CONNOR'S THOUGHTS.

SUMMARY: Connor's thoughts in the summer between seasons three and four when Angel is at the bottom of the ocean.

AUTHOR'S NOTES: Thank you to everyone who either emailed me or submitted a review to give me their opinions on my Dark Angel story "Eva, my sister and my hero". I particularly appreciated the one from Borg.

I have more Dark Angel stories planned as well as one on The Tribe and a Smallville/Dark Angel/Angel crossover, so keep an eye out for me. ;)

I don't like this world.

I don't like the fact that it's so hard to see what things are really like, even during the day.

I don't like the way that it's always so loud here no matter if it's day or night.

I don't like all the bright lights that appear during the night so that you can't see the stars in the sky.

I don't like the fact that it's hard to track properly because of all the strange scents that are always in the air.

I don't like the way that not all demons are seen as dangerous and that people let down their guard around them.

I don't like the fact that it's so hard to know who I can really trust. In Quortoth it was really simple. I trusted no one but myself. Dad too of course. That's another thing that I don't like about this world. I don't like the fact that dad isn't here anymore.

I don't like the fact that you can't tell what people in this world really want. Their body language says one thing but their voice says another and I don't know which one to listen to.

I don't like the fact that everything seems to be backwards and medicine can kill you instead of making you better like it did with Sunny.

I don't like the fact that I have to stay somewhere that used to be the home of a vampire because I'm too unsure of this world to go and live on my own.

I don't like the fact that I like Fred and Gunn while they still like him.

I don't like the fact that they won't give up looking for him.

I don't like the fact that they won't stop talking about him.

I don't like the fact that I feel guilty about what I did. He deserved it! He killed my real father! Angel might say that I'm HIS son but I know that I'm not. Holtz is the man who raised me, the man who kept me safe. He rescued me from Angel. He wanted to live until I was a man so he could see me become better than those who brought me into this world. Angel denied him of that.

I don't like the fact that sometimes I'm not sure if that's true.

I don't like the fact that sometimes I think that Holtz really did take me to Quortoth because he knew how much it would hurt Angel.

I don't like the fact that sometimes I miss Angel. That sometimes I wish he were here to tell me more about my mother. To fight with me and tell me how good I am at it.

I don't like that sometimes I have dreams about what my life would have been like if Angel had raised me from a baby instead of Holtz.

I don't like this world. I want to go home. To go home to Quortoth. At least there you knew what you had to do and that things were the way they're meant to be.