Hogwarts...The 'Insane' Asylum
By: DracoLishuzZ
Disclaimer: dun dun dun once again I do not own anything except for this lousy story that is quite amusing...lol.
NOTE: I might've changed the chapter title...lol
Chapter 3: Ron Is S.B.S, Draco Plays Pretend and Seamus's 1st Time.
S.B.S stands for 'Stoned, Busted and Stupid'
-=-=-=-
Ron was in the boy's dormitory he was awake but he was also fake sleeping oh and he was also waiting for the dormitory to clear out so he could stick heroine in himself. As Seamus Finnigan got up to leave Ron quickly closed his eyes as Seamus walked out of the room.
"Finally all you bloody retards left!" Ron whispered and reached for his trunk underneath his bed. As he opened up the trunk he swatted at some "non- useful" things. Finally he found what he was looking for...his heroine needle. He picked it up; sucked up some heroine and injected it into his arm. When he was done injecting himself he took it out and quickly disposed of it.
He sat there on his bed for a while and he noticed a little ladybug on his counter and laughed at it.
"You're so stupid little buggy," Ron said pointing at it and thinking that the bug could hear him. Then Ron decided to stand up as he did so he accidentally tripped on Harry's pink fuzzy bunny slippers and he landed head first onto Harry's bed.
"Bloody stupid slippers..." Ron breathed into Harry's mattress and sorta fell asleep.
In the common room everyone found out from Ginny that Hermione slept with all the teachers to get good grades. Some students even considered following in Hermione's footsteps. Hermione was still not back from the bathroom yet. So anyway while we wait for Ron to wake up and Hermione to come back let's venture into the Slytherin Common Room...lol.
"Here you are my lord..." Crabbe said handing Draco some Playboy magazines.
Draco stared at the cover. "That hot blondie, again?" He said picking it up and flipping through it.
"Pamela Anderson is her name, my lord," Goyle said bowing down and presenting some pumpkin juice.
Draco laughed rather high pitched and shrilly, "I didn't ask for her name you dolt! Now you don't EVER correct me unless I tell you to!" he screamed.
"Yes my lord..." Goyle shuddered.
"You three are still playing 'Pretend To Be Lord Voldemort'?" Blaise Zabini asked in disbelief.
The three of them stared at her in mock shock. *ooh that rhymed...^-^ not that you care but...STILL...*
"We're not playing! We're acting! Once 'Mr. I'm Not Insane' (Harry) kills him they'd want to make a movie," Draco said.
"Riiiight...well you three have been 'acting' since 3 a.m. in the morning aren't you guys tired?"
"Well...yeah but we wanna be really good when they pick out the actors to play the roles!" Draco said.
"Well then who's gonna be a Draco Malfoy? Or a Crabbe and Goyle?" She asked again.
"Uhm...Tom Felton *lol* can be me and other people can be Crabbe and Goyle...BESIDES we wanna be the REAL villains!" Draco said and Crabbe and Goyle nodded their heads.
"Oook...well I think I'll leave you weirdos alone then..." She said and left.
"Finally!" Draco, Crabbe and Goyle said in unison.
"Anyway..." Draco started. "Crabbe what are the plans to destroy that wretched boy everyone calls Harry Potter?" he said in his Voldemort voice.
"Uhm...My lord...we have none..." Crabbe said.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Draco said annoyed of the answer that Crabbe gave him.
"I have an idea!" Goyle said and Draco stared coldly at him. "Er...Let me rephrase that...I have an idea, my lord!"
"Yeah?" Draco said and Goyle nodded. "Tell me..."
And they plan to kill off Harry...anyway Ron finally wakes up...lol.
"Whadda?" Ron said looking up and squinting his eyes. "Whurr am I?" He asked himself and he slumped to the floor. He looked around and found one of Harry's bunny slippers; he picked it up and started to talk to it.
"Hello there bunny king!" Ron said grinning. "I like eggs!" The bunny slipper just stared at him.
"Why're you staring at me like that?" Ron said getting a bit freaked out and provoked so he slammed the slipper on the ground. The bunny made that famous 'You've Got Mail' AOL quote.
"Haha! I GOT MAIL!" Ron said and slammed the bunny on the ground again. "I GOT MAIL! I GOT MAIL! I GOT MAIL!" *Hahah I'm making him act like that retard offa Crank Yankers...LOL*
Ron suddenly had the idea that he should show everyone this so he ran out of the dormitories and into the Common Room.
"LOOK AT THIS EVERYONE!" Ron said and socked the bunny slipper so it said 'you've got mail'. "I GOT MAIL! I GOT MAIL!"
Everyone stared at him in amusement until Ginny walked up to Ron and smacked him hard on the head.
"Ow! Mommy don't do that!" Ron said and socked the bunny slipper again. "Haha! I GOT MAIL!"
Ginny then took Ron by the ear and led him to a corner of the room. Ron was still socking the poor-poor bunny slipper.
"How many times do I have to tell you to NOT blow you're savings on heroine and taking it early in the morning!" Ginny screamed so the whole of Gryffindor could hear. "YOU'RE STONED, BUSTED AND STUPID!" Ginny yelled and marched off to the girls dormitories.
Ron looked like he didn't take in anything that Ginny said and continued to sock the poor slipper and yell 'I GOT MAIL!' for about the whole day missing all his classes.
At around 4:00 PM Hermione walked into the common room still wiping her eyes. As she walked into the room everyone held their breath and stared at her. She didn't notice this so she just sat on the couch in front of the fire sniffing.
Seamus Finnigan walked up to her. "So, Hermione, fancy giving me a good time, then, eh?" He said grinning.
Hermione looked up at him and decided she wanted to do something to cheer herself up and her idea of cheering herself up was not by stupid crappy homework it was by making out with someone. "Sure...meet me at the Astronomy Tower at around...11:30 then," she said and buried her face in the pillows.
Seamus looked around grinning and suddenly jumped up into the air and said "I'M GETTING LAID!" and ran out of the common room to spread the news Dean Thomas muttering "And I thought that would never happen..." followed Seamus out of the room.
Harry suddenly noticed Hermione and stopped trying to chomp down on Colin's ass in a secluded corner and walked over to Hermione.
"Did you tell anyone about me?" He squeaked quite loudly so everyone in the common room shutted up and listened to Harry and Hermione.
"No, I didn't tell anyone that you sexually harassed Colin Creevey last night in front of a portrait of a little girl...now she's cookoo in the head," Hermione said imitating Harry's squeaky loud voice.
"Oh...OK!" Harry said not aware that the whole common room heard this; so Harry walked back to the secluded corner and chomped on Colin's ass again.
At around 11:30 Hermione fell asleep and forgot all about her meeting with Seamus...
"Where is she?" Seamus said walking back and forth on the astronomy tower. He was waiting for her ...not realizing that she wouldn't come at all. Dean Thomas who was hiding from Seamus wanted to watch. 'Come on, Hermione show up...I want to see my free porn!' Dean thought and a grin came on his face.
((Begin Dean's 'Free Porn' Fantasy))
Hermione walked into the astronomy tower wearing nothing but sexy black lingerie with a hole in the crotch. Seamus stood there with his mouth open and he had quite a big boner.
"Come and get me Sexymus," Hermione said and she purred.
"Hubba...Hubba," Seamus said.
And they fucked and fucked and fucked...
((End Dean's 'Free Porn' Fantasy))
Dean Thomas just sat there with his mouth open and jacking off. *LOL.*
Suddenly someone or rather someone's pet came on top of the astronomy tower.
"Hermione! I didn't know you were an animagus!" Seamus said brightly and picked up "Hermione" or rather Mrs. Norris.
"Meow," Mrs. Norris 'Hermione' said.
"Come on! Change back to your human form!" Seamus said.
"Meow," Mrs. Norris said again.
"I know what will make you change out of this cat form!" Seamus said and dropped his pants to butt-fuck 'Hermione the Cat'. *LMAO*
"Meow! MEOW! MEOOOOOWWRRR!" Mrs. Norris yelped.
"OH YEAH!" Seamus yelled at the top of his lungs.
Dean Thomas stopped jacking off to his fantasy and look at his best friend and a cat fucking...Dean suddenly had an urge to puke and he did. But Seamus didn't hear Dean puking because he was to busy screaming and butt fucking.
"Oy! What are you doing to my kitty?!" Filch said suddenly coming up from the astronomy tower entrance.
Seamus didn't stop butt-fucking the cat but he did stop screaming.
"You're kitty? This is Hermione Granger!" Seamus said brightly.
"That there's not Hermione...That there's my kitty, Mrs. Norris!" Filch said.
"Oh...really?" Seamus said and looked down at the cat. "AAAAHHHHHHH! IT IS!" He screamed and ejected his dick from Mrs. Norris' ass and she happily leapt out of his hands.
"Well...I won't give you detention but...Now it's my turn!" Filch said and dropped his pants and butt-fucked Mrs. Norris.
"That's sick..." Seamus said and he was disgusted of himself. "I can't believe my first time was with a cat..."
"Oh don't worry lad! My first time was with a cat too!" Filch said trying to reassure Seamus. Seamus just stared at Filch. "What? I thought that would cheer you up! Now that I think of it...all of my times were with a cat..."
"Great. Nice to know..." Seamus said shuddering and left the astronomy tower being closely followed by Dean Thomas.
BOOM! CRACKLE! SMASH! Those were the sounds that emitted from the Slytherin common room. Draco, Crabbe and Goyle finally had their stupid plan to destroy that wretched boy everyone calls Harry Potter.
"HAHAHAHA!" Draco laughed shrilly. "You have done well Goyle, I shall reward you," he added.
"Yes, thank you my lord," Goyle said and crawled up to Draco's feet to kiss them.
After he was done kissing them Draco ordered Crabbe to wipe off Goyle's lip markings.
"You shall be rewarded too, Crabbe!" Draco said in his high-pitched very irritating Voldemort voice as he calls it. "Just don't kiss my fashionably delicious now and later gator boots," *HAHA Snoop Dogg's now and later gators from P.I.M.P LOL.*
"Yes, my lord...thank you my lord," Crabbe said bowing.
"Why do you guys say thank you when I haven't given it to you yet?" Draco said in his normal voice.
"It's...It's in the script Draco," Goyle said pointing to a thick booklet labeled Script.
"Ah, yes of course, how silly of me," Draco said and smacked his forehead.
Crabbe and Goyle rolled their eyes.
"Now back to acting..." Draco said and cleared his throat. "Is it ready, my minions?" he added.
"Yes, it's ready my lord," Goyle said grinning.
"I didn't tell you to grin..." Draco said narrowing his eyes into little slits.
Goyle's eyes widened and he wiped the grin of his face with a tablecloth lol.
"Thaank you," Draco said. "Now get my vodka and lemonade."
"Yes me lordy," Goyle said and stalked off to get Draco's vodka and lemonade. When Goyle came back with the spiked lemonade he also put sleeping potions and various things in it cause he thought it was sugar. LOL.
Draco drank the whole cup and soon he was knocked out and drooling over the couch...END OF CHAPTER!
-=-=-=-
Now I'm thinking you probably want to know the plan Draco and them were preparing. Well if you know Goyle it's gonna be extremely stupid haha there's a hint. Well uhm...4th chapter will be called...Draco er Voldemort's Derisive Plan To Get Rid Of That Potter Boy. LOL I don't know the chapter might be called something else though...ahahah. Oh and GIENAH...I don't know lol. Now that you have read you have to reply now...muahaha...go on click that button. AAAANNDDDDD I also take criticism so haha reply away CRITICIZE MY WRITING! AND THAT'S AN ORDER! LOL.
By: DracoLishuzZ
Disclaimer: dun dun dun once again I do not own anything except for this lousy story that is quite amusing...lol.
NOTE: I might've changed the chapter title...lol
Chapter 3: Ron Is S.B.S, Draco Plays Pretend and Seamus's 1st Time.
S.B.S stands for 'Stoned, Busted and Stupid'
-=-=-=-
Ron was in the boy's dormitory he was awake but he was also fake sleeping oh and he was also waiting for the dormitory to clear out so he could stick heroine in himself. As Seamus Finnigan got up to leave Ron quickly closed his eyes as Seamus walked out of the room.
"Finally all you bloody retards left!" Ron whispered and reached for his trunk underneath his bed. As he opened up the trunk he swatted at some "non- useful" things. Finally he found what he was looking for...his heroine needle. He picked it up; sucked up some heroine and injected it into his arm. When he was done injecting himself he took it out and quickly disposed of it.
He sat there on his bed for a while and he noticed a little ladybug on his counter and laughed at it.
"You're so stupid little buggy," Ron said pointing at it and thinking that the bug could hear him. Then Ron decided to stand up as he did so he accidentally tripped on Harry's pink fuzzy bunny slippers and he landed head first onto Harry's bed.
"Bloody stupid slippers..." Ron breathed into Harry's mattress and sorta fell asleep.
In the common room everyone found out from Ginny that Hermione slept with all the teachers to get good grades. Some students even considered following in Hermione's footsteps. Hermione was still not back from the bathroom yet. So anyway while we wait for Ron to wake up and Hermione to come back let's venture into the Slytherin Common Room...lol.
"Here you are my lord..." Crabbe said handing Draco some Playboy magazines.
Draco stared at the cover. "That hot blondie, again?" He said picking it up and flipping through it.
"Pamela Anderson is her name, my lord," Goyle said bowing down and presenting some pumpkin juice.
Draco laughed rather high pitched and shrilly, "I didn't ask for her name you dolt! Now you don't EVER correct me unless I tell you to!" he screamed.
"Yes my lord..." Goyle shuddered.
"You three are still playing 'Pretend To Be Lord Voldemort'?" Blaise Zabini asked in disbelief.
The three of them stared at her in mock shock. *ooh that rhymed...^-^ not that you care but...STILL...*
"We're not playing! We're acting! Once 'Mr. I'm Not Insane' (Harry) kills him they'd want to make a movie," Draco said.
"Riiiight...well you three have been 'acting' since 3 a.m. in the morning aren't you guys tired?"
"Well...yeah but we wanna be really good when they pick out the actors to play the roles!" Draco said.
"Well then who's gonna be a Draco Malfoy? Or a Crabbe and Goyle?" She asked again.
"Uhm...Tom Felton *lol* can be me and other people can be Crabbe and Goyle...BESIDES we wanna be the REAL villains!" Draco said and Crabbe and Goyle nodded their heads.
"Oook...well I think I'll leave you weirdos alone then..." She said and left.
"Finally!" Draco, Crabbe and Goyle said in unison.
"Anyway..." Draco started. "Crabbe what are the plans to destroy that wretched boy everyone calls Harry Potter?" he said in his Voldemort voice.
"Uhm...My lord...we have none..." Crabbe said.
"WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!" Draco said annoyed of the answer that Crabbe gave him.
"I have an idea!" Goyle said and Draco stared coldly at him. "Er...Let me rephrase that...I have an idea, my lord!"
"Yeah?" Draco said and Goyle nodded. "Tell me..."
And they plan to kill off Harry...anyway Ron finally wakes up...lol.
"Whadda?" Ron said looking up and squinting his eyes. "Whurr am I?" He asked himself and he slumped to the floor. He looked around and found one of Harry's bunny slippers; he picked it up and started to talk to it.
"Hello there bunny king!" Ron said grinning. "I like eggs!" The bunny slipper just stared at him.
"Why're you staring at me like that?" Ron said getting a bit freaked out and provoked so he slammed the slipper on the ground. The bunny made that famous 'You've Got Mail' AOL quote.
"Haha! I GOT MAIL!" Ron said and slammed the bunny on the ground again. "I GOT MAIL! I GOT MAIL! I GOT MAIL!" *Hahah I'm making him act like that retard offa Crank Yankers...LOL*
Ron suddenly had the idea that he should show everyone this so he ran out of the dormitories and into the Common Room.
"LOOK AT THIS EVERYONE!" Ron said and socked the bunny slipper so it said 'you've got mail'. "I GOT MAIL! I GOT MAIL!"
Everyone stared at him in amusement until Ginny walked up to Ron and smacked him hard on the head.
"Ow! Mommy don't do that!" Ron said and socked the bunny slipper again. "Haha! I GOT MAIL!"
Ginny then took Ron by the ear and led him to a corner of the room. Ron was still socking the poor-poor bunny slipper.
"How many times do I have to tell you to NOT blow you're savings on heroine and taking it early in the morning!" Ginny screamed so the whole of Gryffindor could hear. "YOU'RE STONED, BUSTED AND STUPID!" Ginny yelled and marched off to the girls dormitories.
Ron looked like he didn't take in anything that Ginny said and continued to sock the poor slipper and yell 'I GOT MAIL!' for about the whole day missing all his classes.
At around 4:00 PM Hermione walked into the common room still wiping her eyes. As she walked into the room everyone held their breath and stared at her. She didn't notice this so she just sat on the couch in front of the fire sniffing.
Seamus Finnigan walked up to her. "So, Hermione, fancy giving me a good time, then, eh?" He said grinning.
Hermione looked up at him and decided she wanted to do something to cheer herself up and her idea of cheering herself up was not by stupid crappy homework it was by making out with someone. "Sure...meet me at the Astronomy Tower at around...11:30 then," she said and buried her face in the pillows.
Seamus looked around grinning and suddenly jumped up into the air and said "I'M GETTING LAID!" and ran out of the common room to spread the news Dean Thomas muttering "And I thought that would never happen..." followed Seamus out of the room.
Harry suddenly noticed Hermione and stopped trying to chomp down on Colin's ass in a secluded corner and walked over to Hermione.
"Did you tell anyone about me?" He squeaked quite loudly so everyone in the common room shutted up and listened to Harry and Hermione.
"No, I didn't tell anyone that you sexually harassed Colin Creevey last night in front of a portrait of a little girl...now she's cookoo in the head," Hermione said imitating Harry's squeaky loud voice.
"Oh...OK!" Harry said not aware that the whole common room heard this; so Harry walked back to the secluded corner and chomped on Colin's ass again.
At around 11:30 Hermione fell asleep and forgot all about her meeting with Seamus...
"Where is she?" Seamus said walking back and forth on the astronomy tower. He was waiting for her ...not realizing that she wouldn't come at all. Dean Thomas who was hiding from Seamus wanted to watch. 'Come on, Hermione show up...I want to see my free porn!' Dean thought and a grin came on his face.
((Begin Dean's 'Free Porn' Fantasy))
Hermione walked into the astronomy tower wearing nothing but sexy black lingerie with a hole in the crotch. Seamus stood there with his mouth open and he had quite a big boner.
"Come and get me Sexymus," Hermione said and she purred.
"Hubba...Hubba," Seamus said.
And they fucked and fucked and fucked...
((End Dean's 'Free Porn' Fantasy))
Dean Thomas just sat there with his mouth open and jacking off. *LOL.*
Suddenly someone or rather someone's pet came on top of the astronomy tower.
"Hermione! I didn't know you were an animagus!" Seamus said brightly and picked up "Hermione" or rather Mrs. Norris.
"Meow," Mrs. Norris 'Hermione' said.
"Come on! Change back to your human form!" Seamus said.
"Meow," Mrs. Norris said again.
"I know what will make you change out of this cat form!" Seamus said and dropped his pants to butt-fuck 'Hermione the Cat'. *LMAO*
"Meow! MEOW! MEOOOOOWWRRR!" Mrs. Norris yelped.
"OH YEAH!" Seamus yelled at the top of his lungs.
Dean Thomas stopped jacking off to his fantasy and look at his best friend and a cat fucking...Dean suddenly had an urge to puke and he did. But Seamus didn't hear Dean puking because he was to busy screaming and butt fucking.
"Oy! What are you doing to my kitty?!" Filch said suddenly coming up from the astronomy tower entrance.
Seamus didn't stop butt-fucking the cat but he did stop screaming.
"You're kitty? This is Hermione Granger!" Seamus said brightly.
"That there's not Hermione...That there's my kitty, Mrs. Norris!" Filch said.
"Oh...really?" Seamus said and looked down at the cat. "AAAAHHHHHHH! IT IS!" He screamed and ejected his dick from Mrs. Norris' ass and she happily leapt out of his hands.
"Well...I won't give you detention but...Now it's my turn!" Filch said and dropped his pants and butt-fucked Mrs. Norris.
"That's sick..." Seamus said and he was disgusted of himself. "I can't believe my first time was with a cat..."
"Oh don't worry lad! My first time was with a cat too!" Filch said trying to reassure Seamus. Seamus just stared at Filch. "What? I thought that would cheer you up! Now that I think of it...all of my times were with a cat..."
"Great. Nice to know..." Seamus said shuddering and left the astronomy tower being closely followed by Dean Thomas.
BOOM! CRACKLE! SMASH! Those were the sounds that emitted from the Slytherin common room. Draco, Crabbe and Goyle finally had their stupid plan to destroy that wretched boy everyone calls Harry Potter.
"HAHAHAHA!" Draco laughed shrilly. "You have done well Goyle, I shall reward you," he added.
"Yes, thank you my lord," Goyle said and crawled up to Draco's feet to kiss them.
After he was done kissing them Draco ordered Crabbe to wipe off Goyle's lip markings.
"You shall be rewarded too, Crabbe!" Draco said in his high-pitched very irritating Voldemort voice as he calls it. "Just don't kiss my fashionably delicious now and later gator boots," *HAHA Snoop Dogg's now and later gators from P.I.M.P LOL.*
"Yes, my lord...thank you my lord," Crabbe said bowing.
"Why do you guys say thank you when I haven't given it to you yet?" Draco said in his normal voice.
"It's...It's in the script Draco," Goyle said pointing to a thick booklet labeled Script.
"Ah, yes of course, how silly of me," Draco said and smacked his forehead.
Crabbe and Goyle rolled their eyes.
"Now back to acting..." Draco said and cleared his throat. "Is it ready, my minions?" he added.
"Yes, it's ready my lord," Goyle said grinning.
"I didn't tell you to grin..." Draco said narrowing his eyes into little slits.
Goyle's eyes widened and he wiped the grin of his face with a tablecloth lol.
"Thaank you," Draco said. "Now get my vodka and lemonade."
"Yes me lordy," Goyle said and stalked off to get Draco's vodka and lemonade. When Goyle came back with the spiked lemonade he also put sleeping potions and various things in it cause he thought it was sugar. LOL.
Draco drank the whole cup and soon he was knocked out and drooling over the couch...END OF CHAPTER!
-=-=-=-
Now I'm thinking you probably want to know the plan Draco and them were preparing. Well if you know Goyle it's gonna be extremely stupid haha there's a hint. Well uhm...4th chapter will be called...Draco er Voldemort's Derisive Plan To Get Rid Of That Potter Boy. LOL I don't know the chapter might be called something else though...ahahah. Oh and GIENAH...I don't know lol. Now that you have read you have to reply now...muahaha...go on click that button. AAAANNDDDDD I also take criticism so haha reply away CRITICIZE MY WRITING! AND THAT'S AN ORDER! LOL.