Misguided Emotions Chapter 12: Letting Go, a speed racer fanfic

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Chapter 12: Letting Go

The radiant, beautiful sun shined through the window of the Racer's den and onto their sofa where Sparky was sleeping. A pounding in his head made him blink open his eyes and run a hand through his ruffled hair. "What am I doing here?" he whispered as he sat up hearing someone moving about in the kitchen, knowing it was no doubt Mom Racer. "The last thing I feel like doing is eating," he said as he placed a hand on his stomach and the other over his eye, which was throbbing. "I must have really...pissed someone off last night," Sparky said slowly as he stood up. He walked into the foyer to look into the mirror and saw that he certainly did have a black eye. "I hope Speed took care of the jerk who did this to me," the mechanic said irritated. Oh shoot, he suddenly thought as he recalled what he was suppose to do the night before. I didn't keep an eye on Speed last night. I don't even remember seeing him after I left to talk to that girl I met at the car show. Sparky then just continued to stare at his black eye in the mirror hoping that he'd remember something of his night out.

An unexpected voice from behind made the mechanic jump. He whirled around to see Speed and then placed his hand over his chest as he began to catch his breath after experiencing Speed's sneaky appearance. Sparky was very happy that Pops hadn't been the one standing behind him speaking. "What did you say, Speed?" he asked with a smile, which came from feeling relief.

"I said...I'm sorry," Speed repeated standing with his hands in his pockets looking very ashamed.

"Sorry?" Sparky asked becoming serious as he glanced back into the mirror at his black eye. Turning back to Speed, he asked sounding a bit hurt, "Did you do this to me?"

Speed nodded his head yes and again said, "I really am sorry. You've got to believe me."

Confused, Sparky said, "I don't understand. I should have punched you because of the horrible mood you've been in, not vise versa."

"It just happened before I could think straight," Speed said tempted to tell Sparky to go ahead and punch him back, right there in the Racer's foyer.

"Well...I can tell you that you throw a good punch," Sparky said placing his hand back over the part of his face that was still aching.

"I understand if you're mad at me," Speed said feeling guilty about the punch. It was bad enough that he had felt like a failure as a boyfriend, but now he felt like a failure as a friend as well.

Sparky found that he really couldn't get truly mad at his friend, since he didn't even remember what had happened. "Just tell me why you hit me," Sparky said, his eyes squinting at Speed. "Were we trying to pick up on the same girl?"

"No," Speed said rolling his eyes as he folded his arms. How could Sparky think that he wanted to be with other girls?

"Then why did you hit me?" Sparky asked now folding his arms while wearing a sad, questioning face.

"You kept singing and wouldn't shut up," Speed said exasperated before walking away from Sparky so he could sit on the sofa and check out what was on the TV that morning.

"I can't believe you hit me for singing," Sparky said in disbelief as he walked in front of the TV.

Speed leaned to the right a bit as he tried to look around Sparky to see the TV screen.

"Man, Speed! I should really be mad at you for hitting me on our… night out!"

Speed lifted his eyes back to Sparky's. "Well I should be really mad at you for singing 'Jessie's Girl' very loudly over and over!"

"Jessie's Girl?" Sparky asked innocently. He had kept it to himself for a while that he thought of that Rick Springfield song every time he thought of the situation between Speed, Trixie and Jessie. It suddenly hit Sparky that in his drunken state, he must have sung it to Speed. Not being able to control himself, he began to laugh.

"I don't see what's so humorous about it," Speed said in a deep voice as he ground his teeth together. He wished he could use the control for the TV on Sparky to turn him off. "You had the whole damn bar singing that song!" Speed exclaimed clearly not having enjoyed it.

"I'm sorry, Speed. Really, Buddy. I guess I just had a lot to drink," Sparky said forcing himself to stop laughing.

"You weren't supposed to drink," Pops Racer reported sternly as he entered the room.

Sparky immediately became quiet as Speed now smiled. Sparky didn't know if it was the presence of Pops or the drinking he had done the night before that was making him feel sick.

"I thought I told you to watch Speed last night," Pops pressed standing with his arms folded behind the sofa where Speed was sitting.

Still smiling, Speed lifted his head and looked up at his father. "Don't worry, Pops. Sparky was watching me alright. He had an eye on me as he laid across the hood of the Mach 5."

Pops shook his head at Sparky as if very disappointed in him making the mechanic remain completely quiet.

Speed looked from one to the other and then knew he had to help his friend out. He stood up and said as he put a hand on Sparky's shoulder, "It's not his fault, Pops. I insisted that he drink because I had already made up my mind not to." Under his breath and just loud enough for only Sparky to hear, Speed said, "But, I didn't tell him to drink all the alcohol in the bar."

Sparky caught Speed smiling back at him through the corner of his eye.

"It's okay," Pops said in a calmer tone surprising Sparky. "I'm just glad that Speed hadn't had a drink since he's the one who drove home. The last thing I would have wanted is for the two of you to get hurt or hurt someone else." Pops then turned all of his attention to Sparky. "Judging from the bruise on your face, Speed was right last night when he said someone knocked you out."

Mom Racer happily entered the room intending to announce that breakfast would soon be ready, but Sparky's eye caught her attention. "Oh, Sparky! Do you want to put some ice on your face?"

"Yeah," Pops agreed not being able to stop himself from smiling. "Speed said that you were driving some guy absolutely crazy, so the guy hit you to shut you up."

"Oh, really?" Sparky asked with a smirk on his face as he looked back at Speed. However, knowing he had to have been driving Speed crazy, he didn't rat on him. He also didn't want to explain to poor Mom Racer that her dear son had been the one to injure him.

"Well let's just forget about last night," Pops sat patting Speed on the back. "I'm just glad to see that my son looks a bit happier."

Speed had made up his mind when he woke up that morning, that he was going to try to be more positive. It was clear to him that he had already let his depression take over him too much since he had hauled off and punched his own friend. "I won't let anything get me down now," he said so very positively. "This time I'm really going to focus only on racing. As far as my social life, whatever's meant to be is meant to be."

"That's my boy," Pops said sounding proud and relieved at the same time.

"Trixie. Come over here," a male voice said from the TV.

Speed instantly turned his head to the TV and felt as if he was going to literally be sick when he saw Jessie on the screen. He appeared to be in the middle of a concert. At the bottom of the screen there were words, which read, PREVIOUSLY RECORDED LAST NIGHT.

Again, Jessie said, "Come here, Trixie."

The camera finally moved on to the side of the stage and there Trixie was standing, wearing the same little pink shirt that tied at the shoulders, that Speed knew all too well. The rhythm of Speed's heartbeat picked up just from the very sight of her once again. He moved directly in front of the TV raising his hand up hinting for everyone to let him hear what was being said on the TV.

Sparky, Mom and Pops all thought to themselves at the very same time, Oh no.

"There goes the positive attitude," Pops mumbled to his wife.

"Trixie, Honey. Come sing," Jessie said grabbing her by her hand as he started to pull her out from behind the curtains.

Trixie was shaking her head no, but Jessie wouldn't give up and managed to get her right in the middle of the stage.

Looking at the crowd, Jessie said, "This is my girlfriend Trixie, and she can sing like you wouldn't believe."

The crowd applauded, but Trixie wouldn't look in their direction. She hated being put on the spot.

Speed folded his arms shaking his head, hating Jessie even more for making Trixie do something that she obviously didn't want to do. The camera zoomed up on her pretty face and Speed couldn't help but stoop down to touch the TV as if to make her and himself feel better.

Jessie finally sensed how uncomfortable Trixie was so he signaled for the crowd to quiet down.

"You are meant for this," Jessie said softly wanting her to believe it so badly. He then pulled up a stool and sat down on it in front of her and said, "I won't leave you." Next, he placed his microphone on a stand in front of them. Every girl in the place wished they were Trixie as Jessie took her hands in both of his as they were now the same height since he was sitting down. They were facing each other on stage not looking at the audience at all. Even though it was a whisper, Jessie could be heard telling her, "The band is going to play the one that I've caught you singing a few times."

Trixie just barely nodded her head yes since she felt she didn't have a choice as she waited for the music to play. Because she was nervous, she kept her eyes on Jessie's face as she got herself ready to sing the words to a song that she really felt in her heart for Speed. What else could she do but to sing it now - to Jessie. When Jessie had caught her singing it before, she had been trying to picture him in her mind, but hadn't succeeded and didn't have the heart to tell him that the song wasn't how she felt about him.

The soft music began to play and Trixie stared at Jessie's proud smile as she began to sing the words, once again making everyone who could hear her, enjoy the pure beauty in her voice. Once to the refrain her eyes remained on the man holding her hands and her small frame could be seen taking breaths between each line to hit the notes in the chorus:

I'd climb right up to the sky

I'd take down the stars

Just to be in your arms, Baby

I'd go and capture the moon

That's what I would do

Just to hear you say that you love me

Since Trixie couldn't face the crowd, she continued to keep her eyes on Jessie's face, but she couldn't look into his eyes, though it appeared that she was. She wasn't comfortable singing the song to Jessie because her feelings for him weren't as strong as the song suggested.

The crowd continued to listen to her beautiful voice as did Pops, Mom and Sparky.

Speed too listened as still as a statue while he watched Trixie confess her love for Jessie on the air for all to see.

Jessie soon began to sing with her and their voices blended together beautifully. Speed's heart took a beating as he listened to them sing words of love to each other:

For the rest of your life

Love me for the rest of all time

Just say the word

And I'll give you my world

There's nothing I won't do

Baby just to be with you

Speed never made a sound as a single tear rolled down his face while he continued to torture himself by staying in front of the TV. He was convinced that Trixie and Jessie were in fact very much in love with each other. When the song ended, and as the singers hugged, Speed stood up to leave. He didn't look at his family or friend as he headed straight out the front door. Just after he jumped into the Mach 5, he laid on the gas, knwoing it was time to let Trixie go. She had someone else in her heart, and the racer knew it was time for him to let his heart try to start to heal.

Once to his destination, the track, Speed did his laps and it was nothing but him and the Mach 5 as they became one. Driving extremely fast in the car left no room in his head to think about anything else but what he was doing at that very second. His adrenalin was pumping his blood fast when he finished his laps. He jumped out of the Mach 5 to go talk to some other racers, but to his disgust, someone from the press seemed to pop up from out of nowhere.

The young woman reporter began to question him as she lifted the microphone to his face. "Speed. How do you feel about your ex-girlfriend and I guess your ex-navigator too, being with the famous Jessie?"

Speed didn't answer, but gave her the look of death as he turned to go back to the Mach 5. He quickly jumped into it and started it up forgetting that he had wanted to talk to some of his friends at the track.

"Do you already have a new girlfriend?" the reporter asked sticking the microphone into the Mach 5, right in Speed's face.

"I don't want anyone in my life," he said and then pulled off.

"Well folks, you heard it here first. Speed Racer is free, though he claims to want to stay single. I'm sure he's busy concentrating on his next big race."

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That night, alone in her apartment, Trixie was surprised to find the beginning of Speed's very small interview on TV. She had been flipping through the stations when she came upon it. Immediately she had stopped and stared at her dark haired ex who had the most stunning blue eyes. She knew Speed hated the press, but she noticed that he looked even more mad than usual. She wished she could climb through the TV and strangle the reporter when she asked Speed about his ex and Jessie. Trixie saw the cold look in Speed's eyes and she wondered if he had seen Jessie and her singing on stage since it had been on TV more than once. "He wouldn't have cared if he did see it," she said out loud to herself. "He must have just been upset because of how noisy the reporter was being." Trixie was really surprised when she heard Speed say that he didn't want anyone in his life. He mustn't have wanted her back like he had suggested in the garage after the fight he had with Jessie. "Oh, Speed," she whispered softly knowing that he was slowly, but surely vanishing from her life.

Later at home, Speed took down every picture that Mom Racer had of he and Trixie together and told her to please put them out of sight. Knowing she had to adjust to Trixie not being around as well, Mom Racer agreed to do so. Speed told her that he was sticking to the advice that Pops had given him about only concentrating on racing and no women for awhile.

Through out the next week shots of Speed, Trixie and Jessie were all over the sports and entertainment stations. Trixie despised the exposure and it only seemed to get worse. She hated to imagine what the press would do next. She just tried to focus on Jessie by pushing everything she had ever felt for Speed, way down deep inside of her. After all, Jessie was a very sweet guy who really wanted her.

Speed too, had forced Trixie out of his system by concentrating on races. He refused to let women enter his mind for now.

Meanwhile, Jessie was trying to convince himself that Trixie wanted him and not her ex. One of the reasons that he had doubts about how Trixie felt for him was the attention she gave to races. Once when Jessie appeared on a show to sing, Trixie wasn't on the side of the stage watching him like she usually did. When Jessie finished with his appearance on the show, he found Trixie back stage in the dressing room watching TV. She had quickly turned the TV off when Jessie entered the room. After excusing herself by saying she needed to use the rest room, Jessie then flipped the TV back on and saw the Mach 5 on the screen in the process of winning a race.

Though Trixie hadn't really needed to use the rest room, she had to go somewhere where Jessie wouldn't see her jumping up and down from the excitement she felt for her once team, the Go Team. Sparky was now Speed's only navigator and she couldn't help but wish them the best of luck.

Another disappointment for Jessie was that Trixie still didn't seem interested in performing on stage with him. But, he was happy that she had started to write a song, though she wouldn't let him see it.

A month later in the garage at the Racer's home, Speed was to no one's surprise working on the Mach 5, when Spritle ran in wanting to tell him something. "Speed," he said attaching himself to his brother's leg as Speed then pulled himself from under the hood of the Mach 5.

"Spritle. I'm kind of busy right now," Speed said a bit irritated by his little brother's disturbance.

"I'm sorry, Speedy. But you're on TV and it's not for racing!" Spritle yelled starting to pull him away from the Mach 5.

"What now?" Speed asked following Spritle and Chim Chim to the den.

"See!" Spritle exclaimed pointing to the TV screen as they entered the den.

The entertainment station showed a split screen. On one side there was a picture of Trixie and Speed together and on the other side there was a picture of Trixie and Jessie together.

Spritle excitedly began to explain to Speed what was going on. "The people on TV or fighting over who Trixie's looks better with, you or Jessie!"

Speed kept his cool, but folded his arms and said, "This is ridiculous." Truly not thinking of himself, he said, "Trixie doesn't need this. She…loves the guy and the press should just let her be." Speed then left not wanting to hear anymore and headed back to what he had been doing in the garage.

Mom Racer was in the kitchen and because the door had been open, she had heard what Speed had said. She was proud of him though she knew he really wanted Trixie back. However, he had loved her enough to set her free. It was like the old saying, 'if it comes back to you then it's yours, but if it doesn't then it never was'. Walking into the den, Mom Racer watched her youngest son still engrossed in the conversation on TV about who Trixie looked better with. "You shouldn't be watching this," she said seeing the two pictures still up on the TV screen.

"But, Mom. Who do you think Trixie looks better with?" Spritle asked jumping up and down along side of Chim Chim.

Mom played along with Spritle and began to look closely at the two pictures. First she glanced at the one of Trixie and Jessie. She could tell that Trixie and Jessie had posed for it. They were both smiling, but Jessie's smile was much bigger as he stood behind Trixie with his arms around her. Mom then looked at the picture of Trixie with her son. It was a picture that was shot after Speed had won a race with Trixie as his navigator. Though Speed had his trophy in one hand, it wasn't the trophy he was looking at. He was looking at Trixie who was under his other arm and they were gazing very happily into each other's eyes.

"Well, Mom. Who do you think she looks better with?" Spritle asked, his curiosity getting the best of him.

"My son of course," Mom said smiling back at Spritle. Mom Racer knew for sure that Trixie looked happier with Speed and hoped someday they'd find their way back to each other.

In his room one night, Speed was lying in his bed as he watched himself on the TV screen after winning yet another race. After getting enough of seeing his victory, he flipped through the stations and stopped when he saw Trixie. She was trying to enter her apartment, but a mob of reporters had gathered around her. Some reporters liked her as Jessie's girlfriend, while some wanted her back with Speed.

"Trixie," one reporter said, "Did you know that Speed Racer won the race today?"

Looking nervous she admitted, "Yes, I did."

"Did you watch the whole race?" the reporter asked as if proving to the reporters who liked her with Jessie, that she'd rather be Speed.

"Yes, I caught most of the race," she admitted embarrassed.

Speed whispered, "I can't believe she still watches my races even though I probably make her sick."

Another reporter wanted to get right down to what everyone really wanted to know. "Do you love Jessie as much as we know you loved Speed?"

Speed remembered all too well why he couldn't stand most of the press.

Trixie felt they were getting way too personal, so she said, "That is none of your business."

"Don't you love Jessie?" a reporter on Speed's side asked.

"I don't have to answer that," Trixie said before thinking that Jessie might see and be hurt. She tried to get her door open, but her nervousness seemed to be making her take longer than usual.

A reporter on Jessie's side soon said, "You surely must feel nothing for Speed since he broke up with you."

Trixie didn't say anything as she became very mad at herself since she couldn't get her door open.

Again the Jessie reporter spoke to her. "Would you like to say something to Speed now, since you ended up with Jessie who is such a catch? Why not rub it in Speed's face a bit?"

Speed was afraid to hear what Trixie would say as he remembered how torn up she was when he had broken up with her, and now here she was probably so happy with Jessie.

Out of frustration, Trixie gave up on trying to get into her apartment as she just leaned on her door closing her eyes as if wishing herself away.

The Jessie fan reporter then said in a fake, concerned voice, "Every woman on earth will understand if you hate Speed for dumping you."

Trixie opened her eyes and looked at the reporter. Looking upset, she said, "I could never hate Speed. He is a good person, so just please excuse me." Trixie tried once again to open her door and this time it opened. She quickly let herself in ignoring what more the reporters were saying.

Speed was surprised out of his mind that Trixie had said something nice about him. "She doesn't hate me," he whispered amazed, but then in a sad voice, he added, "She doesn't want me either."

Authors Note: The song "Just To Hear You Say That You Love Me," is by Faith Hill and Tim Mcgraw. I never wrote it and do not own it.

Thanks so much for reading.