Author's Note: You know, it's funny. Now that I'm on summer vacation, you'd think I'd be writing a lot more, right? Sorry for the wait (again) for this chapter- I'm not as motivated in the summer as I am during the school year.
This chapter switches between Robert and Elizabeth's point of view, but I think it's pretty easy to follow. Just in case you can't, though, it starts off from Robert's perspective and then switches back and forth at every break. And it takes place during "When Night Meets Day." We're really close to the end here, only one or two more chapters to go (I know how I want to end it, just am not quite sure how long that's going to take). Please keep reviewing, it's what keeps me going…and going…and going. Enjoy!
***
Why do hospital rooms have to be so damn boring?
Seriously, the people who spend the most time in here are either sick or dying. A little artwork wouldn't hurt. Even just changing the color of the walls would be an improvement.
Of course, if I had my way, I wouldn't be in this hospital room anyway. But yet, here I am, just minutes away from having my arm chopped off. Again. Honestly, once was enough.
But here I am. Alone. Well, not really alone. I know there are some doctors and nurses around, but none of them really give a damn about me. I'm just their pain-in-the-ass colleague. They're probably throwing a party tonight, just to celebrate my misery.
Where is she? She promised she'd be here…she promised. Doesn't she know that she's the only one I care about? That I don't want her in the OR to make sure the idiot residents don't chop off my good arm…that I want her there for me.
She's with an ER patient, they say. What ER patient could possibly be more important than me?
I know I shouldn't be this selfish. But this is hard for me. Elizabeth knows that.
So why isn't she here?
***
I can't believe I'm doing this. Sitting here, assisting on this surgery. I shouldn't have come. Robert doesn't know I'm here, so what good am I doing him?
I didn't think it would be this hard. I've done quite a few amputations in my time, but none has ever been this personal. I've never taken the time to consider how much an amputation can affect someone's life. Just look what it has done to Robert. It has destroyed his career…made him a different person, really. He may try to put up a good face, but I know how much he's changed underneath.
They're asking me if I want to do the honors, to actually be the one to cut the arm off. Why would I want to do that? Why would I want to be the one to finalize this for him? I didn't want this to happen as much as he didn't. Yet I was the one to convince him to do it. I know, deep down, that this is the right thing for him. And I know he knows that too.
But in this moment, it all seems wrong.
Mechanically, I'm holding out a bag, and Dr. Klein slides the now-severed arm into it. Here I am. Sealing Robert's past as I seal the plastic bag. He can never go back to who he was now.
Welcome to your future, Robert Romano.
***
Back in the damn hospital room. I don't know if it's the same one as before, though. I'm not able to focus on much of anything at all right now.
I'm mildly aware that someone is sitting next to me, and upon asking, I realize that it's Elizabeth. I'm muttering words that I hope she can understand, because I can barely think straight. My brain doesn't seem to be functioning properly, but words are coming out of my mouth impulsively.
Elizabeth is responding with a balance of understanding, gentleness and wit. Just what I need right now. She always seems to know what I need. She's one hell of a surgeon. And so beautiful…
I know she's taking good care of me. She always has. And she always will. She's the only one who has stuck by me, the only one who has put up with my increasingly bad attitude towards work and life in general. I don't know how she does it when nobody else seems to be able to.
I love you, Elizabeth. I always have, and I think I always will.
I'm slipping back into sleep, and I don't realize that I just said those words out loud.
***
He can't have meant what he just said. I don't think he even knew that he was talking aloud. He's under a lot of stress and the influence of painkillers…it's enough to make anyone delirious.
But what if he did? What if, against all the odds, he was conscious enough to have meant what he said?
Because when he said it, I realized that I have been waiting a long time for him to utter those four sweet words.
"I love you, Elizabeth."
When he said that, my world suddenly came screeching to a halt. If he meant it, then my entire life has just fallen into place.
Because I think I love him too.
But what if he didn't mean it? What if I bring it up later, and he doesn't remember? What if he denies it? What if he doesn't want to be with me?
And, as usual, my skepticism took over. I tried to laugh it off, and left him alone in that recovery room. I did what I have done so many times before in this kind of situation.
I ran away. And now, instead of knowing how he really feels, I'm left with my heart and brain battling it out. My brain is being the doctor, telling me that he couldn't have known what he was talking about. My heart is telling me that he feels the same way.
This time, I hope my heart wins out.
***
A/N: Please be sure to leave a review and tell me what you thought of the chapter- if it was good, if I wrote Elizabeth's character all wrong, whatever. Constructive criticism is always appreciated :)
Also, the next chapter probably won't be up for another week and a half or two weeks (sorry!)- I'm going on vacation again, and won't have computer access. Hopefully it will be worth the wait!