Author's note:
Thanks so much for reviewing this fic, with all your varying opinions (I'm
just glad anyone's read it at all). I realise that this is a very
*different* type of Obidala, but that's why I wrote it. I have seen a lot
of angst and fluff alike that didn't seem to deal with the characters in
this way, which I think is quite possible and quite in character. It may
not be the most romantic in parts, which kills me because I'm really a
hopeless romantic. I'm just trying to explore a possibility which I don't
think has really been explored in Obidala fiction. Please just bear with me
here and try to keep an open mind.
Two things:
* I'm trying to write this as an exploration of two characters in a situation as opposed to as a couple in a situation. I thought this would help me approach things differently, maybe more objectively.
* Just because a character thinks something doesn't always mean that's true. I'm just stating what they think, because again, this is about these characters.
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Padmé slowly awoke and stretched. She'd slept for several hours, and figured it to be about lunch time. She rolled over to her right to see Obi- Wan; still asleep on his stomach, sheet pulled halfway up his back, head turned her direction. She considered letting him sleep, but she really wanted to get to lunch and didn't want him to wake up and her be gone. With a smile on her face, she scooted closer to him beneath the sheets and leaned down towards him. "Obi-Wan," she whispered softly. He didn't so much as stir. She gently shook his shoulder and repeated a little louder, "Obi- Wan."
Obi-Wan was slowly drifting back into consciousness, though he was fighting it. He had slept so little lately. How had he gotten back to sleep in the first place? His mind was fuzzy for a few moments, until he heard someone say his name. That surprised him. Why was there someone in his room? His eyes fluttered open to see Padmé leaning over him. He jolted up in shock, trying to comprehend it. "Milady?" he said in a breath of confusion. When he realised that she wasn't wearing anything under the sheet, the morning's events came rushing back to him, hitting him like a tidal wave. His face blanched. When he realised that he wasn't wearing anything either, his face reddened in embarrassment.
A little confused at his reaction, Padmé scooted back a little bit. "It's almost time for lunch. I just thought maybe you'd like to go eat something," she said quietly, offering a smile of encouragement.
"I'm not hungry," he said quickly. He searched around frantically and finally found his clothes on the floor on his side of the bed. He slid out from under the covers and put on his under most tunic. Gathering the rest of his clothes in his arms, he tried not to look at Padmé too much. "If you'll excuse me, I don't feel very well." It was the truth, too. Everything seemed to be spinning as he dashed off towards his fresher, closed the door, and locked it.
Padmé stared after him for a moment, then plopped down onto her pillow. She didn't have to ask what was wrong. She knew Obi-Wan must have felt like he'd betrayed his duties as a Jedi. Being married to Anakin, she had almost forgotten that love and attachment were forbidden for a Jedi. But, her conscience berated her, was what you did really out of love? She was taken aback for a moment. It was true; she wasn't in love with Obi-Wan. Of course she cared about him, admired him, had had a crush on him when she was younger. But she had always respected his position and her own. She felt deep inside that she had just used him in her time of loneliness. He was the only man around, and she let her emotions take control without thinking of how it might affect him. Obviously, it had affected him deeply. She remembered how he had looked at her- was he disgusted with her? He must be repulsed by what she'd done, how she'd seduced him.
Padmé was beginning to feel a little sick herself, and pulled the sheet around herself in a wrap. She watched the door to the fresher, dreading the moment when Obi-Wan would inevitably exit. Would she even be able to look at him? How could she possibly express how sorry she was? She was a grown woman, a mother, and had been a wife. Yet she had let herself act like an out of control teenager. Shame was already beginning to swallow her.
Obi-Wan splashed water on his face for a full three minutes before he felt stable enough to stand up straight. When he did, he avoided looking at himself in the mirror as much as possible, and dressed quickly. The last thing he put on was his belt. His lightsabre still clipped to the side made him cringe in remorse. He was a Jedi. He had always resisted any temptation before fairly easily. True, the ability of all the Jedi to use the Force had been dwindling for several months, but that was no excuse. He was a grown man, a leader, and had been a General. This was all his fault. Padmé was understandably susceptible right now. She had been through so much and was still a young woman at 26. Here he was at 37, supposedly responsible for all their lives, and he couldn't even control his own actions.
Obi-Wan smashed a fist down on the countertop furiously. He finally caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and saw that he was growing red with anger. Anger leads to the Dark Side, he reminded himself. If he had failed in remembering the ways of the Jedi before, at least now he would remember them. Taking a deep breath, he concentrated on the Force, finally drawing some calming waves from it. They were faint, but at least they were still there. The anger within him was subsiding, and he was grateful for that. He deserved guilt, regret, but anger was futile. He remembered how much anger had been in Anakin, and what that had led to. Oh Force, what would Anakin think of him now? Not only had Obi-Wan destroyed his apprentice, but he had slept with his wife before she barely had time to grieve. He would be grateful Anakin weren't here to witness this, if only he hadn't been the one to kill him.
He knew he couldn't stay in the fresher forever. He was going to have to go out and face Padmé. Drawing a deep breath, Obi-Wan opened the door and stepped out slowly. Padmé was now dressed once again, sitting on the right side of the bed facing away from him. The lights in the room were set a little low, he thought, so he raised them with the Force before moving over towards Padmé. He stood over her, not quite sure what to say.
Head hung low, Padmé managed quietly, "You must hate me."
That stunned Obi-Wan. It was he who felt like ashamed. After all, she was practically like his daughter in law. He cared about her and her safety, and it was his duty to protect her. "What do you mean? I don't hate anyone, least of all you. It's me I'm ashamed of."
She looked up at him. "But it's not your fault."
"I'm a Jedi, milady. Had I remembered that, neither of us would be in this position," he replied softly.
She stood up, but was careful to put a few feet between them. "Can't you put aside your title and remember that you're a human being? You have weaknesses and desires like everyone else. And I led you on. I fed those weaknesses, and I'm mortified at myself for doing that."
"Jedi is more than a simple title, milady," he rebuked gently.
She sighed. "I didn't mean it like that," she said. "It's only that you must realise we all make mistakes."
"Of course, but I take the responsibility for my mistakes."
"And I for mine," she insisted. "And I more than admit that this was my mistake."
Obi-Wan looked down at her. Her jaw was set; she obviously felt adamantly about this. "Perhaps we are both to blame." After a moment, Padmé nodded slightly. Obi-Wan hesitated before finally saying, "Well, I don't feel much like eating but I won't keep you from your own lunch."
"You have to get hungry sometime. Please don't hesitate to come eat something when you do." She headed for the entrance, pausing before opening the door. "I'm sorry Obi-Wan," she said over her shoulder."
"I'm sorry too, milady," he said as she disappeared into the hall. He sighed heavily and sank into the bed with his head in his hands.
Two things:
* I'm trying to write this as an exploration of two characters in a situation as opposed to as a couple in a situation. I thought this would help me approach things differently, maybe more objectively.
* Just because a character thinks something doesn't always mean that's true. I'm just stating what they think, because again, this is about these characters.
-----------------
Padmé slowly awoke and stretched. She'd slept for several hours, and figured it to be about lunch time. She rolled over to her right to see Obi- Wan; still asleep on his stomach, sheet pulled halfway up his back, head turned her direction. She considered letting him sleep, but she really wanted to get to lunch and didn't want him to wake up and her be gone. With a smile on her face, she scooted closer to him beneath the sheets and leaned down towards him. "Obi-Wan," she whispered softly. He didn't so much as stir. She gently shook his shoulder and repeated a little louder, "Obi- Wan."
Obi-Wan was slowly drifting back into consciousness, though he was fighting it. He had slept so little lately. How had he gotten back to sleep in the first place? His mind was fuzzy for a few moments, until he heard someone say his name. That surprised him. Why was there someone in his room? His eyes fluttered open to see Padmé leaning over him. He jolted up in shock, trying to comprehend it. "Milady?" he said in a breath of confusion. When he realised that she wasn't wearing anything under the sheet, the morning's events came rushing back to him, hitting him like a tidal wave. His face blanched. When he realised that he wasn't wearing anything either, his face reddened in embarrassment.
A little confused at his reaction, Padmé scooted back a little bit. "It's almost time for lunch. I just thought maybe you'd like to go eat something," she said quietly, offering a smile of encouragement.
"I'm not hungry," he said quickly. He searched around frantically and finally found his clothes on the floor on his side of the bed. He slid out from under the covers and put on his under most tunic. Gathering the rest of his clothes in his arms, he tried not to look at Padmé too much. "If you'll excuse me, I don't feel very well." It was the truth, too. Everything seemed to be spinning as he dashed off towards his fresher, closed the door, and locked it.
Padmé stared after him for a moment, then plopped down onto her pillow. She didn't have to ask what was wrong. She knew Obi-Wan must have felt like he'd betrayed his duties as a Jedi. Being married to Anakin, she had almost forgotten that love and attachment were forbidden for a Jedi. But, her conscience berated her, was what you did really out of love? She was taken aback for a moment. It was true; she wasn't in love with Obi-Wan. Of course she cared about him, admired him, had had a crush on him when she was younger. But she had always respected his position and her own. She felt deep inside that she had just used him in her time of loneliness. He was the only man around, and she let her emotions take control without thinking of how it might affect him. Obviously, it had affected him deeply. She remembered how he had looked at her- was he disgusted with her? He must be repulsed by what she'd done, how she'd seduced him.
Padmé was beginning to feel a little sick herself, and pulled the sheet around herself in a wrap. She watched the door to the fresher, dreading the moment when Obi-Wan would inevitably exit. Would she even be able to look at him? How could she possibly express how sorry she was? She was a grown woman, a mother, and had been a wife. Yet she had let herself act like an out of control teenager. Shame was already beginning to swallow her.
Obi-Wan splashed water on his face for a full three minutes before he felt stable enough to stand up straight. When he did, he avoided looking at himself in the mirror as much as possible, and dressed quickly. The last thing he put on was his belt. His lightsabre still clipped to the side made him cringe in remorse. He was a Jedi. He had always resisted any temptation before fairly easily. True, the ability of all the Jedi to use the Force had been dwindling for several months, but that was no excuse. He was a grown man, a leader, and had been a General. This was all his fault. Padmé was understandably susceptible right now. She had been through so much and was still a young woman at 26. Here he was at 37, supposedly responsible for all their lives, and he couldn't even control his own actions.
Obi-Wan smashed a fist down on the countertop furiously. He finally caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and saw that he was growing red with anger. Anger leads to the Dark Side, he reminded himself. If he had failed in remembering the ways of the Jedi before, at least now he would remember them. Taking a deep breath, he concentrated on the Force, finally drawing some calming waves from it. They were faint, but at least they were still there. The anger within him was subsiding, and he was grateful for that. He deserved guilt, regret, but anger was futile. He remembered how much anger had been in Anakin, and what that had led to. Oh Force, what would Anakin think of him now? Not only had Obi-Wan destroyed his apprentice, but he had slept with his wife before she barely had time to grieve. He would be grateful Anakin weren't here to witness this, if only he hadn't been the one to kill him.
He knew he couldn't stay in the fresher forever. He was going to have to go out and face Padmé. Drawing a deep breath, Obi-Wan opened the door and stepped out slowly. Padmé was now dressed once again, sitting on the right side of the bed facing away from him. The lights in the room were set a little low, he thought, so he raised them with the Force before moving over towards Padmé. He stood over her, not quite sure what to say.
Head hung low, Padmé managed quietly, "You must hate me."
That stunned Obi-Wan. It was he who felt like ashamed. After all, she was practically like his daughter in law. He cared about her and her safety, and it was his duty to protect her. "What do you mean? I don't hate anyone, least of all you. It's me I'm ashamed of."
She looked up at him. "But it's not your fault."
"I'm a Jedi, milady. Had I remembered that, neither of us would be in this position," he replied softly.
She stood up, but was careful to put a few feet between them. "Can't you put aside your title and remember that you're a human being? You have weaknesses and desires like everyone else. And I led you on. I fed those weaknesses, and I'm mortified at myself for doing that."
"Jedi is more than a simple title, milady," he rebuked gently.
She sighed. "I didn't mean it like that," she said. "It's only that you must realise we all make mistakes."
"Of course, but I take the responsibility for my mistakes."
"And I for mine," she insisted. "And I more than admit that this was my mistake."
Obi-Wan looked down at her. Her jaw was set; she obviously felt adamantly about this. "Perhaps we are both to blame." After a moment, Padmé nodded slightly. Obi-Wan hesitated before finally saying, "Well, I don't feel much like eating but I won't keep you from your own lunch."
"You have to get hungry sometime. Please don't hesitate to come eat something when you do." She headed for the entrance, pausing before opening the door. "I'm sorry Obi-Wan," she said over her shoulder."
"I'm sorry too, milady," he said as she disappeared into the hall. He sighed heavily and sank into the bed with his head in his hands.