The Truth About Remus
Chapter Three

It was an early October night and the sky was clear and cloudless. My friends and I were sitting in the Astronomy Tower, listening (or trying) to Professor Sinistra as she talked about what the early astronomers named each star and what the names tell us and how the stars can tell about what might be happening on earth.

"These midnight classes are slack," I whispered as I lay my head on Remus' shoulder.

"Yeah, and it's a good thing I don't have to come to then next week," he replied.

"Awl, is it Remmie's time of the month again," James asked with a hint of teasing.

Remus growled at him. Even though I knew that Remus would rather go to Astronomy than have to endure his morphing every month, he never said it. It is not like him to complain about it – it has become a part of his life. I think he knew that, from the moment he decided to jump in between the werewolf and I, he was making a huge sacrifice. I asked him last year how he could do this every month and why I didn't hear a word of complaint out of him. He told me, "Because this could have been you and each time I go through this, I thank God that it is not. Plus," he added with a playful smirk, "You have enough to deal with every month without having to worry about this."

I smiled at that memory, but my thoughts were interrupted by Remus' reply to James' comment.

"Bite me," he said.

"Oh, but Moony, why don't you bite me," James asked.

"Don't tempt me."

"Excuse me," the four of us heard Professor Sinistra yell at us suddenly, "If you don't mind, I would like to be able to teach! Why aren't you looking out at the Big Dipper? As I was saying about the North Star ---"

We shushed up immediately and I closed my eyes. It was nearly fall, and the wind blowing across us at the top of the tower was nippy. Remus felt me shiver and he put his arm around me. There was something different about his touch tonight – it was something that I feared.

"Hey, look! There is my star," Sirius exclaimed pointing out at Canis Major.

I opened my eyes and looked upon the brightest star in the sky.

"Now, what can someone tell me about Sirius," Professor Sinistra asked the class.

Without raising his hand, James responded, "He looks a bit dull tonight. Maybe that means that our friend Sirius Black isn't as smart as he believes himself to be."

"James, that was unnecessary. Five points from Gryffindor and you will have detention with me tomorrow night. See me after class for details."

James gaped at Professor Sinistra and she went on teaching.

"I think that someone up there doesn't like you, Prongs," Sirius told him with a grin.

Class couldn't have ended soon enough and the tired Gryffindors made their way back to the common room. Right before I entered the room, Remus grabbed my elbow and turned me to face him.

"Anistasia, may I talk to you?"

I nodded and he led me into the deserted reading room. Luckily, no one was in there – not even the fifth year Prefect who was supposed to be making sure that no one was hiding in there staying up past curfew. Remus and I sat on a black, leather couch in the middle of the carpeted floor, surrounded almost entirely with bookshelves. He looked at me for a moment and I waited patiently for him to begin. What he said, I wasn't, in the least, prepared for.

"Anistasia, I don't know how to begin to tell you this – it is difficult. The only way I know how to let you know this is to tell you…and so, here it is: I have been having these weird feelings towards you recently. When I look at you, I see more than just you…I see a woman; and when I hug you, I feel all tingly and warm. I think I love you and I want to be with you – no. I know that I need to be with you."

I smiled but it wasn't a happy one. It was just there. I placed my hand on Remus' and sighed.

"Spike," I began, using the name I called him when we were little, "This is not something that we need to think about right now. How do you really know you want me when you haven't truly opened up to any other girls besides me?"

"My heart tells me so, Stacey. I have to follow my heart."

I shook my head, "I don't want this to affect the group. We are friends – that's how it should stay for the time being."

"I don't think so," Remus exclaimed, "Its not just me who is feeling this. I can see how you feel about me in your eyes – why must you deny it?"

"I am not denying anything."

"Yes you are," he exclaimed angrily as the argument heated up.

I sighed and tried to calm back down; I didn't want anyone to hear us, "I am not ready to make a commitment yet."

"You have gone out with other guys."

I nodded, "Yes, I have, and I have also broken up with all of them. I don't want to ruin things between us – I don't want to destroy something that we have spent a lifetime building."

"You can't destroy destiny."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at us," Remus yelled, standing up and pacing the room, "We have tried to go out with other people and those have failed terribly, but not once have we been willing to release what is truly within our hearts. We know it is there, Stacey. We have known of its existence since we have been small children. We are almost adults now and we have to start making decisions with our lives. I have been thinking about what I want to do with my life and it involves you. I want to be able to give you the love that I have to give to you. I want to show you the love that no other man can show you. I want to give you the life that you have always dreamed about – I want to give you the white, fairy tale castle with the tall towers and pink roofs that you told me about when you were seven. I want that seven year old inside of you to watch the unicorns graze on the grass and ride on the back of a friendly dragon. I want you to have the huge house that we once saw in Hogsmeade when you were thirteen – the one that you imagined your children growing up in. The one with the huge front yard and the swing set that you dreamed of having so you could push your children on the swings as they yelled, 'Higher, mommy…push me higher!' I also want you to teach them how to ride their first bike in the street in front of our house as I record it on videotape…like a Muggle would. I want to give that to you. I want to give you life, love, security and children. I want to give you the happiness that you could never dream of. I want to give you everything your heart desires," Remus sat back down across from me and I could see tears gleaming in his eyes. "All that I ask for in return is you, because you are all that I desire."

"Remus," I said with tears pouring down my face, "I…my gods, you have just sprung this on me…I can't. Not now. Please don't push me – I just can't."

Angrily, he stood and stormed over to one of the nearest bookcases. With a yell, he pushed all of the books on one of the shelves to the floor. The leather bound books scattered, falling open on their pages or their spines. Their pages bent and tore as Remus kicked them across the room. Then, he went to the closet wall and started punching it. I could see the blood coming from his knuckles with every straight blow. I jumped up from my position on the couch and grabbed him.

"Please…please don't do this," I begged, tears flowing like a river down my face, "I don't want you to hurt yourself. Please stop!"

With a roar of anger, he thrust his body back. His elbow hit me in the cheek and I fell hard onto the ground. He looked at me, horrified, and my tears stopped immediately. I left as quickly as I could and went to bed, fully clothed and ignoring Lily's probing questions about what I was doing. Once I slipped within the protective boundaries of my four-poster, I put up silencing charms around the bed and the tears started flowing again. I thought about what Remus had told me – promised me – and what I was going to do about it. I ended up not coming to a decision and crying myself to sleep.