Notes: Something different and humorous for us all. Yami-chan and Unrealistic hope you enjoy this immensely as something completely and totally different. It's rather stupid, though, but funny considering Miss. Angst herself (Yami-chan) was the one who thought of this in the first place. Happy reading.
Name GuideYami Bakura = Bakura
Bakura = Ryou
Yami = Pharaoh, Yami Yugi, Yami, etc…
Marik = Malik (we somehow skip his yami completely in this)
Ishizu = Isis
Shadi = Shadi
How Bakura Finally Got All the Millennium Items…Disturb not the power of the Millennium Items
Lest their spirits wreak destruction upon the worlds in which they duel.
Though one of their own shall rise against the rest,
The past remains locked away.
Thus the world shall turn to darkness.
O Chosen One, into the Stone of Memories bring together all seven.
Their powers combined
Shall tame the shadows within.
This parody, of course, has nothing to do with this fiction. It is just random and sounds cool and is something I am very proud of and Yami- chan has finally realized how lost we really are…
After Duelist Kingdom, everyone got bored. So, bored in fact, that Yami asked Anzu out on a date- they are now going steady-, Joey and Seto became friends and business partners, Tristan joined Harley Davison fan club with Malik, even though they didn't know each other, and speaking of…
The day was normal enough and Malik was taking his afternoon nap on the living room sofa. Drool was just beginning to form on the pillow and the Millennium Rod had dropped on the floor next to its owner. This is when the telephone rang.
"MALIK! Get the phone!" yelled Isis from upstairs, who was doing the weekly laundry. Malik did not answer, just continued to snore ever louder, even though the phone was right next to him.
"Malik!" Isis yelled once again, getting no answer from her brother she ran downstairs to answer.
"Hello, this is the Ishtar residence, Isis speaking." There was a moment's pause.
"Hello, Isis. This is Ryou," he said while his voice was shaking. "Lovely weather we're having isn't it?" He laughed nervously.
"Ryou, is there something wrong?"
Meanwhile on the other side of the phone, Ryou was nervous for a reason. He was at his desk while on the phone, pencil and paper ready, even though he wouldn't need it for this call. Behind him was his evil twin, Bakura, who in turn was tapping his foot impatiently.
"No, nothing at all, Isis. I just wanted to te… I mean ask you something! Yeah, that's it!"
"What is it?"
Ryou started to sweat.
"Ummmm. Will you, I mean ummmm… Did you have a merry Christmas?!" Ryou exclaimed, very rushed. Bakura face-faulted behind him.
Over the phone Isis could hear a faint "Move over weakling and let me do it!" Isis had a feeling, without the Tauk, that she would be speaking with Bakura next.
"Get me Malik on the phone right now! It's an emergency!" Isis narrowed her eyes in an exasperated format.
"Okay, he'll be on in a minute." Isis put the phone on the table and picked up the Rod and turned it into its knife form. She then poked Malik with it. She got a reaction.
"OUCH!" followed by many curses and other such expletives.
"Bakura is on the phone. He wants to talk to you. If he wants to help you take over the world, turn him down. Be careful, he sounds excited."
Malik carefully picked up the phone with confusion written all over his face. "This is Malik."
"Malik! Get over to my house as soon as you can! Bring your sister's Tauk with, this is an emergency plan to get rid of the Pharaoh!" Malik's eye twitched. He had a natural inclination to hate Yami. Malik looked around and then over at his sister. She normally took off all of her jewelry while doing chores so… "I'll be over as soon as I can, Bakura." Then he hung up.
Ryou's House"I can't believe you actually made me do that." Ryou said letting his head fall on his desk.
"Don't worry about it, Hikari, the worst part is over." And he walked out the door. Ryou sat up quickly, eyes wide.
"But I thought it was just a prank call!" Ryou yelled down. Getting no answer, he ran down after him.
Malik stood at Ryou's doorstep with a serious case of suspicion. He rang the doorbell. Ryou answered. The two boys stood face to face. Then Ryou took the Rod and Tauk saying, "Thanks Malik". Then shut the door. Well, apparently it hadn't been Ryou. Malik stood dumbfounded for a few minutes, then left to sulk.
"Yami… that had to have been the absolute worst plan I've seen since I was with Honda on Duelist Kingdom."
"I got the Rod and Tauk, didn't I?"
"Didn't you once say you had to win a Millennium Item in a duel or something?"
"I won them in a game of wits. That counts."
"Oh, that's funny! So, when are you going to give them back, after the prank?"
"Oh, Hikari, I have much to teach you…" Bakura sighed.
The next day
Shadi was not having a good day. Professor Bakura and Solomon Motou had both just sued him for causing Ryou and Yugi to turn into homicidal maniacs. It was a lot of money. Money Shadi did not have. For the first time in his life he was actually considering selling his two Items. He didn't think it would go over well with Ankh and Scales, so he sold them on e-bay to a person only identified as changeofheart42@antikingofgames.com. Mailing day was a headache, but it was successful. Shadi hoped whoever had the Items now would take good care of them.
At Ryou's House
"I feel so embarrassed helping you do this. Now they're all going to tell me I'm not strong enough to stop my yami and hang around me constantly and tell me I'm a wimp and…"
Ryou went on and on for a while. Therefore, it was a while before he got done. Bakura sat silently, listening to his hikari's woes. We now see that Ryou is in fact tied to a chair in the basement while Bakura had just logged off line. Bakura looks bored.
"Are you done yet, Ryou?"
"I'm done ranting. Thank you. It felt good."
"I only need to obtain one more Item! Whooo! That felt good."
"Not as good as an hour long guilt rant, I bet." Ryou continued. "It wasn't very nice to make my dad sue Shadi under the influence of the Rod."
"I'm sorry, Ryou. But these things just need to be done." Bakura said solemnly.
"Oh, okay. Can you untie me now?"
A week of planning and plotting against the Pharaoh later…
"Ryou! The Pharaoh is at the door! I don't have a plan to steal the Puzzle yet!!!! Do something!!!!!" Ryou did something. He answered the door.
"Hello, Yami, how are you and Yugi doing today?" Yami was on a mission. He didn't have time to chat.
"Oh, just fine Ryou! Wonderful weather we're having, isn't it?"
Upstairs, Bakura was freaking out. The Pharaoh was in his house. Talking to his hikari. Inversely interfering in his emotions and he had no idea how to go about stealing the Puzzle! Listening in on the conversation downstairs, he suddenly had a plan.
Time lapse: 2 hours
"Yes, Ryou. Funny thing about hair gel, it gets in the way of washing, but the hairstyle is soooooo worth it." Bakura had mentally told Ryou to keep the Pharaoh talking. Ryou had succeeded by bringing up the subject of Yami's hairstyle. So, in the past two hours, Ryou had heard the Herbal Essence theme four times and found out a little more then he wanted to know about hair and how to care for it without looking like a pansy.
//Okay, Hikari, everything is finally set. We're going to get the Puzzle and the memories once and for all! //
/Okay… what do you want me to do, yami?/
//Keep talking to him!//
/Ah! NO! If I hear any more about hair, I'll scream! /
//Gimme two more minutes. //
/I guess I can handle that…/
//You had better! I don't want you ruining my chance to take over the world! //
The mental conversation ended and Ryou went back to the one about hair and all of its wonders.
"You know, I told my priest to make hair sacred. But he misunderstood me and made cats sacred instead. I'm not sure how he made that mess-up, but I suppose it's hard to hear when you're killing people at the same time…AHHHHHHHHHHH!" Without warning, Yami Yugi fell through a trap hole in the floor.
Ryou looked down. His eyes went wide. It was the strangest contraption Ryou had ever seen. The Puzzle was now dangling from a hook, which had caught it during the fall. Yami had fallen through a series of different sized tubes and was now out on the doorstep. Actually, it was Yugi, since Yami had to be in the Puzzle. Yugi looked around, totally and utterly confused. Then he went home to tell Grandpa he wasn't a homicidal maniac anymore.
The Basement"YES! I, BAKURA THE TOMB ROBBER, HAVE OBTAINED ALL THE MILLENNIUM ITEMS! I WILL RULE THE WORLD!" Ryou poked Bakura in the back. Bakura turned around.
"What about me? I helped."
"…AND MY HIKARI SHALL BE… MINISTER OF FOREIGN AFFAIRS!"
"But, Yami, all the world would be united under your rule, you wouldn't need a minister of foreign affairs."
"Well, why else do you think I appointed you the position?"
" *sigh* "
"Anyways, lets see the Pharaoh's memories!" Magical stuff happened and memories were set on the wall of the basement for Ryou and Bakura to see. It was blank and then it was over.
"What?! Why is it blank! It's supposed to be top secret documents and spells!" Yami came out of the Puzzle in ghost form.
"Sorry, the memories I was looking for were memories from when I was a baby. I already knew everything else."
Ryou was stunned. "Then why didn't you tell us in the first place?"
Yami shrugged. "My baby memories are important. I didn't feel like I knew myself. But now I see that I didn't remember anything as a baby, so it's all cool." He went back to the Puzzle.
Bakura fumed for a moment then said, "Come on, Ryou. It's time to take over the world."
End
From the desk of Unrealistic,
I've been doing an abnormal amount of typing lately. I mean I feel kind of bad that I haven't. With all these Speech tournaments during the weekends I have almost no time for fanfics. So, I'm using our four- day weekend to get some new fics out and type some more on old ones!
I'm most proud of the parody at the top of the page. I'm hoping that most of you understood that. So, go watch your copy of Pokemon 2000, analyze the Legend, then analyze our "legend" and you'll see ours makes a lot of sense! Oh, and the Stone of Memories are the Pharoah's Tablets. Stone of Memories sounded better.
Expect a sequel to this. But Yami- chan is writing it, so don't expect it out for a very, very long time.
Until Next Time,
Unrealistic :-)