Comments: Author note at the end of the chapter.be sure to read.
Chapter Two
Accepted
That night, Ephram had a terrible, haunting dream. He woke up in a cold sweat and for a second he didn't remember anything. Then the dream came back to him like a speeding bullet. He had been dreaming about death. His own death in fact, and it scared him a bit. Ephram had not wanted to live his life lately, but he certainly did not want to die. He was too young. Ephram shuddered at the thought.
He sat up in his bed, and wiped the cold sweat off his forehead. He sat there for a long moment, thinking, but not about the dream. About his life. His life that had become a mess in recent months. It seemed only yesterday that he finally called Everwood home, but now, with the town against him, he wasn't sure if he was in the right place. He felt like when he had first moved to town; an outsider.
But this time, he didn't make himself that way. It was the people who lived here who did. Even the girl who had befriended him when he had first came to town was now cold to him. He wished he could escape this town, go back to New York, but he wondered if he would fit there again. He could move in with his grandparents, but that would just be running away. And it wouldn't be the same as living with his family.
Ephram slowly got out of bed, feeling the need to make some hot chocolate. He wanted to relax and Ephram knew he wouldn't get that by staying in his bed. He walked to the kitchen, praying no one in the house would wake up as he made the chocolate.
He started boiling the water, when he heard footsteps. Great, he muttered, to himself.
"Ephram? What are you doing up?" he heard his father ask.
"Nothing."
"What are you making?"
"Just some hot chocolate. I.I couldn't sleep." Ephram admitted.
"Neither could I."
Ephram frowned, "Why not?" But the answer came to him. Colin, it had to be Colin. His father probably lay awake thinking of what more he could have done for him. If the surgery was the right thing in the first place. Ephram knew that it was though. Without it, Colin probably would have died anyways. But that knowledge did not stop Ephram's guilt. Nothing ever would, Ephram thought.
His father entered the kitchen as Ephram sat down with his hot chocolate. Dr. Brown sat down with his son. They sat that way for a moment, not looking at each other and not talking either. Dr. Brown looked at his son, then. He couldn't stand to see his son this way. He was more miserable and depressed then when they had first arrived here. But he didn't know what to do about it. And his own guilt consumed him as well. Ephram watched his father as well, wondering what he was thinking about.
"Dad," Ephram said, "Everything's going to be okay."
His dad smiled, the first that Ephram had seen in a long time.
"It is." Ephram gave a little smile then too.
"Do you want some hot chocolate?"
"Sure." Ephram smiled again and then got up to make it.
"Here," he handed his dad a steaming mug of hot chocolate. His father sipped it, slowly.
"This is good," he told his son, smiling. They seemed happy on the surface. And Ephram realized, for the time being, he really was. His family was the only thing that could make him happy, even with the horrible nightmare still in the back of his mind. But Ephram felt somehow safer now with his dad sitting next to him and the hot mug in his hand.
***
Ephram groaned when he woke up the next morning. He was so tired. He figured he probably should have just gone back to sleep after he had the dream, but then realized that wouldn't have been possible anyways. He was just going to have to deal with it.
He looked at his reflection in a mirror. His eyes were red and bloodshot again. Ephram's face was pale and grayish. He didn't know how he was going to make it through another torturous day at school. Most of his classmates would simply treat him how they had treated him yesterday. Ephram sighed and came downstairs to the smell of burnt breakfast. Dad's making breakfast. Great. I think I'll just skip it today. He slipped out quietly through the back door, shutting it closed. Then he hopped on his bike, like he always did and sped away for school.
He saw Amy at the entrance and she was walking towards him. That made Ephram pause. She's going to talk to me? He wondered.
"Hi," Amy said quietly. It was an awkward moment.
"Hey," Ephram said awkwardly as well.
"Are you okay?" Amy asked him, concerned with his appearance. "Fine, why?" he asked.
"You just don't look very well." Amy paused not knowing what to say. Ephram just stood there, his hands in his pockets, wondering if she was going to make a fool of him.
"Ephram, I know everyone." she trailed off.
"Has been treating me like shit." He said angrily, his voice rising just a bit.
"Yes. I'm sorry," Amy said, "I want to apologize. It's just after, you know, I felt like I had to blame someone for his death. So I blamed your dad and I wouldn't talk to you because I was mad at your dad. I know that was wrong and stupid of me."
"So you're talking to me again." It was a statement, not a question.
Amy nodded, "I'm sorry Ephram, I know it wasn't your fault. But I'm still mad at your father." Ephram nodded. That was to be expected. But at least he knew, not everyone in the world hated him. Somehow the thought that Amy was on his side again made him feel that much better.
"Ready for school?" she asked. Ephram laughed, something he hadn't done in awhile either.
"Yeah right." Amy smiled back at him. Ephram blushed a little and smiled back. Together they walked into the school together.
They split up, as they had different first periods.
"I'll see you in second," Ephram told her as they went opposite directions.
"See you." Amy walked towards the other end. Ephram watched her leave. He felt much better then he had in awhile, and knew, that this school day would be at least bearable.
***
However at lunch, Wendell came over and asked if he could stay at the Brown's for the second day in a row. Ephram was in such a good mood that he said yes. Afterwards, he wondered why he did it.
Oh well, he thought, dad is in a better mood too, he won't mind much, I don't think.
Ephram sat down at an empty table with Wendell. No sooner then he had sat down he saw Amy approaching him. Why does she want to sit over here? Ephram thought.
"Hey Ephram," she greeted, "Mind if I join you?"
"No, but I don't know why you would want to sit with outcasts."
"I think I have a pass."
Ephram smiled, remembering the spring formal when Amy had said almost exactly the same thing. Not quite, but almost. And he was grateful to her for it.
"So, Ephram," Amy began the conversation, "What have you been up to lately? I mean because I haven't seen you and all."
"The usual. Reading comics, listening to music."
"Me too. This summer, it's just been so hard. I wake up thinking that Colin's going to come over and then when I remember, it's just hard, you know?"
"I know." Ephram said quietly. He saw the funeral in his mind, how cold and gray that summer day was. It was as if it happened yesterday.
***
Everyone had worn black, and almost the whole town had shown up, Ephram remembered. Colin was going to be buried. His father had stood right beside him and Delia had been there too, standing just in front of him. He did not speak a word to barely anyone at the funeral except his family. The whole scene was torture and he relieved it through his dreams, seeing Colin's body in the casket and being lowered to the ground. It seemed impossible that a healthy young man was now dead and Ephram had felt guilty at the funeral that he hadn't helped Colin more. If Colin could die, than Ephram and everyone at the funeral could too.
Ephram had hated the feeling around the funeral. It only made him hurt more then he already did. The funeral had seemed so long to him, so unbearable, but he did not leave like he had at the hospital. He felt it was his duty to stay. It was only respectful to Colin.
***
"Ephram?" Amy asked.
"Huh?" Ephram's mind suddenly snapped back to reality. He looked around, almost as if he were confused as to where he was. Then he remembered.
"You okay?" Amy asked him.
"Yea. Sorry. I let my mind wander a bit. Thinking, you know." Amy nodded, she did know.
"I'm just so tired." Ephram told her. Amy nodded. Ephram certainly did look tired. He was slumped in his seat having not touched his food at all.
"Eat something." Amy said.
Ephram shook his head. "I'm not that hungry," he muttered. Wendell looked at him.
"Can I have it then?" he asked.
"Sure." Ephram pushed his plate over to Wendell and retreated to staring at the table.
"I have a half of a sandwich if you don't want the cafeteria food," Amy offered.
"No thanks."
"You didn't eat lunch yesterday," Wendell pointed out.
"Wait, did you eat breakfast?" Amy asked.
"No, with my dad's cooking, it would make anyone lose their appetite. And the cafeteria food isn't all that great either."
"Here, have the rest of my sandwich then." Ephram looked at it. It looked better than anything else he had seen recently. He took it and took a bite.
"Not bad," he told her.
"Eat the rest of it then." Ephram took another bite then set it back down on the table.
"That's all you're going to eat, dude?" Wendell asked incredulously.
"No." Ephram bit into the sandwich again. Lunch passed then in a blur. Ephram finished the rest of the sandwich and they made forced small talk, in Ephram's opinion, anyway.
The bell rang and Ephram got up slowly.
"Wait, Ephram!" Amy said, "Don't get up yet."
"Why?"
"I have something to show you." She dug around in her backpack and pulled out what appeared to be a photo album.
"You want to show me pictures?"
"Of the class ski trip last year. I just put them in an album recently." "I see, but aren't we going to be late? The bell just rang, and if I'm late to anymore classes I'll be in trouble. My grades last year were not that good, you know."
"I know, but I just have one picture to show you."
"Okay, okay." Ephram sat back down. Amy handed Ephram the picture. The two of them were standing in front of the ski lodge. Ephram smiled and then handed the picture back to Amy.
"Well, I have to go, I'll talk to you later."
"Okay," replied Amy. Ephram got up from the table hurriedly and practically dashed off to his next class.
*** Ephram wasn't surprised his father was not around when he got home with Wendell. His father probably had patients, which, in Ephram's opinion was a good thing. He wasn't moping around the house anymore, like he had been doing in the summer.
"Why do you want to hang around here anyways?" Ephram asked.
Wendell said nothing. He had his reasons, but he wasn't about to spill his private home life. His home life was much worse then almost anybody in the school.
When Wendell did not respond, Ephram looked at him. Wendell was staring at the table.
"Hey, Wendell, you there?" Ephram asked. Wendell looked up.
"Oh, sorry dude."
"No sweat." An awkward silence followed. Then Wendell asked if he could see some of Ephram's comics. Ephram reluctantly agreed, hoping Wendell wouldn't mess them up. Ephram took pride in his comic collection and kept them nice.
After Wendell looked at the comics, Ephram suggested they should do their homework. Wendell looked at him as if he were nuts.
"Dude, we're going to do homework?"
"Why not? Nothing else to do around here."
"I guess." Wendell sat at the table, but did not pull out any homework.
Ephram started his homework, and after awhile got annoyed with Wendell just staring in space.
"Aren't you going to do your homework?" Ephram asked him.
"Nope."
"Then what are you going to do?"
"Sit here."
"You really want to be that bored?"
"Yep, better then being at home." Ephram knew Wendell didn't want to talk about his home life so he said nothing.
"Well, why don't I take a break.and we could get ice cream somewhere."
"Sure, dude. Anything." Ephram stood up and walked out the door. Wendell followed suit and the two of them walked down the streets of Everwood. It was here that his guilt consumed him again. Wendell wasn't talking much either. Probably thinking of his home life. I wonder what is so bad about it? But it's none of my business. Ephram looked around this town sadly. When he had finally accepted Everwood, he kind of felt like it would be a new beginning for him. The year before, he hadn't really been living in Everwood. He was on the outside looking in. But when he had started to accept Everwood, he felt like he finally fit. Ephram wished the town could see that it wasn't the Brown's fault that Colin died. Any other doctor would have failed on the first operation. It would have been two miracles if Dr. Brown had succeeded on the second surgery.
Tears filled his eyes, and Ephram blinked them away. Again, he looked at the mountains, wanting to be there. But every part of him told him that he couldn't go. He had to stay here for the moment at least.
They reached the ice cream shop. Ephram wondered if he would ever be accepted here again, like he had been just a few months ago.
Wendell and Ephram ordered ice cream then sat down at a table and ate it. Ephram ate his slowly. He barely paid any attention to it. Instead his eyes were on the girl who walked in the shop.
Amy, the girl whom he loved so much. She walked purposefully to the counter. Ephram watched as she picked up an order. She turned around and saw Ephram and waved.
He waved back. Then he watched as she exited the shop.
"Hey, Colin's gone. Your hers." Wendell pointed out.
"Not yet." Ephram said, "She's not over him, it'll take a while before she begins to accept his death." "Yeah, but when she does."
Ephram nodded and smiled. Yes, Amy would be able to accept her feelings that he knew she felt. He wanted to believe that anyway. His heart wanted it to be true, even if it wasn't. The other people in the shop were glaring at him, but he didn't care at the moment. He hardly noticed it because he was too consumed with his own thoughts, as he had been the entire summer.
A/N: The chapter is long.I know, I made it that way so that you have something to enjoy because the next chapter won't be up until next Wednesday at the earliest.I am going on vacation. Please read and review.I would like to get more reviews before I put up the third chapter.
Chapter Two
Accepted
That night, Ephram had a terrible, haunting dream. He woke up in a cold sweat and for a second he didn't remember anything. Then the dream came back to him like a speeding bullet. He had been dreaming about death. His own death in fact, and it scared him a bit. Ephram had not wanted to live his life lately, but he certainly did not want to die. He was too young. Ephram shuddered at the thought.
He sat up in his bed, and wiped the cold sweat off his forehead. He sat there for a long moment, thinking, but not about the dream. About his life. His life that had become a mess in recent months. It seemed only yesterday that he finally called Everwood home, but now, with the town against him, he wasn't sure if he was in the right place. He felt like when he had first moved to town; an outsider.
But this time, he didn't make himself that way. It was the people who lived here who did. Even the girl who had befriended him when he had first came to town was now cold to him. He wished he could escape this town, go back to New York, but he wondered if he would fit there again. He could move in with his grandparents, but that would just be running away. And it wouldn't be the same as living with his family.
Ephram slowly got out of bed, feeling the need to make some hot chocolate. He wanted to relax and Ephram knew he wouldn't get that by staying in his bed. He walked to the kitchen, praying no one in the house would wake up as he made the chocolate.
He started boiling the water, when he heard footsteps. Great, he muttered, to himself.
"Ephram? What are you doing up?" he heard his father ask.
"Nothing."
"What are you making?"
"Just some hot chocolate. I.I couldn't sleep." Ephram admitted.
"Neither could I."
Ephram frowned, "Why not?" But the answer came to him. Colin, it had to be Colin. His father probably lay awake thinking of what more he could have done for him. If the surgery was the right thing in the first place. Ephram knew that it was though. Without it, Colin probably would have died anyways. But that knowledge did not stop Ephram's guilt. Nothing ever would, Ephram thought.
His father entered the kitchen as Ephram sat down with his hot chocolate. Dr. Brown sat down with his son. They sat that way for a moment, not looking at each other and not talking either. Dr. Brown looked at his son, then. He couldn't stand to see his son this way. He was more miserable and depressed then when they had first arrived here. But he didn't know what to do about it. And his own guilt consumed him as well. Ephram watched his father as well, wondering what he was thinking about.
"Dad," Ephram said, "Everything's going to be okay."
His dad smiled, the first that Ephram had seen in a long time.
"It is." Ephram gave a little smile then too.
"Do you want some hot chocolate?"
"Sure." Ephram smiled again and then got up to make it.
"Here," he handed his dad a steaming mug of hot chocolate. His father sipped it, slowly.
"This is good," he told his son, smiling. They seemed happy on the surface. And Ephram realized, for the time being, he really was. His family was the only thing that could make him happy, even with the horrible nightmare still in the back of his mind. But Ephram felt somehow safer now with his dad sitting next to him and the hot mug in his hand.
***
Ephram groaned when he woke up the next morning. He was so tired. He figured he probably should have just gone back to sleep after he had the dream, but then realized that wouldn't have been possible anyways. He was just going to have to deal with it.
He looked at his reflection in a mirror. His eyes were red and bloodshot again. Ephram's face was pale and grayish. He didn't know how he was going to make it through another torturous day at school. Most of his classmates would simply treat him how they had treated him yesterday. Ephram sighed and came downstairs to the smell of burnt breakfast. Dad's making breakfast. Great. I think I'll just skip it today. He slipped out quietly through the back door, shutting it closed. Then he hopped on his bike, like he always did and sped away for school.
He saw Amy at the entrance and she was walking towards him. That made Ephram pause. She's going to talk to me? He wondered.
"Hi," Amy said quietly. It was an awkward moment.
"Hey," Ephram said awkwardly as well.
"Are you okay?" Amy asked him, concerned with his appearance. "Fine, why?" he asked.
"You just don't look very well." Amy paused not knowing what to say. Ephram just stood there, his hands in his pockets, wondering if she was going to make a fool of him.
"Ephram, I know everyone." she trailed off.
"Has been treating me like shit." He said angrily, his voice rising just a bit.
"Yes. I'm sorry," Amy said, "I want to apologize. It's just after, you know, I felt like I had to blame someone for his death. So I blamed your dad and I wouldn't talk to you because I was mad at your dad. I know that was wrong and stupid of me."
"So you're talking to me again." It was a statement, not a question.
Amy nodded, "I'm sorry Ephram, I know it wasn't your fault. But I'm still mad at your father." Ephram nodded. That was to be expected. But at least he knew, not everyone in the world hated him. Somehow the thought that Amy was on his side again made him feel that much better.
"Ready for school?" she asked. Ephram laughed, something he hadn't done in awhile either.
"Yeah right." Amy smiled back at him. Ephram blushed a little and smiled back. Together they walked into the school together.
They split up, as they had different first periods.
"I'll see you in second," Ephram told her as they went opposite directions.
"See you." Amy walked towards the other end. Ephram watched her leave. He felt much better then he had in awhile, and knew, that this school day would be at least bearable.
***
However at lunch, Wendell came over and asked if he could stay at the Brown's for the second day in a row. Ephram was in such a good mood that he said yes. Afterwards, he wondered why he did it.
Oh well, he thought, dad is in a better mood too, he won't mind much, I don't think.
Ephram sat down at an empty table with Wendell. No sooner then he had sat down he saw Amy approaching him. Why does she want to sit over here? Ephram thought.
"Hey Ephram," she greeted, "Mind if I join you?"
"No, but I don't know why you would want to sit with outcasts."
"I think I have a pass."
Ephram smiled, remembering the spring formal when Amy had said almost exactly the same thing. Not quite, but almost. And he was grateful to her for it.
"So, Ephram," Amy began the conversation, "What have you been up to lately? I mean because I haven't seen you and all."
"The usual. Reading comics, listening to music."
"Me too. This summer, it's just been so hard. I wake up thinking that Colin's going to come over and then when I remember, it's just hard, you know?"
"I know." Ephram said quietly. He saw the funeral in his mind, how cold and gray that summer day was. It was as if it happened yesterday.
***
Everyone had worn black, and almost the whole town had shown up, Ephram remembered. Colin was going to be buried. His father had stood right beside him and Delia had been there too, standing just in front of him. He did not speak a word to barely anyone at the funeral except his family. The whole scene was torture and he relieved it through his dreams, seeing Colin's body in the casket and being lowered to the ground. It seemed impossible that a healthy young man was now dead and Ephram had felt guilty at the funeral that he hadn't helped Colin more. If Colin could die, than Ephram and everyone at the funeral could too.
Ephram had hated the feeling around the funeral. It only made him hurt more then he already did. The funeral had seemed so long to him, so unbearable, but he did not leave like he had at the hospital. He felt it was his duty to stay. It was only respectful to Colin.
***
"Ephram?" Amy asked.
"Huh?" Ephram's mind suddenly snapped back to reality. He looked around, almost as if he were confused as to where he was. Then he remembered.
"You okay?" Amy asked him.
"Yea. Sorry. I let my mind wander a bit. Thinking, you know." Amy nodded, she did know.
"I'm just so tired." Ephram told her. Amy nodded. Ephram certainly did look tired. He was slumped in his seat having not touched his food at all.
"Eat something." Amy said.
Ephram shook his head. "I'm not that hungry," he muttered. Wendell looked at him.
"Can I have it then?" he asked.
"Sure." Ephram pushed his plate over to Wendell and retreated to staring at the table.
"I have a half of a sandwich if you don't want the cafeteria food," Amy offered.
"No thanks."
"You didn't eat lunch yesterday," Wendell pointed out.
"Wait, did you eat breakfast?" Amy asked.
"No, with my dad's cooking, it would make anyone lose their appetite. And the cafeteria food isn't all that great either."
"Here, have the rest of my sandwich then." Ephram looked at it. It looked better than anything else he had seen recently. He took it and took a bite.
"Not bad," he told her.
"Eat the rest of it then." Ephram took another bite then set it back down on the table.
"That's all you're going to eat, dude?" Wendell asked incredulously.
"No." Ephram bit into the sandwich again. Lunch passed then in a blur. Ephram finished the rest of the sandwich and they made forced small talk, in Ephram's opinion, anyway.
The bell rang and Ephram got up slowly.
"Wait, Ephram!" Amy said, "Don't get up yet."
"Why?"
"I have something to show you." She dug around in her backpack and pulled out what appeared to be a photo album.
"You want to show me pictures?"
"Of the class ski trip last year. I just put them in an album recently." "I see, but aren't we going to be late? The bell just rang, and if I'm late to anymore classes I'll be in trouble. My grades last year were not that good, you know."
"I know, but I just have one picture to show you."
"Okay, okay." Ephram sat back down. Amy handed Ephram the picture. The two of them were standing in front of the ski lodge. Ephram smiled and then handed the picture back to Amy.
"Well, I have to go, I'll talk to you later."
"Okay," replied Amy. Ephram got up from the table hurriedly and practically dashed off to his next class.
*** Ephram wasn't surprised his father was not around when he got home with Wendell. His father probably had patients, which, in Ephram's opinion was a good thing. He wasn't moping around the house anymore, like he had been doing in the summer.
"Why do you want to hang around here anyways?" Ephram asked.
Wendell said nothing. He had his reasons, but he wasn't about to spill his private home life. His home life was much worse then almost anybody in the school.
When Wendell did not respond, Ephram looked at him. Wendell was staring at the table.
"Hey, Wendell, you there?" Ephram asked. Wendell looked up.
"Oh, sorry dude."
"No sweat." An awkward silence followed. Then Wendell asked if he could see some of Ephram's comics. Ephram reluctantly agreed, hoping Wendell wouldn't mess them up. Ephram took pride in his comic collection and kept them nice.
After Wendell looked at the comics, Ephram suggested they should do their homework. Wendell looked at him as if he were nuts.
"Dude, we're going to do homework?"
"Why not? Nothing else to do around here."
"I guess." Wendell sat at the table, but did not pull out any homework.
Ephram started his homework, and after awhile got annoyed with Wendell just staring in space.
"Aren't you going to do your homework?" Ephram asked him.
"Nope."
"Then what are you going to do?"
"Sit here."
"You really want to be that bored?"
"Yep, better then being at home." Ephram knew Wendell didn't want to talk about his home life so he said nothing.
"Well, why don't I take a break.and we could get ice cream somewhere."
"Sure, dude. Anything." Ephram stood up and walked out the door. Wendell followed suit and the two of them walked down the streets of Everwood. It was here that his guilt consumed him again. Wendell wasn't talking much either. Probably thinking of his home life. I wonder what is so bad about it? But it's none of my business. Ephram looked around this town sadly. When he had finally accepted Everwood, he kind of felt like it would be a new beginning for him. The year before, he hadn't really been living in Everwood. He was on the outside looking in. But when he had started to accept Everwood, he felt like he finally fit. Ephram wished the town could see that it wasn't the Brown's fault that Colin died. Any other doctor would have failed on the first operation. It would have been two miracles if Dr. Brown had succeeded on the second surgery.
Tears filled his eyes, and Ephram blinked them away. Again, he looked at the mountains, wanting to be there. But every part of him told him that he couldn't go. He had to stay here for the moment at least.
They reached the ice cream shop. Ephram wondered if he would ever be accepted here again, like he had been just a few months ago.
Wendell and Ephram ordered ice cream then sat down at a table and ate it. Ephram ate his slowly. He barely paid any attention to it. Instead his eyes were on the girl who walked in the shop.
Amy, the girl whom he loved so much. She walked purposefully to the counter. Ephram watched as she picked up an order. She turned around and saw Ephram and waved.
He waved back. Then he watched as she exited the shop.
"Hey, Colin's gone. Your hers." Wendell pointed out.
"Not yet." Ephram said, "She's not over him, it'll take a while before she begins to accept his death." "Yeah, but when she does."
Ephram nodded and smiled. Yes, Amy would be able to accept her feelings that he knew she felt. He wanted to believe that anyway. His heart wanted it to be true, even if it wasn't. The other people in the shop were glaring at him, but he didn't care at the moment. He hardly noticed it because he was too consumed with his own thoughts, as he had been the entire summer.
A/N: The chapter is long.I know, I made it that way so that you have something to enjoy because the next chapter won't be up until next Wednesday at the earliest.I am going on vacation. Please read and review.I would like to get more reviews before I put up the third chapter.