"Sam, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I love you."
She smiled back at him warmly as she sat her coffee cup down on his coffee table. "I love you too, Daniel. You know that."
He sighed heavily and looked down at his hands. "Sam, that's not what I meant." After a few seconds of thought, he looked up at her. Gazing into her eyes, his voice took on a more definite, serious tone. "I mean that I am deeply in love with you."
Sam suddenly seemed uncomfortable, and she looked away from him. She stared at the wall motionless and silent for a very long time.
Filled with regret, Daniel finally broke the silence. "Sam, would you at least say something?" He didn't know what to do. He had just taken the biggest chance of his life, and it looked like it would turn out to be his biggest mistake as well. He stammered as he begged her, "Tell me you feel the same way or... or... that you could never think of me like that... Please just tell me something."
As Sam turned back to him, he could see the sadness and regret in her eyes. He immediately realized that this was not going to turn out the way he had hoped. She didn't have to say a word for him to understand that.
"Oh," was all he could say. He could barely control his voice and fought to keep the tears from his eyes.
"Daniel," she began.
"Boy do I feel like an ass," he interrupted and tried to fake a smile.
"Daniel, it's not that..."
He stopped her from finishing. He didn't want to hear her rejection and didn't want to force her to come up with excuses for why she didn't want him. It felt like he had just taken a staff blast to the heart, but for her sake, he tried to play the whole thing off like it wasn't a big deal to him. "Hey Sam, you don't have to explain anything to me. It's okay."
"I'm sorry," she whispered and Daniel thought he saw a tear move down her cheek before she turned away from him again.
Her apology sounded genuine and he knew he couldn't blame her if she didn't love him. After all, it wasn't a choice she had made. He hadn't chosen to love her. It just happened. It wasn't right for him to hold the fact that she didn't return his feelings against her, but he didn't know how much longer he could keep up this façade he was trying to put forth. "Sam, really, don't worry about it. It's probably just a passing thing, like a virus or something. I'll get over it."
That wasn't true, and he knew it. He had loved her for years, and those feelings weren't going to fade away like some strange dream. They had started out small a long time ago and had grown steadily, taking him over. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't sleep at night, and he couldn't breathe when she walked into a room.
He was sure that these last few months she must have noticed how often he'd been staring at her from across the room and looking at her every ten seconds during mission briefings.
He got different reactions each time she caught him looking at her. Sometimes she would just cast him a friendly smile that let him know how much she had missed him. Other times, she would quickly look away, embarrassed, as though the two of them had just been caught in a compromising situation. Once he even thought her smile held something more, like she knew exactly what he was thinking and she was thinking the same.
He'd gone to visit her in her lab after that, determined to confess everything to her. As he approached her door, he had heard Jack's voice inside. He stopped quickly, considering whether or not to go in. He knew he couldn't tell her about his feelings while Jack was there; it would have been too awkward. Still, he considered going in and just chatting with them for a while, but he feared that if he walked into that room, he would blurt out everything. He'd quickly turned and walked away, not wanting to eavesdrop on their conversation.
He remembered how happy her voice had sounded at the time, and he now wished he had stayed to listen in on what they had been saying. A sudden thought occurred to him and he now wished he hadn't silenced her a few minutes ago when she had tried to talk to him. He hoped he was wrong about what she had been trying to say, but he had to know for sure.
Tears began to run down his cheeks, and he knew he couldn't look at her as he asked, "Is it because of Jack?"
"Daniel," she cried out in a 'how can you ask that tone'.
He waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, he turned to look at her. His voice was barely audible. "Well, is it? Are you in love with him?"
"I don't even know why you would suggest that."
"Gee, let me think," he said sarcastically.
"Daniel Jackson, that has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say." She paused and sighed, "No I am not in love with Colonel O'Neill."
So, she didn't love Jack, but she also didn't love him. He felt empty and bitter. He hurt inside and he wanted to make it stop. He wanted her to know how bad it felt. "I guess maybe you're still hung up on Martouf or Narim then," he muttered. He knew it was a low blow, and he regretted it the second it came out of his mouth.
"Do you think the only reason I don't want you is because I want someone else?" she shouted angrily. "Maybe I just don't want to be with you!"
She smiled back at him warmly as she sat her coffee cup down on his coffee table. "I love you too, Daniel. You know that."
He sighed heavily and looked down at his hands. "Sam, that's not what I meant." After a few seconds of thought, he looked up at her. Gazing into her eyes, his voice took on a more definite, serious tone. "I mean that I am deeply in love with you."
Sam suddenly seemed uncomfortable, and she looked away from him. She stared at the wall motionless and silent for a very long time.
Filled with regret, Daniel finally broke the silence. "Sam, would you at least say something?" He didn't know what to do. He had just taken the biggest chance of his life, and it looked like it would turn out to be his biggest mistake as well. He stammered as he begged her, "Tell me you feel the same way or... or... that you could never think of me like that... Please just tell me something."
As Sam turned back to him, he could see the sadness and regret in her eyes. He immediately realized that this was not going to turn out the way he had hoped. She didn't have to say a word for him to understand that.
"Oh," was all he could say. He could barely control his voice and fought to keep the tears from his eyes.
"Daniel," she began.
"Boy do I feel like an ass," he interrupted and tried to fake a smile.
"Daniel, it's not that..."
He stopped her from finishing. He didn't want to hear her rejection and didn't want to force her to come up with excuses for why she didn't want him. It felt like he had just taken a staff blast to the heart, but for her sake, he tried to play the whole thing off like it wasn't a big deal to him. "Hey Sam, you don't have to explain anything to me. It's okay."
"I'm sorry," she whispered and Daniel thought he saw a tear move down her cheek before she turned away from him again.
Her apology sounded genuine and he knew he couldn't blame her if she didn't love him. After all, it wasn't a choice she had made. He hadn't chosen to love her. It just happened. It wasn't right for him to hold the fact that she didn't return his feelings against her, but he didn't know how much longer he could keep up this façade he was trying to put forth. "Sam, really, don't worry about it. It's probably just a passing thing, like a virus or something. I'll get over it."
That wasn't true, and he knew it. He had loved her for years, and those feelings weren't going to fade away like some strange dream. They had started out small a long time ago and had grown steadily, taking him over. He couldn't stop thinking about her. He couldn't sleep at night, and he couldn't breathe when she walked into a room.
He was sure that these last few months she must have noticed how often he'd been staring at her from across the room and looking at her every ten seconds during mission briefings.
He got different reactions each time she caught him looking at her. Sometimes she would just cast him a friendly smile that let him know how much she had missed him. Other times, she would quickly look away, embarrassed, as though the two of them had just been caught in a compromising situation. Once he even thought her smile held something more, like she knew exactly what he was thinking and she was thinking the same.
He'd gone to visit her in her lab after that, determined to confess everything to her. As he approached her door, he had heard Jack's voice inside. He stopped quickly, considering whether or not to go in. He knew he couldn't tell her about his feelings while Jack was there; it would have been too awkward. Still, he considered going in and just chatting with them for a while, but he feared that if he walked into that room, he would blurt out everything. He'd quickly turned and walked away, not wanting to eavesdrop on their conversation.
He remembered how happy her voice had sounded at the time, and he now wished he had stayed to listen in on what they had been saying. A sudden thought occurred to him and he now wished he hadn't silenced her a few minutes ago when she had tried to talk to him. He hoped he was wrong about what she had been trying to say, but he had to know for sure.
Tears began to run down his cheeks, and he knew he couldn't look at her as he asked, "Is it because of Jack?"
"Daniel," she cried out in a 'how can you ask that tone'.
He waited for her to continue, but when she didn't, he turned to look at her. His voice was barely audible. "Well, is it? Are you in love with him?"
"I don't even know why you would suggest that."
"Gee, let me think," he said sarcastically.
"Daniel Jackson, that has got to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say." She paused and sighed, "No I am not in love with Colonel O'Neill."
So, she didn't love Jack, but she also didn't love him. He felt empty and bitter. He hurt inside and he wanted to make it stop. He wanted her to know how bad it felt. "I guess maybe you're still hung up on Martouf or Narim then," he muttered. He knew it was a low blow, and he regretted it the second it came out of his mouth.
"Do you think the only reason I don't want you is because I want someone else?" she shouted angrily. "Maybe I just don't want to be with you!"