The Trials Of Mr Bilbo Baggins

by illyria-pffyffin

Bilbo Baggins was worried about what would become of his beloved Bag End after his death. He obviously did not like the idea of the S.B.'s occupying it. Bilbo tried a lot of ideas to prevent this from happening, until he met a lad named Frodo Baggins.

2. Days in the Shire

15th October, 1367 SR

Another messy, botched romance.  I will certainly advise any hobbit never to take up with the Goodbodies as they are the greediest band of hobbits there are.  Bella Goodbody is nice enough, but her father is simply impossible.  He acted as though by marrying his daughter I ought to start feeding and housing the whole Goodbody clan.  "I am sure it would be no trouble for you, Mr. Baggins," he said nonchalantly.  "After all, I believe you do still have some of that dragon loot you claimed in the Lonely Mountain."  Oh, the nerve he had!  Ah, well, I should have known better.  Besides, come to think of it, it would not be fair at all for Bella if I married her simply because I wanted an heir to inherit Bag End.

Made a nice song about pumpkin pie, inspired by a very wholesome pie sent up by Mistress Bell Gamgee.  Even the crumbs were heavenly.

10th January, 1368 SR

I went to the forest last night and who should I meet but some fair Elves on their way to the Grey Havens?  It was wonderful.  I was strongly and somewhat painfully reminded of my brief stays in Rivendell.  How terribly I miss it!  How I would love to go there again and breath in their music and beauty.  My feet are itching to simply walk out of Bag End, hatless and without a handkerchief like the last time, and trudge out to Rivendell and be merry and content again.  But the thought of Lobelia charging into Bag End, auctioning my possessions and claiming the place as hers yet again stopped me from being rash.

Planned to finish that part of the book that tells of Mirkwood and its Elves, but was too unhappy to write. 

6th July, 1368 SR

Terrible night.  And yet very exciting in a sense.  I couldn't sleep last night, this being nearly the peak of summer and even at night it was exceptionally warm, so I went for a walk.  And before I knew it I was already under the trees in the forest and dreaming of the days I spent traveling with Gandalf and Thorin's troop.  But my thought was cut short by the sounds of a scuffle.  It was frightening.  I definitely heard the sounds of knife (or was it sword?) clashing, a couple of arrows flying and finding targets, and grunts that were positively orcish.  Orcs?  In The Shire?  It couldn't be!  Then I saw two men, tall, cloaked and hooded, dragging away the dead body of something that stank suspiciously of orc.  They passed right in front of me.  I thought they did not notice me, until one of the men stopped a few steps from where I was hiding, and said softly, "Next time, Bilbo, when you feel the urge to walk under the stars in the forest, do bring that Elven blade of yours.  It might give you a few moments head start if orcs are around."  I was too astonished to speak.  When I'd gathered all my wits, the two mysterious men had disappeared.  Could they be the Dunedain of the North that Gandalf once spoke to me about?  What were they doing in the Shire?  Oh, if only Gandalf were here so I could ply him with questions!  As it is, I can't tell anyone about what I saw last night.  They might not believe me. 

Couldn't finish the song about the escape from The Elven King of Mirkwood.  I still couldn't find a word that rhymes well with "barrel".