*Boost and Selphie jump about in glee*
My guest muse Rads, who helped with the Irvine/Selphie scene (Thank you so much!) and my long-suffering parents, who are still better than the online thesaurus.
Also big thanks to those who reviewed. That would be Rads, Refugee, Cherry6124 and Yunalesca78. Thank you one and all.
Well here it is. I hope you enjoy it. And remember, all reviews are greeted warmly and given a good home.
Disclaimer: Final Fantasy 8 and Dragonball Z are not mine, or I'd be charging you to read this of course!
Rage
Chapter 4: Commander's Journal - Leavings
'There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface,
Consuming, confusing,
This lack of self control I fear is never ending,
Controlling, I can't seem...
To find myself again, my walls are closing in.
(Got a sense of confidence, I'm convinced that,
There's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before, so insecure...'
Crawling
Linkin Park
In all the time I've been writing this, I doubt I've had a stranger entry to make.
It's been two years since this journal was started. It was Selphie's idea at first, a way to counteract the memory loss using Guardian Forces brought. A fairly good idea, I have to say. All my important memories are in here. Days with Rinoa, nights out with the rest of the orphanage gang, SeeD inaugaration balls, Cid and Matron's second marriage...
Yeah, I know. Me, caring about all these things. It's strange the way the world turns out sometimes, huh? But I guess things have changed. And I owe it all to my love. She was the one who brought me out of my shell, who took the time to break down the barriers of loneliness. Now she's even got me writing poetic nonsense in my diary. My Sorceress, my world, my life, 'mon raison d'etre' as the Shumi would say.
I'm getting off the subject here. The point is that I've changed, and so have the circumstances. There's been no more great wars, no end-of-the-world scenarios. There's still terrorism, murders, hostage situations, espionage and things like that, but it's all normal international relations. And that's what we're here for.
SeeD. The elite mercenary force. Designed to fight the powers of sorcery, we've had some tough training. We're the best. The world's new counter-terrorist agency. We still work for pay, but only if the cause is just. If it's needed, we'll work for less. We have money coming in from plenty of sources anyway. Movie rights for the story of the Second Sorceress War, patents on the Garden's flying technology, and we run a training scheme for diplomats, soldiers, GF specialists. We lead the field in scientific application of magic - Dr. Odine's lab was shut down right after the War, and the good Doctor himself imprisoned for crimes against humanity - and we host numerous governmental functions in the Quad. To put it plainly, we're rolling in it.
Again, I'm losing my point. The thing is, until yesterday, everything was perfectly normal, business as usual.
Until yesterday.
It started in Esthar...
***************
Laguna Loire, President of Esthar, knew something was wrong the second he stepped into the room. He was, as usual, running late for his morning meeting. Bunch of stuffed shirts anyway, they could stand to wait a few more minutes.They were used to it, after all.
But when he got to the Ministerial Chamber, the lights were out. He frowned and tried to scan the area, but he couldn't see a thing in the blanketing darkness.
A dozen scenarios raced through his mind; shorted out fuse, the janitor forgetting the room was going to be used, and the most likely, yet most dangerous possibility rung through his mind like a klaxon;
Assassins!
It wouldn't be the first attempt on his life. He may be popular with the Estharian people, but there would always be someone looking to seize power. However, those expecting an easy kill of a bumbling idiot were always hideously surprised. His machine gun was well-oiled at all times, and Kiros and Ward never let their guard down. Countless hitmen had met their makers in the palace. But you could never be too careful.
Laguna took a step backwards, only to have the doors slam behind him. As he spun round, the light flashed on all at once, and running footsteps sounded from deeper inside the room. He whirled back, half-blinded, and knew it was too late. It was coming straight for him, and there was no time to dodge. He tried in vain to brace himself...
"SIR LAGUNA!!!!!" Selphie screamed in delight as she cannoned into him with a breath-stealing hug, drowning out the other cries of "Surprise!". The President gasped for air as he took in the scene around him. The meeting table was piled high with cakes, drinks, snacks and, indeed, hot dogs. He took in with a swift glance all those around him; Kiros, Ward, Ellone, Quistis, Irvine, Zell, Selphie of course, and Rinoa arm-in-arm with-
He's here, Laguna thought in a slight panic. Calm down, you knew you'd have to talk to him some time, it might as well be today. It's easy enough, you just say 'Hi Squall, guess what? I'm-'
His leg gave a warning twinge, a surer sign it was about to cramp, and he broke off that train of thought, and returned to the more difficult business of trying to get oxygen into his lungs.
"selphie... air..." he croaked.
"What? Oh, sorry!" Selphie giggled, releasing Laguna, who gasped a few grateful gulps of air before continuing.
"Wow, you guys put on a surprise party for me?" he grinned, amazed at the effort they'd gone to. "Really you guys, this is-"
"Let's start the eating, drinking and being merry part first and save the speeches for later, eh Laguna?" Kiros cut in swiftly, knowing how long his friend's speeches could go on. Ward nodded eagerly in agreement.
"Ok," he shrugged. "Party on everyone!"
***************
"May I have this dance, fair lady?" Irvine said with a suave bow.
"Why thank you, kind sir," Selphie smirked, allowing herself to be led on to the dance floor for the next waltz. Rinoa and Squall were already there, of course, along with Quistis and Laguna. Ward and Ellone joined them, and the band struck up a waltz.
"So how are you enjoying the party?"
"It's a blast so far Irvy! Sir Laguna has the coolest parties ever!"
"Are you gonna call him 'Sir Laguna' for the rest of your life?" he chuckled. "It's not like he's a Knight or anything. He didn't help a Sorceress, he defeated one!"
Selphie stuck her tongue out at him. "Well if I was a Sorceress, I'd choose him for my Knight! He's sooooo dreamy! And romantic! You should have seen the memories we did, of when he was courting Julia, then that lady Raine..." Her eyes misted over in hero worship.
"My darling Sefie, I'm crushed," Irvine said in mock hurt, "You'd choose him before me? Am I unworthy of being your Knight?"
"Oh Irvy," she giggled, "You know you'd make any Sorceress proud. I just doubt you'd enjoy the job."
"What makes you say that?" he frowned.
"You think that Irvine Kinneas, world-renowned sharpshooter, cowboy, and ladies' man, would give it all up to spend all his time guarding one woman?" Selphie joked.
Irvine's violet eyes gazed deep into her emerald ones, and her throat went dry. The confident cowboy was gone, replaced by someone who made her feel weak at the knees just from a look. "Depends on the woman," he said quietly, a faint smile only enhancing his handsome features.
Selphie was startled, to say the least. Blushing, she chewed her lip nervously whilst trying to think of an adequate response, but could manage nothing more than a timid grin. Then the dance ended. Irvine bowed and kissed her hand in a gentlemanly fashion. "I thank you for the honour, fair lady," he said sincerely, then walked off to the bar, leaving a flustered young SeeD staring after him, unsure of her feelings.
***************
After her waltz with Ward, Ellone noticed Zell sitting sedately in a corner, watching the proceedings without much interest. She frowned. This wasn't like him at all. Time for 'Sis' to do her job, she said to herself and made her way over to him, picking up a couple of hotdogs on the way.
"So how have you been Zell?" she beamed as she approached him, "It's been so long since we saw each other!"
Zell forced a smile on his face. "Yeah, I know. I've been good, same as usual, y'know."
"Oh really," Ellone asked sceptically.
"Yeah," Zell replied, slightly defensively.
"So why can I never remember you sitting by yourself at a party, and not jumping around, hyperactive as ever, hmm?"
"I'm a bit tired is all," he said, looking away for a second. She regarded him with concern.
"Zell, what's wrong? You've totally changed."
"So I don't like parties much anymore, it's not that big a deal."
A flash of inspiration came to her. "It's Lisa again, isn't it."
Zell sighed and admitted defeat. "Yeah. It was the party we threw for the end of the war... that's where we met."
"Zell, you have to put it behind you. It's not helping you to dwell on it," she observed.
"You don't think I've been trying?" he asked in annoyance. "That's all I've been doing for the last year, trying to put it behind me!"
"There's no need to raise your voice," Ellone said worriedly. Zell clenched his fists and forced himself to calm down.
"I'm... sorry Elle. I'm just sick of everyone telling me to put it behind me. It's not something I can take off and put on like my gauntlets!"
"I know. It must be hard."
"It is. It's the hardest thing I've ever done in my life. Trying to forget... I was gonna propose, and she's screwing another guy? I mean, what the hell is that about?"
"Zell..."
"A year we'd been going out. She said she loved me. Why would she do that to me?" Zell's voice was choked with emotion, and Ellone realised he'd never talked so openly about the incident. "I'd have done anything for her, I loved her. But she... betrayed me, treated me like I was only another fling. Her... and him." The last word came out as a snarl, making Ellone shift uneasily in her seat.
"He knew she was attached, but it didn't matter. He'd been sniffing around Lisa since before we even started going out. I ignored it, figured he'd get the message eventually, that she was spoken for. But he got something else."
"Zell..."
"How long had they been doing it before I found out? How long?"
"I-I don't know Zell, but-"
The angry SeeD stood up abruptly. "I'm sorry Elle, I need some air," he said in a shaky voice, then headed out into the corridor. He stood there unmoving for a few seconds, before spinning and driving his fist into one of the decorative bronze statues of a torama. It shattered, sending chunks of metal all over, leaving nothing but a dejected martial artist, alone.
***************
"-and then he walked off!" finished Selphie.
"Very smooth indeed, just like him," Rinoa said, rolling her eyes.
"No, that's the thing, it wasn't like him at all!" her friend insisted. "He was, y'know, sorta... sweet."
"Sweet? The guy who hit on both of us within ten minutes of meeting us? You have to be kidding Sef."
"I don't know," Quistis said casually, "He's not as bad nowadays. Have you two heard of any of his 'exploits' recently?" Rinoa and Selphie slowly shook their heads. "I thought not. Maybe he's finally matured a little, and he's not as much of a player any more."
"Then what was that on the dance floor?" the confused redhead asked.
"He might... well, y'know," Rinoa said evasively.
"No I don't know, what?"
"He might have a crush on you," Quistis finished with a careful smile.
Selphie gave her a wide-eyed look for a second, then burst into slightly-too-loud laughter. "A crush on me? Irvine? No way. It wouldn't happen. Not a chance. No."
The blonde shrugged. "You never know. But suppose it is true. Suppose he came up to you right now and asked you out on a date. What would you say?"
Selphie looked thoughtful, and Rinoa leaned in closely, eager to hear. After a few seconds, she said, "I really don't know. I'd have to think about it probably, and it would depend on how he asked... not that it would ever happen anyway," she added hastily.
Quistis smirked. "As I said, you never know."
"Well with all the practice he's had, I'm sure he'd be 'entertaining' enough," Rinoa winked.
Her friends looked at her in shock before cracking up in scandal. They were still giggling when Ellone made appeared looking troubled. Quistis was the first to notice and reined her sense of humour in. "Elle? What's wrong?"
"It's Zell. He was really upset and he stormed off."
"What was he upset about?" Selphie asked.
"Lisa."
Quistis sighed. "He's still really cut up about her. I'll go talk to him." She hurried off to find Zell, leaving her companions to their various musings.
***************
"You can sit down Squall," Laguna said wryly from his own chair. Squall eased up from his stiff attention pose and took the advice, looking across the desk at the President.
"So, how are you liking the party so far anyway?" he asked to start the conversaiton.
The SeeD gave a noncommittal wave. "It's ok. The band are quite talented."
"Yes, the best and the brightest in the district I've been told. They're competing in the world championships next month," Laguna babbled happily.
"You must be glad to have them here Sir."
"Oh yes, I was really impressed. Kiros says that the conductor owed him a favour from years ago, and they were in town anyway so it wasn't too much trouble, and-" He broke off as he saw the look on Squall's face. "-but that wasn't why I asked to speak to you alone."
"Then what was the reason Sir?" was the neutral reply. "Do you want to hire us for a mission?"
"No, it's more of a personal matter."
"You want advice on something?"
"No, it- well, it involves you really Squall," Laguna said nervously. This wasn't easy, and his leg was in danger of cramping any moment. "It's about your parents."
He instantly had Squall's attention. "You know something about my parents? What?"
"Well, when we first met during the Ultimecia incident, I had my suspicions, but there was so much I had to do for Esthar after that, it's taken me this long to chase up all the records and check."
"Sir, with all due respect, would you get to the point?" the SeeD commander said impatiently.
"Yes, of course. I guess what first gave it away was your looks. You look so much like your mother... and, I have to say, fairly similar to your father as well."
"You actually knew my parents?" he asked incredulously.
"I should hope so." Laguna paused to muster his courage, then blurted it out. "I'm one of them."
"What?!" Squall croaked, almost falling from his chair. "You mean..."
"Yes. I'm your father."