A big thanks to anyone who reviewed the last chapter, you all rock! The positive comments made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside...
Lastly I beg you, as always, to R + R. It's the feedback that keeps me going, really.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything about FF8 or DragonballZ. (Geez, I really wish I could think up some more interesting disclaimers though!)
Rage
Chapter 5: Commander's Journal- Ghosts Of The Past
'And so, Sally can wait,
She knows it's too late,
As she's walking on by,
My soul slides away,
But don't look back in anger, I heard you say.'
Don't Look Back In Anger
Oasis
So there it was, laid out before me. My parentage. My roots. The great answer, to the great question; who I owed my very existence to.
I'd be lying if I'd said it was something I'd been searching for all my life. I was an orphan, and I learned to deal with it the way I learned to deal with everything else, by not giving a damn. Well, at least that was the way I'd dealt with everything since Elle had left.
And she was another piece of the puzzle, wasn't she? Laguna's adoptive daughter for all intents and purposes, Elle had been with me as long as I could remember, even without the GF's mind-blanking influence. So she was more of a 'Sis' to me than I knew. That explained why I'd hogged her company more than the others, she'd been my sister for longer.
It also explained my role in her time-travelling scenarios, or interactive memories, whatever you want to call them. I had always been in Laguna's mind, but the others had swapped around, taken turns I suppose, at being Kiros and Ward. Now I could see it was because they didn't have the same connection I did, they weren't drawn to a particular person, by the call of blood, soul, or something like that. It all made perfect sense.
Now although I was taken aback, I was still me, Squall Leonhart. I'm not known for overreacting, and that held true, even at a time like this.
***************
"You're what?!" Squall roared, sweeping to his feet. His chair crashed to the ground behind him, but he barely noticed.
"I'm your father," Laguna said again, his voice betraying no emotion at his newfound son's outburst. "I can understand this is a bit of a shock..."
"I'd hate to see your idea of a big shock!" Squall yelled, pounding the desk. "You expect me to just accept something like this that quickly?"
"I have all the research right here-" Laguna began, lifting up some papers.
"That's not what I meant!" Squall snapped. "You might be stupid, but you're not stupid enough to make something like this up, I know that! I meant, do you expect me to just come to terms with it right away? You expect to suddenly form a father-son bond or some crap like that? Do you?!"
"No, and I can't see how you got that impression," Laguna replied coolly. "Would you rather I hadn't told you?"
The SeeD Commander paused for a second, realising his 'father' had a point. Then another thought occurred to him and his gaze narrowed dangerously.
"Then why did you leave?" he asked quietly.
"What?" asked Laguna, caught off guard at the sudden change of subject.
"I said, why did you leave?" Squall continued slowly, his teeth gritted. "Why did you leave her to have me alone? Why didn't you come back? If you're my father, then why did I grow up in a fucking orphanage!"
"Because I didn't know!" Laguna yelled back, his patience worn. "I never knew you existed!"
Squall took a step back in surprise. "You never knew?" he asked, his anger replaced by confusion.
"No," the President sighed. "Hyne, Raine never told me. I can only imagine either she didn't know yet, or she just thought it could wait until I got back." He sat down again, and Squall wordlessly picked his seat up and did the same. He took a deep breath before continuing.
"Ellone was kidnapped by Esthar. You know that. I went to get her back. Raine sent me off. I thought I'd be due back in a few weeks, but then we all got captured, and it took us months to break out. But I found Elle right after that, and I sent her home ahead of me, had another member of the Sorceress resistance that I trusted take her home."
"Why didn't you bring her back yourself?"
"I'd seen what Esthar was like under the control of Adel, that's why. She was evil, pure and simple. Powerful, ruthless, murderous... and nobody was doing a Hyne-damn thing about it!" he shouted, then regained his composure.
"Kiros, Ward and I had to stay. We were the centre of the resistance, and we were needed. If Adel hadn't been stopped, nowhere would have been safe, not even Winhill. It took us two long years, but we managed it."
"So why didn't you come back then?" Squall asked, feeling his anger surge anew. "Getting to play President more important than your wife and family? Too much glory for you to resist? Too much..." he trailed off as he saw the pain in Laguna's eyes.
The President lowered his head and turned away. His shoulders shook slightly and when he spoke again, his voice was cracked and wavering. "It was already too late."
***************
Quistis found the young martial artist next to the remains of the torama statue. Her gaze flickered towards the rubble for a second, then back to her friend.
"Zell," she said softly.
Zell blinked as he came back to reality from his sorrowful daydreams, focussing on Quistis. "Oh, Hey."
"So you just had to step out for a quick bout of wilful property destruction then?" she asked sarcastically. Zell didn't reply, and she pushed on. "If that was your intention, then you're doing great so far. Go ahead, why not beat up on the banister next?"
"Leave it Quisty," Zell said tiredly.
"Oh whatever you say Captain Demolition, you obviously know better."
"Will you lay off!" he said angrily.
"Or what? You'll hit me too?" Quistis shot back. "Just get a grip for a change Zell! Grow the hell up!"
For once in his life, Zell was speechless. He stared incredulously at her for a second, then broke up into riotous laughter. The blonde instructor kept her stoic expression intact for a few scant seconds before cracking up herself. The pair collapsed into each other, howling uncontrollably, giggling so hard tears ran down their cheeks and on to their shoulders. By the time they managed to stop, their chests ached and they could barely stand.
"A-always the b-big sister Quisty, huh?" Zell managed eventually, the first sparkle of real amusement Quistis had seen in his eyes in what seemed like years.
"I get paid extra for it, especially on overtime," she joked.
"I guess I have been letting anything get me down lately, huh?"
"You have. The only way you'll get over this is if you realise that your life isn't over Zell, and you start to enjoy yourself again. Like right now, a huge party! With hot dogs!"
"Oh don't make me laugh again," he grinned in spite of himself, "I'm still recovering from the last session!"
"Well?" Quistis persisted, the tapping foot a clear sign she wouldn't take no for an answer.
"Ok, you win!" Zell chuckled, offering his arm. "Shall we?" The blonde instructor took his arm with a warm smile, and they strolled back into the main hall.
***************
Irvine sipped slowly at his scotch, listening intently to Kiros's latest joke. The two of them and the ever-silent Ward were relaxing at the bar for a short while while the ladies gosiped, and had taken the opportunity to quench their thirst whilst passing a few humorous tales.
"-so the Shumi says, 'The moomba's a ventriloquist'!" Kiros finished with a snigger. Irvine and Ward both smirked at the punchline, even though it had been fairly obvious.
"Not bad," Irvine drawled.
"Yeah, I picked them all up when we were travelling with Laguna."
"I'm betting it's the only thing you did pick up," the cowboy said casually, and Ward almost fell over with soundless mirth. Kiros scowled and downed his drink, reaching for another.
Irvine smirked again, taking another sip of his drink, and turning round to survey the hall, then stopped dead. He nudged Ward, who looked up in confusion, then saw what Irvine had. His eyes widened and he in turn nudged Kiros, who had much the same reaction. The trio watched wordlessly for a few instants before Kiros broke the silence. "We are all seeing the same thing here, right?"
"Yup," the gunman confirmed, his voice giving away his amazement. "Zell's dancing with Quistis. And he's smiling."
***************
"A month after I sent Elle home, Raine gave birth to you," Laguna explained. "A healthy baby boy. From what the midwife told me, you were perfect, a fine weight and size, and one of the cutest things ever..."
Squall instantly riled at being labelled 'cute', but decided to let it pass due to the circumstances.
"But there were... complications," the older man continued in a grief-stricken voice. "Raine was very weak after giving birth to you and she... didn't recover. She died a week later."
Squall felt his anger lessen slightly as he heard Laguna talk. It was obvious from his tone of voice he had never gotten over the tragedy.
"She was buried on the hillside overlooking the town a few days later," Laguna continued. "A local woman looked after you and Ellone for a year or so, then moved away and took you both with her. But she was killed in a fire not long after, and the Kramers took both of you in." He sighed again. "I only found this out recently from Cid. No-one in Winhill knew where she'd taken you."
His story finished, the Estharian President buried his face in one hand., emotionally exhausted.
Squall wasn't sure what to say at first. He just kept replaying the story in his head, his anger dissipating as he realised what Laguna must have gone through over the years. After a few minutes, he found his tongue. "Mr. President-"
"I don't think that's exactly appropriate right now, do you? At least call me Laguna."
"Laguna," Squall amended before carrying on. "This is a lot to take in. I need time to think."
"Of course. We can discuss it further later on if you want."
"If you let me sleep on it, we can talk more tomorrow morning I suppose..."
"Sadly, we can't." Squall looked up in surprise, as his newfound father continued, handing him a sheet of paper. "That's the other reason I wanted to see you Squall. This fax came in an hour ago from Balamb Garden. All of you have been assigned a mission. The details are being sent to the Ragnarok's onboard computer, but I do know one thing- you leave first thing tomorrow."