"The Hell I'm a normal girl, Buffy! Normal girls go about their business. They go to class, or school, or swimming practice. They don't get ambushed by vampires twice in the same week. If you, Jimmy and Faith hadn't been there, I would have been dead!"
"Well, guess what twinkie? That's a normal girl."
"What!"
"Like I told you Tracy, I could give you the chance to be a normal girl again. Of course, the world is full of demons and monsters, and whether or not you're a slayer - the monsters will still be there."
"The question is, what are you going to do."
"Nothing. I don't wanna be a part of this!"
"Really? People like you piss me off. Do you know how lucky you are?"
"No Faith I don't. From where I sit, my life got ruined because you girls decided to make me a freak!"
"And now there are dozens of slayers to defend humanity instead of one or two. Not seeing the bad here."
"That's beside the point, Faith. Remember what it felt like tonight, Tracy. How scary it was. That's how it is for just about everybody on the planet. Hiding under the pillow won't make it go away."
"It's not just that Buffy. Am I supposed to be sorry that Tracy feels inconvenienced? I don't. The two of you had things I never did: good parents, a nice home, a college acceptance letter, and prospects for a decent future. I grew up with nothing, I dropped out of school, and I had to run from vampires before I was ever a slayer. I'm lucky enough to be alive now. And I'm out here fighting, so that rich bitches like you can go about your merry way without sparing a thought to us little people who don't have the luxuries you do."
"Faith!"
"No B. Let me finish. You think we're the only people who know about or fight vampires. I wasn't in Boston. A good friend of mine in LA has been fighting them on the streets long before he knew what a slayer was. And I could take you to some of the neighborhoods on the South Side that you're probably too afraid to go to, slayer or not, and I'll show you regular people banding together to protect their families and their turf. So what's you're problem, Trace. Too good for us?"
"No. It's not like that."
"You not wanting to face the monsters doesn't mean other people won't have
to. Get it through your skull - the monsters only go away if you make them!
And while you're hiding away, they're snacking on people."
"You don't get it Faith! You live for this stuff. I don't."
"It's okay to be scared. I understand that. Once upon a time I was just a cheerleader, and the only thing I had to worry about was which boy I would let take me to a dance. Then a weird old guy told me that I was the world's only defense against the forces of hell. I lost all my friends, I got kicked out of school, my parents split up, and I had to move. I thought I'd lost everything."
"So, tell me Buffy, please tell me, why should I want a part of this?"
"Because I'm still here. And so is the world. Look at me: I have friends. I have people I love, and that love me. And I went from being an airhead, to somebody who's made a difference. And I'm in college and I've got as much of a future as I could have ever hoped. My life, has on occasion, sucked beyond the telling of it - but I wouldn't trade it. Listen, I'm not asking you to give up dreaming about the Pulitzer. You aren't the only slayer. You've got me and Faith."
"And me!"
"And Jimmy. Faith and I thought we were alone in the world. But you'll never have that. We're here for you. And we have more friends. There are slayers in a bunch of different cities. We can take turns. The world doesn't rest on your shoulders. I'm just asking you to do your part."
"It's just...I didn't want to know this. I liked my life, how it was going to be. Maybe I was ignorant, but I was happy. And I'm never going to have that back."
"You're probably not. We all...well maybe not Faith...but most of us can look back on an easier time. Ignorance can be bliss, but you aren't ignorant anymore. You aren't going to get your innocence back, and you'll have to learn to adjust and deal. The world as you see it now can be a hard and ugly place...but you have the power to make it a little bit brighter. I don't know much about how or why one girl or another gets chosen. But they never choose wrong."
"That's how it is. Whatever picked you, it saw something special. I'm not saying we're better than anybody else, because I sure as hell ain't. But you are good enough for this. And you have a chance to know that you matter."
"Jimmy? You aren't freaked out?"
"Of course I'm freaked out. But, you know how I feel Tracy. Faith and Buffy are right. We're lucky. All of us. We have a nice, beautiful, wonderful world. Remember when we went swimming at the cove, or skiing in Tahoe. Watching my little sister play softball. Going down to Navy Pier, playing in the arcades. Ever since I learned that monsters were real, I've been having nightmares, where the sky's in flames or it's eternal night, or there are demons and monsters killing children... And I can't stand here knowing it might happen, and do nothing - not if I can do something to stop it. Remember when we talked about college, and you said you wanted to be journalist so you could fight injustice. This might not be sweatshops and child labor..."
"Actually Jimmy..."
"Let me finish, Buffy. Tracy - don't turn your back on the truth just because you're afraid. You wouldn't be the girl I love if you did."
"But it doesn't matter anymore. They made me a regular girl. I can't slay like that."
"That's not true Tracy. The mystical compound we injected you with - it'll wear off. You'll be fine in a day. And we can take you out for a patrol. Let me tell you a story about something called Cruciamentum..."
- - - - - - - - - - - -
"Well that went well..."
"It did. I still don't like you're idea, but it worked."
"Are you okay, Faith? Is that what you really felt about me?"
"Once upon a time, yeah. But things change, and people grow up. I remember the first time somebody really thanked me. It was just some dumb girl who'd been lured into an alley, but it was the first time in my life, when I wasn't trying hard to be badass, that I really felt like a somebody. That I'd been given the power for a reason. I'd never thought I'd amount to anything good - so being the slayer was everything for me. It's hard to watch other people run so hard from it."
"It's hard for me to talk to her too. I didn't want to do this to her - I completely remember every complaint I had, and I sympathize with her. But it just seemed so selfish. As much as I've hated being the slayer, I can't ignore that pesky sense of duty."
"Took me a long time to find that part."
"For what it's worth, you've more than proven yourself to me."
"Yeah. But that's never really who we need to prove it to, is it? So how'd you know she'd listen?"
"Because I have to believe in her. I can't let myself believe any of these callings are mistakes... Besides, I'd talked to Jimmy, and I knew that he believed in her too, and that he'd be there for her. And because I'd remembered what Cruciamentum meant to me."
"I never had that. And I think I may have very seriously hurt any watcher who tried that on me."
"I was angry, but in the long run, I learned from it. I'll never understand why the Council did it, or why they chose to keep it secret."
"Probably to kill off slayers like you. Or to bust up your team with Giles."
"What I do think, is that it's not a bad idea. I think we should continue it, only this time, it'll be voluntary for the girls."
"Why, B? Most of them are already cool with the gig.'
"But that's not the point. You saw what it did for Tracy. It motivates people, reminds them why they fight. Or, what if we have to fight something way stronger than a slayer, which has happened. Or training for if you're sick or weak, and still need to defend yourself."
"I get that B. Any other reasons?"
"Tacy reminds me of me. Seeing Tracy like that. It reminded me how much I hated being the slayer, but how much better my life was for being called. But also that being the slayer wasn't all I was. You saw how Jimmy was there for her, reminding her that being the slayer was just another way for her to be Tracy, only a better Tracy. Tonight he kind of reminded me of Angel..."
"Really? How so?"
"When I had mine, and I was afraid I wasn't the slayer anymore. My friends in Sunnydale - they only knew the Buffy who was already the slayer. They'd never seen the ignorant, self-absorbed girl I was, with the phony friends and the shallow life. I was so afraid that I wasn't anything if not the slayer. All they saw was how cool it would be for me if I could give it up. But Angel, he talked me through it. He knew me best - knew more than anyone how much being the slayer cost me, but more importantly he also knew how much it gave me too. And he knew the parts of me I was most afraid of. And he helped me understand that it was the Buffy in me that made me a good person, and that slaying just helped bring it out. That, whether I'd be the slayer or not, I was a good person and worth friendships. And he helped me be a better friend, and to see why it was important for me to fight the good fight, whether I got anything out of it or not."
"He did some of that for me too."
"he's done good for a lot of people."
"Yeah. So that Jimmy...you think he's a good kid."
"He's good for Tracy. Except for the part where he's a little too swayed by all the pretty girls around him."
"That's because he's a guy. He'll get over it."
"You had that talk with him, huh?"
"I think he was just up with the hero worship. That and we kind of insinuated I was a bisexual superslut, and that gives even the nicest boys the naughty thoughts. But he's really into Tracy, and he gets that I'm with Eddie."
"Yeah. Closing in on six weeks now. Are you going to ask him to come to LA for Thanksgiving?"
"Don't know. Might have to spill the beans on the family business."
"How do you think he'd take it?"
"I'm sure he has some questions already. It's not like I can completely hide how zesty I can be, or that I can dead-lift three-fifty without breathing hard."
"Well he's a personal trainer for pro-athletes. Maybe you can tell him we're super-duper competitors in an Olympic Sport he's not familiar with."
"Right B. We could round up the girl scouts and he could gear us up to take over the X-Games."
"Ewww!"
"I forget. Sunnydale estrogen brigade not so big on the ESPN."
"Oh. Those X-Games. No, not so much our thing."
"So. With all these deep thoughts, you ready for the big LA meeting over Thanksgiving?"
"It's getting to be that time. I've put off really discussing long term structure because we've been so busy locating watchers and slayers, but yeah, that discussion's overdue."
"I was talking about the next installment of the Buffy and Angel show."
"Hey! Just because we'll be in the same space for a weekend, doesn't mean there's going to be a 'Buffy and Angel show' for your viewing pleasure. Do you guys think that's all we are?"
"Calm down, B. I'm just yankin' your chain. I may have been out of the picture for a while, but when the two of you are in the same room together everybody else tends to get turned into spectators."
"That's not my fault. Everybody wanted me to make the decisions about what to do over the summer, and Angel had all the resources..."
"And it was only natural that you two took over the discussions. But, not what I meant. When you guys are around each other, you hardly notice anybody else."
"We're not together like that, if that's what you're suggesting."
"Of course not. We'll just have to see how Thanksgiving goes then, won't we."