Once downstairs in the lab, Professor Oak was greeted by the image of a spiky-haired young man wearing a leather jacket and dark glasses on the videophone's screen. Professor Oak was momentarily taken aback by the strange caller. Looks sort of like Professor Elm, but it can't be…
"Yo, Sam! What's goin' down?" said the young man cheerfully.
Professor Oak had to change his mind. It was Professor Elm.
"How do you like my new outfit?" Professor Elm said, peering over the angular frames of his dark glasses. "Pretty cool, huh?"
"Well, um, it's certainly…is that an earring you're wearing?"
"Yeah," replied Professor Elm, fingering the gold stud in his earlobe. "It's still a little sore from when I had it pierced earlier. Nurse Joy thought I had lost my mind when she first saw it."
You're telling me, thought Professor Oak as he continued to stare in disbelief at his colleague's new outfit.
"But she did say that she thought I looked pretty hot in my new threads. And I have you to thank for it, Professor Oak."
"Me?"
"Yeah. At first I was pretty upset when you told me that I had no fashion sense. But then I started thinking about it and realized that you were right. So I took your advice. I bought a few men's fashion magazines and then I hit the mall. Now I'm the hottest professor in Johto…or at least that's what Nurse Joy said."
Professor Oak wondered if his colleague had lost his mind entirely.
"Oh, gotta go…Professor Westwood is here. I can't wait to see what he thinks of my new look." Professor Elm replaced his dark glasses and ran a hand through his hair, making the spikes atop it stand up even further. "Peace out, man."
"Peace what?" exclaimed Professor Oak as the screen went black.
Robert's been working too hard, he thought, shaking his head.
"That didn't take ya' long upstairs, Professor." said a voice from the direction of Professor Oak's left leg. Startled, Professor Oak looked down and saw Meowth standing next to him. "Guess ya' must've taken your Viagra this morning, huh, loverboy?" Meowth winked and nudged him in the shin.
Professor Oak sighed wearily.
"So now that you're all done upstairs, can we get started?" Meowth hopped on a nearby examination table. "I'm all yours, Professor. I would take off my clothes, but I'm not wearing any." Realizing what he had just said, Meowth turned bright red, quickly grabbed a nearby towel, and shielded himself with it. "Aaaugh! I just realized that I've been walkin' around naked all this time!"
Professor Oak shook his head in disbelief and buried his face in his hands. "Meowth, Pokémon don't wear clothes!"
Meowth cautiously peeped out from underneath his towel.
"Meowth, I've examined many different types of Pokémon over my career," Professor Oak continued. "And none of them have ever worn clothes. Trust me, I've seen what you have many times before."
Reassured, Meowth grinned and flung aside his towel, narrowly missing Professor Oak in the process. "Well, if ya' say so, Doc. Besides, it's just us guys anyway. Okay then, whaddya wanna take a look at first?"
Professor Oak reached for a tongue depressor. "Let's have a look at your throat. Open wide and say 'ah'."
Meowth eyed the wooden stick warily. "Hey, where's the rest of the lollipop that goes with that stick?"
"Meowth, there's not…" Meowth's jaws firmly clamped shut. "All right," Professor Oak sighed. "I'll give you a lollipop as soon as we're done."
"Be sure to make it grape and we've gotta deal," Meowth smiled. "Ahhhh…."
"Hmmm. Very interesting."
"Whaddya see, Doc?" asked Meowth as Professor Oak removed the tongue depressor from his mouth.
"Well, your vocal structures are far more developed than those of the average Meowth. That's one reason why you're able to talk. That, and the fact that you appear to be a Pokémon that's highly intelligent. Speaking of which, let's run a few tests to measure your brain function." Professor Oak held up a mass of wires and electrodes.
"W-w-w-w-what are you gonna do with those, Professor?" Meowth gulped nervously.
"Oh, I'm going to run an EEG to measure your brain waves," Professor Oak said, flipping on the switch of a fearsome-looking machine. "And then after that, we'll do a brain scan on the MRI…no, I think I'll do a full-body scan of you instead. I'm curious to see if there's another anatomical or physiological reason as to why you're able to talk."
"A full-body scan?!" exclaimed Meowth anxiously.
"Yes, and then we'll do an endoscopic examination," said Professor Oak, holding up a long, flexible probe.
"Um, Professor," said a frightened-looking Meowth. "Which end are you gonna put that probe in?"
"Oh, don't worry about a thing, Meowth," Professor Oak said reassuringly. "Now let's get you hooked up to the machine and… "
Meowth leapt up from the examination table. "Well, thanks for everything, Professor, but I've gotta get back to Team Rocket!"
"I don't understand," said Professor Oak. "I thought you wanted for me to take care of you."
"Not by sticking a probe up my butt and wiring me up like a Christmas tree!" Meowth said, running for the door.
"Meowth, all these tests are necessary to determine the exact reason why you're able to talk," Professor Oak insisted. "But I can assure you that as soon as we're done here, you can relax and have all the Poké Chow you want."
"Save it, Professor! I'm outta here!" Meowth leapt through an open window and landed on top of Jessie and James, who were lying semiconscious in the middle of a hedge of rose bushes.
"Get off of me, Meowth," snarled Jessie.
"Oh, I never thought I'd be so happy to see youse guys again!" exclaimed Meowth with tears in his eyes.
"Yeesh, what's gotten into you, Meowth?" said James as Meowth gave him a big hug.
Professor Oak, who was still holding the tangle of wires for the EEG, stuck his head out the window. "Meowth? Are you all right? Where did you go?"
Meowth grabbed his companions' hands and started running in the opposite direction. "Come on, guys – let's get outta here!"
"Meowth, slow down!" Jessie protested. "What's the rush?"
"That crazy professor wanted to…"
A loud snort made all three of them turn, and Team Rocket found themselves face to face with a very large and very angry Tauros.
"Uh…nice Tauros," said James ingratiatingly. "I know we had a little misunderstanding earlier about the thermometer incident, but…"
With a loud bellow, the Tauros sent Team Rocket skyward.
"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!"
THE END