James, meanwhile, now rid of Tracey, had the lab to himself and was doing some exploring.
"Ahhh!" James's eyes lit up at the sight of the hundreds of Poké balls lining the walls of the room adjacent to the laboratory. "Yes, I've hit the jackpot! All these wonderful Pokémon, and they're all mine!"
James eagerly reached for the nearest Poké ball, and, to his surprise, discovered that it was firmly attached to the shelf it was sitting on.
"Poké ball retrieval system inactivated. Activation password required. Password, please," ordered a computerized voice.
"Password?" replied James, surprised. "Um…Pokémon?"
"Incorrect," replied the computer. "Password, please."
"Uh…Poké ball?"
"Incorrect. Password, please."
"Oh, I don't know…twer…Tracey?"
"Incorrect. Password, please."
"Oh, it's just like that smarty-pants professor to do something sneaky like this to keep people like me from stealing all these Pokémon!" James fumed.
"Incorrect. Password, please," continued the computer.
"Will you shut up!" shouted a frustrated James. "I don't know…Pidgey? Tauros? Muk?"
At the sound of its name, the giant sludge Pokémon came rumbling into the lab, ready to play with its best friend, Professor Oak. "Muk!!"
James shrieked. "AAAUGH! No, stay away from…!"
Too late. James had already disappeared underneath Muk's gooey embrace.
"Incorrect. Password, please."
---
James sighed wearily and scraped at the sludge that covered him from head to toe. He didn't think he'd be able to keep up this deception much longer.
Can things get any worse? he wondered as he headed upstairs to the bathroom for a shower. He then realized that he had another problem – he didn't know where the bathroom was. He tried the first door and a pair of Pidgeys flew out the second he opened it.
"Aaugh! Get away from me, you stupid birds!" James cursed as he swatted at the two brown birds. He dashed to safety in the next room and discovered that it belonged to Tracey.
"Must be the twerp's room," James said as he shut the door and leaned against it until the sound of the Pidgeys' squawking faded down the hall.
"Marill," a small blue Pokémon said, eyeing the intruder warily. Something didn't seem right about this Professor Oak.
James kicked at the blue mouse Pokémon with his foot. "Get away from me, you nosy little pest!" "Marill!" the Pokemon huffed angrily. It then proceeded to unleash a Water Gun attack.
"Aaaaugh!" James ran into the adjoining bathroom and locked the door. "Stupid little twerp's Pokémon," he muttered as he reached for a towel.
"Is that you, Samuel?" said a female voice from the other room connecting to the bathroom. Before James had time to respond, the door slid open and a pretty, auburn-haired woman dressed in a red silk robe came into the bathroom. "Oh good," she smiled. "You're getting ready for our 'quality time'." She took James by the hand and led him into Professor Oak's bedroom.
"Uh, what exactly do you mean by 'quality time'?" James gulped nervously as Delia laid down on the bed and patted the place next to her.
"I mean this, Samuel," Delia said as she undid her robe to reveal a sexy red negligee.
James's eyes grew as huge as a HootHoot's and his jaw dropped to the floor.
"I wanted to surprise you," Delia continued as she undid her hair and let it fall down around her shoulders. "So I sneaked in the back door."
"Oh, I'm definitely surprised, all right," James squeaked as soon as he had regained his voice.
"Well Samuel," Delia smiled seductively and licked her lips. "Shall we get started? You said that today you were going to show me why you used to be called 'Flying Fingers Sammy'."
James, realizing that he was about to be seduced by Professor Oak's next-door neighbor, panicked. "I….uh….can you wait there for just a second?"
"Are you going to go get some protection, sweetheart?" Delia called as James fled into the bathroom and locked the door.
"Jessie! Jessie!" James frantically whispered into the radio hidden under his lab coat.
"What is it, James?" Jessie replied.
"Jessie, I…I'm in trouble!"
"Trouble? What kind of trouble?"
"I…the twerp's mom is…she's…she's lying here in, well, not much of anything, and I think she's interested in being more than just my neighbor."
Professor Oak, who had been overhearing their radio conversation, grew furious. Glaring at Jessie, he snarled, "You tell him that if he lays even one hand on Delia, I'll personally come over there and strangle him myself!"
Meowth, however, found this quite amusing. "You're doin' the twerp's mom? Geez, I didn't think guys your age were even capable of doin' it anymore."
"What?!" Professor Oak's mouth fell open in disbelief.
"Jessie, what am I going to do?" whimpered James helplessly.
"I don't know," Jessie snapped as she tried to think of a way to save her partner from Mrs. Ketchum's "quality time". "Why don't you tell her that your Viagra prescription ran out and that you can't do it until you get it refilled?"
"Viagra?!" Professor Oak sputtered. "Let me tell you, young lady, that I'm more than capable of satisfying a woman! Matter of fact, there was a study recently published that said that men over the age of forty were better lovers than…"
"Calm down, Professor Loverboy," Meowth said as he slapped a piece of duct tape over Professor Oak's mouth. "You're gonna have a heart attack. And I ain't givin' you artificial respiration again!"
"Jessie, I don't…" James quickly turned off the radio and stuffed it down the front of his pants when he heard the door behind him open.
"Sweetheart, is everything okay?" Delia asked worriedly as she came into the bathroom and saw James hunched over the toilet.
James fumbled with the buttons of his lab coat in an effort to hide the bulge of the radio underneath. "I…uh…I think I won't be able to do it right now."
"Oh." Delia said. "I guess men your age do have that problem sometimes, don't you?" Delia's gaze fell upon the bulge of the radio that James had hastily shoved down the front of his pants. "Oh, I don't know what you're worried about, darling. Why don't you come to bed now and…"
James jumped straight into the air. "Yahhh! No! Don't touch me!"
"Samuel, what's wrong with you?" Delia asked with concern. "You don't seem like yourself today."
"Well, maybe it's because I'm not…" James quickly shut up when he realized that he had nearly spilled the beans on his and Jessie's plan. "Uh, I mean that…uh, I think I have a headache."
"Oh, that's why you're acting so strangely," Delia said as she laid a hand on James's trembling shoulder. "Oh my goodness, you're shaking! You get in bed this instant Samuel, and I'll get you some aspirin."
"Get in bed?" James said in disbelief.
"Right now, mister!" Delia said in a voice that meant that she wasn't kidding. "You go lie down and I'll find something to help you get rid of that headache of yours."
"That's what I'm afraid of," James whispered as he meekly headed into the bedroom.
"Now let's see how I can make you feel better," Delia said as she came back into the bedroom and bent over James's trembling form. "Maybe a couple of these would help."
A wide-eyed James stared at Delia's cleavage, which was directly in front of his face.
"I meant these, Samuel," Delia said, holding out a couple of aspirin.
Breathing a sigh of relief, James took the tablets from Delia and swallowed them.
"Now why don't you let me help relax you?" Delia sat down on the bed next to James and began rubbing his shoulders. "My, but you're tense today, sweetheart." Delia proved to be an excellent masseuse and James began to relax. "That's better, honey. Just relax and enjoy it."
James sighed in pleasure. "Mmmm, that does feel good."
Jessie and Professor Oak, both of whom were overhearing their conversation over Jessie's radio, grew furious.
"Why that little bimbo! I told James to tell her that he was out of Viagra!" Jessie snarled.
Professor Oak swore violently underneath his duct tape and began struggling to get free.
"Hey, Jessie, you don't think that the twerp's mom and James are actually doing it, are they?" asked Meowth.
"I don't know, but I'm going to put a stop to whatever's going on right now!" Jessie threw the radio at Meowth and stormed out of the building.
Meanwhile, Professor Oak, who had managed to free himself of the duct tape over his mouth, spat aside the tape and turned to the Pokémon standing next to him. "Let me go now!"
"Why should I?" replied Meowth.
"Remember what we talked about earlier?" Professor Oak said, struggling to free himself from his bonds. "About coming to my lab with me? Being famous, free medical care, free food, a nice bed? If you let me go, we can get started on that."
"How do I know this ain't some sorta trick?" said Meowth warily. "You might try to fling me across the room again like last time."
"That was an accident! Meowth, I give you my word as a Pokémon researcher that as soon you let me go, we'll go straight to the lab. No tricks, I promise. Besides, if I were planning on harming you, why would've I gone to all the trouble to give you extra Poké Chow and take care of your injured toe?"
Meowth thought about this for a moment. "Ya' know, you got a point there, Professor." With one Fury Swipe, Meowth cut loose the ropes that held his captive.
"Thank you," Professor Oak replied, quickly jumping to his feet. "Come on, let's go!"
"Wait for me!" cried Meowth as Professor Oak bolted out the door.
"Oh, that feels divine," James moaned in pleasure as Delia continued to rub his shoulders. "I don't think I've ever felt this good in my entire life."
Suddenly, the door crashed open, causing both James and Delia to jump in surprise. James gulped at the sight of a furious Jessie standing in the doorway.
"Wha…who are you?" Delia shrieked.
"Get away from him!" Jessie pointed at Delia.
"Jess, what in the world…"
"Save it, James! I overheard the two of you moaning and groaning!"
"James? Samuel, what's she talking about?" asked a confused Delia.
Just then, the real Professor Oak came panting up the steps. "Delia! Are you all right? He didn't touch you, did he?"
Delia stared at the real Professor Oak, then at the other Professor Oak lying on the bed next to her. "Samuel? What in the world is going on here?"
James rolled off the bed and tried to sneak over to the window to make a hasty escape. "Uh, I think I'd better be going now."
"Oh no, you don't!" Jessie and Professor Oak said in unison as they both lunged for James.
"Samuel, stop it!" cried Delia as she tried to pull the two fighting Professor Oaks apart.
Jessie seized Delia by the hair and pulled her off of James. "Get your hands off him, you little floozy!"
"Now this is a real catfight!" said Meowth as he came upstairs and saw the two women tugging on each other's hair.
To be continued…