But... super super super thanks to ElveNDestiNy for your encouragement and kind words.... after all, you are the one who inspired me to write this next chapter...
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Legolas rode away, and I vaguely wondered if I would ever see him again. Probably not... But still... And even if I did see him…
I turned around and started back home.
I wondered if Canyaiel would ever forgive me... I wondered what she was doing now... I wondered if Legolas got back to his kingdom safely... I wondered when I would see him again... I wondered about Náro and why he acted so strange... I wondered about Norno and if he found someone else yet and why I did not feel the least bit of repentance for him...
But I wondered too much. Wondering never does anything- you must go and do and can not simply wonder.
I can not just do something... that is what Canyaiel is supposed to do.
Well, I blatantly suppose I deserve it...
The next time that I saw Legolas, he still had his vivid sparkling eyes and long, beautiful hair, but he had grown. He was taller and slender, but very well muscled. Maidens walked up to him and fawned over him, but I quickly turned towards the town.
Maybe my sister would be there... maybe she would forgive me.
I spotted her amongst a large crowd, trying to break free from them, and I ran towards her, "Good morning, Canyaiel!" I called out, so loudly I was sure she heard me- but she simply walked away.
I sighed to myself and walked in the gardens. What did I expect? I sat down in a bed of purple irises and picked one carefully, looking at the delicate spots in the bed of white silk.
Someone sat down next to me, "Why are you alone?"
I shredded the iris and threw the ripped petals down at the ground, "Because nobody wants to be with me."
"I can stay with you."
I glanced up at Legolas through a drape of dark eyelashes, "And why would you, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, ever wish to stay with a lowly maiden such as myself?" I sighed and glanced up at him through misted eyes, a waterfall threatening to spill and take the life from any emotions left on my face.
"I am not the fairest, nor am I the slightest... Please..." I begged him, not sure at all what I was begging for. He put his hand around me and said nothing more.
And for the first time... I felt like I was contented just being myself. I did not feel the pressure to keep up with my mother's 'Calwaiel, you must do this, this, and this... you must learn how to sew, cook, and clean... you must always stand straight and look pretty... you must marry early...' and I did not feel atrocious, as I usually do, for not being the 'fun twin' or the 'sociable twin'- I just feel happy being... Calwaiel.
"Legolas...?" He glanced up at me, with his beautiful, crystal blue eyes and plump, pale pink lips... I would forever hate those colors. "Why... me?"
He touched my lips with one long, pale finger and whispered, "Do not speak." Then, he sighed, sounding tired and almost... somnolent.
And from that moment on, I was mystified by him... I always will be, I suppose... I loved him and I hated him... Whatever he wanted me to do- I would do it. And if he told me to sing a song, I would sing two for fear that I would lose him, yet I would secretly hope for the courage to sing only once.
And I wanted him for myself but not for any plausible reason. Yet, if I lost him, I would cry and thrash about, like a person whom has so many riches that they can not possibly use all of them- but if they lose one that they had barely even noticed before and could not possibly need...
"Legolas," I started again, tasting the salty tears that made rivers down my cheeks, "Tell me the truth." I wanted to tell him. 'I love you... I hate you! I wish I could be with you forever... I wish you would just let me alone! I will do anything you want me to... But I will wish for the bravery not to.'
"You confuse me," I stated candidly, "What do you want with me?" I tried again. I stood up, finding confidence in myself that I never had before, "Please, stop playing with me. Tell me what you want."
And he looked me straight in the eye, with those horrible, gorgeous, icy blue eyes- welling up with icy blue tears, "I do not know." He stood up and took my hands in his and kissed me- and for a moment I was lost...
And I will flail under these lights
That seep down from the bitter sky
tonight
And I will kick and beat my wrists together
And feel an ocean
breathing wave
Feel them licking at my face
Ceilings don't exist
And
there are no floors beneath me
If I were king of this night
Would you
become my queen?
I pushed him away haughitilly, "Legolas, if you wish for a mere kissing partner- go try that tree over there!"
He watched me and I waited. I was not sure what it was that I waited for and I knew he was unsure of why he watched me so. My chest moved up and down with labored breathing. The only sounds were my tears falling down like spheres of glass, shattering and mingling shards becoming part of the red-brown dirt.
And he turned around and walked toward the mellyrn tree he was leaning against and kissed it twice.
And there I was faced with the most important decision of my life.
I ran.
I turned back and ran until I could feel no more.
I could love him. I could hate him. I chose the latter.
Now I know that if I chose to love him, I would have died of heartbreak. It was the first time that my lack of confidence, my self-consciousness- has served me well.
But at the time I thought I was a horrible coward. And I was.
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Thanks a ton for reading! Leave me one... thoughts... anything...?
By the way, that song was "Nightingale" by Saves the Day (my absolute-favorite-band ever... new CD comes out soon- 'In Reverie' September 16!)