Pegasus Is Stupid: The Dreaded Sequel
Chapter 5
By Unrealistic
We last left our heroic heroes trying to find each other in a hopelessly ending field of insanity and doom and pain. Yami has finally rid himself of the female menace that is Misty Whateverherlastnameis, only to find himself stuck with Tea… again.
"So, Yami, how exactly do you think we're going to pull this off, if at all?"
"I thought you were supposed to be the optimistic one. You know, friendship, heart of the cards, you can do anything if you believe in yourself type of thing." Yami retorted.
"She's just rethinking her morals. Now she's a threat to all mankind." Tristan remarked hatefully.
"That's sexist!"
"Only if you have the mind to think about it."
Yami decided he would never hear the end of it. It was a rather scary thought. But he had the Puzzle now and he was going to get Yugi back to normal even if it was the last thing he ever did! Strange, Yami recounted he said something similar as he was being locked in the Puzzle. Weird. Stupid Heishin and his stupid takeover plans.
Yugi and Pegasus continued their helicopter ride from the hospital. Little did they know about their passengers underneath them.
"Heero, are you sure this was a good idea?!"
"Would you rather have jumped out of the window at 50 stories?!"
"No argument here, buddy!"
Skipping away form our two hitchhikers, Yugi was again explaining his revised evil plan.
"We will take control of the Rubber Items by giving the authors bait they cannot resist."
"What is that?"
"Bishonen."
"Like me?" Yugi gave Pegasus an awkward glance and shook his head sorrowfully.
"Welcome to the space dock of the United Federation of Planets. How may I help you?" Pegasus was greatly confused. More so than any other time. With all the technology of the satellites, no one had detected this was here.
"I want to see Kirk."
"Captain Kirk and his crew are on a mission right now trying to save the world, I'm sorry, you'll have to wait until he gets back." Yugi narrowed his eyes. Drat. There goes that idea. The two evil villains walked away.
"So, what do we do now?" asked Pegasus.
"Do something so completely wacky and random, no one will believe it."
"Like what?"
"We'll time travel and steal the Enterprise E. They have plenty of letters left in the alphabet, they won't miss this one."
The villains did so. Note that Captain Picard was not happy about this, but they threw him out to the Borg and Riker was able to finally take command of the ship. In turn, he was thrown out to the Borg and Yugi assumed command. Yugi had Data the android modified to track bishonen. Deanna and Beverly were angry at the fact that their husband and probable love interest (respectively) was now Borg. They were not happy and everyone knows what women do when they get angry.
That night they gave Pegasus the dreaded Starfleet medical exam. Modified by Beverly to be as painful as possible. No one saw Pegasus again. And there was much rejoicing.
Suuichi … no Kurama … No, Youko… I don't know! The Red Haired Minamino Child walked to school that day, without a clue what he was in for. He was used to the fan girls, yes. He was even used to the fan boys, yes. He was prepared to fight demons, yes. He was prepared to baby-sit his little human brother, yes. He was not prepared to be kidnapped by Yugi by being beamed aboard the starship Enterprise. On the hull of the Enterprise was no longer it's number (NCC-1701-E), but the address of the Rubber Items. Now, Kurama knew all about Star Trek, it had an animated series after all. He had also dealt with kidnappings before, so the order of his questions came as no surprise.
"Permission to come aboard, Captain? …Wait…Where am I?!"
"Permission granted. You're on the Enterprise, we're going to hand you over to the authors in order to get stuff." Yugi explained rather bluntly.
"Not again!" Kur- ichi Mina- ko exclaimed.
At warp 42, they left for the address.
Once at the address, the said authors took … the Red Haired Minamino Child gladly. Yugi was given the Rubber Items. Yugi then headed off to the Fair, waiting for him there was the ancient Pharaoh himself.
"I'm not that ancient!"
Speak for yourself spiky haired freak. It was now time for the climax of this fanfic, if you can even call this fanfic with a plot anyway.
"Yami…" Yugi said menacingly.
"Yugi Motou…" Yami said just as menacingly. They stared at each other for quite the while. Tea and Tristan had gotten into another fight. Something about if Tribbles are related for Kuribohs or not. As if by a certain miracle, Joey and Mai appeared. When asked where they were the entire fic, they responded that they had gotten married in Vegas following Joey's newfound freedom from his sister.
"It's the smartest thing I ever did!" proclaimed Joey happily.
"That's so sweet of you, Joey." Mai said. "I just don't know if that's a good thing for you to say or not. Regarding your intelligence, that is." Joey slouched in sadness. No one cared.
"Yugi Motou, I want to know what you've been doing." Yami demanded.
"Or what? You'll ground me?"
"I may just have to do that, yes. Yugi, why are you doing this? It isn't right!"
"Shut up! I have the Rubber Items now! There's nothing you can do to stop me!" A collective gasp from the audience was formed.
"Yugi, why are you doing this? This isn't like you at all!" Yugi glared up at Yami. It was not a very nice glare. Yami came to a realization. "This isn't about your height, is it?" Yugi snarled.
"Yes! It is! No one pays any attention to me! You said yourself that I'm a shrimp!"
"Incidentally, what is a shrimp?"
"See, I told you! You don't even know what a shrimp is!" Yami growled. His cover was blown after all these years. He now did the only thing he could do.
"Yugi, I'm sorry." He then held up the Change of Heart card, used the Puzzle to realize its powers into the real world. Change then did its work on Yugi. Yugi stood stunned for a moment.
"What happened?" Was his one question. It was decided they would wait to tell him until he was old enough/ tall enough. But they didn't tell Yugi that, of course. At this point, Ryou Bakura came running onto the scene, looking very anxious. Yugi, being turned back into the naive one he is, called out to his friend.
"Hi, Ryou! How are you today?" Ryou's response was a bit hasty.
"No time to talk. My yami is in serious trouble. He somehow got back into ancient Egypt and took off the Ring! We have to do something!"
"How do you know he is back in Ancient Egypt?" asked Yami.
"Because that's where every plot eventually comes to in Yugioh fanfiction and this is the last chapter in the fic! He has to be there!"
General consensus concluded that they only one way to go back to Ancient Egypt. That one way was to collect all of the Millennium Items. So, their first stop was to go visit Malik, Isis and Rishid. When at the museum, they were told that the three of them were on vacation in the United States, hitting any tourist attraction they could find. This left the gang with their last option. When in doubt about the Millennium Items: go find Shadi.
"I don't want to talk to you people." These were Shadi's first words. They were talking to him from behind plexus glass and one at a time. Yami went first.
"We need your help."
"I don't have to help you if I don't want to, you stupid pharaoh. It's your fault I'm stuck here in the first place."
"If we get you out of here, will you help us?"
"I'll think about it." Yami had finally had enough bickering by now. He was ready to bring out the big guns.
"Let me put it this way. If you don't help us, we'll go out and capture Bandit Keith and then make sure he's your cell- mate."
That was convincing enough for Shadi. They bailed him out in all pennies that Yugi had been saving up since he was five and the gang was off to Egypt after that. Since Shadi didn't have his AMAZING guardian-like powers anymore, they had to fly there. By freak coincidence, the plane actually turned out to be the Enterprise. Luckily, it was Kirk's ship, here to help save the day and not Deanna and Beverly out for revenge.
The ride was filled with half the group trying to figure out if Chekov's Russian accent was real or fake, Hikaru Sulu not believing they were transporting anime characters to Egypt, a run-in with the Klingons who ran away after seeing the cuteness of Ryou and Yugi and Spock trying to find a logical explanation for everything that was happening. He never found it.
"I vish people vould just believe zat my accent vas weal." Chekov complained.
"Same with mine." Ryou agreed. "It never fails."
"I hear you. Say, did you know zat ze roller coaster is a Wussian Inwention?"
"Err, right."
They finally made it the Egypt, in record time. 42 seconds, to be exact, at warp 9.9. They walked across the sand for the longest time. Joey complained.
"Are we there yet?" Shadi replied to this.
"No." Five minutes later, Joey piped up again.
"Are we there yet?"
"NO!"
"…Are we there yet?"
"NO! Stop asking me that question! Would you rather ride that evil camel again?!" Joey said that, no, he wouldn't. Tristan agreed. Tea then proceeded to ask where this evil camel was. Tristan and Tea then got into another fight. Yami and Yugi tried to get them to stop, it didn't help much. Soon, everyone was in the fight.
Ryou had taken enough of this nonsense. He pulled out a Communication Mirror which he had taken from Yugi who had in turn taken it from Kurama who had in turn taken it from Yusuke who in turn got it as a gift from Boton who in turn got it from Koenma to give to Yusuke as it had been especially made by Montgomery Scott who made it out of extra warp core parts…and duct tape.
He didn't get time to use it though. His plan was to contact Kirk again to see if he could get beamed out, but he actually would have gotten Boton instead, who was currently using hers to put on makeup for her Halloween costume. A sandstorm blew up and picked up everyone and brought them all to the exact location they needed to be: Yami's tomb.
Ryou blinked for a second. "Wait a minute… I thought I sent him to the Shadow Realm." Referring to the sandstorm.
"This is really disheartening, seeing my own final resting place and all. Do you think we could get this over with fast…" At the sound of Yami's voice, the burial site started to glow mysteriously. No one knew why. Not even Shadi, but it was figured that going to Yami's tomb would probably give them some answers
A few seconds later, the group found themselves in Ancient Egypt. In a market place. In Cairo, even though Cairo really didn't exist back then. It is a modern day city. Since it is modern day, Bakura wouldn't like it very much. So, why our story is here, no one knows.
Indeed the first thing they spotted was Bakura half faded away by consequence of not having the Ring on.
"Hikari!" Bakura shouted happily.
"Bakura, you stupid tomb robber! What are you doing!?" Ryou exclaimed.
"I'm playing with my puppy! See!" Bakura pointed to his dead puppy, which was still very much dead and decomposing.
"Bakura, I want you to put on that Ring right now, you here me. If you don't, I won't give you sugar for a month." Bakura knew a threat when he heard on, so he obeyed his sane hikari and put on the Ring. Yami found it quite amusing to see his arch -enemy…err, one of them anyway, walking with one arm, one leg and a head. The rest of him had faded away already. Once putting the Ring back on, Bakura returned to his full self. Unfortunately for Ryou, Bakura's sanity was not back yet.
"There's only one thing I can do to turn him back to normal." Ryou said finally. The rest of the group watched on in interest. Ryou took a small cassette player out of his pocket and pressed play. The following song played as the group, winced, laughed and pulled back in disgust.
Dead Puppies, Dead Puppies,
Dead Puppies aren't much fun.
They don't come, when you call
They don't chase squirrels at all.
Dead Puppies aren't much fun.
My Puppy died, late last fall
He's still rotting in the hall.
Dead Puppies aren't much fun, no no no.
Mom says Puppy's days are through
She's going to throw him in the stew
Dead Puppies aren't much fun.
* More singing: Refrain *
Singer: Come on everyone sing along, okay?
* More singing refrain *
Singer: One more time for Roman Resca!
*Refrain is sung once more*
Everyone sat in silence for a moment, not knowing exactly now to respond to the song Ryou had just played.
"That is so morbid!" Tea finally exclaimed. Everyone hastily agreed. Except for Tristan, for obvious reasons explained a few chapters back. Eyes were now on Bakura and Ryou, finally united. What would happen next? Bakura stood up, looked Ryou straight in the eye and spoke.
"Hikari…"
"Yes, yami?"
"Now that I am back to normal again and the author has to write for my real character for the first time ever, I must ask you a question."
"What question would that be?" Ryou asked a little nervously.
"When will this torturous fanfic be over?"
"I don't know. Guys, do any of you know." Ryou asked the rest of the group. The general knowledge was that the end of the fic was not known.
"I think we have to get back to our own time. Then maybe this fic will be over. That's how it normally happens. I mean, everything is back to normal." Yugi put in.
"What's that in the distance?" Mai asked.
"I don't know. It kinda looks like "The End" sign." Joey responded.
"We have to get out of here," Shadi said, "Unless we want to get trapped in Ancient Egypt until the next fanfic, if the is one!"
Yami and Bakura debated. They were perfectly fine with staying, as this was their home turf. The group had no idea how to get back. It looked as if they were going to be stuck in Ancient Egypt for the rest of their lives. But behold, by shear will of the author and her pet plot hole, they were transported back to the Fair where this whole infernal adventure had started in the first place.
Or, if you want to get really technical, where this whole infernal sequel had started.
The End
As always, we must find out what happened to everyone afterwards. Admit it, this is your favorite part. I know it's mine. This is when I get to be even weirder then possible with a fic 'cause I don't have to have a plot!
Yugi: Went back to work with his grandpa at the game shop. Still unknowingly has the Rubber Items. Starts a "Split Personality Club" with Ryou. Next week's assignment: Bring your other half.
Yami: Went with Yugi, just to make sure no one turned him evil again.
Joey: He and Mai settled down in the city of Domino and raised a family of themselves and two children, both of whom like to annoy their father by acting like dogs.
Tea: Still president of the Anime Women Torture the Anime Guys Society.
Tristan: Lost the contest. Had to join Tea's group.
Seto: Still locked up in Yami-chan's basement after being lured in with the Rubber Items from the first "Pegasus is Stupid". Is currently dressed in his priest outfit.
Mokuba: Still running Capsule… I mean, Kaiba Corp. Is dating Bra, so he'll probably have both companies soon.
Ryou: Is still trying to prove the existence of paranormal archeology.
Bakura: Helped Ryou finally get the Manacle of Osiris at a garage sale across the street. After helping Ryou get through events that looked suspiciously like the movie "The Mummy Returns", Bakura becomes good friends with Imhotep and Ryou gets on the cover of "Pyramids Magazine".
Shadi: Is currently on probation. In light of the recent events, he becomes a die- hard Trekkie.
Isis, Malik and Rished: Never get back from vacation. While visiting Roswell, they were abducted by a little green alien named Zim. The Millennium Rod and Millennium Necklace were never seen on Earth again.
Kirk's Enterprise: Is currently on a mission to save Isis, Malik and Rished.
Picard's Enterprise: Data is in command. It's continuing mission. To seek out new bishonen and boldly go where no man (or android) (or woman) has gone before, also to find Picard and Riker… when they get around to it.
Picard and Riker: Still Borg Drones. I'll have someone rescue them when I feel like being nice.
Pegasus: Dead for real this time and he ain't coming back… I think…
Serenity: In the Shadow Realm beating up random Duel Monsters.
Dib: Sues Ryou for copying his personality.
Kurama: Well…
Scene: Yami-chan's basement. Rubber Items HQ.
Kurama: What are you going to do to me?
Unrealistic: Don't worry about it. We're just going to get you standard Starfleet Medical Exam. *Insert dramatic music* Come on! It's not that bad!
Yami-chan: Your category, not mine.
Unrealistic: Just between you and me. What are we going to do with Kurama?
Yami-chan: Well, did you get the Idunn Box?
Unrealistic: NO! We are not going to change him into Youko! I like him just the way he is!
Yami-chan: Youko!
Unrealistic: Suuichi!
Yami- chan: Youko!
Unrealistic: Suuichi!
Kurama: Can we get this exam over with? I need to get back to the Dark Tournament.
Yami-chan: You're not the one keeping him in your basement, so therefore he gets turned into Youko!
Unrealistic: Drat you and your logic.
Yami-chan: :-)
Yami-chan: Okay, Kurama, take off your shirt.
Kurama: 0_0 Why?
Unrealistic: Well, it's either you take off your shirt and let Yami-chan give you a shot in the arm, or you take off your pants and we administer the shot another way. I think everyone in this room would prefer the arm. Though, some people who are reading might want otherwise.
Kurama: *still 0_0 * Okay.
Well, after giving Kurama the shot, which contained the fluids of the Idunn Box. He immediately turned into Youko, making Yami-chan a very happy authoress and I'm sure making quite a few reviewers who actually know what's going on very happy too. Youko is now in Yami-chan's basement to live out the rest of his days with Seto and Giovanni.
Yami-chan: But, I never wanted Giovanni in the first place! Can't you get rid of him somehow?
Unrealistic: Why me? Can't you do that?
Yami-chan: Your fic, genius.
Unrealistic: Right…How about Giovanni escapes only to be captured by the fashion police headed by Mai?
Yami- chan: Works for me. :-)
Authors Notes: Wow. I can't believe I finished this. I just can't believe it! It's done!!!!!! Unless I write a third one… NO! I WILL WRITE ANOTHER! I REFUSE TO DO ANOTHER ONE!
Yami-chan: You did it for Duo's Secret.
Unrealistic: I was young and naïve…I didn't know any better.
Anyway, I still can't believe I finished this. The next series I'm working on is, well, two of them. The one I'll probably get done first is a crazy Kurama series. In first fic he has to fight a demon in the grocery store while shopping with his mother and little brother. The one after that is Thanksgiving at Kurama's house. Kurama is cooking for his friends and family. He finally gets so fed up he turns into Youko. Inspired by Yami-chan.
Yami-chan: INSPIRED?!?!?! I THOUGHT OF THE IDEA!!!!!
Moving on, the next series is Star Trek: Original Series. A crazy and odd Borg goes back in time and tries to assimilate little Kirk and the rest of the crew. He fails miserably after suffering from the hands of the kids.
Did I mention I'm finally done with Pegasus is Stupid? I did? Oh, well, just gloating. This puts a great deal off my back.
I so appreciate the reviews you guys write. You all rock so much. I love you guys.
Yami-chan: You are way too polite.
Unrealistic: :-)
Yami-chan: Stupid, dimwitted hikaris.
As a sorry attempt to advertise. Go read Lost Souls. NOW! I demand it of you!
Yami-chan: You're being very unhikari like.
Unrealistic: It doesn't help that you took over my body.
Yami-chan: All bow before the power of the Millennium Pen!