Disclaimer: I do not own fruits basket or its characters (sadly… though it might be bad if I did) I also do not own x-files, or the other ones. I also (thank god) do not own the Michael Jackson song, or Michael Jackson. I also do not own Willard…. I don't own much really.
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"I don't think we have to erase their memories…. After all, they only have seen Momiji, and that idiot thinks he's an alien, the other one seems to care less." Shigure said to Ayame who was sitting across from him. "I mean… we can just ship them on their way, as long as no one else transforms…" Shigure was interrupted suddenly.
"Haru did you just say what I think you said!?" Yuki's voice came from upstairs. From the pitch and the fact that it could be heard down the stairs gave Shigure and Ayame a pretty good guess Yuki was pretty angry about something. A few moments later the WHUMP of a door being slammed open and stomping footsteps were heard.
"Come on Yuki, it was an accident, I was not pretending you were someone else I swear! I only want you." Haru's pleading voice came from upstairs.
"YEAH RIGHT, that's why you said "oh FBI man MULDER you are amazing" YOU THICK HEADED COW!" Yuki's voice was rabid and high-pitched here and there.
Haru groaned audibly, "Yuuuukiiii come on I told you I was not pretending you were Mulder…. That's sick he's uuuh… way to old for me?"
Yuki came down the stairs pulling on a shirt, "YEAH SURE WHATEVER, LEAVE ME ALONE." He walked past the living giving Mulder the death look, and then walked outside.
Haru smacked his head on the wall, "I'm such a baka…."
Shigure and Ayame who were still sitting at the table talking like two gossipy old ladies had stopped to listen to the whole thing. They stared at Haru for a moment, and then busted into giggles.
"You said Mulder's name when you were-" Shigure said starting to laugh even harder.
"You're really dumb! You really do fit the cow" Ayame added salt to Haru's wound.
Haru simply glared at them both, his temper rising. He had only let Mulder creep into his mind for one second, and that just had to be when… (We would like to keep the rating at pg 13 so we will not say WHY.) Haru felt his black mode coming on very quickly. Shigure and Ayame, being the stupid boys they are kept on laughing.
"SHUUUT UP THE COW IS NOT STUPID IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!" Before Shigure and Ayame knew it, they were lying on the floor, and the table was busted in tiny pieces.
A very grumpy looking Scully came downstairs at this point, "you people do not understand the concept of- …. What happened?"
Ayame looked up with swirly eyes, "black Haru"
Shigure started to moan about the indecency of home wreckers, his eyes swirly as well.
Scully looked at Ayame dumbfounded, "uuuh… Black Haru?"
"Yes… he spazzes out and loses control and it usually isn't good." Ayame said standing up and poking Shigure with his foot.
"They make medicine for that you know…" Scully said staring at the mess.
"Pshaw, you like think you pop a little pill and EVERYTHINGS better. You are like a hippie! One little bit of magic and the world is sooo peachy keen!" Ayame said rolling his eyes and shaking his hand up and down.
Haru smirked at Ayame, "you are such a fruit loop…. And you talk like a sissy" With this Haru walked to the TV room, humming like a virgin.
Ayame stared at Scully, "so..."
Scully glared at him suddenly remembering the in my pants game, "yeah…"
Kyou came down the stairs and saw Scully and froze, "I uh… am just going outside…. Not going to get illegal cd's or anything"
Scully looked at him blankly, "you know, we don't really have the power to arrest you, not without a warrant and such… and the government isn't going to bother with interfering in Japan about cd copyright…."
Shigure looked up at her, "shhhh don't tell him that it was nice to have him in hiding."
"You mean…. You can't arrest me?..." Kyou looked at Scully dumbfounded.
"Not really…"
Kyou pumped his fists in the air and did a weird little kitty jig "yes!" He wandered outside.
Suddenly a loud, "AAAAAAAAIIIEEEEE GO AWAY" came out of the TV room. Scully recognized this high pitched cry to be Mulder's. She ran into it at once, expecting the evil rabbit to be munching off his leg. Instead she saw a mortified Mulder, standing in the corner clutching his rear and staring at Haru. Haru was grinning all evil Black Haru-like and said, "Dang, you're nice and tight, guess you haven't had any alien encounters?"
(Oh god probe joke #2 baaad author bad bad bad)
"HE PINCHED ME!" Mulder squeaked still looking at Haru. An explosion of giggles came from the kitchen, meaning the current Mabudachi members were listening like hawks.
"How could I resist the guy in the uniform?" Haru said coolly.
Mulder blinked, "well… I know I'm super sexy and everything but…NO DON'T PLAY MINDGAMES WITH ME!"
Haru started to laugh when SPLOOSH, Momiji came out of no where and dumped an oversized glass of water on Haru's head.
Haru's devilish grin faded and he looked at Mulder. "What's wrong with you?..."
Mulder stared at him and made a slight whiny sound.
"Oh well… I've got to go find Yuki…." Haru wandered outside leaving Scully to comfort post rear pinchy trauma Mulder.
When Haru went outside to find Yuki and apologize for the accident, he found him sitting on a rock… surrounded by dozens of rats. Yuki was glaring at them all, and hissing "leave before I put out rat poison."
Haru raised an eyebrow and looked at all the rats. It was times like these, he was grateful cows were kept in pens. Since emotions seemed to trigger when the animals came to them, it was no surprise Yuki was surrounded by mice, he was furious and a bit heart broken. Yuki spotted Haru and glared and started to get up, but was interrupted.
Without warning a song started to flow through the air. Haru and Yuki looked around confused. "What the-"
"Ben, the two of us need look no more, we both found what we were looking for, with a friend to call my own, I'll never be-"
Yuki turned around, fire practically blazing in his eyes realizing exactly what this song was. Kyou was holding a boom box and standing in the bushes laughing.
"Why don't you call your rats upon me Willard?" Kyou said grinning.
Haru decided this was his chance to defend Yuki and show his love, "OH YEAH KYOU?! Try this on for size! I like chicken, I like liver meow mix meow mix please deliver!"
Yuki stared at Haru, "that was…" Just before he could decide whether to say childish, pathetic or stupid a familiar obnoxious voice rang out, along with the heavy revving of engines.
"YUKI!"
Yuki, Kyou and Haru all turned and watched three motorcycles rev down the road. What they saw caused their hearts to thud in terror. Tohru, Rin, and Uo….. In leather biker girl outfits….
They parked their bikes and walked over to the fear stricken boys. Rin winked at Haru, "hey baby, miss me?"
Haru looked at her calmly, "no, not really" (author's note, I have not read the mangas so I'm making this stuff up, Haru and Rin are bitterly separated now, cause poor Haru's heart was turned into Haru smoothies by Rin)
Yuki and Kyou on the other hand were staring at Tohru wide eyed. She was wearing TIGHT black leather pants. And was wearing a black leather shirt thing. Though neither Kyou nor Yuki were sure it qualified as a shirt, maybe more like a scrap of cloth.
"Tohru… you… what... happened" Kyou muttered out in shock. Rin was still fondling a disgruntled looking Haru. Tohru stepped away from Kyou towards Yuki. "Hey… how're you sexy thang?" she said running a finger down his jaw line.
"I-I-I-I-I-I" Yuki stuttered out eyes as big as dinner plates.
"Hey carrot top! Michael Jackson is you choice of music? What does it make you feel pretty when you think of what his face looks like?" Uo said, referring to Ben which was still cranking on his boom box.
"NO stupid Yankee! I was mocking Yuki because… because… NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!" He shouted and threw the boom box behind him into the bushes.
Rin was seemingly trying to get Haru to pick her up as she kept hopping up against him.
"What in gods name are you doing?" He asked icily and shot a death look to Tohru. He never did like her, always putting moves on Yuki, stealing his precious away from him. Yes his precious… he was his now, his own… he…
"Yo, cow-boy, did you hear me?" Rin asked snapping her fingers in front of his nose.
"No..."
Rin sighed as though it was just so much effort to repeat herself, "I saaaid, you wanna go with me and Tohru and have fun? I mean, Yuki would be with Tohru of course and I'd be all yours, or whatever, mixing is always fun." She grinned a little too happily and WAY too innocently for what she just said.
"Uh no…. I'll be going now… very, very far away." With this Haru ran like a madman to the house, yelling as soon as he got inside "ITS HORRRRRRIIBLE"
Yuki and Kyou were still staring at Tohru.
"You boys still wanna come with me and Uo? We could have some fun…" she said giggling like her normal old self.
Kyou muttered very quietly so Uo couldn't hear, "we turn into animals… I'd love to see how THAT would work."
Tohru grinned creepily, "I don't mind animals"
Yuki and Kyou both put on their "O.O" faces, and backed up several feet.
"WHERE'S TOHRU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH HER BIKER TRASH?!" Kyou screamed pointing at her like a ninny.
Tohru jumped a bit surprised of Kyou screaming like a girl and started to trip on her own feet. She stumbled and ran into her motorcycle, knocking it to the ground.
"Aaaaah oh no I'm so clumsy, I'm so sorry Rin-san, did I scratch it? I'm so clumsy I shouldn't be allowed near people with as nice as bikes as you! I'm sorry, I should be whipped and beaten, NO even that's too good."
Rin sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose, "No Tohru, it's fine… anyway, lets go these boys don't know how to have a good time."
Tohru smiled her sweet smile and looked at Rin, "Hai! We can have fun on our own right?"
Rin grinned evilly and wrapped her arm around Tohru, "that's right…. Let's go"
With this Rin, Tohru and Uo jumped on their bikes and took off to who know where to do I don't want to know what.
"….." Yuki stared at them go away,
"…. That… was the scariest thing I've seen in my life." Kyou said, twitching slightly.
Yuki simply nodded, suffering post Tohru-has-lost-her-mind-and-become-biker-babe trauma. They walked back to the house in silence. Kyou stood in the middle of the kitchen, Yuki and Haru also stood near Kyou, Yuki was clinging to Haru, obviously a bit spooked (who can blame him. I wrote this and the image of Tohru I got scared ME).
Meanwhile, Scully had managed to calm Mulder down
"He… pinched… violation..."
Scully sighed and rolled her eyes, "oh knock it off so he pinched your bum, get over it."
"He… he… SCULLY… do I… look… I mean… maybe the singing in the car triggered something, and I'm now doomed to be known as fruity boy Mulder… I'm going to cry" He stammered out.
Scully rubbed the bridge of her nose in frustration, "no Mulder you are… uh… just as… dead sexy as before I guess…."
"Really?"
"Sure…"
During this time for no reason in particular, Momiji was running around like a chicken with his head cut off. He ran not so accidentally into Scully and clung to her leg.
Scully stared at the cute ball of yellow fluff attached to her leg and screamed. "GET IT OFF!" Scully now ran into the kitchen like a chicken with its head cut off and ran SMACK INTO HARU YUKI AND KYOU, WHOOOA NO!
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Uh oh, now that Scully has run into the boys SURELY transforming them, what will happen?! Will their memories need to be erased?! Tune in next time to-… ok that's enough….
Please Review. It motivates my sick little head to do more disturbing funny things. Even if it's to flame the bajeezus outta me, it makes me giggle and want to write more! -.o