Chapter 14: Wanting Each Other
After agreeing to go back to Trixie's apartment, Speed drove the Mach 5 very close behind her car as they both moved down the highway. Earlier, before he had nodded his head yes that he would go to her place, it had taken every bit of his strength not to answer her with a kiss. The look in her eyes had taken him over, body and soul. Feeling as if he was riding on air while he continued to follow behind her, the events of the day ran through his mind. His reminiscing started with their fast ride together at the track and ended with their nice stroll along the beach. The day had been spectacular and he knew for sure that they were made for each other. Why else did they connect the way they did? I know she still feels something for me. That old familiar look appeared in her eyes when she fed me the cheesecake with her fork, he thought feeling the heat in his body rise as he remembered wanting to feel her lips against his when he had fed her. Control yourself, he told himself like he had many times in the past when he and Trixie had been lost in a very passionate kiss. Back then his love for her had forced him to respect her as it did this very day by respecting that she was seeing Jessie. However, Speed now believed in his heart that he was the one who Trixie really wanted. I'm not going to treat her as if she belongs to Jessie anymore. I have to let her know that with everything in me, I want her back.
Trixie looked in her rear view mirror to see the Mach 5 directly behind her, and she smiled at being able to see Speed's handsome features even from a distance. Throughout their wonderful day together she found that he still had the power of making her pulse race. They had cut up so much, that it was almost like they had never broken up. In a blissful mood, feeling as if the day would never end, she flipped on the car radio. Jessie's voice came out of her speakers and made her sadly realize that the time she had spent with Speed had to end as soon as possible. Her heart aching to be in his arms throughout the day had been wrong to do so. She knew what was happening to them shouldn't, and couldn't go on since she was now committed to Jessie. However, down deep she also knew she didn't regret spending the day with her ex, and knew the real reason why she wanted him to go to her apartment. She wanted to touch him, hold him, kiss him and forget that the rest of the world existed. "No," she cried out shaking her head as her eyes watered from the pain and disappointment she felt. "I can't be near Speed anymore. I have to tell him not to even bother getting out of the Mach 5."
After pulling up to her apartment, Trixie quickly turned her car off and exited it so she could rush to the Mach 5, but Speed was already right there standing next to her car door. Looking at him, she knew that there was no way that she could tell him to leave. Her heart wouldn't let her and she again easily forgot about Jessie.
Speed smiled at her appearance in his clothes as if he had forgotten she had them on, and he couldn't miss the fond look in her eyes.
Trixie not only knew that she didn't want him to leave, but she also thought of another reason why he had to stay. "I have to change and give you your clothes back," she said innocently as if not really wanting more.
Even though Speed didn't really care if she kept his clothes or not, he put his hand on the small of her back and began to lead her to her door. Letting the strong attraction he felt towards her take him over, he didn't plan to keep his hands off of her anymore this day. Though he would be gentle and patient, he would also be persistent in getting her back.
Just his hand on her back sent an electricity all through her body as she imagined feeling her small frame against his broad chest as he held her in his arms. His breath alone began to sends chills through her as she felt it on the back of her neck while she unlocked the door.
As they entered the dark apartment, Trixie quickly turned on the lights. She then turned around to the attractive man following and said, "I should go take off these clothes."
Speed stopped moving and lifted an eyebrow at her as he grinned wickedly. It was evident that he liked the idea.
Embarrassed, she said, "What I mean is that I will take your clothes off."
"Go ahead," Speed said daringly as he opened his arms as if waiting for her to undress him.
Blushing profusely, Trixie said, "No. What I mean is that I will change into my own clothes." She tried to ignore the expression on his face, which made her feel as if he was undressing her with his eyes. "I...I won't be long."
"I'll be waiting," he said positively, his eyes holding hers till she finally forced herself to turn and go into her bedroom.
She entered her bedroom, closed the door, and then leaned her back against it as if trying to catch her breath. Speed's teasing hadn't felt like teasing between friends, but as if they were much more. He's acting differently now, like we're dating, she thought. But she soon began to scold herself, You were acting differently too, Trixie. You're the one who suggested that he come back here to your apartment! Shaking her head as if aggravated with herself, she walked to her closet and pulled out a pair of her Capri pants and a pink shirt.
Slow down, Speed, he told himself as he stood in Trixie's kitchen. While continuing to think he put his hands on the back of a chair by her table as he thought, Don't scare her away before you even get her back.
Trixie just finished putting on her clothes when she looked into the mirror and said as if trying to convince herself, "Speed is not your boyfriend. It's just too bad that you are hopelessly in love with him, because you can't see him again after tonight." It hurt Trixie's heart so, but she knew that was the way things had to be. She had already committed herself to Jessie.
Alright, Speed thought. When she comes out, act cool and far from aggressive. He then walked into her den and put the TV on. A smile came across his face when he saw that she already had the sport's station on. Happily he wondered how often she had watched the station's coverage on him. He was about to sit down on the sofa when he decided that it might be too obvious that he wanted to kiss her. Her sofa had been their place to share many, many passionate kisses. He instead chose to sit on a chair next to the sofa.
Trixie came out holding Speed's clothes all nice and folded in her arms. Knowing she should wash them, she didn't suggest it because then she'd have to see him again, which wouldn't help her relationship with Jessie. She noticed that Speed obviously was not ready to leave. "Can I get you something to drink?" she asked politely as she placed his clothes on the coffee table.
"No," he said seriously as he felt himself wanting her all over again. "Why don't you come sit down?"
Trixie tried to look relaxed but his presence was making her remember why she had asked him there in the first place. She wanted to hold him, for him to hold her, and to feel that real passion that she had only truly experienced with him. Controlling herself, she sat on the end of the sofa furthest from him.
Speed took notice that she was keeping space between them and hoped that she wasn't having second thoughts about his being there.
Staring at him as he sat there with his legs apart and his arms on the arms of the chair, she thought, Why can't my heart let you go?
They sat there continuing to stare at each other, each in their own thoughts of how much they wanted the other back.
Speed knew that all the races he had won without Trixie hadn't really meant anything to him since she hadn't been with him to share the glory. Then it hit him that Mom Racer knew that as well. That's why she had pushed he and Trixie together that day. She knew that they belonged with each other and wanted Speed to fight for Trixie. "I have to tell you something," he said very seriously as if it was now or never.
"Yes?" Trixie whispered holding her breath.
In a strong voice, he said, "I want you and I don't mean only as a friend."
Trixie felt as if she couldn't move or speak as he held her in his intense gaze.
Almost sounding like he was confessing to a crime, he admitted, "I've tried many times to stop wanting you...but I haven't succeeded yet, and now I know I never will."
"Oh, Speed," Trixie said touched that he admitted he couldn't get over her. However, before she could throw herself into his arms and tell him that she was still crazy for him as well, she stood up and turned her back to him. She remembered that Jessie was the new man in her life and that she shouldn't be alone in her apartment with her ex. Not turning to look at him, she said, "I'm so sorry, but you should…"
"Should what?" he asked unexpectedly right behind her making her spin around to him in surprise.
She knew she should tell him to leave, but being this close to him she found it impossible. His big, blue eyes were full of desire and seemed to be begging for her affection.
He lifted his hand to touch her face, but stopped as he remembered his gloves. Wanting to take in the feel of her soft skin, he pulled the gloves off and dropped them onto the floor. "There's something else I want to tell you," he said stepping in even closer to her. Trixie didn't move as Speed lifted his right hand and then slowly pushed her hair behind her ear like he used to do. He felt her tremble from his touch and then his left hand touched her right and started its way slowly up her arm, as he said, "The few girls that I have gone out with since we broke up...honestly never meant a thing to me."
"What exactly do you mean?" Trixie whispered as his touch sent tingles through her.
"I couldn't get close to them," he said as his hand moved back down her arm. He then lifted her hand and placed it on his shoulder and his other hand gently lifted her chin. Looking at her red, soft lips, he leaned closer and their eyes closed just before he kissed her. He felt her quiver slightly, and then he started to make a trail of soft kisses from her lips to ear.
A slight part of Trixie knew that she should push him away, but she was too powerless to fight the yearning he was causing in her. She felt her legs going weak as she took in his tender, loving. She almost felt as if she would explode in passion when she felt his breath in her ear.
"I can't get close to other women, and I don't want to," he whispered in her ear. He then lifted his face to look into her eyes and said sounding so very sure, "Trixie. I am so totally in love with you." Before she could say anything, his arms surrounded her and then smashed her against him as his lips captured hers.
Wrapping her arms around him, she willingly let him in as he deepened the kiss and they both sighed at finally getting what they wanted. They continued to kiss fervently letting their fingers dig into each other. Soon Trixie's hands dove into Speed's dark, thick hair as their passion ran wild as he now fell under her spell. There was nothing else that either of them would rather be doing right now, or anything that had ever felt better as they continued.
When their lips finally separated, Speed again kissed his way to her ear as Trixie held him oh so close. In a husky voice as he nibbled on her ear lobe, he asked, "Do you still love me?"
"Oh yes," she breathed out, but then her eyes flew open and she released her grip on him and pulled herself out of his arms. "We can't do this," she cried out backing away from him.
Speed looked a bit startled at first since he had been carried away by their kisses. Moving towards her, he said, "I love you, Trixie. Didn't you just say you love me?"
"I do love you, Speed," she said not convincing him since she pushed his hands away as they tried to reach back for her.
Speed brought his hands down by his sides. He saw that her eyes were watering and a bit confused, he asked, "I don't understand. If you love me, why are you now pushing me away?"
Trixie ran her hands through her hair while taking a deep breath and she sounded troubled as she only said one word, "Jessie."
Speed didn't try to move as his face turned pale. Sadly, he said, "I understand. You really don't love me, because you're in love with him. How could I be so stupid? I knew that you loved him when I saw you sing that song to him."
Before thinking, and hating to see Speed hurting, she said, "It may have looked like I was singing to him, but I was thinking of you."
Getting a little color back in his face after hearing her words, Speed said with a smile, "I wish I would have known that then."
"It's too late," Trixie said moving across the room from him so it wouldn't be so easy for him to touch her.
Still feeling confused, Speed stared at Trixie wondering what could have been wrong - especially after the passion they had just shared.
Their names being said on the TV made them both look at the screen. It was late breaking news on the contest of who Trixie looked better with, Speed or Jessie. The contest had ended and up on the screen a picture of Trixie with Speed appeared. After all the votes were counted, it had been determined that most people thought she looked better with Speed.
Folding his arms and smiling, Speed said, "I haven't been paying attention to this, but I have to say, the voters know what they're talking about."
"It doesn't matter," Trixie said as tears ran down her face.
"Baby. What's wrong?" Speed asked walking over to her and wrapping his arms around her as the tears continued to pour out of her eyes. "Please tell me."
Trixie tried to calm herself and just barely whispered, "Jessie and I are engaged."
Speed didn't say anything, but he released her and looked into her eyes as if to see if he had heard her right.
Trixie was quite stunned to see how frantic Speed looked. Suddenly on the TV, Jessie and Trixie's names were heard and their engagement was announced. Trixie quickly walked over to the TV and turned it off.
Speed shook his head in disbelief and walked over to her. "The press is just making trouble, right?"
Trixie sadly shook her head no.
Speed then grabbed Trixie's left hand to look at it. "You don't even have a ring on!"
The tears continued to run down her face as she pulled her hand away from him and dug in her pocket to pull out the ring. She had put the ring there when she changed, knowing that she had to tell Speed about it. "I didn't wear it today, because I didn't think it would be appropriate with what happened to Mom for me to get attention about my engagement to Jessie."
Sounding destroyed, Speed demanded, "Do you love him?"
"I already told him I'd marry him," she said feeling that there was nothing she could do.
"I asked you if you love him!" Speed exclaimed sounding desperate.
"I don't know," she cried wiping her eyes.
"You don't know!" Speed yelled upset. "Does that mean that when you just said that you loved me that you really didn't know!"
"I do love you, alright!" she shouted back at him.
"Then tell Jessie," Speed said, his eyes wide as if it was all so simple.
"I can't," Trixie said so upset. "It would break his heart."
"What about me?" Speed exclaimed becoming even more frantic.
"You don't understand," she said letting her guilt take her over. "He acts like I'm his life and has been bending over backwards for me since we met, paying no attention to any other girls."
"Trixie. I swear," Speed pleaded putting his hands on her shoulders. "I don't want anyone else. Please, I'll never act like I'm interested in other girls again."
"Speed. It's too late. I already told him I'd marry him."
The racer felt like he could just scream for not being able to get through to his ex that she belonged with him and not Jessie. "Trixie. You're suppose to be with me and have my children, our children."
That shut Trixie up, but then there was a knock at the door.
"Trixie!" Jessie yelled through it.
"Oh no!" she exclaimed not knowing what to do as she pulled away from Speed.
"I know Racer's in there!" Jessie yelled through the door. "The Mach 5 is out front!"
"Let your fiancé in," Speed said somehow calming down, though he didn't want to see Jessie.
Trixie could see that her ex seemed to have calmed himself down a bit, his heavy breathing a little less evident. She then walked to the door trying to prepare herself for what might erupt. When she opened it, Jessie stormed in and yelled at Speed. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"For your information, I've been with Trixie the whole damn day," Speed said back.
A questioning look appeared on Jessie's face as he looked at Trixie.
Knowing that his ex hadn't planned to spend the day with him, Speed's love for her made him change his tune. After all, she hadn't pursued him. "Look, Jessie. My mother was in a very bad car accident today and Trixie came to the hospital to check on her."
"Shouldn't you still be there!" Jessie exclaimed as if Speed was a horrible person for abandoning his mother.
"Jessie, please," Trixie said not wanting them to fight.
"I'm leaving," Speed said surprising both Trixie and Jessie.
"No, Speed," Trixie said not wanting him to.
Speed walked to the door, but before walking through it, he turned back to Trixie and said, "I don't belong here. Jessie does."
To Trixie's disappointment, Speed then disappeared out of her apartment.
Jessie was relieved that the racer left and then he quickly closed the door behind him. Spinning around to Trixie he saw that she was upset. "It's alright, Baby," he said softly as he took her into his arms. He was afraid to ask her how her day with Speed had gone since she obviously still had deep feeling for her ex, which were feelings Jessie didn't want to know about. All he knew was that he wanted Trixie. Releasing her from his arms, he took her face in his hands and said, "I love you and I can't live without you. I'll kill myself if you ever try to leave me. I really will."
Trixie was shocked by his words and could tell by the look in his eyes that he was very serious. She began to think that he was more infatuated with her than in love. However, she couldn't tell him that, and she couldn't dare tell him that she was still in love with Speed. The thought of Jessie or anyone killing themselves scared her immensely - especially over of her.
At Trixie's silence, Jessie hugged her again and told her that they were going to have such a great marriage and life together. Trixie didn't say anything as she spotted Speed's yellow gloves on her floor making her wish he was the one holding her now.
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Alone and hours later, Trixie decided that she needed to see Speed one more time to let him know how she really felt. She knew he was home alone because the sport's station had reported that his parents were still in the hospital. Pops had insisted to the doctors that Mom stay another night just to make sure that she was absolutely okay. Spritle was staying with a relative.
Depressed at midnight as he flipped through TV channels over and over, Speed then became surprised when he heard a knock on the front door. "Those damn reporters," he said getting off the sofa to open the front door.
"What?" he yelled opening the door. Totally unprepared for who was standing there, he whispered, "Trixie."
"Can I come in?" she asked hoping he wouldn't slam the door in her face.
Speed didn't say anything as he walked away from the door leaving it open for her.
Trixie then walked through the door and shut it.
Speed stood by the fireplace with his hand on the mantle, not attempting to look at her.
Trixie knew he was extremely upset at her since she had hid the fact that she was engaged to Jessie through out the day. She walked over to the fireplace and stood in front of Speed. "I just want you to know that I'm really sorry that I didn't tell you about the engagement sooner," she said in a very sad voice.
Speed faced her wanting to give her a piece of his mind because his heart was hurting, but he didn't. Now that she was in the house, in the light, he saw that she had been crying, probably for hours. His expression turned to concern and he was about to ask her if she was okay, but she lifted her hands and insisted on telling him something first.
"Speed," she said with a smile, but the sadness on her face made it very clear of how she was really feeling. "I had a lot of fun with you today, the best really, but I have to marry Jessie. I don't want to get into why now, but I do want you to know that I'll always love you."
Speed watched a tear run down her face and his heart went out to her. "Trixie. If you love me, you should be with me," he said softly seeing that she was in no condition to be screamed at.
"I...I can't be with you," she said beginning to cry. "Just know...just know that I wish you the best and that you'll always be the one I love."
Speed put his hands on her face and said sadly, "I don't know why you feel like you have to marry him. This is all my fault. I was such a fool for breaking up with you."
"We can't change what happened in the past and why I said yes to Jessie is not your fault," she said wiping her eyes. "I don't blame you at all. I just had to see you one more time to tell you that I do love you with all of my heart."
With that, she wrapped her hands around Speed's wrist and pulled his hands from her face. She turned and walked to the door and opened it. Before leaving she asked, "Can I keep your gloves?"
Speed nodded his head yes. "Then here," Trixie said taking her bow out of her hair and handing it to him before she would walk out of his life. "It's to remember our time together," she said softly with a smile and then she left.
Holding the small bow in his hand, Speed thought that he had never felt so horrible before.
As she pulled off in her car, tears stung Speed's eyes for the second time that day. The first time had been at the thought of possibly losing his mother, but now it was because he was losing the love of his life. He whispered out into the night air, "I'll always love you too, Trixie."