Chapter 5: What Were You Thinking?

It was the morning when Trixie's eyes blinked open and she began to feel the ever-growing pain in her head. It was a headache worse than any she had ever experienced before. Looking up at the ceiling, she tried to remember what happened the night before. It began to scare her that she only remembered going to a karaoke bar, but not leaving it. Then, her heart sank as she recalled a moment before going to the bar. It was when she had seen Speed with a beautiful girl in the sport's bar. Trixie remembered feeling like she had to get away from them as soon as possible. Sparky had found her outside and then she insisted that he bring her home. Once home and alone, she paced around her apartment thinking of the fun that Speed had probably been having since their break up. Tired of being depressed, Trixie had forced herself to go out alone. She remembered driving around for a good hour till she found herself in the parking lot of the karaoke bar.

Now she lay in her bed staring at the ceiling above as she remembered the crowd's applause. They loved the way she had sung. Special wasn't a strong enough word to describe how that crowd made her feel. Unfortunately though, the last thing she remembered was a guy with a baseball cap and some of the drinking she had done with him and his friends. Driving home was something she just didn't recall and she hoped with all of her heart that she hadn't been stupid enough to do since she had been drinking. Hopefully, someone sent her home in a cab.

Slowly she began to sit up and that's when she saw him. Speed was lying on her bedroom floor sleeping with a pillow from her bed under his head. "Is this really happening?" she whispered thinking that maybe she was actually dreaming as her heart started to pound as hard as the pounding in her head. Closing her eyes she tried desperately to remember how he would have ended up there, but she just couldn't. She finally guessed that he had gotten her home safely, but she had to wonder why he was still there now.

About a half hour later, Speed began to stir in his sleep because of the pain in his back. He was used to sleeping in a soft bed and not on a hard floor.

Trixie watched him as he pushed off the floor to stand up. When he turned to her, he was surprised to see her sitting up in her bed awake.

Trixie's emotions were running wild. While half of her wanted to tell him to get out, the other half of her wanted him to stay.

Speed wondered how long she had been awake and said with a sympathetic smile, "I bet you have a bad headache."

In an inhospitable voice, she said, "I'll survive."

"Trust me," he said sitting on the end of her bed. "Last night you didn't feel that way."

Trixie looked at him like he was crazy for sitting close to her and it hurt her that he was too wrapped up in himself to understand what she had been going through since their break up. As if needing her comforter for support, she held on to it tightly as she asked, "What are you doing here?"

Beginning to feel uncomfortable because of her unpleasant voice, Speed said, "I didn't think you should be alone last night, so I slept here." Wanting to ease the tension in the air, he smiled and said, "Instead of the chair, I ended up on the floor after snatching a pillow from you."

"Where's the girl you were with last night?" Trixie asked looking hurt as she forced herself not to let tears fall from her eyes.

For a second Speed actually looked like he didn't know whom she was talking about, but then a goofy smile appeared on his face. "Oh. You mean Sandy."

Trixie felt the dagger go deeper into her heart and said, "I don't really care what her name is."

"Uh...I'm really sorry," Speed said feeling badly about the episode in the sport's bar when Trixie saw him with Sandy. However, he still didn't get just how much it hurt Trixie.

Being brave and making her voice sound as tough as possible, Trixie said, "You still never told me how we ended up...together last night."

"You really don't remember anything. Do you?" Speed asked folding his arms as if thinking, Shame on you for drinking so much.

"No. I don't remember anything," Trixie admitted. "I only remember singing and then..."

Speed could see that she didn't feel like explaining herself to him, so he thought he'd help her out. In a friendly voice he said, "You really blew the roof off in the Karaoke Bar. The crowd loved you." Then with disappointment in his voice as he raised an eye brow at her he said, "I can't believe that you drank like you did. If it wasn't for me, you would have gotten into a lot of trouble."

Throwing the comforter off herself, Trixie pushed off the bed, stood up and said, "I should be of no concern to you anymore."

Speed watched as she left the room. Feeling himself becoming mad, he followed her into the kitchen and said, "You should be damn grateful that I found you last night."

"Oh yes," Trixie said looking in the cabinet for the bottle of aspirin. She then mumbled sarcastically, "I guess I should be grateful that you ever dated me in the first place."

"What?" Speed asked not as angry because he was too busy trying to figure out what she had mumbled.

"Nothing," Trixie said, closing the cabinet; her search for aspirin unsuccessful.

"What were you looking for?" Speed asked just standing there like he never planned on leaving.

"I was looking for aspirin," Trixie said as she rubbed her hand against her forehead.

"Come on," Speed said pulling his keys out of his pocket. "Let's go buy some."

Moving her hand away from her forehead, Trixie squinted her eyes at Speed as if trying to figure him out and said, "I'm not going anywhere with you. In fact...you should go home."

Speed looked insulted, but then pulled out a chair by her kitchen table and actually sat down. "I'm surprised at you, Trixie. You should be thanking me right now."

"Thanking you?" Trixie asked with a disgusted look on her face as she leaned her back against the counter wanting to tell him the hell she had been through since he dumped her. How dare he sit here; making himself at home.

"Yes. You should be thanking me for finding you and bringing you home," Speed said feeling like a hero.

"Finding me?" she asked, sounding confused. "I didn't know I was lost."

Speed ran his hand through his hair as he leaned back in the chair. "You almost went home with some guy last night, and we both know what he wanted to do with you."

"Is it the same thing you want to do with Sandy?" Trixie asked giving him the look of death.

Again, Speed was insulted and his eyes widened. Looking furious he leaned on the table and stared her in the eye and said, "You just don't realize what could have happened to you." Standing up as if to express how serious the situation had been, he said, "Last night you could have been raped!"

Trixie turned around not wanting to look at him, since he was right. She looked down into the empty sink wanting to scream. She didn't want to be grateful to him. He hurt her so much and was now making her feel like she should be forever indebted to him. She knew the only way that her heart would feel better was to rid him from her life.

Speed walked behind her and put a hand on her shoulder.

Trixie quickly pulled away from his touch and then walked into the den. If it weren't for her headache, she would have run straight out of the door to get away from him.

Hurt, Speed followed her wanting her to realize how lucky she was to have him still watching out for her. "Do you wish I would have let you go home with that guy?"

Trixie put her face in her hands feeling so stressed out. A few seconds later, she pulled her hands away and turned to him. Knowing it was the right thing to do, she said softly, "I do thank you, Speed. I know you didn't have to...rescue me last night. It's obvious since you are here that you took care of me during the night as well." She looked down as she admitted, "It's just that I'm still trying to get over you."

Speed wanted to hug her, but his better judgment kept him from doing so. "Trixie, I really have missed you."

Trixie lifted her face now feeling vulnerable and said in a hopeful voice, "You've missed me?"

"Of course," Speed said smiling. "You were always such a good friend to me."

Trixie's hopes fell and a voice inside of her starting yelling at her for almost running straight back into his arms. She reminded herself that she said she would never take him back, because she didn't want to be taken for granted anymore.

Upon her not speaking, Speed said, "I really, really want us to be friends."

"It's true to me again," she said feeling dejected and not wanting to believe what she was about to say. "While we were together, I meant way less to you than what you meant to me."

"What do you mean?" Speed asked knowing she had always meant a lot to him. He hoped that one day she'd understand that it had really only been a friendship thing between them. Right? he thought.

"You just don't get it, Speed," she said irritated with him. "I can't be just your friend. I would always think about what might have been and it would hurt too much."

"It doesn't have to be like that," Speed said not knowing the kind of love and just how much of it he did have for her buried inside of himself.

"Speed, it's over...for good. I don't want to be on the Go-Team anymore," she said even though nothing could have been further from the truth.

Feeling like he just received a slap in the face, Speed said with anger, "As a friend I saved you from that jerk last night! You don't know that I literally carried you into your apartment because you were passed out. After we kissed, I took care of you while you were sick. I sat with you for an hour in the bathroom last night!"

"Wait a minute," Trixie said with confusion appearing on her face. "What do you mean after we kissed?"

Speed's bad temper faded away as his eyes widened. He wanted to smack himself for slipping up about the kiss. "Uh...it was innocent, really."

"You kissed me?" she asked and then turned towards the sofa. Upon seeing it, she remembered bits and pieces of a dream she had sometime during the night. It consisted of her kissing Speed very passionately - on her sofa. "It wasn't a dream," she whispered. Turning back to Speed she said with anger, "You were worried about someone else taking advantage of me? What were you thinking? I'm not even your girlfriend anymore!"

Speed held his hands up as if wanting to plead his case. "I...I wasn't taking advantage of you. It just happened, and we only kissed."

Trixie took a step closer to him, "You knew I was drunk so what would you call it!"

"It was innocent, Baby. Really," Speed said trying to smile.

"I told you before not to call me baby!" she said offended. "And...Innocent? I don't go around just kissing anyone that way."

"I'm sorry," he said feeling so wrong. "But last night, I fell on you and..."

"And what? Your lips landed right on mine?" she asked still blown away by the news of the kiss. She turned on her heals and walked to her door. Opening it she said, "I think you should just leave."

"Wait, Trixie! You kissed me!" he exclaimed not wanting her to think that he had tried to take advantage of her.

The anger on Trixie's face slowly turned to hurt as she realized that he kissed her against his will. Feeling belittled she walked out of the room as she whispered, "Just leave."

Speed stood there in shock as he watched her disappear into her bedroom. He didn't know what to think and then made up his mind to go find out if she was all right. He didn't like the tension he had felt between the two of them. Walking to her room, he looked in to see her lying on her side on her bed. She was facing away from him so he couldn't see her expression. "Trixie," he said softly, "I didn't want to kiss you."

Now knowing he didn't start the kiss, she said, "I'm sorry for kissing you."

Standing in her doorway, Speed said, "Don't...don't worry about it."

Still not facing him while knowing that the kiss meant absolutely nothing to him, she said, "I understand. You just felt sorry for me. Please. Just go, Speed."

Speed wanted to tell her that it wasn't just a kiss and that it did mean something to him. Should he tell her that as usual when kissing her, he never felt such passion? Should he tell her he hadn't felt it with anyone else yet? He decided not to since he had stressed that he only wanted to be friends with her. "So that's it?" he asked in a voice that he hoped would make her feel sorry for him. "Everything between us is over?"

Unseen tears ran down Trixie's face as she held on to her pillow tightly. "If you really care for me like you say you do, please make this easier on me and just go."

"Do you forgive me for the kiss?" he asked knowing he should have stopped it.

Her heart hurt more than ever at the thought of what she was about to say. Softly she finally said, "Consider the kiss, the good-bye kiss we never had."

Speed stared at her slender figure across the bed and remembered the many times he had held her close. He guessed holding her would never happen again. Slowly he left her bedroom not knowing just what he was losing.

Trixie waited to hear the door shut behind him before she began to cry out loud in pain. It was truly over this time and it had to be. She liked herself too much to keep playing his games.

lllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

That afternoon Trixie took a drive by herself to try to clear her head. Somehow, she ended up in the parking lot of the Karaoke Bar. She noticed a few cars there and hoped that meant it was open. Taking a chance, she parked her car and then walked to the door. After entering, she took note that the place looked very different in the day with all of the lights on.

The owner of the bar was about to announce that the bar was closed till he saw that it was Trixie who entered. He couldn't help but remember her from the night before. Walking over to her, he said, "Hi. I'm John, the owner here."

"Uh...hello. I'm sorry. Are you closed?" Trixie asked feeling awkward.

"Not for someone who sings as well as you," John said with a smile. John was a short, stocky guy with brown hair and brown eyes. He looked like a football player more than the owner of a Karaoke Bar. "My friend Jessie Jensen is here visiting while he's in town," John said surprised that Trixie didn't even seem to blink at the mention of Jessie's name. After all, Jessie was one of the best new singers around. Girls went absolutely crazy over him because of his voice and how good looking he was. He had a head full of thick, blonde hair that was cut in one of the latest styles making it just barely touch the tip of his shoulders. However, the first thing to notice about him was his light greenish, blue eyes. They seemed to put most girls in a trance. Over all he was a nice person, but he was also used to getting what he wanted.

In town with his band, Jessie had stopped to see his good friend John. At the moment, Jessie was engrossed in a conversation with a couple of people who worked for John, about possibly shooting a video in the Karaoke Bar.

"Trixie," John said remembering her name as he motioned her to the stage. "Would you like to sing?"

With a weak smile, Trixie said, "You don't know how much I need to right now."

"What song?" John asked wanting Jessie to hear her.

"Something depressing," she said before thinking how gloomy that would sound.

"The way you hit notes, I know you'll be able to sing anyone's song. I'll pick one out that's popular."

"Thanks," Trixie said as she headed to the stage paying no attention to Jessie and the people standing in the corner talking with him.

Jessie heard the music to a very popular Mariah Carey song, "I Don't Want to Cry," start to play. He continued to talk like he hadn't noticed till he heard an extraordinary voice began to sing it.

Right from the beginning, Trixie sang with such emotion since it actually felt that she was singing of herself. She sang even stronger as she belted out the chorus:

I don't wanna cry

Don't wanna cry

Nothing in the world could take us back

To where we used to be

Though I've given you my heart and soul

I must find a way of letting go

Cause, Baby. I don't wanna cry

A guy who was in the crowd speaking to Jessie, suddenly said to Jessie, "Hey. Are you listening to me?"

"Shhh," Jessie said holding up a hand as he turned to see the source of the beautiful voice. Turning to the stage he was delighted to see a beautiful, young girl who possessed such a powerful voice. Since he wrote his own songs, he could see and hear the emotion that this female was pouring into her singing, which made his heart leapt for her. He whispered, "Someone really broke her heart."

"What?" the guy next to him asked.

"Shhh," Jessie said memorizing the way the female on the stage looked. She wasn't the normal type of girl that he usually went for. She looked to be petit, had short hair, and he wished he could make out the color of her eyes. Green had always been his very favorite. In awe, he said, "She has an outstanding voice."

John suddenly walked up to him. "See, Jessie. I told you that I sometimes get some really good singers in here."

"She's way beyond just good," Jessie said walking away from the men so he could hear the end the song without interruption. When Trixie ended the last note, Jessie was about to applaud, but noticed that she looked down and wiped her eyes as if she had begun to cry. As she walked off the stage, Jessie quickly moved to John and said, "Don't let her leave."

"No problem," John said not surprised that Jessie was interested in her. They both had an incredible talent in common. "Trixie," John said walking over to her. "That was great! Sit down and let me fix you a drink."

"No thank you," she said politely. "I don't think I should ever drink again."

"Please," John said pulling a chair out from a near by table. "I'll just get you a glass of water."

"Well...okay," she said knowing she had no place to go, though she wished she could be at the track watching the Mach 5 zoom around. That seemed all too impossible now.

John walked up to Jessie and whispered, "Alright. I got her to stay."

"How do I look?" Jessie asked running his hand through his blonde hair.

John rolled his eyes and said, "You know all the girls love you."

"She's not just any girl," Jessie said watching her. "I just know it."

"Go find out for sure," John said smiling at his friend.

Jessie nodded an okay and then walked towards the table Trixie was sitting at.

Someone had brought Trixie a glass of water and she was staring at it when she heard a deep, beautiful voice. "Would you mind if I sat with you?"

Trixie looked up to see a very good-looking man. He was dressed in blue jeans and wore a red shirt over his broad shoulders, and looked to be as tall as Racer X.

"You want to sit with me?" she asked amazed.

"Yes," he said pulling out a chair thinking that someone had seriously crushed her confidence.

Trixie just looked at him not knowing what to say, because he was staring so very intently at her as he took a seat. She wrapped her arms around herself because she began to feel self-conscious.

"I'm sorry," he said seeing that he was making her uncomfortable. Smiling, he added, "Green. I should have known."

"What?" she asked baffled.

"You have green eyes, and they're beautiful."

"Oh. Uh...thank you," she said still surprised that he was talking to her. Speed was very good looking as well, but evidently he hadn't been happy with her, so what did this guy really want with her?

"I have to tell you," he said tilting his head as he looked at her. "You have an incredible voice. It's out of this world."

"Thank you," she said now knowing why he was talking to her. He just wanted to express that he liked her singing, like the crowd had the night before.

"Believe me," he said wanting her to know just how well he really thought she had sung. "If I tell you that you can sing, you can."

"Really," she said smiling as she wondered what he knew about singing. "Do you sing?"

"My favorite thing to do is sing," he said loving that she obviously had no idea who he was.

"I like it, but it's not my very favorite thing to do," she said surprising him.

"It's not? I find that hard to believe," he said folding his arms as he leaned on them on the table. "What is your favorite thing to do?"

"You'll just laugh," she said knowing she was different from most girls.

"I promise I won't," he said as his greenish-blue eyes stared into hers.

His strong presence made her look away embarrassed for a few seconds before she turned back to him and answered, "Well...I love to fly and I love racing with all of my heart."

"Wow! You must be very adventurous," he said astonished at her favorite things to do.

"I guess you could say that," she said remembering the times she and Speed had won races together and helped Inspector Detector.

Jessie sensed that she was feeling down again. "You know," he said sounding almost like a psychiatrist. "I could hear such emotion in your voice when you sang. That's partly why it was so good, because you were really feeling it. Am I right guessing that someone has recently broken your heart?"

Trixie was stunned at his diagnosis as she stared back at this gorgeous man who was showing such an interest in her. "I'm sorry, but I really don't want to talk about it," she said trying to sound nice.

"Okay, but am I right?"

Trixie put both of her hands on her glass as she looked at it and said sadly, "Yes. You're right."

"I know I don't know you well...yet, but he must have been a fool," Jessie said determined to get to know the girl with the voice.

Trixie didn't want to say anything, being that she didn't want to talk badly about Speed. In fact, she had to fight the instinct to stick up for Speed since Jessie had assumed he was a fool.

"What is your name?" Jessie asked curiously.

"Trixie," she said still a bit uneasy.

"Please don't be nervous. I won't bite," he said seeing that she probably didn't want to meet anyone new right now. He thought her shyness was so much better than how girls usually threw themselves at him. He was tired of that and wanted something different - something real. "My name is Jessie," he said and then a slow song began to play. Jessie soon saw John giving him the thumb's up behind Trixie's back. "Trixie. I know we only just met, but would you dance with me?" He could tell that she was about to kindly decline so he said, "It would be just a dance, nothing more."

"Well...okay," she said and then they both began to stand up. Trixie realized that he was even taller than Racer X as she looked up at him. He held out his hand and she hesitantly placed her tiny hand in it. They walked away from the table where there was some room to dance, and he gently put his right arm around her waist pulling her close as his left hand held her right as they began to slow dance. Trixie couldn't remember the last time she had danced like this with someone other than Speed. After feeling so hurt and lonely lately, she now gave into the protection that his arms seemed to want to make her feel as she leaned her head against his chest.

Jessie held the shy, but very classy, green eyed girl in his arms knowing that he'd like nothing more than to get to know her better.

Thanks for reading!