Shattered
By Adriana
trixielou60@hotmail.com
For life, with all its yield of joy and woe,
And hope and fear-- believe the aged friend --
Is just the chance o' the prize of learning love,
How love might be, hath been indeed, and is;
And that we hold henceforth to the uttermost
Such prize despite the envy of the world,
And, having gained truth, keep truth: that is all.
~From the poem, "A Death in the Desert" by Robert Browning
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Chapter 11: Truth
"This can't be happening," Hermione thought dimly. The surreal nature of her circumstance almost caused her to lose control, but she fought hard to maintain it. "He needs me," she whispered to herself. She focused her concentration on Severus.
As she knelt before him, she leaned over his face and immediately saw that he had small blisters around his nose and mouth. Mentally eliminating several poisons, she frowned and brought her face even closer. She caught a whiff of a distinctive, acrid smell. "Oh no!" she thought.
Tincture of calotropis.
Not only that, but that bitch had spelled Severus so that the poison was permeating his skin. She could see the dark energy surrounding his body. If she touched him, she could find herself overwhelmed by the toxic effects of the poison. This was a spell designed to do some major damage.
Severus was a crumpled mass, and his lank hair had fallen in his face, obscuring his eyes from her view. At the moment he'd been overcome by the poison, his face had contorted into a mask of pain and fear. For the first time ever, he looked as if he'd been caught by surprise. His colour was a terrible bluish tint. Hermione had a hard time looking at him.
Heart pounding, she fought a feeling of panic. "What if I can't do this?" she said to herself. Her hands began to shake. "This is no time to lose it," she thought, resolutely. In the distance, she could make out Ron and Draco shouting at each other. Briefly glancing over her shoulder, she could see that Taryn had been immobilized and it appeared that Draco and Ron were arguing over what to do with her. "They'll work it out," her mind flickered.
Turning back quickly to her task, she cast a Shielding Charm around herself and touched him for the first time. Feeling his pulse, she noted it to be excruciatingly slow. "Antidote, antidote" . . . . she scanned her mental database. As she watched him, his skin colour worsened and Hermione uttered a quick spell to transform the air around him into pure oxygen. "Breathe, Severus," she told him gently, and the air began to move into his lungs. Hermione charmed it to move under pressure.
Suddenly, she remembered the antidote. Belladona! Hermione knew that Severus kept a supply in the storeroom. "Accio Belladonna!" she shouted and, as quick as a snitch, the vial was in her hand. Frantically scanning the mess in the lab, she found one of Severus' quills, next to a broken piece of glass. Remembering her battlefield training, Hermione transfigured the quill into a syringe and the piece of glass into a rubber tourniquet.
"I know you'll forgive my Muggle ways, Severus," she murmured, as she tied the tourniquet around his upper arm. "I have to get this antidote into you fast." She withdrew the Belladonna into the syringe, and carefully measuring it, she injected it into his vein.
"Please, God," she breathed. "Let this work!" She began to shakily chant a spell designed to make his body and mind more receptive to the healing.
There was no telling how much poison he'd ingested.
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"Life is a funny thing," thought Draco, as he moved towards Ron Weasley. All these juxtapositions were threatening to permanently disorient him. One minute he's on his broom, the next, Voldemort is yanking his hair. One minute he's draped across a chair and the next, he's wrestling an assassin with a goody- two-shoes Gryffindor.
"It's a wonder I'm not barmy," he thought.
"Get her fucking wand, you pillock!" yelled Ron.
"No need to be rude, you stupid cow! I don't have to even touch her . . . Petrificus Totalus!" Draco shouted with a dramatic flair.
Taryn Butler immediately froze, teetering precariously.
"And you call yourself a wizard, Weasley?" With a curl of his lip, Draco put a hand on Taryn, pushing her over. She landed with a satisfying crash on the floor.
Ron straightened up to his full, impressive height, red-faced, short of breath and sweating profusely. "She's well trained," he said. "I would have overpowered her . . . eventually." Draco snorted.
"What were you doing here, Weasley?"
Ron let out an incomprehensible mumble.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't hear you."
"I said, I'll explain later, it's a very long story! We've got other things to worry about."
They both looked at Taryn.
"What do you suppose we should do with her, Malfoy?"
"I don't know. Maybe we should hang her by her big toes and cast a tickling charm on her until she pukes on your shoes."
Ron gave him his best sneer. "Same old smart-arsed git, aren't you? What's wrong, can't you think of anything useful?"
"Of course I can. Don't you realize what a coup this is? Taryn Butler is one of Voldemort's most trusted Death Eaters . . . she'd have to be, for him to give her such an assignment. Think of the information! A few minutes with me and I'll have her squealing like a pig." He gave his most charming smile.
"Torture is a specialty of mine," he said proudly.
"Trust you to brag about something like that. But you're right about one thing. She has to know a lot of his secrets. As much as I'd love to see her get the Dementor's Kiss, we'll have to extract information from her. I'm sure you could do the honors, Malfoy."
"Actually, I hate torture, it's very messy. I'll leave that to the Ministry experts. But I can give pointers!"
Ron shook his head in exasperation and tiredly rubbed his eyes. "We have to inform the Headmaster."
"I suppose you're right," sighed Draco. Walking over to Hermione he asked, "How's Uncle Severus?" He couldn't keep the anxiety out of his voice, as much as he tried. Hermione had never seen that look on Draco's face before. If she didn't know better, she would have thought it to be the barest flicker of fear.
"He's stable, but I still don't know if he's going to survive," she answered quietly. "It depends on how well he responds to the antidote. I'm moving him to his chambers . . . we can't take him to the hospital wing. Nobody can know about this yet. I can get everything I need from the Potions Lab."
"Yes but first things, first," said Draco. Bending over Taryn, he began to pat at her clothing. "It has to be here, somewhere," he muttered to himself. "Ah ha!" He tugged on a garish silver ring on her right hand. Pulling it off, he opened the jewel and took a sniff. He grimaced.
"Ergh! Cyanide in a ring! How utterly, utterly predictable! So you were planning to do the world a favor by committing suicide, were you? How noble! Couldn't you and Voldie come up with anything better than this? Aside from the fact that you tried to kill somebody very dear to me, I ought to kill you just because you're bloody stupid!" he yelled.
The only things that moved on Taryn Butler's body were her eyes, and they were slits of anger.
"Draco! This isn't helping!" Hermione's voice was pleading.
"I'm sorry, love. But I'm very angry." Turning to Ron he said, "Watch over the prisoner, Corporal. I'm fetching Dumbledore." He walked quickly from the room.
"Malfoys never run," he thought.
Hermione and Ron finally looked at each other. He'd only seen her briefly in recent months and he quickly took in her fragile appearance. Ordinarily he would have been concerned, but he knew that despite how she looked, she was all steely strength underneath. She'd always been very strong, and she had been his and Harry's rock throughout all their fights against Voldemort. He knelt with her next to Severus.
"I don't know how you came to be here, Ron, but thank you," she told him softly. Briefly glancing at Taryn Butler's still form on the floor she added, "I can't deal with her. If I look at her, I'm going to want to hurt her and I have to concentrate on Severus."
"Leave her to me, Hermione. I'll see to it that she pays for what she's done. One way or another."
Hermione nodded, and pointing her wand at Severus, she murmured, "Mobilicorpus!" He was gently lifted in the air. It was the second time in her life that she'd seen him floating after that spell, but she was determined to make this journey a more comfortable one. She carefully guided him to a far wall of the lab and said,
"Serpens fortis."
An open doorway suddenly appeared and Hermione took Severus through the entrance. She remembered the last time she'd been in his chambers, the night that Poppy had died. She pushed that thought away quickly.
"He isn't going to die," she thought. "I won't let him."
Before gently laying him on his bed, she removed his robes and boots, lovingly caressing them as she laid them across a chair. Withdrawing her crystal wand, she laid a comforting hand on his cheek and began to flick the wand across his prone body. Gradually, the dark spell surrounding him began to lighten and his color improved. He let out a deep sigh and appeared to rest easier.
There was nothing more to do but wait. As there were no more spells and no more healings to be done, the enormity of what had happened finally hit her like a Weasley Twin Bludger. She began to shake and tears threatened to spill. Her stomach was tied in a thousand knots and she fought a feeling of nausea. Touching him without the Shielding Spell for the first time, she was relieved to find his skin cool to her touch. As her hand lingered over his face, her fingers caressed his lips. "Such full, sensuous lips, when they're not stretched into a thin scowl," she thought. Her shaking began to subside and she marveled how touching him had somehow healed some of her physical distress. His complexion was rather waxy, but to Hermione, the sight of him quietly breathing was one of the most beautiful things she'd ever seen.
Leaning closely to him, she continued to stroke his face. "Please Severus. Don't die." The tears finally spilled.
"Don't leave me all alone," she whispered.
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Ron paced the Potions Lab, waiting for Albus and Draco to arrive. Patience was never a Weasley virtue, although some of his siblings were blessed with more of it than he'd ever been. What the hell! Did Malfoy stop at the opera on his way to get Dumbledore? What was taking so long?
When Draco finally arrived with Albus, Ron was wholly unprepared for the immediate verbal assault that greeted him.
"Alright, Weasley! I explained the situation to the Headmaster. Do you think you could enlighten us as to how you came to be in the Potions Lab at the exact moment Taryn Butler was trying to kill my uncle?"
Ron opened his mouth, the closed it, then opened it again, trying to find the right words.
"You look like a carp, you idiot. Just start at the beginning."
Ron sighed. This wasn't going to be easy. It was likely that several people were going to want his head on a platter, starting with the Headmaster. He sat himself down on the Potions Master's desk.
"Months ago," he began slowly, "Ministry Aurors began getting very vague reports that a spy had either penetrated Hogwarts or was in the process of penetrating the school. The intelligence came from deep underground in Voldemort's organization and we weren't even sure if it was true. Nobody could be certain of the reliability of the source, but one thing was clear. If there was a mole at Hogwarts, many lives were threatened."
Albus curled a finger through his long white beard. "And nobody saw fit to consult with me about this?" he asked quietly.
"I'm sorry, sir. I wanted to tell you, but I was under strict orders to stay silent. My assignment came straight from top officials at the Ministry. This information was so sensitive that nobody was to know about this . . . you know how paranoid those in the spy business can be!"
Albus nodded. "No offense, Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Weasley, but I always found spying to be a nasty undertaking. All that moral ambiguity is most confusing."
Ron looked relieved. "Well then, you can understand the level of panic at the Ministry. We immediately thought of two possibilities as to who the spy could be."
"Let me guess," said Draco dryly. "Me and Uncle Severus. How come we Slytherins are always the first to be suspected of evil-doings?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe it's because you were both Death Eaters, you poncey git!"
"Boys, boys," murmured the Headmaster.
"Anyway," Ron continued, "We ruled you out pretty early on, Malfoy. You remember back in October, that night you were in The Boom Boom Room and you couldn't stop pinching that brunette waitress on the arse?"
"You're going to have to be more specific, Weasley. There's a lot of arses and a lot of pinching going on in that place."
"Well, it was in early October and you'd taken a liking to a new waitress who was serving you drinks all night. What you didn't know is that she worked for the Ministry and while you were busy getting a lap dance, she poured Veratiserum in your scotch. She was able to interrogate you and find out that you were not the spy, and in fact, that you hate Voldemort and your father almost as much as Harry does."
Draco looked stunned. "I think I remember that night. I'd had only a couple of drinks, and then I couldn't remember anything. I thought I must have been drunk, but then I knew I wasn't drunk, but then I couldn't remember. It was all very confusing."
"We cast an Obliviate on you."
"Why you --" Draco went for Ron's throat. "What is it with you Aurors and the Obliviate? Is that your answer to everything?" he shouted.
Albus easily broke up the fight. "Gentlemen!" he thundered. "It's not important anymore! This is war and it's time to grow up!"
Draco and Ron looked ashamed. Mumbling an apology, Ron continued with the story.
"So we knew it had to be someone else. When Professor Snape was unable to prevent the attack at Hogsmeade, the Ministry became suspicious of him. It was the perfect opportunity for Snape to switch sides and really work for Voldemort. He always maintained that his cover was blown with the Death Eaters and that he was useless to them now. But what if that was just an elaborate ruse? What if he was really still working for the Dark Lord? We couldn't take any chances . . . he was working with Hermione."
"So why didn't you use the Veritaserum on him? Or the Obliviate?" Draco sounded petulant.
"Because he's a very, very powerful wizard, Malfoy. Nobody could be certain that an Obliviate would even work on him. If he was really working for Voldemort and he found out we were on to him, he could hurt a lot of people, especially Hermione. So I was chosen to spy on him instead. I've been following him and Hermione around for over a month, using Harry's invisibility cloak. It started on their trip to Belize."
"You were in Belize?" Draco suddenly gave an evil grin. "Hermione's going to kill you, Hermione's going to kill you," he chanted in a sing-song voice. "Can I watch?"
"She's not going to kill me. She'll understand."
"If you think so, Weasley." Turning to the Headmaster, Draco asked, "So what are we to do with Butler? I don't have to tell you how important it is that we extract as much information from her as we can. I knew that a woman was visiting Voldemort and was only able to catch a brief glance at her and smell her perfume. When I was in the infirmary this evening, I smelled that same perfume on Butler's cloak. It all made terrible sense, although I have to say that I'm disturbed that the Dark Lord didn't confide in me about this."
"Probably because he was trying to kill your uncle, Draco," said the Headmaster gently. "And while I agree that Miss Butler should be interrogated, we have to figure out a way to get information without tipping off Voldemort. If he thinks that Miss Butler has been captured, he will change his plans."
Albus looked thoughtful before continuing. "What if he believes Miss Butler is dead? That she and Severus killed each other? You're in a unique position to convince him of that, Mr. Malfoy."
"Convince Voldemort that his little pet, Taryn Butler, is dead at my uncle's hands? He was very attached to her, he told me that she pleased him very much. It will drive him absolutely barking."
"An added bonus," smiled the Headmaster. "So gentlemen, I think it best we move Miss Butler to the dungeon in Remus' office . . . how ironic that the same pit that held poor Alastor Moody should now hold Voldemort's alpha-assassin! Quite fitting, don't you agree?"
"Headmaster," said Ron tentatively. "How is this going to play out? I mean, who should know about this and who should be kept in the dark? Butler's presence here is very sensitive."
"We'll be having a meeting of just the core members of The Order of The Phoenix and we'll have to decide what to do at that time. Until then, nobody outside Hermione and the three of us is to know what's happened here." He held out his hand.
Putting their hands on top of Albus', the three of them vowed to keep silent about what had occurred in that room.
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Ron, Draco and the Headmaster stopped at Severus' chamber to check on his status before taking Taryn to the dungeons. Hermione told them that he appeared to be a little bit better and that she was more optimistic about his chances. Albus looked markedly relieved at the news.
Thinking they'd all left the room, Hermione turned back to Severus and continued to speak to him in soft tones. "I was so scared when I saw you, Severus. I didn't know if I could heal you. What if this fails? I can't bear it." She laid her head on his chest.
Hearing the sound of a deep voice clearing behind her, she whirled, only to see Ron standing there. Her shoulders sagged and she said, "I thought you'd already left." She looked at him distractedly before turning back and smoothing Severus' hair.
Ron braced himself for what he was going to say.
"Hermione, I debated whether or not to tell you this, but there's a reason I was in Professor Snape's lab tonight. I think I owe you an explanation."
When told her that he'd been secretly following her and Snape for weeks, he could barely look her in the eye. The devastation on her countenance was one of the most painful things he'd ever witnessed. She looked as if she felt totally betrayed. Oh Lord! How was he ever going to fix this?
Hermione couldn't believe what she had just heard. "How could you?" she whispered.
"I'm sorry, Hermione. I know we were wrong about him, in fact, I told the Ministry that I thought he was really on our side, but they wanted me to continue spying on him."
"So you just followed orders."
"Yes," he said in shame. "I was just trying to protect you."
Hermione looked at him as if he were a stranger. Ron couldn't stand it.
"I know that you're having a secret relationship with Professor Snape," he blurted out. "I couldn't understand your attraction to him, and when I saw you two in Belize, I was ready to kill him." He looked pleadingly at her. "It was obvious you felt something for him and I was jealous. There was even a time I was hoping that he was a spy so that I could get him out of your life. But then something happened," he said softly. "I saw you two together and I saw how well-suited you are. I saw the way you looked at each other when you thought the other wasn't looking. I've always thought Snape was a mean-spirited, greasy git, but after following him around in his private life, well . . . he's really not a bad fellow. He's rather honorable and brave. And he cares for you very much, Hermione. Did you know that he mutters your name in his sleep?"
Hermione blushed.
"There was a time when I thought you were the only woman for me. But then I realized that we're really not all that compatible, other than as friends."
"We'd probably kill each other," said Hermione, as tears began to fall. They both laughed.
"Severus Snape is a lucky man, Hermione. I hope that when this is all over, you can be together. I just want you to be happy. That's all I've ever wanted."
"You're the best, Ron Weasley," she told him. She put her arms around him and gave him a tight hug. "Thank you for being there for Severus. I don't know what I would have done if I'd lost him."
Ron smiled at her. "I'm glad I could help. Now I'm going to meet with the Headmaster, and then I'm spending the night in the castle. I'll see you in the morning."
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After Ron left, Hermione turned her attention back to Severus. He was resting peacefully, the steady rise and fall of his chest a much-needed reassurance. She looked at his face and noticed how vulnerable he looked in his sleep. His face was thin and his nose and chin were angled in sharp planes. He looked younger and for a moment Hermione could see the boy he had once been. In an instant she remembered every minute she had spent with him since she came back to Hogwarts. She couldn't imagine a future without him, and suddenly, the thought hit her with astounding clarity:
I love him.
She shook her head in disbelief. "It's finally happened," she thought. "This is what it feels like."
Making a decision, she slowly stood up and took off her robe. Crawling into bed with him, she pulled herself flush against his body. She murmured another final spell and her body began to glow with a deep emerald green aura. She marveled at how many of the healing spells she knew gave off a dark, emerald green energy, while the Killing Curse released a harsh, painful metallic green. "One color, two outcomes," she thought with irony.
The healing green energy enfolded them both, and laying her head on his chest, she began to drift off to sleep. Before unconsciousness completely overtook her, she whispered, "I love you, Severus."
At some point in the night, while still sleeping, Severus began to stir restlessly. He instinctively entwined his arms around her and held her closely to his body. Turning his head, he inhaled the sweet scent of her hair and sighed, a small smile curving his lips.
He fell back into a deep and peaceful sleep.
To be continued . . .
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Author's Note: "Serpens fortis" means "Strong snake" in Latin.
Let's hope Severus is a "strong snake"! (wink wink)