to find a Duel Monsters opponent to whom I wasn't vastly superior. I began shunning people with whom I had enjoyed playing, not believing them worth my time. As much as I'd like to believe that Gozaburo instilled me with this cold, separatist streak, I think it's always been a part of who I was. I mean, I hardly noticed that I was shutting my friends out of my life! I don't know what's a less attractive option, that I have always been an arrogant, callous person, or that I actually learned to be that way.
I began to collect rarer and rarer cards, seeing them as stepping stepping- stones on my way to Duel Monsters greatness. Money was no problem. Ironically, the very qualities that were fouling my love of duel Monsters made me a very successful businessman. I was able to buy three of the rarest and most powerful cards in Duel Monsters: the Blue Eyes White Dragons. It seemed my place in Duel Monsters legend was carved in stone. Even if I had been a horrible duelist, my dragons would have landed me a place in gaming history. As it was, my fate was doubly sealed.
Somewhere in my rise to Duel Monsters fame I became divided. Half of me wanted nothing more than to find a worthy opponent, and I think it was that part of me that compelled me to shun everyone who I considered unworthy, which, at the time, was everyone. The rest of me became afraid, as absurd as that may sound. Deep down, I knew that some day I would find a worthy rival, and that he would best me, so I feared finding him. However I may have appeared, I never took my place as champion for granted. I was always waiting, in anticipation and fear, for the day I would be dethroned.
But until I actually dueled Yuugi Motou, even though my passion had turned rancid, Duel Monsters completed me in a way nothing else has ever been able to. And on that fateful day when I was finally defeated, my loss didn't lift the dark curtain that had settled over my love for Duel Monsters. If anything, that burden became heavier. I guess it takes more than defeat to punch a much-needed hole in my over inflated pride.
Looking back, I'm surprised that I was never crushed by my own titanic ego. Between my supreme dragons and my natural strategic intelligence, I was unstoppable. And I knew it. I beat top duelists by unheard-of margins. Of course I made a lot of enemies, but I think there were just as many who admired me. Younger kids, mostly, and at the time I found it sort of flattering. Even now I hear people talk about the "amazing Seto Kaiba." I hold back a bitter laugh and wonder if they know anything about me other than the facts that I own three of the four Blue Eyes White Dragons, that I invented Duel Disks, and that I hosted the Battle City tournament. I highly doubt it, because who, if they really knew me, would be able to admire me, not just as a duelist, but also as a human being? No one.
All right, Mokuba would, and does, but sometimes I think my little brother isn't capable of finding fault with me. Sometimes it's wonderful to look at him and see someone whom I know will always be there for me, no matter what. Sometimes. But there will always be those times when facing my brother is the hardest thing in the word, because I know I'm not worthy of him.
In fact, if there was one thing I could change about my life, it would be the way Mokuba sees me. As great as it is to be idolized by someone like him, I know he sometimes feels inferior. And, really, there's no reason for him to be overshadowed. He's a better person than I could ever hope to be. He loves easily and unconditionally, finding the goodness hidden within even the most horrible of individuals. Me, for instance.
And he protects me more than I think he realizes. Not just my spirit, either. I believe that if the roles were reversed, and Mokuba was my older brother, he would do ten times better for me than I've ever done for him. It would have taken more than anything that bastard Gozaburo could have mustered to break Mokuba's spirit. He's so vastly superior that he was willing to humble himself before my arrogance, to accept being seen as my shadow. A lesser person would never have put up with me, but my brother is not exactly a lesser person, now is he? If someday I look in the mirror and see in myself even a fraction of his warmth and humanity, I will consider myself a very good person.
And to think I've taken him for granted for so long! Without Mokuba, who knows what I might have become? I know the levels to which I've descended, even with the guidance of my tiny guardian angel. No words are strong enough to describe how much I care about you, Mokuba, but I'll try my best and pray that it's even halfway adequate. I'll write it now, and maybe someday I'll find the courage to say it to your face.
o()o
Mokuba,
I love you more than I can say. You know me for what I am and stick by me anyway. With all my wealth, I could never hope to buy you a gift that even compares to what you have given me. I doubt I'll ever know anyone half as virtuous as you, and I don't think I deserve to. Heck, I don't even deserve you. But if you still believe I'm worthy of your time, even after all these years, then maybe it's not a question of what I deserve. Maybe it's a question of what I need. And what I love. Because I love you. I always have, and I always will. No matter what happens, you will always be the single most important thing in my life. I know I don't' always show that, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done to hurt you, for every missed opportunity to say that I love you. So take these as a symbol of what you mean to me. And know you are truly the one who deserves them.
o()o
Seto Kaiba smiled sadly as he folded his little note and placed in an envelope. He took a key out of his pocket and unlocked a small drawer in his desk. The drawer was empty except for three Duel Monster cards. Sighing, Seto placed each card in the envelope after looking at it for a while, admiring the way the light glanced off their identical pictures. Each card held the power of one of the most awesome beasts ever to grace Duel Monsters. Seto finally gained enough courage to seal the cards into the envelope with the note. Sure, he would miss his Blue Eyes White Dragons, but now Mokuba deserved them. Seto wrote "MOKUBA" on the front of the envelope in large block letters. He stood up and left the room, not even bothering to shut the door behind him. He stole quietly down the hallway until he came to his brother's room. The door was shut, so Seto slid his envelope under it. Not knowing whether to laugh or cry, Seto sprinted back down the hall, locking the door of his study securely behind him. He didn't want to be around when Mokuba found the envelope. He didn't want his brother to see him cry.