Disclaimer: *Sigh* This is getting uber-repetitive. I don't own anything,
dammit. Why can't you people just leave me alone?!
A/N: Well, since I've ended my other story (much love to the ones who reviewed!), I now have more time to work on this little dude right here! Teehee.
(Harry Potter comes up: "CHAPTERRRRRRR THREEEEEEE!") ________________________________________________________________________
So Naida did what every damsel in distress does. She kicked Jack where it hurt.
And then kicked again, because she needed the exercise.
Jack's eyes widened, his mouth twitching convulsively as he went down, still pointing his gun. "Thanks," he groaned, staggering up to the door. "I needed tha'"
Naida swept a hasty curtsey, her black braid swinging over her shoulder. "Me pleasure, Captain. Mebbe now you'll be-aaah-seasoned fer negotiatin'"
The pirate nodded urgently, turning away from the girl in case she got any more clever ideas. She'd be tweaking nipples next.
Naida followed him as she staggered around, testing out his legs. "So you'll be bringing me on yer next raid, aye? I get half of the plunder."
Jack stopped abruptly, propping himself up against the wall. He snuck furtive glances toward the stairs, where Caroline, getting bored, was counting the number of steps and was unsuccessfully trying to remember the number that came after 5.
"I know it's not 7, that's the number of testicles my last customer had," she was whispering to herself, twisting a blonde curl in her hand.
"Half?" the captain laughed, straightening a bit. "Tha's uncalled for, love. What will I be givin' the crew?"
Naida eyed the gun still in his hand and decided not to push it. Stepping forward to look at Jack from another angle (from there she could see a bit of his tattoo), she said, "How 'bout ye give yer men Caroline?"
Jack grinned, his beads flapping around his face. "Caroline?"
"You heard me," Naida hissed, getting supremely annoyed.
"Done!" he agreed, clapping his hands and hopping forward toward the stairs. "Tha' all good and done, then, jolly good."
"Wait!" started Naida, seeing Jack starting to run. "Ye haven't told me-Damnation and Banana Hell!"
Captain Jack Sparrow, running awkwardly with legs spread apart, was half- sprinting, half-swaggering down the stairs. He pecked Caroline once on the cheek (she blushed and remembered that the number after 5 was 2) before bolting through the door.
Jack turned, smiled and yelled, "I can't help it, love! I'm an optimist!" before he was gone, his practiced curve of arms swinging drunkenly. Naida stumbled down fast enough to see him disappear down the street through the crowds.
Panting slightly, Naida groaned and started to step out the door.
"You're new at this, aren't you, darling?" cooed Caroline, obviously forgetting that she thought Naida was unlikable. She came forward, holding out her hand. "Poor baby."
"What are ye talkin' about?" growled Naida, recoiling from Caroline's outstretched hand adorned with various jewels.
Caroline giggled. "Wooing."
Naida's eyebrows jumped, and her cheeks flushed, but she managed a croaky, "I'm not wooing Captain Jack Sparrow. He's all yers."
Pursing her lips incredulously, Caroline shrugged and spun around extravagantly, her full skirts blooming as she whirled around. Naida hung on for a second.
"Do ye happen to know where Jack will be goin'?" she asked.
Caroline laughed. "To his best friend's of course. Will Turner." The whore turned around, looking Naida up and down. "I'm sorry to say, baby, that Will's already married."
"I don' go around wooing people!" huffed Naida. "Just take me ter this Will Turner character."
"That's fine," sniffed Caroline. "Just follow me."
* * *
It wasn't until that torturing walk that Naida realized how big Caroline's rear end really was. It stuck out through her petticoat, a wobbling contraption that repulsed Naida to no end. Finally, she took off her hat and let it hang on the protruding rump of the whore, though all that did was draw attention from several unsavory characters. Stray dogs, however, found this fascinating and sniffed hopefully at it for several minutes before they realized that the bum they were following would not sprout sausages and ham.
"Are we getting' nearer?" yelled Naida, unable to bear the random jingle of Caroline's butt any longer.
"Yes, darling, we're here," replied Caroline in a happy voice, sprinting up some steps to the door of a grand white house. She puffed her hair a few times before knocking daintily on the door. "Stay in the bushes, girl, you'll scare him away."
Naida started to produce a string of curses, but bit her tongue when the slightly curious, slightly dangerous eyes of a man silenced her.
"Hello," he said, nodding at the two women. He searched them uncomfortably until he recognized the whore. "Caroline?"
The whore was delighted. "Willy-Nilly! You remembered my name!" She flung herself towards Will, flattening her melon-breasts to the astonished man. He stumbled backward while Caroline clung to his chest with arms and legs, so that Will looked like he was 900 months pregnant. (But very beautifully so).
"Er," Naida stepped forward and attempted to pry the trembling mass of Caroline from Will, who still couldn't say anything. "Sorry fer intruding, Mr. Turner, but-aah!"
Caroline was now trying to stick Will's hand down her bosom, while he glanced anxiously into the next room.
"Caroline," he gritted his teeth, "you have to contain yourself!"
"Will?" a voice emanated from the other room. "Who is it?"
"A visitor," grunted Will, prying his hand away.
A women stepped into the room, raising a questioning eyebrow at the display of Caroline massaging Will's neck and Naida, awkwardly tugging at Caroline's waist. "Friends of yours, Will?" she asked sarcastically.
"Elizabeth," Will laughed weakly, finally pulling away from Caroline's grubby fingers. "They wanted to-Well, I don't-Why are you here?" He pointed the last question at Naida.
"I be looking fer a certain Captain Jack Sparrow," Naida answered, looking around cautiously, in case he was hiding in a box somewhere, waiting to jump out and start doing the can-can. Jack-in-a-box! A silly grin spread across her face as she pictured it.
"What's so funny?" asked Elizabeth.
"Oh, nothing," blushed Naida. "Do ye know where he may be?"
"Does he owe you money?" asked Will in a tired voice. He needed to get to a restroom, and he was tired of crazy people always popping up out of toilets and pantries and asking for Jack. Pop! Where's Jack? Pop! Where's Jack? Pop! He'd had enough of it. Nobody ever popped up to bless the newlyweds. Will pouted, something he enjoyed because it made him look sexy.
Elizabeth shook her head. "We can pay for it, whatever it is. Did he steal your necklace? Your ring? How much does he owe you?"
Naida shrugged. "A king's ransom, milady. Unless you can pay fer the abduction and damage o' six of me best ships. Plus 'e ransacked me brother's house, but I'll let tha' go."
Will started, dropping his pout. "Six ships?"
Naida scowled. "He had an armadillo."
Elizabeth looked confusedly at Will. "Jack stole six ships with an armadillo?"
Will shrugged. "He's an optimist."
A/N: That's a pretty long chapter, right? Anyway, I have added Will, just like I promised! I want YOU-(points at people like Uncle Sam)-to leave a review!
A/N: Well, since I've ended my other story (much love to the ones who reviewed!), I now have more time to work on this little dude right here! Teehee.
(Harry Potter comes up: "CHAPTERRRRRRR THREEEEEEE!") ________________________________________________________________________
So Naida did what every damsel in distress does. She kicked Jack where it hurt.
And then kicked again, because she needed the exercise.
Jack's eyes widened, his mouth twitching convulsively as he went down, still pointing his gun. "Thanks," he groaned, staggering up to the door. "I needed tha'"
Naida swept a hasty curtsey, her black braid swinging over her shoulder. "Me pleasure, Captain. Mebbe now you'll be-aaah-seasoned fer negotiatin'"
The pirate nodded urgently, turning away from the girl in case she got any more clever ideas. She'd be tweaking nipples next.
Naida followed him as she staggered around, testing out his legs. "So you'll be bringing me on yer next raid, aye? I get half of the plunder."
Jack stopped abruptly, propping himself up against the wall. He snuck furtive glances toward the stairs, where Caroline, getting bored, was counting the number of steps and was unsuccessfully trying to remember the number that came after 5.
"I know it's not 7, that's the number of testicles my last customer had," she was whispering to herself, twisting a blonde curl in her hand.
"Half?" the captain laughed, straightening a bit. "Tha's uncalled for, love. What will I be givin' the crew?"
Naida eyed the gun still in his hand and decided not to push it. Stepping forward to look at Jack from another angle (from there she could see a bit of his tattoo), she said, "How 'bout ye give yer men Caroline?"
Jack grinned, his beads flapping around his face. "Caroline?"
"You heard me," Naida hissed, getting supremely annoyed.
"Done!" he agreed, clapping his hands and hopping forward toward the stairs. "Tha' all good and done, then, jolly good."
"Wait!" started Naida, seeing Jack starting to run. "Ye haven't told me-Damnation and Banana Hell!"
Captain Jack Sparrow, running awkwardly with legs spread apart, was half- sprinting, half-swaggering down the stairs. He pecked Caroline once on the cheek (she blushed and remembered that the number after 5 was 2) before bolting through the door.
Jack turned, smiled and yelled, "I can't help it, love! I'm an optimist!" before he was gone, his practiced curve of arms swinging drunkenly. Naida stumbled down fast enough to see him disappear down the street through the crowds.
Panting slightly, Naida groaned and started to step out the door.
"You're new at this, aren't you, darling?" cooed Caroline, obviously forgetting that she thought Naida was unlikable. She came forward, holding out her hand. "Poor baby."
"What are ye talkin' about?" growled Naida, recoiling from Caroline's outstretched hand adorned with various jewels.
Caroline giggled. "Wooing."
Naida's eyebrows jumped, and her cheeks flushed, but she managed a croaky, "I'm not wooing Captain Jack Sparrow. He's all yers."
Pursing her lips incredulously, Caroline shrugged and spun around extravagantly, her full skirts blooming as she whirled around. Naida hung on for a second.
"Do ye happen to know where Jack will be goin'?" she asked.
Caroline laughed. "To his best friend's of course. Will Turner." The whore turned around, looking Naida up and down. "I'm sorry to say, baby, that Will's already married."
"I don' go around wooing people!" huffed Naida. "Just take me ter this Will Turner character."
"That's fine," sniffed Caroline. "Just follow me."
* * *
It wasn't until that torturing walk that Naida realized how big Caroline's rear end really was. It stuck out through her petticoat, a wobbling contraption that repulsed Naida to no end. Finally, she took off her hat and let it hang on the protruding rump of the whore, though all that did was draw attention from several unsavory characters. Stray dogs, however, found this fascinating and sniffed hopefully at it for several minutes before they realized that the bum they were following would not sprout sausages and ham.
"Are we getting' nearer?" yelled Naida, unable to bear the random jingle of Caroline's butt any longer.
"Yes, darling, we're here," replied Caroline in a happy voice, sprinting up some steps to the door of a grand white house. She puffed her hair a few times before knocking daintily on the door. "Stay in the bushes, girl, you'll scare him away."
Naida started to produce a string of curses, but bit her tongue when the slightly curious, slightly dangerous eyes of a man silenced her.
"Hello," he said, nodding at the two women. He searched them uncomfortably until he recognized the whore. "Caroline?"
The whore was delighted. "Willy-Nilly! You remembered my name!" She flung herself towards Will, flattening her melon-breasts to the astonished man. He stumbled backward while Caroline clung to his chest with arms and legs, so that Will looked like he was 900 months pregnant. (But very beautifully so).
"Er," Naida stepped forward and attempted to pry the trembling mass of Caroline from Will, who still couldn't say anything. "Sorry fer intruding, Mr. Turner, but-aah!"
Caroline was now trying to stick Will's hand down her bosom, while he glanced anxiously into the next room.
"Caroline," he gritted his teeth, "you have to contain yourself!"
"Will?" a voice emanated from the other room. "Who is it?"
"A visitor," grunted Will, prying his hand away.
A women stepped into the room, raising a questioning eyebrow at the display of Caroline massaging Will's neck and Naida, awkwardly tugging at Caroline's waist. "Friends of yours, Will?" she asked sarcastically.
"Elizabeth," Will laughed weakly, finally pulling away from Caroline's grubby fingers. "They wanted to-Well, I don't-Why are you here?" He pointed the last question at Naida.
"I be looking fer a certain Captain Jack Sparrow," Naida answered, looking around cautiously, in case he was hiding in a box somewhere, waiting to jump out and start doing the can-can. Jack-in-a-box! A silly grin spread across her face as she pictured it.
"What's so funny?" asked Elizabeth.
"Oh, nothing," blushed Naida. "Do ye know where he may be?"
"Does he owe you money?" asked Will in a tired voice. He needed to get to a restroom, and he was tired of crazy people always popping up out of toilets and pantries and asking for Jack. Pop! Where's Jack? Pop! Where's Jack? Pop! He'd had enough of it. Nobody ever popped up to bless the newlyweds. Will pouted, something he enjoyed because it made him look sexy.
Elizabeth shook her head. "We can pay for it, whatever it is. Did he steal your necklace? Your ring? How much does he owe you?"
Naida shrugged. "A king's ransom, milady. Unless you can pay fer the abduction and damage o' six of me best ships. Plus 'e ransacked me brother's house, but I'll let tha' go."
Will started, dropping his pout. "Six ships?"
Naida scowled. "He had an armadillo."
Elizabeth looked confusedly at Will. "Jack stole six ships with an armadillo?"
Will shrugged. "He's an optimist."
A/N: That's a pretty long chapter, right? Anyway, I have added Will, just like I promised! I want YOU-(points at people like Uncle Sam)-to leave a review!