"Will he be okay, Doctor Proctor?"

"He's pretty banged up, but it's nothing a little super glue couldn't fix."

James slowly opened his eyes and saw Tracey and another man bending over him.

"Oh, thank goodness you're all right, Professor," Tracey said, relieved. "When that Tauros butted you, I was afraid that you had broken something."

"Okay, Tracey. Let's roll him over and get those pants off of him so I can treat the cuts on his buttocks," Doctor Proctor ordered.

James's eyes widened.

Doctor Proctor studied Professor Oak's medical record and reached inside his medical bag. "Oh, you know what, Professor? It looks like you're due for your annual prostate exam. Might as well kill two birds with one stone." Doctor Proctor snapped on a pair of rubber examination gloves.

James immediately leapt to his feet. "Yahh! Don't touch me!"

"Wow, looks like he made an amazing recovery," Tracey said as James started running in the opposite direction.

James made it back into the lab and locked the door just as the videophone started to ring. James picked up the receiver. "Hello?" he panted as he struggled to get his breath back.

"Hello, Professor Oak," smiled a young bespectacled man in a lab coat. "I hope I haven't caught you at a bad time."

"Um…hello…" James knew he had met the scientist on the video screen before, but he couldn't remember the man's name. "Um…nerdy scientist from Johto."

Professor Elm gave his colleague a funny look. "Professor, are you feeling all right?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly all right!" James snapped. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

A bewildered Professor Elm continued to stare at the imposter Oak. "Well, it's just that your hair looks a bit…uh…strange."

"Strange?" James felt the top of his head and realized that his wig had slipped to one side during his escape from Doctor Proctor.

Poor guy must be having a midlife crisis, Professor Elm thought as James quickly readjusted his wig. "Anyway, the reason I called was because I wanted to discuss my latest theory on Corsola's ability to use Recover."

"Corsola? Isn't that the pink Pokémon that looks like a wad of bubble gum?"

"Bubble gum? Oh, no. That's Ditto. Corsola is the water-type Pokémon that's also part rock. Anyway, what I wanted to talk to you about was…"

A panting Tracey, who had narrowly managed to escape from Doctor Proctor, came into the lab. "Whew, that was a close…oh, hi, Professor Elm," he said, waving in the direction of the video screen.

"Oh, that's right," said James. "You were the guy with that nasty Totodile that ripped Jessie's hair off."

"What?" said Tracey and Professor Elm in unison.

"Uh…I mean…" Realizing that Professor Oak's assistant was starting to get suspicious, James decided that it would be best to get rid of the boy. "Twer…Tracey, why don't you take the rest of the day off?"

"Professor, are you sure that's a good idea? I don't think you should stay here by yourself if your head's still bothering you," Tracey replied.

"Don't worry about me, I'll be perfectly fine." James reached into his pocket and threw a handful of credit cards at Tracey. "One of those might still be good. Go out and don't come back anytime soon."

Tracey stared at the pile of credit cards in disbelief. "Professor? Are you sure that…?"

"Yes, yes…now get out of here!" James dug around in Professor Oak's desk and found a pair of car keys. "Here, take these. Go for a drive or something."

Tracey's jaw dropped. "The…you're letting me drive the SUV? Professor…I…all I have is my learner's permit!"

"So go learn," James replied, tossing the keys at Tracey. "Just get out of here!"

Tracey couldn't believe his good fortune. Even if Professor Oak was acting strange, he wasn't about to turn down the opportunity to drive the SUV and go on a spending spree. Even though he felt a bit guilty for taking advantage of his boss, Tracey decided to push his luck once more.

"Gee, thanks, Professor. Um…you know, I was going to ask you if it would be all right if I could…you know, ask your granddaughter out on a date?"

"Yes, yes…just go," replied James, who was so busy trying to figure out how to get to all the Pokémon in the lab that he wasn't paying attention to Tracey at all.

"All right!" yelled Tracey as he ran out the door, stopping only to high-five Muk on the way out. "Thanks, Professor Oak!"

James turned his attention back to the scientist on the video screen. "Sorry about that, Professor…uh, Professor with the evil Totodile."

"Elm. Are you sure you're feeling all right, Professor Oak?"

"Yes, I'm perfectly fine! Why does everyone keep asking me that?" James snapped.

"Uh…nothing. Anyway, what I called about was that I made an interesting discovery on Corsola's ability to use Recover and I wanted to discuss it with you."

Now the real Professor Oak knew that his former student could easily ramble on for hours and usually did so whenever he called. Normally, Professor Oak would listen patiently to his colleague's theories and provide some additional insight. However, James wasn't the real Professor Oak and ten minutes into Professor Elm's discussion of Corsola's special ability, his patience had finally run out.

"…and when I noticed that this one particular Corsola on Yellow Rock Isle started to use Recover three seconds earlier than the one I observed on Red Rock Isle, I…"

James, who by now had a headache from Professor Elm's droning lecture, finally exploded. "For crying out loud! Don't you ever stop talking?"

Shocked by his colleague's outburst, Professor Elm, whose mouth was still open, stared wide-eyed at James.

"Oh, for crying out loud, close your mouth! That's part of your problem! That, and your wardrobe," James continued. "All of you scientists have absolutely no fashion sense at all. Go find a men's fashion magazine and call me back when you have something interesting to say." James slammed the phone receiver down and the screen went black.

To be continued…