Told ya I'd do a Leggy Man fic eventually didn't I? Had to do it…I was watching The Two Towers earlier and decided it's about time I put this up as a sort of celebratory fic for the release of the DVD…
Disclaimer: I don't own Legolas or Gimli or anyone else you recognise…I do own the silly concept of Leggy Man though…
It was raining. Raining cats and dogs in fact. The residents of Mirkwood were shut up inside. They didn't like the rain much, and were very bored indeed.
Prince Legolas was one of these bored Elves. Rummaging around in his father's wardrobe (shame shame!), he found a skintight green body suit. 'Hm, this looks about my size' he thought. So he put it on. Needless to say, it fit him perfectly. It accented his rather skinny body, and left absolutely nothing to the imagination. "Wow! It feels like I'm wearing nothing at all!" He said, wiggling his bum in the process. He quickly pulled it off and re-dressed himself in his usual attire of green leggings and green tunic. Then he pranced out of his father's bedroom and into his own, hiding the body suit up his tunic.
Now Legolas loves reading these superhero comics that the Elves produce. Titles such as 'Bowman, the Elvish Adventurer', and 'Super Elf' were among his favourites. He was lying on his bed after having pranced through most of his home and was reading issue 14215 of 'Super Elf'. This was about the time he remembered he had 'borrowed' his father's green suit. How his father had gotten into it was beyond him, and probably many of you out there reading this. Laying the bodysuit on his bed, Legolas opened the chest that was at the end of his bed. In there he found some green earmuffs and a pink eye mask from when he went on skiing holidays. He undressed and put the body suit on, along with the earmuffs and eye mask. He stood in front of his full-length mirror and struck a pose. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. With great haste and a "Just a minute!" Legolas threw the eye mask and earmuffs back in his chest and flung his tunic and leggings back on. Satisfied, he pulled open the large oak door to find his father standing there.
"Ah Legolas, there you are."
"Yes father, here I am. This is me. What is it you want?"
"Well, two things really. We are having guests for dinner tonight. See that you are dressed for it. Your silver tunic will do."
"Yes father, I will wear that tunic. It needs a wearing. What was the other thing you wanted?"
Thranduil shifted his feet.
"Um…you wouldn't happen to know if someone has recently acquired a green…" He mumbled the last bit.
"A green what father?" Legolas feigned innocence.
"Skintightbodysuit. You haven't seen one have you?"
Legolas paled slightly.
"N-no father, I have not. I must bid you farewell now father. I have many things to do. Good day." And with that, Legolas shut the door. His father was left standing on the other side, looking ever so slightly bewildered.
"That was odd." Thranduil walked off, to continue his search for his green…outfit.
It turned out that the dinner guests were none other that Gimli and Gloin. After many greetings and reminisces they sat down to dinner.
"Psst Gimli!" A pea was flicked at the dwarf. Gimli looked up to see Legolas grinning insanely at him.
"What? Do I have gravy in my beard?"
"No, but t'would be funny if you had. After dinner there is something I must show you." Legolas whispered.
"Oh, alright. And don't grin at me like that. It's unnerving…"
After diner, which took a long time, what with Gimli and Gloin there, Legolas took Gimli up into his room.
"Uh…Legolas, why are you locking the door?"
"Oh, just in case someone walks in on us." This scared Gimli no end.
"Walked in us doing what?" Legolas walked over to his chest and pulled out the green suit.
"Look at what I found lying around! Isn't it amazing?"
"You found THAT lying around?"
"Yes, lying around in my father's wardrobe." Gimli raised an eyebrow
"And what do you plan to do with it?"
"Wear it of course!" Legolas exclaimed.
"But…but…what for? I mean, you can't exactly wear it in Mirkwood, or anywhere for that matter. You'd have to be in disguise to wear it…"
"Precisely, my short friend. I plan to wear it, along with these," Legolas held up his green earmuffs and pink eye mask, "And fight crime!"
"Oh really? Humph!"
"You will be my sidekick?" Legolas asked
"YOU WHAT?!" Gimli yelled. Legolas put a finger to the dwarf's lips.
"Shh. Father may hear you. Yes, my sidekick. Would you?"
"No! It's bad enough that you want to fight non-existant crime in Mirkwood in a green skintight outfit! What would I wear? A pink tutu?"
"Whatever you choose. If I wear you, which, to be honest, I'm glad I'm not; I would just tuck your beard down your tunic. Oh, and cover your face."
"Look here Elf! I am not going to dress up to play cops and robbers in your kingdom!"
"Fine! Suit yourself. I am! In fact, I'm going out tonight!" Legolas huffed. He put the outfit back into the chest and unlocked the door. He left without saying another word. Gimli was left standing there, mortified that such a thing could be done by Legolas…that elf? A Superhero? Gimli left the room laughing.
The moonlight was bright that night, on account that it had previously been raining. The moon always shines brightly after rain in Mirkwood. Don't ask why, it just does. Standing on the roof of Thranduil's palace, was a dark silhouette, outlined in silver by the moonlight. To describe it would be difficult, for all that could be seen was a short bulk of a person. Another silhouette joined the first one, and struck a pose.
"Fear not, fellow Elves of Mirkwood! For I, the great-" the taller of the two dark shapes went into thinking mode, with his arms crossed. "The great what? Let's see now…the great Prince? No…"
"How about Pansy Prince Legs?" The shorter of the two suggested.
"Pansy Prince Le…NO! I am not a pansy! I know! The Great Leggy Man!! Yes! That's the one!" He struck another pose.
"He should be called the Pansy Poser…" Mumbled the short one. The Great Leggy Man turned to face him.
"We have to think of something to call you. You can't go around Middle Earth with variations of 'the short one' you know."
"I can bloody well try!"
"Nah! It wouldn't sound right! It would make me sound bad having a sidekick with a stupid name."
"Always about you, you, you!"
The Great Leggy Man was now sitting on the roof, apparently in deep thought.
"Twice in one night Legolas, I'm impressed!"
"Shut up Gimli! And I'm NOT Legolas!"
"Yes you are!"
"Not!"
"Are! Besides, it's easier to say." Leggy Man/Legolas rolled his eyes and continued to think. Gimli decided that wearing a pair of oversized tights was not a good idea if he was going to be running after the elf, and went to find something more suitable to wear. In the time Gimli was gone, Legolas had come up with a grand total of one name. It wasn't very original, as an old TV show, whose name has gone down into the deep depths of forgetfulness, had used it once. However, Legolas thought he was very clever for thinking it up, and somehow managed to give himself a pat on the back. He must have patted a little too hard, for he fell off the roof, and landed on Gimli.
"Oof!"
"Hey, thanks for breaking my fall Grimly!" 'Grimly' pushed Legolas off him.
"GRIMLY?! What kind of name is that?!"
"The kind of name for you! As I was thinking up a name for you, I thought to myself 'Leggy Man, you don't want that dwarf being more popular than you!' So I gave you the best name I could think of! Grimly!" Legolas looked at Gimli, and then took in his attire. "Why aren't you wearing the outfit I gave you?"
"The tights did nothing for my figure." The dwarf answered sarcastically. Legolas blinked.
"Really?"
"No you fool! Running around in tights is not my idea of fun. So I went and changed into some nice comfortable chain mail."
"But the villains will hear you coming!" Legolas complained.
"So? They will quake with fear when they realise Gimli is coming!"
"Grimly"
"No! I want to keep my name! Gimli sounds better than Grimly!"
"People will know who you are if you keep your name!"
"What point are you trying to make? Because I can easily make it with my axe!"
"You won't be anonymous! Superheroes and their sidekicks are supposed to have alter egos!"
"Alter egos?! You don't need another ego! The one you have is too big as it is!"
"All right! Fine! Call yourself whatever you like! Right now though, we must go fight crime!" And with that, he bounded off. Gimli scratched his head.
"If only the rest of the Fellowship could see us now. They'd have a riot."
Okay…care for another chapter? I think I may do a few more chapters of each of my LotR fics when my sister goes off to college next week…button down there, click it on review and R/R!!