Chapter One
Fall Chill
A few months had passed since Colin Hart's death, but the day was forever engraved in Ephram's mind. He would never forget the grief in Amy's eyes, or the guilt in his father's. He would never forget the guilt he himself had felt. Of course that grief and guilt was still with him, just like his grief for his mother.
Ephram sighed and looked at Colin's grave. Now as he stood over the grave, he wondered why he had bothered to come here. All it did was bring up a few painful memories.
Ephram laid the flowers he had brought on the grave and turned to leave.
"I'm sorry, Colin," he whispered, "I'm so sorry." Ephram turned and walked away, giving Colin's grave one last look before he took off for his first day of school.
He wandered down the road slowly, tears welling in his eyes. He brushed them away and stuck his hands in his pockets. It seemed colder this year than last year. Or maybe Ephram's grief just made it seem colder.
He was not looking forward to school at all. Everything would seem different, and everyone blamed his father and him a little for Colin's death. They blamed his father especially. And he would be forced to see Amy. Amy, who had pointedly told Ephram how much she blamed his father.
Ephram continued to walk slowly. He was dressed in all black, as he had been every day of the summer. This only pointed out how pale he was and how his eyes were rimmed red and bloodshot. Ephram rubbed at his eyes, exhausted and worn out. He had had enough of the glares from people who blamed his family for the loss they had suffered.
He reached his bike at the end of the graveyard and sped away toward the school. With each push of the pedal, he went slower and slower. He went so slowly, that he was late to school, as usual, even though he had woken up far earlier then normal. The dread was evident.
He locked up his bike in the bike rack and nervously went into the school. A couple of other people who were late saw him and glared at him. Apparently, like everyone else, they too had heard the news. Ephram sighed and saw his friend Wendell walking towards his first class, which also happened to be Ephram's first class. Wendell saw him, and turned around.
"Hey, yo what's happening?" Wendell said. Ephram ignored him and pushed past Wendell into their first class.
"What's up with that, man?" Wendell asked. Ephram sighed and did not say anything.
"Whatever, dude. Hey can I come over to your house after school?"
"No."
"Hey come on, I'm just trying to be friendly."
"Well you're trying too hard." Ephram sat down. Wendell took a seat next to him.
"Come on, please can I come over?"
"Why?" Ephram snapped, "Something wrong with your life?"
"Hey, hey. Not cool, man, not cool. Listen. I know everyone blames your dad and all for Colin's death, and I just want you to know that I don't blame you in the slightest."
"Yea, whatever," Ephram said, as the bell rang signaling class to begin. Ephram sighed and looked forward to what was about to be the worst school day of his entire life.
***
Ephram was all too ready to go home by the time lunch rolled around. All day no one would look at him or either that they would glare at him. His teachers had ignored Ephram too. Ephram had wanted to lash out at all the people who had treated him as invisible or an alien from one of his comics. He wanted to go up in their faces and yell, "I'm right here so you can stop pretending I'm invisible!" or he wanted to yell, "Stop glaring at me. I did nothing to you!"
He looked at his food, which did not seem very tasteful at the moment. He was all alone in the cafeteria, until he saw Wendell come up to join him. Ephram groaned. Couldn't Wendell see that he wanted to be left alone?
Obviously not, Ephram thought to himself, Great, just what I need.
"Hey Ephram, dude, are you going to eat that?" Wendell pointed to some of the cafeteria grub, which never tasted that good anyways. Especially today.
"Go ahead," Ephram muttered, "Eat away." And then puke so you can leave me alone finally! Wendell started to grab at Ephram's food. He ate like a starving beast. I may have to puke, Ephram thought seeing Wendell's table manners.
Seeing Wendell was too involved with his food, Ephram left for the library. That will certainly be quiet.
***
When school finally let out for the day, Ephram breathed a sigh of relief. A headache was starting to come on, onset, probably from school pressures and Ephram got out of there as fast as he could.
He pedaled hard and fast, ignoring the chilly wind of the fall air. He made it home without any more interruptions and he was grateful for that. However the cool air had worsened his headache and all Ephram wanted to do was lie down.
His father was not downstairs when Ephram entered the house. He figured his father was upstairs doing nothing, for he had not been to work in quite some time. Ephram didn't like this, for he didn't think it was exactly healthy. But look at what your doing, that isn't exactly healthy either, a voice said in his mind, being lost in yourself. In my guilt, Ephram realized. But he couldn't help it. No matter what, he still felt guilty. He always did lately.
Ephram laid down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. His headache was bothering him and so were his thoughts. They crowded his mind like a pack of vultures stuck together in a cramped cage. He rubbed his forehead, trying to ease the pain. But he decided the best course of action would be to take some Tylenol. So slowly he forced himself to the kitchen and swallowed a pill. Then he retreated back to the living room where he lied down again.
Ephram continued his staring until he heard a couple of footsteps coming down the stairs. He abruptly sat straight up. It was his father, Dr. Brown. He looked to Ephram a mess, a shadow of his former self. His hair seemed to be graying slightly and he looked thinner to Ephram.
"Dad?" he asked hesitantly. His dad did not respond. In fact he did not even glance in Ephram's direction. Instead he went to his doctor's bag, the bag he had not picked up since Colin's death. Ephram watched his father intently, surprised at his course of action. His dad rummaged through the black bag, as if searching for something. But Ephram thought that was impossible. He hadn't had a patient in months. The town seemed to have lost faith in Andy Brown. He pulled out a folder.
"You're working?" Ephram asked surprised.
"Yes," his father replied.
"Whose the patient?" Ephram asked.
"Irv, I need to give him a diet chart because of his heart."
"Oh." It looked like not everyone in the town hated the Browns. It gave Ephram brief hope and for an instant his headache seemed to have vanished. Then it returned, with a vengeance.
"Damn," Ephram muttered.
His dad looked at him.
"What is it?"
"Nothing, nothing,' Ephram said rubbing his head.
His dad looked at him closely.
"I'm fine, dad, really. Just go to Irv's."
"All right," his dad said, "Did you take Tylenol at least?"
"Yeah," Ephram replied, "But I'm fine, seriously. It's just a headache." Ephram's dad gave him one last look then walked out the door. Ephram watched him go and then continued his staring at the ceiling. He did not even hear Delia walk in.
"Ephram?" she asked in a quiet voice.
"Hmm? What?" Ephram said sitting up.
"I'm hungry," she told him, "Are you making dinner? And where's dad?"
"He went to Irv's," Ephram replied, "Be happy, this is the first patient he's had in months."
"I know," Delia replied, "Are you okay, though? Why are you just lying there?"
"I'm fine, Delia." Ephram sighed, "I just have a headache. I'll make you food in 10 minutes, ok?"
"Ok." Delia seemed pleased with the answer so she scampered off. Ephram was alone again. He seemed to be living in his own world, even within his own family. He seemed disconnected from them, somehow. He felt like he had when he had lost his mother, only worse, because there was guilt mixed in too. The world somehow seemed duller and more irritating. Ephram had closed himself off then, and now he was doing the same.
He got up from the couch though, thinking of Delia. Lately, he realized he had only been thinking about himself. He hadn't shown much compassion. Then again, the people of Everwood weren't exactly being friendly to the Browns lately. Why should he show others compassion if they weren't showing the same? He shook his head, ignoring the thought. But that's no reason for being distant with my own family. I haven't helped dad at all. Normally I do such a good job with that. It has to be harder on my dad, then me. He loves his job, and he basically has lost it with one failure. You can't win every battle. There's no way. But everyone thought my dad could never fail. He proved them he was human, and that was what led to this. They treated him as a sort of god of medicine. Now they can only see all of his flaws, and none of the great things about him.
For Ephram knew, despite his flaws of being a father, Dr. Brown was truly great. His father was like a comic book superhero, a savior of people. But even in comics, Ephram realized, the heroes fail sometimes too. But they don't give up, they keep fighting. And my father is giving up. But not anymore. He's starting to fight back.
Ephram, feeling slightly better from the knowledge that his father was finally fighting back, walked into the kitchen with renewed energy that he hadn't had moments ago, much less in a long time. Months now, Ephram thought. He rummaged through the counters looking for something to cook.
"Pizza?" he asked Delia, who had been waiting for him in the kitchen.
"Sure."
"Good. Do you want BBQ chicken or Pepperoni?"
"BBQ chicken. It's that California Pizza Kitchen flavor right?"
"Yup," Ephram replied, "Go wash up while I cook it."
"Ok," Delia said and she exited the kitchen. Delia's happier then any of us. She's a light in this dark house, Ephram realized. She never knew Colin really. And that was good. Ephram didn't want his sister going through another tragedy. Their mom had been bad enough.
Fall Chill
A few months had passed since Colin Hart's death, but the day was forever engraved in Ephram's mind. He would never forget the grief in Amy's eyes, or the guilt in his father's. He would never forget the guilt he himself had felt. Of course that grief and guilt was still with him, just like his grief for his mother.
Ephram sighed and looked at Colin's grave. Now as he stood over the grave, he wondered why he had bothered to come here. All it did was bring up a few painful memories.
Ephram laid the flowers he had brought on the grave and turned to leave.
"I'm sorry, Colin," he whispered, "I'm so sorry." Ephram turned and walked away, giving Colin's grave one last look before he took off for his first day of school.
He wandered down the road slowly, tears welling in his eyes. He brushed them away and stuck his hands in his pockets. It seemed colder this year than last year. Or maybe Ephram's grief just made it seem colder.
He was not looking forward to school at all. Everything would seem different, and everyone blamed his father and him a little for Colin's death. They blamed his father especially. And he would be forced to see Amy. Amy, who had pointedly told Ephram how much she blamed his father.
Ephram continued to walk slowly. He was dressed in all black, as he had been every day of the summer. This only pointed out how pale he was and how his eyes were rimmed red and bloodshot. Ephram rubbed at his eyes, exhausted and worn out. He had had enough of the glares from people who blamed his family for the loss they had suffered.
He reached his bike at the end of the graveyard and sped away toward the school. With each push of the pedal, he went slower and slower. He went so slowly, that he was late to school, as usual, even though he had woken up far earlier then normal. The dread was evident.
He locked up his bike in the bike rack and nervously went into the school. A couple of other people who were late saw him and glared at him. Apparently, like everyone else, they too had heard the news. Ephram sighed and saw his friend Wendell walking towards his first class, which also happened to be Ephram's first class. Wendell saw him, and turned around.
"Hey, yo what's happening?" Wendell said. Ephram ignored him and pushed past Wendell into their first class.
"What's up with that, man?" Wendell asked. Ephram sighed and did not say anything.
"Whatever, dude. Hey can I come over to your house after school?"
"No."
"Hey come on, I'm just trying to be friendly."
"Well you're trying too hard." Ephram sat down. Wendell took a seat next to him.
"Come on, please can I come over?"
"Why?" Ephram snapped, "Something wrong with your life?"
"Hey, hey. Not cool, man, not cool. Listen. I know everyone blames your dad and all for Colin's death, and I just want you to know that I don't blame you in the slightest."
"Yea, whatever," Ephram said, as the bell rang signaling class to begin. Ephram sighed and looked forward to what was about to be the worst school day of his entire life.
***
Ephram was all too ready to go home by the time lunch rolled around. All day no one would look at him or either that they would glare at him. His teachers had ignored Ephram too. Ephram had wanted to lash out at all the people who had treated him as invisible or an alien from one of his comics. He wanted to go up in their faces and yell, "I'm right here so you can stop pretending I'm invisible!" or he wanted to yell, "Stop glaring at me. I did nothing to you!"
He looked at his food, which did not seem very tasteful at the moment. He was all alone in the cafeteria, until he saw Wendell come up to join him. Ephram groaned. Couldn't Wendell see that he wanted to be left alone?
Obviously not, Ephram thought to himself, Great, just what I need.
"Hey Ephram, dude, are you going to eat that?" Wendell pointed to some of the cafeteria grub, which never tasted that good anyways. Especially today.
"Go ahead," Ephram muttered, "Eat away." And then puke so you can leave me alone finally! Wendell started to grab at Ephram's food. He ate like a starving beast. I may have to puke, Ephram thought seeing Wendell's table manners.
Seeing Wendell was too involved with his food, Ephram left for the library. That will certainly be quiet.
***
When school finally let out for the day, Ephram breathed a sigh of relief. A headache was starting to come on, onset, probably from school pressures and Ephram got out of there as fast as he could.
He pedaled hard and fast, ignoring the chilly wind of the fall air. He made it home without any more interruptions and he was grateful for that. However the cool air had worsened his headache and all Ephram wanted to do was lie down.
His father was not downstairs when Ephram entered the house. He figured his father was upstairs doing nothing, for he had not been to work in quite some time. Ephram didn't like this, for he didn't think it was exactly healthy. But look at what your doing, that isn't exactly healthy either, a voice said in his mind, being lost in yourself. In my guilt, Ephram realized. But he couldn't help it. No matter what, he still felt guilty. He always did lately.
Ephram laid down on the couch and stared at the ceiling. His headache was bothering him and so were his thoughts. They crowded his mind like a pack of vultures stuck together in a cramped cage. He rubbed his forehead, trying to ease the pain. But he decided the best course of action would be to take some Tylenol. So slowly he forced himself to the kitchen and swallowed a pill. Then he retreated back to the living room where he lied down again.
Ephram continued his staring until he heard a couple of footsteps coming down the stairs. He abruptly sat straight up. It was his father, Dr. Brown. He looked to Ephram a mess, a shadow of his former self. His hair seemed to be graying slightly and he looked thinner to Ephram.
"Dad?" he asked hesitantly. His dad did not respond. In fact he did not even glance in Ephram's direction. Instead he went to his doctor's bag, the bag he had not picked up since Colin's death. Ephram watched his father intently, surprised at his course of action. His dad rummaged through the black bag, as if searching for something. But Ephram thought that was impossible. He hadn't had a patient in months. The town seemed to have lost faith in Andy Brown. He pulled out a folder.
"You're working?" Ephram asked surprised.
"Yes," his father replied.
"Whose the patient?" Ephram asked.
"Irv, I need to give him a diet chart because of his heart."
"Oh." It looked like not everyone in the town hated the Browns. It gave Ephram brief hope and for an instant his headache seemed to have vanished. Then it returned, with a vengeance.
"Damn," Ephram muttered.
His dad looked at him.
"What is it?"
"Nothing, nothing,' Ephram said rubbing his head.
His dad looked at him closely.
"I'm fine, dad, really. Just go to Irv's."
"All right," his dad said, "Did you take Tylenol at least?"
"Yeah," Ephram replied, "But I'm fine, seriously. It's just a headache." Ephram's dad gave him one last look then walked out the door. Ephram watched him go and then continued his staring at the ceiling. He did not even hear Delia walk in.
"Ephram?" she asked in a quiet voice.
"Hmm? What?" Ephram said sitting up.
"I'm hungry," she told him, "Are you making dinner? And where's dad?"
"He went to Irv's," Ephram replied, "Be happy, this is the first patient he's had in months."
"I know," Delia replied, "Are you okay, though? Why are you just lying there?"
"I'm fine, Delia." Ephram sighed, "I just have a headache. I'll make you food in 10 minutes, ok?"
"Ok." Delia seemed pleased with the answer so she scampered off. Ephram was alone again. He seemed to be living in his own world, even within his own family. He seemed disconnected from them, somehow. He felt like he had when he had lost his mother, only worse, because there was guilt mixed in too. The world somehow seemed duller and more irritating. Ephram had closed himself off then, and now he was doing the same.
He got up from the couch though, thinking of Delia. Lately, he realized he had only been thinking about himself. He hadn't shown much compassion. Then again, the people of Everwood weren't exactly being friendly to the Browns lately. Why should he show others compassion if they weren't showing the same? He shook his head, ignoring the thought. But that's no reason for being distant with my own family. I haven't helped dad at all. Normally I do such a good job with that. It has to be harder on my dad, then me. He loves his job, and he basically has lost it with one failure. You can't win every battle. There's no way. But everyone thought my dad could never fail. He proved them he was human, and that was what led to this. They treated him as a sort of god of medicine. Now they can only see all of his flaws, and none of the great things about him.
For Ephram knew, despite his flaws of being a father, Dr. Brown was truly great. His father was like a comic book superhero, a savior of people. But even in comics, Ephram realized, the heroes fail sometimes too. But they don't give up, they keep fighting. And my father is giving up. But not anymore. He's starting to fight back.
Ephram, feeling slightly better from the knowledge that his father was finally fighting back, walked into the kitchen with renewed energy that he hadn't had moments ago, much less in a long time. Months now, Ephram thought. He rummaged through the counters looking for something to cook.
"Pizza?" he asked Delia, who had been waiting for him in the kitchen.
"Sure."
"Good. Do you want BBQ chicken or Pepperoni?"
"BBQ chicken. It's that California Pizza Kitchen flavor right?"
"Yup," Ephram replied, "Go wash up while I cook it."
"Ok," Delia said and she exited the kitchen. Delia's happier then any of us. She's a light in this dark house, Ephram realized. She never knew Colin really. And that was good. Ephram didn't want his sister going through another tragedy. Their mom had been bad enough.