Hogwarts...The 'Insane' Asylum
By: DracoLishuzZ
Disclaimer: I want it I need it all the time I love it gotta have it sex I love...uhm...that was ginuwine ft. snoop - sex [remix] ahaha gotta have that song! lol ok anyway...i own harry's funeral and dean's blackmail on everyone ahahahahah! but nothing else...
NOTE: I change the chapter title! *blows a raspberry* and stay tuned for the wonderful guest appearances! They're absolutely spiffing! ...lol.
Chapter 5: Dean Gets Sued, Harry's Funeral, SIRIUS LIVES and Guest Appearances!
Oh and uncontrollable here's what the French stuff was: "what the fuck?! You two are stupid assholes! Fuck you! Fuck you two you stupid assholes!!!" hahaha I don't blame you for getting It wrong though.
-=-=-=-
Let's start this off at Harry's Funeral...
Funeral music plays as they lower Harry's body into the ground. Hagrid dug the hole himself; the hole was by his cabbage and carrot fields. He thought Harry's body would be some niiiice fertilizer.
"Dobby thinks Harry shouldn't have died...So Dobby the elf hired Barney to be the priest!" Dobby said and punched himself because he gave out "valuable" information.
"It's all right there Dobby..." Colin sniffed and looked longingly at Harry being lowered into his grave.
"NO! IT IS NOT ALL RIGHT! DOBBY MUST DIE FOR HARRY! HE VIOLATED ME AS MUCH AS I VIOLATED HIM!" And Dobby fell smack on top of Harry's coffin were he fell unconscious and Hagrid not looking at Dobby just put a whole pile of Dragon dung and mud and dirt and stuff to cover up the grave.
"Tha' there was a grea' frien'," Hagrid said saluting to Harry.
"Hoy, hoy, hoy!" Barney laughed. "It's time to get this funeral started!"
"About time!" Sirius said in disgust. "I thought that Lily and James would have had a better son that that homosexual Harry James Potter." *YAY! Sirius isn't dead!! muahaha!*
"All rightey then!" Barney said brightly even though it was a funeral. "First we have to sing the welcome song!"
"Tha welcome song?" Hagrid said confused.
"Yes! The welcome song!" Barney said. "Ok, everyone sing along!"
And it went something like this. "We are here to bury Harry. I came here by the ferry. After this is done let's celebrate and be merry! Because we are here to bury Harry!!!"
Sirius, Hagrid, Colin, Barney, and Dobby (who was buried but not forgotten) sang to that stupid song.
"WAAAAAIT!" someone yelled from the distance. "YOU MUST NOT BURY MY PRECIOUS!!!"
Everyone turned around with the exception of Barney cause he was to fat to see ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ................... *aren't you just getting sick of this dots?? LOL* ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ .................................................... GOLLUM FROM THE LORD OF THE RINGS TWO TOWERS!
"YOU MUST NOT BURY MY PRECIOUS! MY LOVE! MY OWN!" Gollum screamed and dived into the gravesite and emerged 5 minutes later carrying a ring.
"Dobby the little bastard took my ring!" Gollum screeched. "NO! Dobby is my friend!" he screeched again. "Yeah? Well Dobby is a little BITCH!" he screeched. *ahaha the mtv 2003 mva's lol*
"This fella seems to have two personalities!" Barney said. "Oh well! The more the merrier!"
And they carried on with the funeral and since I have no clue what they say in those things I am not spending more time at that place...Gollum's cool but he creeps me out...anyway to the ministry of magic awaits the fate of Dean Thomas "the master blackmailer!"
"I DIDN'T DO IT!!!" Dean said yelling at Cornelius Fudge.
"Do what?" Fudge said confused.
"Oh...never mind then!" Dean said and got up from the chair he was sitting on. Dean was being trialed by the full Wizengamot today.
"Fudge you dolt!" Umbridge screamed. "He's supposed to be sued for black mailing us!"
"Oooh...so that's what I'm doing for my regular 'waste my time trial' today!" Fudge said comprehension dawning upon his bloated face.
"Yes..." Umbridge said impatiently.
"Well if he gets sued all I want is...His pubic hair...i've seen to have run out on mines..." Fudge said patting his crotch.
"WHAT? YOU CAN HAVE HIS MONEY! HIS VIDEO TAPE..." Umbridge said in her annoyingly stupid voice.
"You can have my pubes!" Dean said brightly. "Just wait one moment!" and Dean cut off his armpit hair because he didn't feel comfortable showing off his penis and hair.
"YAAAAAAAAAAY!" Fudge screamed with delight as Dean's hair floated down upon his face. "Mmmmmmm...sweaty..."
"Oh my god..." Umbridge croaked and died.
"You're free of all charges!" Fudge said and disapparated.
Dean beamed to himself. 'All that fatso wanted was some pubes...ehehe...that was easy enough!' and he left for school again.
Meanwhile in the Headmaster's office.
"La de da de da!" Dumbledore said and frolicked around his office in his tight black miniskirt. His hair and beard were braided and put into ponytails.
"Oh Fawkes...don't you just love it when I'm prancing around?" Dumbledore said and danced to Justin Timberlake's 'Senorita'.
Fawkes shook his head disdainfully.
"Headmaster sir...I prefer Hilary Duff's 'So Yesterday'," Phineas Nigellus said in protest. Many of the paintings in his room were laughing their portraits off.
"NOOOO! I TOLD YOU! I DON'T LIKE HER! Her leather pants aren't tight enough..." Dumbledore simpered. "AND DON'T MAKE ME USE MY BIG VOICE! I DON'T LIKE IT!"
"Fine, fine, fine..." Phineas said sadly and disappeared from his portrait. Suddenly Professor McGonagall entered the office carrying GOLLUM! and being closely followed by Legolas a.k.a Leg Of Lamb...lmao.
"OOOOOOOOOOH! What an adorable creature that is you're carrying!" Dumbledore said and stared in amusement at the struggling Gollum.
"Get you're hands off me, witch!" Gollum screeched. "GIVE ME BACK MY PRECIOUS MY LOVE MY OWN!"
"SHUT UP GOLLUM!" Legolas screamed.
"NOOOOO! YOU FILTHY LITTLE ELF!" Gollum screeched again. "He's not filthy and he's not little...he's actually quite nice..." Gollum's other half said, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP MY NICE SIDE, SHUT UP!!!"
"Both of your sides shut up!" Legolas screamed in Gollum's face. Gollum's bad side acted quite rude to this...he licked Legolas's face...while Gollum's good side just smiled and whimpered softly.
"OOOOH! AN ELF!!! Wait...Wha?" Dumbledore said confused cause the only elves he's seen were ruddy little house elves with HUGE EYES LIKE THIS 'O.O' and BIG ears like this '(\_/)' and a HUGE nose like this '====D' (actually that last one there looks like something else if you get what I mean... something more like this perhaps 'O====D~~~' does that say what I mean? lol.)
"He's an elf Dumblydorey...He's just the nice...sexy...rawrrr..." McGonagall muttered eyeing Legolas freakily like she wanted to fuck him or something...
"OOOOOOH! That sort of elf! I wanted to be one for Halloween...But they ran outta costumes..." Dumbledore said sadly. "ANYWAY! LETS SEE WHO'S HERE SHALL WE?"
And he started to count who was there not including the people who popped out of their portraits in time because they knew Dumbledore wanted to have ANOTHER orgy... .
Let's go back to Harry's funeral shall we...
"OK! TIME TO CELEBRATO!" Sirius said and brought out a bright yellow boom box. "Yo! Colin! Bring out the firewhisky!" Sirius turned on the boom box and the song called 'Celebrate' echoed loudly through the grounds.
"HOY! HOY! HOY!" Barney laughed and did the 'chicken'.
"Celebrate! Celebrate! Come on and celebrate!" Colin screeched and decided to "dance" to the music.
"OH YEAH! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Sirius said turning the volume up louder and drenching himself in firewhisky before performing some of Elvis's pelvic movements. LMAO.
"Aren' ya'll gon' mourn fer Harry?" Hagrid asked in shock because NOBODY seemed to want to mourn for Harry.
"NOPE!" They all screamed except for Barney who was still doing the 'chicken'.
"Ah well...I guess I'll have ter foller tha crow' then!" Hagrid said and drank a barrel full of whisky.
"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!" Sirius yelled patting Hagrid on the back. Sirius was drunk beyond drunk...I don't know if that made sense but...he was.
"Can I join in on the fun too?" Snape said combing back his greasy hair and eyeing them wistfully.
"OF COURSE YOU CAN, SNIVELLY!" Sirius said and hugged Snape for no apparent reason at all.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Snape said and hugged Sirius back. In a few minutes time Sirius and Snape were "hug-fighting". (Hug-Fighting : A series of being hugged forcefully by another person and then returning the hugging favor in a huggable non-violent fashion) haha the definition is fucked...LOL.
Ok since I haven't really been talking about Dean...Well here he is, then...
Dean walked happily through the corridors beaming at everyone and he kinda scared them all because his teeth were too white they were like...whiter then white and he blinded them.
"Dean...what are you so worked up about?" Seamus said while Crookshanks came from out of were Seamus was butt-fucking him.
"I WON MY CASE!" Dean said and smiled.
"Ooh...would you mind not smiling?" Seamus said shielding himself from Dean's whitely glow.
"Mmm...OK!" Dean said and closed his mouth.
"Great...so what'd Fudge want?"
"Ooh...he just wanted my...PUBES!"
"REALLY? COOOOOL! you are now officially pube-less for the day!" Seamus said and took Colin's camera and took a picture of Dean.
"COOL!" Dean said and carried on with his blinding people thing.
MEANwhile in the SLYTHERIN common room... (I have no clue why I capitalized those letters...)
Draco ran screaming from the common room and appeared in the boys dormitory apparently out of breath. He was "trying" to run from Harry's ghost and what I mean by trying was that he kept failing every time...
"HELLO DARLING!" Harry screamed as he came up from the bed Draco was sitting on.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Draco said and ran from the room.
"I wonder what my darling would do when he RUNS OUT OF BREATH!" Harry said enthusiastically and followed Draco out of the room cackling like mad.
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Draco yelled when Harry cornered Draco.
"Whhhhhyyyyyyyy?" Harry whined. "There's no one else to follow..."
"Uhm...sure there is! There's Ron! and uh...COLIN! and maybe just maybe you'd follow...TOM FELTON!" Draco yelled hopefully.
"Tom Felton is hotter then both of you so I guess I'll go stalk him then..." Harry said and made to leave to find Tom.
"Whew..." Draco sighed and made to leave the room just when Harry popped back in and said, "SIKE! I WANNA STALK YOU AAAALLLLLL YEAR!"
"OH MY GOD!!! I'M CALLING THE GHOST-BUSTERS!!!" Draco said and uhm...illegally disapparated to the Ghost-Busters' headquarters.
"Awww...he's no fun at all!" Harry said and left the Slytherin common room in search of FUN!
-=-=-=-
MUAHAHAH! The ghost-busters! dun dun dun! Wasn't that just FANTASTIC?!! yeah sure why not...LOL ok well uhm...STAY TUNED FOR MORE OF...HOGWARTS! The Insane Asylum!
By: DracoLishuzZ
Disclaimer: I want it I need it all the time I love it gotta have it sex I love...uhm...that was ginuwine ft. snoop - sex [remix] ahaha gotta have that song! lol ok anyway...i own harry's funeral and dean's blackmail on everyone ahahahahah! but nothing else...
NOTE: I change the chapter title! *blows a raspberry* and stay tuned for the wonderful guest appearances! They're absolutely spiffing! ...lol.
Chapter 5: Dean Gets Sued, Harry's Funeral, SIRIUS LIVES and Guest Appearances!
Oh and uncontrollable here's what the French stuff was: "what the fuck?! You two are stupid assholes! Fuck you! Fuck you two you stupid assholes!!!" hahaha I don't blame you for getting It wrong though.
-=-=-=-
Let's start this off at Harry's Funeral...
Funeral music plays as they lower Harry's body into the ground. Hagrid dug the hole himself; the hole was by his cabbage and carrot fields. He thought Harry's body would be some niiiice fertilizer.
"Dobby thinks Harry shouldn't have died...So Dobby the elf hired Barney to be the priest!" Dobby said and punched himself because he gave out "valuable" information.
"It's all right there Dobby..." Colin sniffed and looked longingly at Harry being lowered into his grave.
"NO! IT IS NOT ALL RIGHT! DOBBY MUST DIE FOR HARRY! HE VIOLATED ME AS MUCH AS I VIOLATED HIM!" And Dobby fell smack on top of Harry's coffin were he fell unconscious and Hagrid not looking at Dobby just put a whole pile of Dragon dung and mud and dirt and stuff to cover up the grave.
"Tha' there was a grea' frien'," Hagrid said saluting to Harry.
"Hoy, hoy, hoy!" Barney laughed. "It's time to get this funeral started!"
"About time!" Sirius said in disgust. "I thought that Lily and James would have had a better son that that homosexual Harry James Potter." *YAY! Sirius isn't dead!! muahaha!*
"All rightey then!" Barney said brightly even though it was a funeral. "First we have to sing the welcome song!"
"Tha welcome song?" Hagrid said confused.
"Yes! The welcome song!" Barney said. "Ok, everyone sing along!"
And it went something like this. "We are here to bury Harry. I came here by the ferry. After this is done let's celebrate and be merry! Because we are here to bury Harry!!!"
Sirius, Hagrid, Colin, Barney, and Dobby (who was buried but not forgotten) sang to that stupid song.
"WAAAAAIT!" someone yelled from the distance. "YOU MUST NOT BURY MY PRECIOUS!!!"
Everyone turned around with the exception of Barney cause he was to fat to see ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ................... *aren't you just getting sick of this dots?? LOL* ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ ............................................................................ .................................................... GOLLUM FROM THE LORD OF THE RINGS TWO TOWERS!
"YOU MUST NOT BURY MY PRECIOUS! MY LOVE! MY OWN!" Gollum screamed and dived into the gravesite and emerged 5 minutes later carrying a ring.
"Dobby the little bastard took my ring!" Gollum screeched. "NO! Dobby is my friend!" he screeched again. "Yeah? Well Dobby is a little BITCH!" he screeched. *ahaha the mtv 2003 mva's lol*
"This fella seems to have two personalities!" Barney said. "Oh well! The more the merrier!"
And they carried on with the funeral and since I have no clue what they say in those things I am not spending more time at that place...Gollum's cool but he creeps me out...anyway to the ministry of magic awaits the fate of Dean Thomas "the master blackmailer!"
"I DIDN'T DO IT!!!" Dean said yelling at Cornelius Fudge.
"Do what?" Fudge said confused.
"Oh...never mind then!" Dean said and got up from the chair he was sitting on. Dean was being trialed by the full Wizengamot today.
"Fudge you dolt!" Umbridge screamed. "He's supposed to be sued for black mailing us!"
"Oooh...so that's what I'm doing for my regular 'waste my time trial' today!" Fudge said comprehension dawning upon his bloated face.
"Yes..." Umbridge said impatiently.
"Well if he gets sued all I want is...His pubic hair...i've seen to have run out on mines..." Fudge said patting his crotch.
"WHAT? YOU CAN HAVE HIS MONEY! HIS VIDEO TAPE..." Umbridge said in her annoyingly stupid voice.
"You can have my pubes!" Dean said brightly. "Just wait one moment!" and Dean cut off his armpit hair because he didn't feel comfortable showing off his penis and hair.
"YAAAAAAAAAAY!" Fudge screamed with delight as Dean's hair floated down upon his face. "Mmmmmmm...sweaty..."
"Oh my god..." Umbridge croaked and died.
"You're free of all charges!" Fudge said and disapparated.
Dean beamed to himself. 'All that fatso wanted was some pubes...ehehe...that was easy enough!' and he left for school again.
Meanwhile in the Headmaster's office.
"La de da de da!" Dumbledore said and frolicked around his office in his tight black miniskirt. His hair and beard were braided and put into ponytails.
"Oh Fawkes...don't you just love it when I'm prancing around?" Dumbledore said and danced to Justin Timberlake's 'Senorita'.
Fawkes shook his head disdainfully.
"Headmaster sir...I prefer Hilary Duff's 'So Yesterday'," Phineas Nigellus said in protest. Many of the paintings in his room were laughing their portraits off.
"NOOOO! I TOLD YOU! I DON'T LIKE HER! Her leather pants aren't tight enough..." Dumbledore simpered. "AND DON'T MAKE ME USE MY BIG VOICE! I DON'T LIKE IT!"
"Fine, fine, fine..." Phineas said sadly and disappeared from his portrait. Suddenly Professor McGonagall entered the office carrying GOLLUM! and being closely followed by Legolas a.k.a Leg Of Lamb...lmao.
"OOOOOOOOOOH! What an adorable creature that is you're carrying!" Dumbledore said and stared in amusement at the struggling Gollum.
"Get you're hands off me, witch!" Gollum screeched. "GIVE ME BACK MY PRECIOUS MY LOVE MY OWN!"
"SHUT UP GOLLUM!" Legolas screamed.
"NOOOOO! YOU FILTHY LITTLE ELF!" Gollum screeched again. "He's not filthy and he's not little...he's actually quite nice..." Gollum's other half said, "SHUT UP! SHUT UP MY NICE SIDE, SHUT UP!!!"
"Both of your sides shut up!" Legolas screamed in Gollum's face. Gollum's bad side acted quite rude to this...he licked Legolas's face...while Gollum's good side just smiled and whimpered softly.
"OOOOH! AN ELF!!! Wait...Wha?" Dumbledore said confused cause the only elves he's seen were ruddy little house elves with HUGE EYES LIKE THIS 'O.O' and BIG ears like this '(\_/)' and a HUGE nose like this '====D' (actually that last one there looks like something else if you get what I mean... something more like this perhaps 'O====D~~~' does that say what I mean? lol.)
"He's an elf Dumblydorey...He's just the nice...sexy...rawrrr..." McGonagall muttered eyeing Legolas freakily like she wanted to fuck him or something...
"OOOOOOH! That sort of elf! I wanted to be one for Halloween...But they ran outta costumes..." Dumbledore said sadly. "ANYWAY! LETS SEE WHO'S HERE SHALL WE?"
And he started to count who was there not including the people who popped out of their portraits in time because they knew Dumbledore wanted to have ANOTHER orgy... .
Let's go back to Harry's funeral shall we...
"OK! TIME TO CELEBRATO!" Sirius said and brought out a bright yellow boom box. "Yo! Colin! Bring out the firewhisky!" Sirius turned on the boom box and the song called 'Celebrate' echoed loudly through the grounds.
"HOY! HOY! HOY!" Barney laughed and did the 'chicken'.
"Celebrate! Celebrate! Come on and celebrate!" Colin screeched and decided to "dance" to the music.
"OH YEAH! THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!" Sirius said turning the volume up louder and drenching himself in firewhisky before performing some of Elvis's pelvic movements. LMAO.
"Aren' ya'll gon' mourn fer Harry?" Hagrid asked in shock because NOBODY seemed to want to mourn for Harry.
"NOPE!" They all screamed except for Barney who was still doing the 'chicken'.
"Ah well...I guess I'll have ter foller tha crow' then!" Hagrid said and drank a barrel full of whisky.
"THAT'S THE SPIRIT!" Sirius yelled patting Hagrid on the back. Sirius was drunk beyond drunk...I don't know if that made sense but...he was.
"Can I join in on the fun too?" Snape said combing back his greasy hair and eyeing them wistfully.
"OF COURSE YOU CAN, SNIVELLY!" Sirius said and hugged Snape for no apparent reason at all.
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!" Snape said and hugged Sirius back. In a few minutes time Sirius and Snape were "hug-fighting". (Hug-Fighting : A series of being hugged forcefully by another person and then returning the hugging favor in a huggable non-violent fashion) haha the definition is fucked...LOL.
Ok since I haven't really been talking about Dean...Well here he is, then...
Dean walked happily through the corridors beaming at everyone and he kinda scared them all because his teeth were too white they were like...whiter then white and he blinded them.
"Dean...what are you so worked up about?" Seamus said while Crookshanks came from out of were Seamus was butt-fucking him.
"I WON MY CASE!" Dean said and smiled.
"Ooh...would you mind not smiling?" Seamus said shielding himself from Dean's whitely glow.
"Mmm...OK!" Dean said and closed his mouth.
"Great...so what'd Fudge want?"
"Ooh...he just wanted my...PUBES!"
"REALLY? COOOOOL! you are now officially pube-less for the day!" Seamus said and took Colin's camera and took a picture of Dean.
"COOL!" Dean said and carried on with his blinding people thing.
MEANwhile in the SLYTHERIN common room... (I have no clue why I capitalized those letters...)
Draco ran screaming from the common room and appeared in the boys dormitory apparently out of breath. He was "trying" to run from Harry's ghost and what I mean by trying was that he kept failing every time...
"HELLO DARLING!" Harry screamed as he came up from the bed Draco was sitting on.
"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!" Draco said and ran from the room.
"I wonder what my darling would do when he RUNS OUT OF BREATH!" Harry said enthusiastically and followed Draco out of the room cackling like mad.
"STAY AWAY FROM ME!" Draco yelled when Harry cornered Draco.
"Whhhhhyyyyyyyy?" Harry whined. "There's no one else to follow..."
"Uhm...sure there is! There's Ron! and uh...COLIN! and maybe just maybe you'd follow...TOM FELTON!" Draco yelled hopefully.
"Tom Felton is hotter then both of you so I guess I'll go stalk him then..." Harry said and made to leave to find Tom.
"Whew..." Draco sighed and made to leave the room just when Harry popped back in and said, "SIKE! I WANNA STALK YOU AAAALLLLLL YEAR!"
"OH MY GOD!!! I'M CALLING THE GHOST-BUSTERS!!!" Draco said and uhm...illegally disapparated to the Ghost-Busters' headquarters.
"Awww...he's no fun at all!" Harry said and left the Slytherin common room in search of FUN!
-=-=-=-
MUAHAHAH! The ghost-busters! dun dun dun! Wasn't that just FANTASTIC?!! yeah sure why not...LOL ok well uhm...STAY TUNED FOR MORE OF...HOGWARTS! The Insane Asylum!