Notes: Set sometime after QAF2
Cry me a river
"You were my sun
You were my earth"
I loved him. I really did. In fact, I'd loved him from the moment we met all those years ago when we were fourteen. After all those years of waiting I thought my dreams had come true that night in Arizona when he confessed his love to me. I was finally going to get what I'd always dreamed of. Stuart Alan Jones was going to be mine.
"But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no"
Everything started out so great. We toured around America for about a year or two, enjoying life, never stopping, just like we'd said to Nathan. God, that day seemed an age away now when I think back. Anyway, we shagged all the time, whenever, wherever. The sex was just as I had expected it to be. God knows, he really was the best. I know now how any guy could become head over heels after just one night. It was the way he could do it. One minute, forceful and swift, the next, tender and loving. I was on cloud nine all the time on that trip. I never wanted to it to end. Things were perfect.
"So you took a chance
And made other plans
But I bet you didn't think that they would come crashing down, no"
I should've known then really. They say nobody's perfect, but he had me so fooled into thinking that was a lie. We decided one morning that we should head back home, to Manchester. Don't ask me what made us suddenly decide that. I suppose it was a mixture of homesickness and our age. Although Stuart doesn't like to admit it, we're getting older. We were going to have to settle down sometime or another. The best place to do it was in a city we already knew. I couldn't wait to get home. Being able to see Mum and Bernie, Alexander, Alfred, the Lesbians, god, even Nathan. I'd missed them all. So we caught a plane and we headed home. Things were still perfect in our world.
"You don't have to say, what you did,
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
And don't it make you sad about it"
Two months into our return home and things were still perfect. We, well, I say we, more Stuart's money than mine, but we'd got a place together, a bigger flat, away from Canal Street. Stuart insisted we didn't need that place anymore. He said we had each other now, I relished that moment when he said those words. He was rarely romantic and soppy, he just didn't do it. The flat was huge, extravagant, more space than we would ever need. We did still go to Canal Street but not as often, maybe once every couple of weeks. We didn't want them to forget us, the rest of the gang still went.
"You told me you loved me.
Why did you leave me, all alone"?
Three months in and in my eyes, perfection is still a major factor in our world. Stuart managed to talk his way back into Thrive, the same job that he used to do. They practically grabbed him back there and then. He was always good at what he did. I still hadn't found anywhere even though Stuart insisted I didn't need to work. I didn't want to be a housewife to anyone. Mum still needed me to chip in with the mortgage when she had a lean month. It was about this time that Nathan started getting close with us again. You know, coming round the flat, 'dropping in' when he was 'just passing'. That kid had changed so much in the time we were away. When I looked at him I saw Stuart. He'd been moulded into a mini version of my best friend and partner. He was breaking hearts all over town. Stuart just found it funny, endearing that the lad was trying to be like him. I found it disconcerting. I'd never been a huge fan of Nathan Maloney but Stuart seemed to enjoy his company. I should've known then, but I didn't. Things were still perfect.
"Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Boy I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river"
Six months later and we're having a night out. Things started tame enough. We had a few drinks in Via Fossa and then we decided to head to Babylon, for old times sake. Alexander came with us and copped off before we'd even got in there. He seemed so much happier after his previous troubles. So it was just me and Stuart. He seemed to be buzzing even though we hadn't taken anything. I suppose it was just the atmosphere. Babylon always had a great atmosphere.
"I know that they say
That some things are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to him and you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)"
I'd been to the bar to get the drinks. I can even remember the order. I was having my usual pint and Stuart had ordered a Harvey Wall-Banger on the advice of Hazel. I was making my way back through the throng of sweaty bodies when I saw them. Stuart was no longer standing alone. Nathan was there. They were laughing together. Similar to the way we used to when we were younger. As I approached, Nathan whispered something into Stuart's ear. I didn't catch it. I wasn't supposed to. Before I could say anything the lad had scooted off. No doubt gone to spread his seed with some unwitting guy in the crowd. Stuart looked amused as he downed the proffered cocktail. He put his arms around me and kissed my cheek. His breath smelt faintly of alcohol, he was on his way. Even though I knew he was slightly drunk, the next four words out of his mouth were like music to my ears.
"I love you Vince"
I smiled like I was on a good E. Stuart Alan Jones had once again, declared his love for me. I felt like I walking on sunshine. I couldn't have been happier. Perfection ruled.
"All of these things people told me
Keep messing with my head
(Messing with my head)
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it"
An hour later and he flops down on the sofa. He's laughing and kissing me. I'm enjoying it even though he's even drunker. He releases me from his grasp and whispers in my ear. "I'm hungry" Like the twat I was, I thought that his words had sexual connotations. But sadly, at that precise moment, his stomach rumbled, informing me his needs were merely due to appetite and not libido. I smiled down at him as I pulled myself up from the soft, black material. I inform him that I'm off to get us some curry. He smiles, satisfied with my plan. I grab my keys and my wallet and start for the stairs, halfway down, who should I meet, but Nathan Maloney. He's grinning at me, tells me that Stuart has his mobile. I sigh and tell him to go up and get it. How stupid can one man be?
"You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him"
Twenty minutes passes and I'm back with the food. I dash into the flat and put it down on the kitchen side. I can't wait to get back to my lover. In the twenty minutes spent at the take-away all I could think about was Stuart. Nathan shocks me as he comes out from the bathroom. I didn't expect him to be here. As our eyes meet I notice a distinct change in his mood. He looks sad and what I now knew was, sorry.
"Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it"
He quickly avoids my eyes as he darts past me. I frown, just what the hell has gone on here? Nothing seems to fit into place. It didn't then. Now it all makes sense, but then, I was Mr Clueless. I chose to ignore it as he made his way to the door. He opened it and then turned to me. Once again, his eyes met mine, full of sorrow. "I'm so sorry Vince" He blurted those four words then left quickly. I was still lost in a maze of confusion. Had he done something to upset or anger my Stuart?
"You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Boy I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river"
I run into the bedroom. I'm temporarily relieved as I see my lover sleeping on the bed. I'd always loved the way he looked when he was asleep. It's a shame I didn't savour it while it lasted, if only I'd known it would've been the last time.
"Cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river, yea yea"
As I take a closer look, I can see that the sheets are messed up. That wasn't the way I'd left them. Not neat freak Vince, no way. It was then that the pieces should've fallen into place, but they didn't. Vincent Tyler, ever the innocent. I only realised what had happened that night when twenty minutes later as I was preparing to join my Stuart in bed, I found it.
A used condom
"The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving"
I ran right there and then. I never looked back, I just ran. The only time I look back to that night is now, one year on, when I'm sat in my old flat with no-one but myself for company. That is when my thoughts drift back to that night. God, I lost count how many times he called me. I didn't want to know.
"You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it"
It all ended that night, life as I knew it. Life as I'd known it for years. Hazel and the others were sympathetic, but nothing they say can take away the memories. Nothing they can do can erase the pain. He's gone now, I heard it on the Canal Street grapevine. He's moved on to some other city. I don't even know where. Part of me wants to tell myself not to care, but the other part of me won't let it. I was angry, I still am angry, but that doesn't change the fact that I love him. I love him with all my heart. Stuart Alan Jones, the love of my life.
I gave the best years of my life to him and what did I get in return? Pain.
Stuart Alan Jones, cry me a river. Cry me a fucking river.
Cry me a river
"You were my sun
You were my earth"
I loved him. I really did. In fact, I'd loved him from the moment we met all those years ago when we were fourteen. After all those years of waiting I thought my dreams had come true that night in Arizona when he confessed his love to me. I was finally going to get what I'd always dreamed of. Stuart Alan Jones was going to be mine.
"But you didn't know all the ways I loved you, no"
Everything started out so great. We toured around America for about a year or two, enjoying life, never stopping, just like we'd said to Nathan. God, that day seemed an age away now when I think back. Anyway, we shagged all the time, whenever, wherever. The sex was just as I had expected it to be. God knows, he really was the best. I know now how any guy could become head over heels after just one night. It was the way he could do it. One minute, forceful and swift, the next, tender and loving. I was on cloud nine all the time on that trip. I never wanted to it to end. Things were perfect.
"So you took a chance
And made other plans
But I bet you didn't think that they would come crashing down, no"
I should've known then really. They say nobody's perfect, but he had me so fooled into thinking that was a lie. We decided one morning that we should head back home, to Manchester. Don't ask me what made us suddenly decide that. I suppose it was a mixture of homesickness and our age. Although Stuart doesn't like to admit it, we're getting older. We were going to have to settle down sometime or another. The best place to do it was in a city we already knew. I couldn't wait to get home. Being able to see Mum and Bernie, Alexander, Alfred, the Lesbians, god, even Nathan. I'd missed them all. So we caught a plane and we headed home. Things were still perfect in our world.
"You don't have to say, what you did,
I already know, I found out from him
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
And don't it make you sad about it"
Two months into our return home and things were still perfect. We, well, I say we, more Stuart's money than mine, but we'd got a place together, a bigger flat, away from Canal Street. Stuart insisted we didn't need that place anymore. He said we had each other now, I relished that moment when he said those words. He was rarely romantic and soppy, he just didn't do it. The flat was huge, extravagant, more space than we would ever need. We did still go to Canal Street but not as often, maybe once every couple of weeks. We didn't want them to forget us, the rest of the gang still went.
"You told me you loved me.
Why did you leave me, all alone"?
Three months in and in my eyes, perfection is still a major factor in our world. Stuart managed to talk his way back into Thrive, the same job that he used to do. They practically grabbed him back there and then. He was always good at what he did. I still hadn't found anywhere even though Stuart insisted I didn't need to work. I didn't want to be a housewife to anyone. Mum still needed me to chip in with the mortgage when she had a lean month. It was about this time that Nathan started getting close with us again. You know, coming round the flat, 'dropping in' when he was 'just passing'. That kid had changed so much in the time we were away. When I looked at him I saw Stuart. He'd been moulded into a mini version of my best friend and partner. He was breaking hearts all over town. Stuart just found it funny, endearing that the lad was trying to be like him. I found it disconcerting. I'd never been a huge fan of Nathan Maloney but Stuart seemed to enjoy his company. I should've known then, but I didn't. Things were still perfect.
"Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Boy I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river"
Six months later and we're having a night out. Things started tame enough. We had a few drinks in Via Fossa and then we decided to head to Babylon, for old times sake. Alexander came with us and copped off before we'd even got in there. He seemed so much happier after his previous troubles. So it was just me and Stuart. He seemed to be buzzing even though we hadn't taken anything. I suppose it was just the atmosphere. Babylon always had a great atmosphere.
"I know that they say
That some things are better left unsaid
It wasn't like you only talked to him and you know it
(Don't act like you don't know it)"
I'd been to the bar to get the drinks. I can even remember the order. I was having my usual pint and Stuart had ordered a Harvey Wall-Banger on the advice of Hazel. I was making my way back through the throng of sweaty bodies when I saw them. Stuart was no longer standing alone. Nathan was there. They were laughing together. Similar to the way we used to when we were younger. As I approached, Nathan whispered something into Stuart's ear. I didn't catch it. I wasn't supposed to. Before I could say anything the lad had scooted off. No doubt gone to spread his seed with some unwitting guy in the crowd. Stuart looked amused as he downed the proffered cocktail. He put his arms around me and kissed my cheek. His breath smelt faintly of alcohol, he was on his way. Even though I knew he was slightly drunk, the next four words out of his mouth were like music to my ears.
"I love you Vince"
I smiled like I was on a good E. Stuart Alan Jones had once again, declared his love for me. I felt like I walking on sunshine. I couldn't have been happier. Perfection ruled.
"All of these things people told me
Keep messing with my head
(Messing with my head)
You should've picked honesty
Then you may not have blown it"
An hour later and he flops down on the sofa. He's laughing and kissing me. I'm enjoying it even though he's even drunker. He releases me from his grasp and whispers in my ear. "I'm hungry" Like the twat I was, I thought that his words had sexual connotations. But sadly, at that precise moment, his stomach rumbled, informing me his needs were merely due to appetite and not libido. I smiled down at him as I pulled myself up from the soft, black material. I inform him that I'm off to get us some curry. He smiles, satisfied with my plan. I grab my keys and my wallet and start for the stairs, halfway down, who should I meet, but Nathan Maloney. He's grinning at me, tells me that Stuart has his mobile. I sigh and tell him to go up and get it. How stupid can one man be?
"You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him"
Twenty minutes passes and I'm back with the food. I dash into the flat and put it down on the kitchen side. I can't wait to get back to my lover. In the twenty minutes spent at the take-away all I could think about was Stuart. Nathan shocks me as he comes out from the bathroom. I didn't expect him to be here. As our eyes meet I notice a distinct change in his mood. He looks sad and what I now knew was, sorry.
"Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it"
He quickly avoids my eyes as he darts past me. I frown, just what the hell has gone on here? Nothing seems to fit into place. It didn't then. Now it all makes sense, but then, I was Mr Clueless. I chose to ignore it as he made his way to the door. He opened it and then turned to me. Once again, his eyes met mine, full of sorrow. "I'm so sorry Vince" He blurted those four words then left quickly. I was still lost in a maze of confusion. Had he done something to upset or anger my Stuart?
"You told me you loved me
Why did you leave me, all alone
Now you tell me you need me
When you call me, on the phone
Boy I refuse, you must have me confused
With some other guy
Your bridges were burned, and now it's your turn
To cry, cry me a river"
I run into the bedroom. I'm temporarily relieved as I see my lover sleeping on the bed. I'd always loved the way he looked when he was asleep. It's a shame I didn't savour it while it lasted, if only I'd known it would've been the last time.
"Cry me a river
(Go on and just)
Cry me a river
(Baby go on and just)
Cry me a river, yea yea"
As I take a closer look, I can see that the sheets are messed up. That wasn't the way I'd left them. Not neat freak Vince, no way. It was then that the pieces should've fallen into place, but they didn't. Vincent Tyler, ever the innocent. I only realised what had happened that night when twenty minutes later as I was preparing to join my Stuart in bed, I found it.
A used condom
"The damage is done
So I guess I be leaving"
I ran right there and then. I never looked back, I just ran. The only time I look back to that night is now, one year on, when I'm sat in my old flat with no-one but myself for company. That is when my thoughts drift back to that night. God, I lost count how many times he called me. I didn't want to know.
"You don't have to say, what you did,
(Don't have to say, what you did)
I already know, I found out from him
(I already know, uh)
Now there's just no chance, for you and me, there'll never be
(No chance, you and me)
And don't it make you sad about it"
It all ended that night, life as I knew it. Life as I'd known it for years. Hazel and the others were sympathetic, but nothing they say can take away the memories. Nothing they can do can erase the pain. He's gone now, I heard it on the Canal Street grapevine. He's moved on to some other city. I don't even know where. Part of me wants to tell myself not to care, but the other part of me won't let it. I was angry, I still am angry, but that doesn't change the fact that I love him. I love him with all my heart. Stuart Alan Jones, the love of my life.
I gave the best years of my life to him and what did I get in return? Pain.
Stuart Alan Jones, cry me a river. Cry me a fucking river.