My Satin Doll
By: Realmi
Chapter 3: Introducing The Plot!
***
Author Notes: Hello people, the adventures of Ilana the Teacher have truly begun. Oh what fun it is to change the Harry Potter story line! HA HA!
***
Dear Diary,
Hey, it's me again, Ilana S. Miren. Who else would it be? Today is the last day of my first week of teaching! I like to think I'm doing a good job, no one has fallen asleep and everyone is seemingly paying attention, especially the 7th year boys. One boy, however, has been giving me more attention then others. That pesky, annoying, peacock of a man…Gilderoy Lockhart! AURGH! It's so terrible, that man keeps trying to swoon me. Anyway, Harry's class is in about ten minuets… I'll keep you posted.
-Ilana
Prof. Ilana closed her journal just as a young girl with huge bushy brown hair came in. She sat down at a desk infuriated by something. Ilana, who was sitting at her desk, raised a little blue eyebrow. "Dear, are you alright?" she asked concerned for her guest looked rather distraught. The young girl looked up at her.
"No, it's nothing, Professor Miren," the young girl said. Ilana smiled and shook her head.
"Dear, maybe this hasn't gotten around the entire wizarding world yet….but I was a lounge singer before I took this job, don't think you can lie to me. I've been around enough sleazy business men and gangsters to last a life time." Her guest smiled a bit. "So tell Aunty Ilana what's up." Ilana said sitting on a desk next to the twelve year old.
"It's just……Draco Malfoy….. he keeps saying horrible, mean-spirited stuff to and about me. He just really pisses me off." The girl clamped a hand over her mouth, afraid she would get into trouble for cussing. Ilana, who happened to have quite a filthy mouth herself didn't even notice.
"No need to worry, I won't tell anyone, is this by any chance Lucius Malfoy's son?" Ilana asked, her voice slightly growling at the name. The girl nodded and Ilana patted her shoulder in a comforting manner. Ilana knew all too well what the girl was going through, Malfoy gave her Hell when she was in school….not that she didn't return the favor. "Tell you what, next time Draco says something totally uncalled for and rude, you have my permission to hex his underwear off." The girl gasped, not knowing what to think of a professor who would say such a thing, but when she looked up and saw her teacher laughing silently she knew she was just joking.
"Do I need a piece of parchment with your signature on it?" the girl asked with a smile.
"I'm not sure, I'll get back to you on that," Ilana said, letting a pretend confused look play across her face. The girl laughed aloud and Ilana smiled, glad she could make her student feel better. "What's your name, kid? You're the first to catch onto my joking…those Weasley boys took me too seriously….oh it wasn't fun to explain to McGonagall why Marcus Flint was missing ears and was covered in purple poka dots." Ilana said with a slight shudder, again the girl laughed.
"Hermione Granger, Professor Miren," Hermione said after she stopped giggling somewhat.
"Please, call me Ilana, professor makes me sound…..old." Ilana uttered the last word as if it was something dirty. Hermione smiled, her new History of Magic teacher didn't look over nineteen, but she knew it was due to her fairy blood; as fairies aged a good deal slower than wizard folk after age fifteen. Just then, the bell rang and Ilana walked back over to her desk and grabbed her wand.
With a wave the chalk began to float and write upon the blackboard behind her. Ilana then sat upon her desk and watched as the second year Gryffindors filed into her classroom then into their seats. The newbie professor noticed Harry and the red haired kid that Ilana saw her first night at Hogwarts sit next to Hermione. Once it seemed that everyone was seated, Ilana stood up before her class and paced in front of them for a while wearing her best "Sour Snape" face as she liked to call it. No one breathed a word and Ilana knew why Severus made that face now, There is something…empowering in striking fear into young children, Ilana thought. She stopped in front of her desk and faced her class, she cleared her throat softly and said, "If you would all be so kind as to direct your eyes to the chalkboard…" in unison, all eyes moved to read what was written.
WELCOME TO HISTORY OF MAGIC WITH PROFESSOR ILANA MIREN
PLEASE TAKE OUT A QUILL AND SOME PAPER
There were a few groans as the task was being done. Ilana smiled for she knew what they were thinking: they thought she was going to drone on and on and on while they wrote notes. Not on their first day at least, Ilana thought. "Class? You're attention please, for your first day I thought it would be fun if we did a little getting to know you activity," The class looked slightly confused and skeptical. "Of course, if you'd much rather have a pop quiz…." She smiled at the sharp intake of breath. "Heh, alright, first off, I need to tell you the rules first. There are only two rules, follow them and all will be right in the state of Denmark. Rule One: Under no circumstances are you to disrespect me or any other classmate. No name calling: such as 'mudblood,' or 'half breed.' No calling someone stupid because they ask a question, no making fun of anyone because you're richer then they are, or prettier. Break this rule and your ass, excuse my French, will be in detention for the rest of the year. On a lighter note, Rule Two is just if you fall asleep congratulations, you get a detention, savvy?" The class nodded. Ilana smiled. "Okay, here is how things are going to run, during class, I will talk. Take notes, don't take notes, it's up to you. Homework every night will be a section of reading. Read it, don't read it, again it's up to you, but every Friday there will be a test over what I was talking about and you were, hopefully, reading about all week. Some of the questions will only be found in the book, so it's a very good idea to read. There, I said it." The class looked okay with that so she went on.
"Alright, now for some fun," Ilana waved her wand and what was written before disappeared and the chalk was writing again. When it was done ten questions were in its stead.
1) WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
2) WHEN'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?
3) WHAT PETS DO YOU HAVE…OR WISH TO HAVE?
4) WHERE DO YOU LIVE WHEN NOT AT SCHOOL?
5) WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE BERRI BOTT'S EVERY FLAVORED JELLYBEANS FLAVOR?
6) WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?
7) WHO'S YOUR FAVORITE TEACHER? (THIS ANSWER WILL NOT AFFECT YOUR GRADE J)
8) WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO IN YOUR FREE TIME AND WHY?
9) WHAT DO YOU LOVE BEST ABOUT HOGWARTS?
10) WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO WHEN YOU GROW UP?
"All right class, fill that out and when you're done, exchange papers with someone you might not know too well, have fun!"
***
The day was over and Ilana was walking out to the lake to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, well, that's what she planned to do. However, in the entrance hall she ran into Lucius Malfoy. The two glared at each other as they passed by in the corridor, utter detestation was the only word that could be used for the emotion that was coursing through Ilana's body.
"So, it is true, Hogwarts is going to the dogs," Malfoy sneered.
"Well, you are a school governor are you not? Is it really a surprise?" Ilana snarled back.
"Feisty today are we?" Malfoy smirked. Ilana's fist balled at her sides.
"Go fuck yourself, Malfoy, I don't have time to waste on putrid scum like you." Ilana said walking past him, put he grabbed her arm and turned her about to face him. He was a good deal stronger then her so pull and tug as she might she couldn't break away. "Let go of me!" she snarled. Malfoy chuckled darkly.
"Silly, half breed, I have no intention of letting you go. You owe me from our last meeting," he pulled up his pant leg showing a large gash running down his pale shin.
"You got me back, trust me." Ilana snarled, again Malfoy chuckled darkly.
"So have you found a husband? Or a boyfriend? Or are you too dirty: blood and all." Ilana kicked him in the shin, and he let her go with a stifled groan of pain. Ilana fixed her hair and straightened her black turtle neck sweater.
"For your information, I do happen to have a boyfriend," Ilana lied, anything to one up this man.
"What self respecting wizard would date a half-ling like you. Maybe he's not a wizard maybe he's a Muggle, or another half breed." He sneered. Ilana flushed with anger.
"Severus Snape," she said before she could stop herself.
"Ha! You liar, I'll believe that when I see it."
"Oh, you'll see it alright," Ilana sneered, walking away. What the Hell have I done?! She thought as she went off to find Severus. Please God, let me be able to talk him into this, please, please, please, please, she prayed as she made her way down to his office.
***End Chapter Three***
Realmi: Yay! This story will actually have a plot! Go me.
Severus: Knowing you, you will make a possibly good story suck.
Realmi: Are you saying I'm a bad writer?
Severus: No, you're a horrid writer
Realmi: *punches him down to the ground and starts to bury him*
Ilana: Wait, Realmi! We need him for chapter 4!
Realmi: …………
Severus: Medic……