************************************TRApPeD*********************************
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Eighteen: A Place Where He Belongs - Part Two
By Annie
2003-04-11
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3.40 p.m.
"I don't have time for you," she stated and he cocked an eyebrow as she made a move as though she was about to leave.
She paused herself at the sight of that small gesture, putting on a quizzical expression.
"YOU don't have time for ME?" he asked and she raised both eyebrows before she nodded. "Lest you've bloody forgotten, PRECIOUS, YOU were the one who invaded MY space not even half an hour earlier screaming at me about something I didn't even DO!"
"You didn't say those things to try and make me not trust my boyfriend?" she asked back and he tilted his head to one side as his gaze grew searching.
Then he shrugged.
"I said those things 'cause I thought they would apply, Slayer. As pointed out: I'm just so happy for the two of you I can't bloody see straight. WHY would I ever wanna come between you?" he replied and she stared at him.
"Every time you say that word you send shivers of real, tangible discomfort down my spine," she said and he blinked.
"What? 'Between'?" he wondered and she glared at him.
"No, 'happy'," she then spat and he smirked.
"What now? You don't believe me?" he asked and she shook her head at that question, it was too ridiculous.
"All I'm saying is that I don't want you to come near me OR anyone I know, understand?"
"No, YOU need to sodding understand something here," he shot, taking a step forward and she grew slightly rigid, but held her ground. "I don't take orders from anybody and especially not from YOU; I believe we've already had that part of this discussion. Here, however, is a new one: I don't wanna see you either, despite whatever idea you might've gotten into that pretty little head of yours. So keep yourself the hell away from me and I'm sure we'll do fine on the not-meeting-and-greeting-the-head-off-each other bit."
She huffed.
"Sound like a VERY good plan," she muttered, turning and walking across the room toward the door.
He followed and she tried to shake the growing tingles, but the effort was for nothing and she drew a small breath as she reached her escape.
"So tell me," he stopped her just as she put her hand on the knob. She didn't want to look at him, but was too compelled to be able to stop herself and she turned her head to meet his gaze. "Have your heart or your will chosen him?"
She glared at the vampire before her, seethed over his consistent poking into her private life.
"I can't see how that's any of your business," she replied icily and he held her eyes with his as though it would enable him to read the true answer there. Rolling them at him she added: "I'm leaving."
As she opened the door he said:
"You want me, but you're too stubborn to admit it. Going to him only makes it worse, doesn't it? 'Cause being with him isn't like being with me and so you have to remember the loss of..."
"Shut up," she interrupted, voice lowered as she turned back to him. "If you don't stop it, I'll MAKE you stop and I can ASSURE you, it won't be at all pleasant."
He took a step back as she took one forward, though she could see on him just how little he was backing away out of self-preservation - he was toying with her again. That stupid, bleached, moronic, gleeful THING actually thought he had a hold on her!
"Or is it that darkness again, love? The one you can't handle?" he now inquired, lowering his voice as well and the low purr in the back of his throat made her shiver for all the wrong reasons as she kept glaring at him with her chest filling up with hate and lust.
I have to get out of here, she grumbled hazily in her head. I've been here before... I can't do this again.
"Is that why you don't come to me?" he wondered and she felt her heart beat increase at the silent calling in that sentence. "You think he can ever take you where I can take you? You think he'll EVER be enough?"
She bit her jaws together and forced herself out of growing blindness and into the place in which she found herself: standing before him, and practically handing him all the aces. She was not going to just lay down on her back for him like this. He was wrong, and it was time to kill off that attitude of his once and for all.
"Riley and I have something you'll never have," she replied and Spike eyed her with interest, waiting for her to continue. "Love," she added and the vampire's eyes grew a shade darker as anger seeped into his posture. "That's why I'll always pity you, Spike," she continued, quietly enjoying the way she was affecting him. "And that's why I can brush you off like the thorn in my side that you are," she finished, keeping eye contact for a second longer and then turning from him for the third time.
"You really are lost," he mumbled and she swirled back to face him.
"What?" she asked, tone sharp, and he was serious as he once again met her gaze.
"You think you know what you want, who you are, where you're bloody headed," he replied, taking a step forward and standing merely a few feet from her as he finished: "But I can see the turmoil in your eyes. You're not sure about anything, are you? How come I could sense that moment where you actually believed what I said about Riley? Every last part of you thought - for that one second - 'Of course'. And you're so bloody scared right now that you'll cling to whatever harbor is safest - and that'd be him. You are lost, Slayer."
Her eyes flashed with fury as she took a step closer to him.
"I'M lost?" she asked and then she put up her hands and pushed him backwards. "Look at YOU, you idiot!" she exclaimed. "You leave, you return, you leave, you return. You want Drusilla, the so-called queen of your misplaced heart and then you turn around and suddenly you want ME - the one person you KNOW can beat you down. Is that it, Spike? Is that the challenge? My strength matching yours in every single way, and don't look at me like that - you can't deny it. God, if anyone's lost here it's YOU! Poor Spikey, can't be human, can't be a vampire. Where the HELL do you fit in?"
The air vibrated with her words and then he moved before she could even react, grabbing her and lifting her. She drew a breath in surprise and then her back connected with the wall next to the door. Her hands were on his shoulders, his hands were at her sides as he pressed her up against the wall. Letting her slide down slightly he pushed his hips against hers and her eyes grew, turning them into his as he replied:
"Right here."
Her breathing was barely noticeable as she stared down at him. Their bodies tight against each other and their faces so close that he could feel the heat from her skin gently seep through the air to stroke itself against his coolness. He was aching, he knew she was too.
And then she moved her head forward, her lips meeting his and he closed his eyes at the same time she did, meeting her tongue with an eagerness that was violent in its hunger. It didn't matter, hers was the same and the kiss grew deeper as her hands slid into his hair.
Her legs were wrapped around his waist and the two forms, fitted into the other, were both grinding un-bashfully against each other as he leaned them against the wall.
He moved his mouth from hers to kiss his way down the side of her throat and her breathing was becoming harder the further down he went. He licked along her collarbone, creating a moan that rose out of her throat and he was inspired to move his hands from her waist and up under her sweater. Reaching her breasts he slipped his thumbs over her hardened nipples and with a small gasp she bent forward to catch his lips with hers again.
"I can smell him all over you," he murmured, mouth still to hers and she shook her head for him to not speak, deepening the kiss again. "It's driving me crazy," he grumbled, taking his lips from hers again and nibbling along her neckline.
Her hands moved and made him slide his own down her stomach to then stretch them up so that she could tug the T over his head. She silenced him with her expression as he moved back slightly and met her gaze. She looked pleading and about to break in two. He could scent her arousal and he could see her desire.
Moving forward he let his mouth crash onto hers and once more join them as he deepend the kiss roughly.
Her hands were greedily sliding over his chest and back, into his hair and down again; seemingly not sure where to place themselves, wanting to be everywhere at once.
This, you fool, a voice whispered in the back of his heart. This is where you belong.
He opened his eyes just as she moved her head down to place kisses along the side of his neck and over his shoulder.
No.
No, that couldn't be right. He couldn't...
Reaching out his right arm he grabbed the knob of the door and opened it, taking a step to the side so that he stood before it and then he pried her legs open with his hands. As her feet touched the floor she moved her head back, questioningly. He got her arms unwrapped as well and then had her take a step back and out through the door.
She was staring at him.
He was staring back.
And then he slammed the door shut in her face.
She gaped. Blinked. Tried to move, but couldn't. Tried to have words form on her tongue, they wouldn't. And then it washed over her. Realization. He had just done that with every ill intent in the book. He had just made her buckle again and by doing so proven that he was right, that she was wrong. He had let her have a taste and then yanked the bottle away from her, well, she wasn't one to stand thirsty and dumbfounded! If he thought that this was going to work, he was VERY mistaken.
What it had proven to her was that he was conceited, bad-mannered and...and...
Turning from the door she walked out through the front one and continued with swift steps on her way back to the college. She was so angry with him she wasn't sure if she'd be able to look at him EVER again. But most of all she was mad at herself. Furious with her lack of ever learning from previous experiences. Vampire - BAD. Vampire - BAD! Vampire - B-A-D! WHAT was so frickin' hard about that? Spike...double-bad. Triple-bad. Extremely, horribly, definitely bad. Killer. Had tried to do away with her a few more times than two and he still wanted her dead. All he wanted to do was have fun with her... throw dust in her eyes so she couldn't see and stretch out her head so she couldn't reason with herself. All he wanted to do was play with her in some mental game that made him feel important. At least in Spikerealm.
She was nothing to him, and he was absolutely nothing to her.
Over. Done. Finished. Never, ever, ever, ever again. She wouldn't even think of him. She wouldn't speak his name. In fact, from this moment he didn't exist.
She felt so...dirty. She felt so...
Storming up the stairs to the floor of her dorm room she threw the door open and walked inside. Closing it behind her harshly she turned around and met the questioning and rather surprised gaze of Riley.
"I thought..." she began, trailing off, and he nodded.
"I was... I came here 'cause I just didn't like the way we left things. I shouldn't 've stormed out like that, Buffy," he replied silently and she looked at him for a moment.
Moving up to him she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and their lips met. She deepened the kiss immediately and Riley's eyes opened in wonderment. Pulling away slightly from her he looked down at her, still quizzical.
"Let's just make up," she murmured, kissing him again - this time even more roughly as her hands slid down over his chest before grabbing the hem of his sweat shirt and pulling it over his head.
The unsatisfied throb was picking up its original power within her and she needed it stilled. Once and for all she needed it quieted down. It shouldn't be there - not in connection to that loathed creature.
But you're kissing Riley, she told herself. This is Riley.
Of course it was.
His hands slid over her skin as he removed her sweater and she almost felt herself grow impatient at the soft caresses. And suddenly the warmth of those fingers turned cool, turned just a tad tougher, just slightly more demanding. She felt the temperature of her blood pump itself up and she relished in it.
No.
Riley.
Nodding a little to herself she once more found his mouth with her own.
Riley.
They were both naked by now, clothes peeled off and lying at their feet. Buffy's eyes were still closed, Riley's were open as he watched the play of emotions on her face. The anticipation. The obvious craving. She hadn't been like this before...
Still kissing, he moved her over to her bed and they sunk down onto it. Her thighs parting to fit him in between them and he moved his lips from hers, kissing the place between her breasts lovingly as he entered her.
Buffy felt her muscles spasm at the feeling. Felt her body take in the new sensation. He was moving within her and still she had trouble relaxing into it, enjoying the feel of him, reaching that high she so desperately needed.
And then there was the coolness again... That other skin, that other being. Filling her mind, as someone else filled her, and having her juices practically flow over as her mouth watered for the taste of him. Oh, she kissed him. She let him know what she wanted from him, what surged through her like a riptide - tearing through her veins and loins, legs and brain. Him. And his hands graced her, his touch, his lips on her skin...
She moaned.
Her fingers sliding into his hair, feeling the softness of those bleached locks between them and then helping herself to fistfuls of them.
Yes, she was getting closer now... She was quivering beneath him. Exposed. Frail. And he was the same way before her. Naked. Bare. No more masks, no more games, no more lies. Just this moment, them as one...
"Buffy," he murmured.
She reached up and grabbed at the bedspread, tilting her head back.
Closer now...
"Spike," she gasped, feeling the pleasure rise and then slowly die without ever filling her as the motion of her lover came to a stop.
She slowly opened her eyes, at first disoriented and disappointed - wondering what had prompted this abruption. And then the fact came to her like a soft summer's breeze, gentle with its cruel truth and she moved her head to meet the narrowed eyes of Riley.
"What...did you say?" he asked, pulling out of her as he moved away from her and her eyes grew as she slowly sat herself up, reaching out her hands to both sides and grabbing the bedspread to wrap it around herself as he took a step away from the bed.
The shocked questions in his gaze, the mournful accusations... It was awful to see and she swallowed.
She hadn't. She couldn't have.
There was no possible way that she had just thought about that hateful fiend while making love to this incredible man before her. No.
But she knew that she just had.
"Riley," she practically whispered and his eyes grew hard as he reached down and snatched his pants up from the floor.
Pulling them on he buttoned them and then faced her again.
"Spike?" he asked, voice cold and she swallowed again.
"I didn't..." she began. "I wasn't... He's just been on my mind 'cause..."
"Buffy," Riley interrupted with a shake of the head. "Spare me. I've made love to you before. You weren't like... that," he added and she averted her gaze. "Have you been sleeping with him?" he asked and she turned her head back to him with a small shake of it as an answer. "Have you wanted to?"
She bit her jaws together and the look on her face seemed to indicate something since he quickly added:
"I really don't wanna know."
"Riley," she tried again but he bent down and got his other clothes off the floor, bundling them up in his arms as he looked at her once more.
"I don't think I wanna be around you for a while," he murmured and she stared at him, then followed his movements with her gaze as he quietly exited the room.
She threw herself backwards onto the bed and then rolled over onto her stomach and screamed into the mattress for all that she was worth.
***
4.19 p.m.
Spike moved cautiously back and forth over the floor of the crypt. His pacing was soundless, though his thoughts screamed in his head - making it impossible for him to determine which one was important, which one was not. It was getting on his nerves, though somewhere something told him he needed to keep his calm. Calm?! He had none left.
Nothing could have prepared him for this. He wished something had. Now it was too much, and he was doomed. The shock he felt was overpowered only by the confusion as to how exactly it had come to this. When?
'When I look at you... all I see is...'
He stopped that thought fiercely and with a growl he chopped it into little pieces which weren't very hard to dispose of. He tossed them around the room and watched them crawl in fear into the deepening shadows of the corners.
It was impossible.
There was no way that he, for that long, had been moving back to this place, to her. That he somewhere - in the unexplored territories of his mind - had been striving for that moment, when she let him close enough to actually touch her, for years. That he had been grasping for it from that first moment...
He had known that night in the basement just how much she had nestled herself into the part of the core of him that was red from desire, and she had been there from the very first moment that he saw her. That night he had known it for certain and it had made the experience that much sweeter - to finally take what he had craved for so long.
But now...
He could leave. He could just pack up and leave straight away. No looking back, just like he had said. The thing screwing him up would sooner or later be just another solved enigma - he was confident of that. Perhaps it would take him slightly longer to, but soon enough he would hold the answer and once more he'd be set free. He didn't need to stay in this damned town a second longer.
Unless...
He bit his jaws together.
Unless he wanted to. Unless the thought of leaving made him feel weak and unimportant and as though nothing mattered. Unless the knowledge of - if he were to leave - he would never see her again. Not ever. She'd probably end up marrying the sodding soldier boy and...
He closed his eyes at the wave of sickness rising bitterly in the back of his throat at the mere insinuation.
"Bloody hell, Slayer," he murmured, opening his eyes and resting them on the still closed door - knowing that she had left in anger and feeling how that emotion battled with the rest of his own beneath his chest. "What have you done to me?" he asked the quiet; the question drifting into space - which had no answer to send back.
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I'm glad of your continuing approval - of course! Naturally! ;) I'm just so glad that you're liking this!
To In the Dead of the Night readers - sorry it's running late, but I'm juggling the best I can! Just so you know it's definitely coming! ;)
Very special and warm thanks to Heather, Haley (on both chaps!), Pine, Charisma1525, Renee', LizDarcy (*grin* thanks for taking time out to do that update, girl!) ;), Captain, wolf116 and Xionin - you guys, honestly, thank you SO much for always giving me this! And if anyone is related in any way to Joss Whedon please let him know that I would with joy shoulder the writing for the show - let's ignore the fact that it's almost over, shall we? ;) (Captain...) ;) Glad y'all liked the Green Eggs and Ham/Wantmetowantto bantering!
Renee' - I made it two "parts" simply 'cause it turned out to be too long, yes. I mean, as you've just read it kinda continued... ;)
Okay, so I HOPE you liked this as well! Annie is now so tired she is about to fall asleep sitting up. This obsessive writing-posting thing really wears and tears ya, huh? *smirks widely and with glee at herself* I LOVE IT! Thanks for pushing me! LOVEYOU! Uh-oh, slipping into sentimental stage. Better go get some shut-eye before I write a page with pure praise for my darling, wonderful readers without whom I wouldn't be posting this and... Oh! It's started!
Good Night!!!
;)
A.M.L, Annie.
Eighteen: A Place Where He Belongs - Part Two
By Annie
2003-04-11
**************************************************************************** *****
3.40 p.m.
"I don't have time for you," she stated and he cocked an eyebrow as she made a move as though she was about to leave.
She paused herself at the sight of that small gesture, putting on a quizzical expression.
"YOU don't have time for ME?" he asked and she raised both eyebrows before she nodded. "Lest you've bloody forgotten, PRECIOUS, YOU were the one who invaded MY space not even half an hour earlier screaming at me about something I didn't even DO!"
"You didn't say those things to try and make me not trust my boyfriend?" she asked back and he tilted his head to one side as his gaze grew searching.
Then he shrugged.
"I said those things 'cause I thought they would apply, Slayer. As pointed out: I'm just so happy for the two of you I can't bloody see straight. WHY would I ever wanna come between you?" he replied and she stared at him.
"Every time you say that word you send shivers of real, tangible discomfort down my spine," she said and he blinked.
"What? 'Between'?" he wondered and she glared at him.
"No, 'happy'," she then spat and he smirked.
"What now? You don't believe me?" he asked and she shook her head at that question, it was too ridiculous.
"All I'm saying is that I don't want you to come near me OR anyone I know, understand?"
"No, YOU need to sodding understand something here," he shot, taking a step forward and she grew slightly rigid, but held her ground. "I don't take orders from anybody and especially not from YOU; I believe we've already had that part of this discussion. Here, however, is a new one: I don't wanna see you either, despite whatever idea you might've gotten into that pretty little head of yours. So keep yourself the hell away from me and I'm sure we'll do fine on the not-meeting-and-greeting-the-head-off-each other bit."
She huffed.
"Sound like a VERY good plan," she muttered, turning and walking across the room toward the door.
He followed and she tried to shake the growing tingles, but the effort was for nothing and she drew a small breath as she reached her escape.
"So tell me," he stopped her just as she put her hand on the knob. She didn't want to look at him, but was too compelled to be able to stop herself and she turned her head to meet his gaze. "Have your heart or your will chosen him?"
She glared at the vampire before her, seethed over his consistent poking into her private life.
"I can't see how that's any of your business," she replied icily and he held her eyes with his as though it would enable him to read the true answer there. Rolling them at him she added: "I'm leaving."
As she opened the door he said:
"You want me, but you're too stubborn to admit it. Going to him only makes it worse, doesn't it? 'Cause being with him isn't like being with me and so you have to remember the loss of..."
"Shut up," she interrupted, voice lowered as she turned back to him. "If you don't stop it, I'll MAKE you stop and I can ASSURE you, it won't be at all pleasant."
He took a step back as she took one forward, though she could see on him just how little he was backing away out of self-preservation - he was toying with her again. That stupid, bleached, moronic, gleeful THING actually thought he had a hold on her!
"Or is it that darkness again, love? The one you can't handle?" he now inquired, lowering his voice as well and the low purr in the back of his throat made her shiver for all the wrong reasons as she kept glaring at him with her chest filling up with hate and lust.
I have to get out of here, she grumbled hazily in her head. I've been here before... I can't do this again.
"Is that why you don't come to me?" he wondered and she felt her heart beat increase at the silent calling in that sentence. "You think he can ever take you where I can take you? You think he'll EVER be enough?"
She bit her jaws together and forced herself out of growing blindness and into the place in which she found herself: standing before him, and practically handing him all the aces. She was not going to just lay down on her back for him like this. He was wrong, and it was time to kill off that attitude of his once and for all.
"Riley and I have something you'll never have," she replied and Spike eyed her with interest, waiting for her to continue. "Love," she added and the vampire's eyes grew a shade darker as anger seeped into his posture. "That's why I'll always pity you, Spike," she continued, quietly enjoying the way she was affecting him. "And that's why I can brush you off like the thorn in my side that you are," she finished, keeping eye contact for a second longer and then turning from him for the third time.
"You really are lost," he mumbled and she swirled back to face him.
"What?" she asked, tone sharp, and he was serious as he once again met her gaze.
"You think you know what you want, who you are, where you're bloody headed," he replied, taking a step forward and standing merely a few feet from her as he finished: "But I can see the turmoil in your eyes. You're not sure about anything, are you? How come I could sense that moment where you actually believed what I said about Riley? Every last part of you thought - for that one second - 'Of course'. And you're so bloody scared right now that you'll cling to whatever harbor is safest - and that'd be him. You are lost, Slayer."
Her eyes flashed with fury as she took a step closer to him.
"I'M lost?" she asked and then she put up her hands and pushed him backwards. "Look at YOU, you idiot!" she exclaimed. "You leave, you return, you leave, you return. You want Drusilla, the so-called queen of your misplaced heart and then you turn around and suddenly you want ME - the one person you KNOW can beat you down. Is that it, Spike? Is that the challenge? My strength matching yours in every single way, and don't look at me like that - you can't deny it. God, if anyone's lost here it's YOU! Poor Spikey, can't be human, can't be a vampire. Where the HELL do you fit in?"
The air vibrated with her words and then he moved before she could even react, grabbing her and lifting her. She drew a breath in surprise and then her back connected with the wall next to the door. Her hands were on his shoulders, his hands were at her sides as he pressed her up against the wall. Letting her slide down slightly he pushed his hips against hers and her eyes grew, turning them into his as he replied:
"Right here."
Her breathing was barely noticeable as she stared down at him. Their bodies tight against each other and their faces so close that he could feel the heat from her skin gently seep through the air to stroke itself against his coolness. He was aching, he knew she was too.
And then she moved her head forward, her lips meeting his and he closed his eyes at the same time she did, meeting her tongue with an eagerness that was violent in its hunger. It didn't matter, hers was the same and the kiss grew deeper as her hands slid into his hair.
Her legs were wrapped around his waist and the two forms, fitted into the other, were both grinding un-bashfully against each other as he leaned them against the wall.
He moved his mouth from hers to kiss his way down the side of her throat and her breathing was becoming harder the further down he went. He licked along her collarbone, creating a moan that rose out of her throat and he was inspired to move his hands from her waist and up under her sweater. Reaching her breasts he slipped his thumbs over her hardened nipples and with a small gasp she bent forward to catch his lips with hers again.
"I can smell him all over you," he murmured, mouth still to hers and she shook her head for him to not speak, deepening the kiss again. "It's driving me crazy," he grumbled, taking his lips from hers again and nibbling along her neckline.
Her hands moved and made him slide his own down her stomach to then stretch them up so that she could tug the T over his head. She silenced him with her expression as he moved back slightly and met her gaze. She looked pleading and about to break in two. He could scent her arousal and he could see her desire.
Moving forward he let his mouth crash onto hers and once more join them as he deepend the kiss roughly.
Her hands were greedily sliding over his chest and back, into his hair and down again; seemingly not sure where to place themselves, wanting to be everywhere at once.
This, you fool, a voice whispered in the back of his heart. This is where you belong.
He opened his eyes just as she moved her head down to place kisses along the side of his neck and over his shoulder.
No.
No, that couldn't be right. He couldn't...
Reaching out his right arm he grabbed the knob of the door and opened it, taking a step to the side so that he stood before it and then he pried her legs open with his hands. As her feet touched the floor she moved her head back, questioningly. He got her arms unwrapped as well and then had her take a step back and out through the door.
She was staring at him.
He was staring back.
And then he slammed the door shut in her face.
She gaped. Blinked. Tried to move, but couldn't. Tried to have words form on her tongue, they wouldn't. And then it washed over her. Realization. He had just done that with every ill intent in the book. He had just made her buckle again and by doing so proven that he was right, that she was wrong. He had let her have a taste and then yanked the bottle away from her, well, she wasn't one to stand thirsty and dumbfounded! If he thought that this was going to work, he was VERY mistaken.
What it had proven to her was that he was conceited, bad-mannered and...and...
Turning from the door she walked out through the front one and continued with swift steps on her way back to the college. She was so angry with him she wasn't sure if she'd be able to look at him EVER again. But most of all she was mad at herself. Furious with her lack of ever learning from previous experiences. Vampire - BAD. Vampire - BAD! Vampire - B-A-D! WHAT was so frickin' hard about that? Spike...double-bad. Triple-bad. Extremely, horribly, definitely bad. Killer. Had tried to do away with her a few more times than two and he still wanted her dead. All he wanted to do was have fun with her... throw dust in her eyes so she couldn't see and stretch out her head so she couldn't reason with herself. All he wanted to do was play with her in some mental game that made him feel important. At least in Spikerealm.
She was nothing to him, and he was absolutely nothing to her.
Over. Done. Finished. Never, ever, ever, ever again. She wouldn't even think of him. She wouldn't speak his name. In fact, from this moment he didn't exist.
She felt so...dirty. She felt so...
Storming up the stairs to the floor of her dorm room she threw the door open and walked inside. Closing it behind her harshly she turned around and met the questioning and rather surprised gaze of Riley.
"I thought..." she began, trailing off, and he nodded.
"I was... I came here 'cause I just didn't like the way we left things. I shouldn't 've stormed out like that, Buffy," he replied silently and she looked at him for a moment.
Moving up to him she wrapped her arms around his neck tightly and their lips met. She deepened the kiss immediately and Riley's eyes opened in wonderment. Pulling away slightly from her he looked down at her, still quizzical.
"Let's just make up," she murmured, kissing him again - this time even more roughly as her hands slid down over his chest before grabbing the hem of his sweat shirt and pulling it over his head.
The unsatisfied throb was picking up its original power within her and she needed it stilled. Once and for all she needed it quieted down. It shouldn't be there - not in connection to that loathed creature.
But you're kissing Riley, she told herself. This is Riley.
Of course it was.
His hands slid over her skin as he removed her sweater and she almost felt herself grow impatient at the soft caresses. And suddenly the warmth of those fingers turned cool, turned just a tad tougher, just slightly more demanding. She felt the temperature of her blood pump itself up and she relished in it.
No.
Riley.
Nodding a little to herself she once more found his mouth with her own.
Riley.
They were both naked by now, clothes peeled off and lying at their feet. Buffy's eyes were still closed, Riley's were open as he watched the play of emotions on her face. The anticipation. The obvious craving. She hadn't been like this before...
Still kissing, he moved her over to her bed and they sunk down onto it. Her thighs parting to fit him in between them and he moved his lips from hers, kissing the place between her breasts lovingly as he entered her.
Buffy felt her muscles spasm at the feeling. Felt her body take in the new sensation. He was moving within her and still she had trouble relaxing into it, enjoying the feel of him, reaching that high she so desperately needed.
And then there was the coolness again... That other skin, that other being. Filling her mind, as someone else filled her, and having her juices practically flow over as her mouth watered for the taste of him. Oh, she kissed him. She let him know what she wanted from him, what surged through her like a riptide - tearing through her veins and loins, legs and brain. Him. And his hands graced her, his touch, his lips on her skin...
She moaned.
Her fingers sliding into his hair, feeling the softness of those bleached locks between them and then helping herself to fistfuls of them.
Yes, she was getting closer now... She was quivering beneath him. Exposed. Frail. And he was the same way before her. Naked. Bare. No more masks, no more games, no more lies. Just this moment, them as one...
"Buffy," he murmured.
She reached up and grabbed at the bedspread, tilting her head back.
Closer now...
"Spike," she gasped, feeling the pleasure rise and then slowly die without ever filling her as the motion of her lover came to a stop.
She slowly opened her eyes, at first disoriented and disappointed - wondering what had prompted this abruption. And then the fact came to her like a soft summer's breeze, gentle with its cruel truth and she moved her head to meet the narrowed eyes of Riley.
"What...did you say?" he asked, pulling out of her as he moved away from her and her eyes grew as she slowly sat herself up, reaching out her hands to both sides and grabbing the bedspread to wrap it around herself as he took a step away from the bed.
The shocked questions in his gaze, the mournful accusations... It was awful to see and she swallowed.
She hadn't. She couldn't have.
There was no possible way that she had just thought about that hateful fiend while making love to this incredible man before her. No.
But she knew that she just had.
"Riley," she practically whispered and his eyes grew hard as he reached down and snatched his pants up from the floor.
Pulling them on he buttoned them and then faced her again.
"Spike?" he asked, voice cold and she swallowed again.
"I didn't..." she began. "I wasn't... He's just been on my mind 'cause..."
"Buffy," Riley interrupted with a shake of the head. "Spare me. I've made love to you before. You weren't like... that," he added and she averted her gaze. "Have you been sleeping with him?" he asked and she turned her head back to him with a small shake of it as an answer. "Have you wanted to?"
She bit her jaws together and the look on her face seemed to indicate something since he quickly added:
"I really don't wanna know."
"Riley," she tried again but he bent down and got his other clothes off the floor, bundling them up in his arms as he looked at her once more.
"I don't think I wanna be around you for a while," he murmured and she stared at him, then followed his movements with her gaze as he quietly exited the room.
She threw herself backwards onto the bed and then rolled over onto her stomach and screamed into the mattress for all that she was worth.
***
4.19 p.m.
Spike moved cautiously back and forth over the floor of the crypt. His pacing was soundless, though his thoughts screamed in his head - making it impossible for him to determine which one was important, which one was not. It was getting on his nerves, though somewhere something told him he needed to keep his calm. Calm?! He had none left.
Nothing could have prepared him for this. He wished something had. Now it was too much, and he was doomed. The shock he felt was overpowered only by the confusion as to how exactly it had come to this. When?
'When I look at you... all I see is...'
He stopped that thought fiercely and with a growl he chopped it into little pieces which weren't very hard to dispose of. He tossed them around the room and watched them crawl in fear into the deepening shadows of the corners.
It was impossible.
There was no way that he, for that long, had been moving back to this place, to her. That he somewhere - in the unexplored territories of his mind - had been striving for that moment, when she let him close enough to actually touch her, for years. That he had been grasping for it from that first moment...
He had known that night in the basement just how much she had nestled herself into the part of the core of him that was red from desire, and she had been there from the very first moment that he saw her. That night he had known it for certain and it had made the experience that much sweeter - to finally take what he had craved for so long.
But now...
He could leave. He could just pack up and leave straight away. No looking back, just like he had said. The thing screwing him up would sooner or later be just another solved enigma - he was confident of that. Perhaps it would take him slightly longer to, but soon enough he would hold the answer and once more he'd be set free. He didn't need to stay in this damned town a second longer.
Unless...
He bit his jaws together.
Unless he wanted to. Unless the thought of leaving made him feel weak and unimportant and as though nothing mattered. Unless the knowledge of - if he were to leave - he would never see her again. Not ever. She'd probably end up marrying the sodding soldier boy and...
He closed his eyes at the wave of sickness rising bitterly in the back of his throat at the mere insinuation.
"Bloody hell, Slayer," he murmured, opening his eyes and resting them on the still closed door - knowing that she had left in anger and feeling how that emotion battled with the rest of his own beneath his chest. "What have you done to me?" he asked the quiet; the question drifting into space - which had no answer to send back.
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I'm glad of your continuing approval - of course! Naturally! ;) I'm just so glad that you're liking this!
To In the Dead of the Night readers - sorry it's running late, but I'm juggling the best I can! Just so you know it's definitely coming! ;)
Very special and warm thanks to Heather, Haley (on both chaps!), Pine, Charisma1525, Renee', LizDarcy (*grin* thanks for taking time out to do that update, girl!) ;), Captain, wolf116 and Xionin - you guys, honestly, thank you SO much for always giving me this! And if anyone is related in any way to Joss Whedon please let him know that I would with joy shoulder the writing for the show - let's ignore the fact that it's almost over, shall we? ;) (Captain...) ;) Glad y'all liked the Green Eggs and Ham/Wantmetowantto bantering!
Renee' - I made it two "parts" simply 'cause it turned out to be too long, yes. I mean, as you've just read it kinda continued... ;)
Okay, so I HOPE you liked this as well! Annie is now so tired she is about to fall asleep sitting up. This obsessive writing-posting thing really wears and tears ya, huh? *smirks widely and with glee at herself* I LOVE IT! Thanks for pushing me! LOVEYOU! Uh-oh, slipping into sentimental stage. Better go get some shut-eye before I write a page with pure praise for my darling, wonderful readers without whom I wouldn't be posting this and... Oh! It's started!
Good Night!!!
;)
A.M.L, Annie.