A/N: I hope you enjoy my little parody story here!! I think this chapter is kinda funny how Ron reacts to everybody!! Hehehe ^-^ This is probably going to be the longest chapter in the book, so if you don't like short chapters, well you're going to have to get over it!!

Disclaimer: JK owns everything in here!! (maybe even the font!! lol) EXCEPT........Steven Brown, and Samantha, but other than that, JK is the goddess behind everything good!! I love you JK!!

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So Welcome to .......... *cool theme music*

~*^There's Something About Sammy^*~

Chapter 1-The Long Lost Weasley

"...And you wouldn't believe what my letter from Hogwarts said!" continued Harry as he filled Hermione and Ron on his summer. Her hadn't seen either of them throughout the whole summer. Dumbledore had found it to dangerous for Harry to stay with the Order, although, he had stayed there during the last two summers.

He had missed Ron and the Weasleys it was almost unbearable. He didn't know how he had survived that long lonely summer at the Durstleys. But if it were possible, he had missed Hermione more. He missed the way she bit her bottom lip as she read with deep concentration, her gracefulness of being able to balance at seven books in her arms, the way her eyes could brighten up any room she was in, the way her smile melts his heart every time he gazes upon it, the way-

"Well mate, what did it say?!" Ron had cut Harry's train of thought short.

"What?! Oh, yeah, my letter. Oh I'm quidditch Captain-"

"Oh Harry, that's excellent!"

"Knew it would be you, mate, I mean you and me are the only seventh years on the team, and you've been on since our first year. So there was no doubt!"

"You didn't let me finish," Harry said with a bit of teasing in his voice, "I'm also Head Boy!"

"I'm so glad it's you! Imagine sharing duties with Malfoy!..." Hermione gave a little shiver while Ron and Harry laughed at the thought.

After he had calmed down, Harry stared out of a window of the Hogwarts Express for several minutes. He watched neat little pastures of farmland past as he day dreamed of when he would be back to one of the few places he had ever called home.

He was soon jerk back to reality by a knock on the compartment door. As the door slid open he saw it was the trolly lady. No one knew her name, well, her real name anyways, as everyone just referred to her as the trolly lady. She smiled sweetly to Harry as he picked out an assortment of sweets from the cart and paid her. With out saying a word, she moved on, still smiling.

That's a great mystery of life, that is... , Harry thought to himself...

But once again, his train of thought was cut short. With out knocking, the compartment door slid open to reveal Draco Malfoy and his two thugs, Goyle and Crabbe.

"Well, well, if it isn't mad Mr. Potter and his poor, muggle loving sidekick, and you know where ever Potter is, the Mudblood isn't far behind."

Harry and Ron jumped up at once. They knew a challenge for a duel when they saw one.

"What...in the name...of bloody hell...did you just say?!" Ron was so mad, he could barely speak. No...he wasn't mad, he was beyond mad. He was furious.

Hermione quickly grabbed Ron's robes and wand so he couldn't do anything to Malfoy. But that was a mistake. She should've grabbed Harry.

Harry paused, only a second, before lunging himself at Malfoy. He started punching in the face over and over. His only goal was to bring as much pain to him that possible. I don't need my wand, thought Harry, I'll just beat the living crap out of him. And so he did. [A/N: BWAHAHAHAHA!!!! *insert evil grin here*]

"Harry! No! Stop!" Hermione started towards Harry and Malfoy but stopped herself. She couldn't get there with out letting Ron go, which defiantly was not an option.

Harry now had Malfoy pinned on the ground, still punching him. It went on like this for almost seven minutes.

Soon Harry felt his anger subside and he stopped punching him. As Harry got up, he noticed Crabbe and Goyle were no longer there. I guess they're not as tough as people think they are, Harry thought proudly to himself.

He looked over at Ron and saw Hermione had let go of him and given back his wand. He looked back at Malfoy, sprawled unconscious on their compartment floor, and looked to Hermione.

"I'm sorry, I knew I shouldn't have lost my temper, but-"

She gave him a confused look.

"What are you talking about?" Hermione gave him a devilish smile. "He got what he deserved...but we do need to get rid of him. Imagine what people would say if they found out the Head Boy beat up a Slytherin Prefect?!"

"They'd say he got what he deserved," This was the first time they heard Ron speak since his temporary insanity.

"Well, yes...but we still do need to get rid of him. If he woke up, he'd go running to Snape." As she spoke, she made her way slowly to Malfoy to see if anything was broken.

"Hermione! What are you doing?!"

"Calm down, Ron! I'm just going to see if he's severely hurt." Hermione said with an exasperated tone. "Or should I just leave him to die?"

"Well..."

"You know that wasn't a question, Ron, you know very well how very strong Harry is!"

Harry's heart leapt. She thinks I'm strong! He was suddenly listening with rapt attention, much unlike he had been doing five minutes.

Ron knew Hermione had a point so he allowed her the privilege of looking at Malfoy in silence.

Quietly, Hermione mutter, "Obliverate," while pointing her wand at Malfoy.

She turned and faced Ron and Harry, who were both looking at her, "Well, do you want to wake him up, or wait for him to do it on his own?"

Harry looked suddenly disgusted.

"Get him now so he'll leave, I can't stand to be so closed to that fu-"

"Alright. Alright!" Hermione could tell Harry was still absolutely furious with what Malfoy. But at least he was containing his temper, she thought.

"Enervate."

Malfoy's eyes flickered open. He wore a confused look on his face. As he got up stiffly, he eyed them all suspiciously and turned to leave but could not get by, as of two people were standing in the way. With out a word, he pushed his way through them both of them and left.

Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood stood in the doorway in front of them with an amused look on both of they're faces.

"What just happened here?" Luna made her way in and sat beside Harry.

"Oh please, do tell! I would love to hear how Malfoy got two black eyes and a bloody nose!" Neville had obviously seen the outcome of the fight.

Harry became very enthusiastic after that. He gave them a blow by blow recall how everything had happened fifteen minutes ago.

Luna and Neville listened in awe and only when he finished did Neville speak. "Well, the prat deserved it!"

Luna sat there not saying anything with a slightly uncomfortable look. It was only until Hermione realized Luna might not exactly share the Gryffindor dislike of Malfoy did she change the subject.

"So Luna, where's Ginny?" she asked politely, though quite curious as Ginny would usually just drop in and say hi.

"Oh! Umm, well," she eyed Ron, "she's with a group of boys."

"What?!"

"Ron, calm down," Hermione watched Ron's eye twitch and start towards the compartment door, but before he could go though, Hermione was standing in the doorway, his only escape...if you didn't could the window.

"Get out of the way!"

Harry wished he could transfigure himself to be two inches tall. He knew Ron well enough that if got his way, Ginny would live on a planet with no male specimens at all.

"Ron, calm down," Hermione repeated.

As Hermione spoke, Harry saw a gorgeous girl about their age stop as she was walking by, that he had never seen before. She had beautiful strait blonde hair that fell just past her shoulders, big, pretty, light green eyes, and was wearing a very surprised look on her face. The only other people who seem to notice her was Neville and Luna.

"Calm down?!" Ron's voice was fiery with rage. "CALM DOWN?!?!"

"RON, YOU SISTER IS SIXTEEN YEARS OLD!! SHE CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF!!" Hermione put extra volume on her last word.

"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME WHAT MY SISTER CAN AND CAN'T DO!!!" He had known he'd won his row with Hermione because at his last words she felt very ashamed of herself for intruding on Ron's personal matters and it must've showed on her face because his face split in a wide grin, but that only lasted for a second.

"RONALD ARTHOR WEASLEY!!! HOW DARE YOU TALK LIKE THAT TO SOMEONE WHO GIVES SUCH A DAMN ABOUT YOU SISTERS WELL-BEING!!!"

Ron's face turned paper white as he realized that the gorgeous girl behind Hermione was the one shouting. She wasn't just shouting at him, she was screaming. Everyone around her started cowering, Hermione sunk onto the floor, Neville and Luna were clutching together with fear, Harry sat rigid in his seat. And Harry was almost positive that Ron had not noticed her until now.

"What the bloody hell..."

Everyone focused their attention to the mysterious girl. Hermione had turned around and slowly backed away and stood near Harry. Even the people outside were starting to form a crowd around the girl in the hallway, with Malfoy right in front.

"Now," she started again with a lowered voice, "you know I could easily write your mum an owl about this."

Many on lookers didn't think that was much of a threat. But those who knew Mrs. Weasley, knew just how sinister this actually was.

"You wouldn't..." Ron was defiantly trying to hide the note of panic in his voice, but wasn't being very successful at it.

"You know I would, Weasley," she said in a menacing voice. She started to turn around to leave, but before she left she added, "So don't tempt me." And with that, she turned and left.

She had no trouble getting through the now silent crowd. Everyone seemed to have flattened themselves against the wall so she could easily make her make down the hall until she disappeared into a compartment.

All at once, it seemed as if someone had just unmuted a TV as everyone outside started talking about what they had just witnessed. Ron seemed to have been paralyzed as he stood there shocked for several minutes until regained all use of ligaments and started towards the door and closed it making the noise outside sound like a bunch of angry bees.

It seemed that nobody wanted to be the one who spoke first. Ron was now not the only one who was pale with shock as they stood there in silence. Both Hermione and Neville had become a pale shade of white. Luna had extremely abnormally wide eyes, even for her. Harry was the only one who didn't show any physical different. Although he did still was two inches tall.

Harry sighed. It looked as though he would have to be the first to spoke. He hated having to talk to Ron looking so terrified and numb with shock because of what that girl had said to him.

"So Ron, who was that-," Harry pause for a moment, "that girl?"

Everyone looked at Harry, then all their eyes turned to Ron, waiting for an answer.

"I hate her! I hate her, I hate her, I hate her!!" He ran to the door in two strides and punched it...hard, he didn't wince. It was as though everybody had made a silent agreement among each other through ESP because all of them didn't say anything until they arrived at the Hogsmeade Station.

+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+

As they finished the Opening Feast, none of the Trio had spoken. But as the food disappeared, Dumbledore stood up to make the start of term announcements. No one heard Ron mutter a soft "Eep!"

"Welcome, to Hogwarts. Before you go to bed, I would like to bore you with some announcements.

"First of all, as most of you know, it has become extremely hard to fill the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. But I found somebody willing to fill this position...again." He smiled at Harry, Ron and Hermione.

"As some of the older students may remember, and for those of you who don't, may I present you...Professor Remus Lupin!"

The Hall broke out in applause as Lupin stood up and gave a little wave.

Many Gryffindors even did a few whoops. But as Harry looked across the Hall, he saw

Malfoy just sitting there staring at his plate in disgust.

"Yes, yes Remus nice having you back," as Dumbledore started his speech again, the noise faded, "I would like to also announce this years Head Boy and Girl...Mr. Harry Potter and Miss. Hermione Granger."

This was no new news to any one, it was obvious who he was going to pick.

This time, the only table that cheered was Gryffindor, while Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff clapped politely. Slytherin did nothing but scowl.

As the noise died down once again, Dumbledore started again.. "I would like to remind you that no students are allowed into the Forbidden Forest and the use of magic in the corridors is not permitted.

"Now I have some grave news to tell you all. One student in this hall has lost her family over the summer by Lord Voldemort," there were a few gasps at the mention of Voldemort, but Dumbledore paid no attention to them, "A mother, a father, and a brother. A brother who walked among us just only last year. I of course, am talking about the Browns." For the first time, Harry looked down the table and saw silent tears pouring down Lavenders face.

"And yes, that means Stephen Brown is dead." Dumbledore hung is head gravely as there were assortment of gasps, sobs and hushed words. But Dumbledore continued, "He was a hard worker, a great friend, top in many classes, an excellent quidditch player, a brave Gryffindor, a loving brother...and a young man that had all that a long with a unlimited future ahead of him taken away from him at the age of fifteen. Lets raise our goblets to Stephen Brown."

In unison, everyone in the Hall raised their goblets and murmured "Stephen Brown." Lavender was now sobbing uncontrollably into her best friend's, Parvati Patil, arms.

"I am deeply sorry to you loss Lavender," he paused for a second, "and to all of you who have lost someone to the Dark Lord. I am sorry to get you all depressed but now I have a piece of very great news,"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled behind his half moon glasses, "and I promise you, after this you will be done listening to me tonight."

Harry suddenly noticed the Sorting Hat was still out on the three legged stool in front of all of the tables, but he quickly forgot about that as Dumbledore continued. "As some of you may know, the Salem Witch Institute of the United States closed down due to Death Eater attacks. Students have had to relocate themselves to other magical schools. One of them has wished to join our number! I certainly had no objections so here she is sitting among us. Now although she will only have on year hear, we will have to Sort her won't we?!" he said happily and paused.

It seemed to Harry, that they were finally going to learn who that mysterious girl is...

Dumbledore drew his breath, "May I present, Samantha Weasley!"

A few people clapped as she walked up the stage and put on the hat. But most were so shocked they did not know how to react.

"But she doesn't have red hair!"

"No freckles, none at all!"

"It's not possible..."

Ever since she had left her seat, Harry had noticed Ron as glaring at her. So it was clear to him, Ron did not find this news. There for, she could not have been some long lost half sister that possessed no Weasley genes what-so-ever in appearance.

As soon as she put on the Sorting Hat, it had shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!!"

Samantha got up, placed the sorting hat back on the stool and gracefully went back to her seat beside Parvati in dead silence.

And all the while under the glare of her relative's piercing glare.

Ron had not lied before, he had hated her. And Harry and Hermione had made a silent agreement to find out why...

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A/N: Ok, so now you've read the first in stallment of TSAS so go and review!!